Mad Men, 1/2
Title: Mad Men
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Nakamaru Yuichi; Taguchi Junnosuke; Sakurai Sho; Nakai Masahiro; Kokubun Taichi and several other assorted cameos from various JE people
Summary: Nakamaru and Junno work under Nakai and Taichi at an advertising agency. What will happen when they have to pitch a new commercial with the help of upstart Sakurai Sho from Storm Advertising?
Notes/Warnings: Written for the jerainbowbridge exchange.
From: Higashiyama Noriyuki (higashiyama-n@easternmountain.co.jp)
To: Kimura Takuya (kimura-t@easternmountain.co.jp); Nakai Masahiro (nakai-m@easternmountain.co.jp)
CC: Creative Dept; Account Services
Subject: Big Win! Happy House Kamaboko
Creative and Account Teams,
I am thrilled to announce Eastern Mountain’s newest win! Thanks to the efforts of Nakai Masahiro and his staff in account services, we will be welcoming Happy House to our portfolio of clients.
Happy House, headquartered here in Tokyo, is a family-run business of over 85 years specializing in fish paste products. From here on, Eastern Mountain will be handling all marketing and advertising services for Happy House. Word has it that Happy House will be expanding their product line very soon - I trust that our newly formed Happy House team will come up with some winning solutions.
Our creative captain will be holding a meeting shortly. Congratulations on the win and let’s all give a warm agency welcome to our newest client!
Best,
Higashi
Higashiyama Noriyuki, CEO
Eastern Mountain Advertising Services
Creativity. Integrity. Dedication. Results.
--
From: Kimura Takuya (kimura-t@easternmountain.co.jp)
To: Nakai Masahiro (nakai-m@easternmountain.co.jp); Kokubun Taichi (kokubun-t@easternmountain.co.jp)
CC: Nakamaru Yuichi (nakamaru-y@easternmountain.co.jp); Taguchi Junnosuke (taguchi-j@easternmountain.co.jp); Sakurai Sho (sho@storm-advert.co.jp)
Subject: Happy House Team
All,
Fish paste, huh? Well, it’s better than tampons. Just ask Joshima and the Tampax team. Small client, small revenue, so small group this time. Nakai-san was kind enough to win the client - this one’s all yours. Taichi, I want you to take creative lead on this one. Good luck. You’ll probably need it.
Also want to introduce Sakurai Sho, who joins us as a creative consultant from Storm Advertising. We can’t spare too many more from creative to sell some stupid fish food when we’ve got Hitachi and Uniqlo making us run ragged. So we’ve contracted out. Don’t ask me where the money’s coming from. That’s for accounting to worry about.
Anyhow. Trust that you’ll do well.
KT
Creative Director, Eastern Mountain Advertising Services
--
Nakamaru had only just finished reading the CEO’s email when Kimura’s came through. Great. He’d gotten pulled off Hitachi for this? For fish paste?
He’d worked his ass off in school, internship after wonderful internship to land a junior account executive position with Eastern Mountain. His dream job! And now his boss had won a new account, and he’d gone from selling computers to fish paste in a matter of hours.
And then Taguchi was knocking on his cubicle wall. “New client!” Junno declared with a big smile. “New products!”
He frowned at his friend. He sometimes wondered how someone who put in sixty hour weeks and rarely slept and skipped meals just the same as him could be so energetic and enthusiastic. “Fish paste, Taguchi. We’re selling fish paste.”
“Well, I like it. It’s part of everyone’s life. At least everyone who eats ramen, I guess.”
Nakamaru clicked the email from Kimura closed. “How are we supposed to sell the stuff though? I mean, do you ever see commercials for it?”
Junno grabbed him by the arm and tugged him out of his chair. “Why are you even in this business? We get to do something new. Think about it. We’ll be fish paste commercial pioneers.”
He allowed Taguchi to drag him past the bank of cubicles toward his boss’ office. Until the email had come through, he’d been Nakai-san’s underling on the Hitachi account, and Taguchi had been Taichi-san’s equivalent on the creative end. They made a good enough team. Nakamaru worked with the clients, shaking hands, praising, doing his best to suss out what they wanted to see in their commercials and print ads. Taguchi was an ideas man, coming up with a way to put the clients’ wants into practice.
In theory, getting to work on a new client was an honor in the agency. It showed that they trusted you enough to start from the ground floor with a client. But fish paste? Was that Kimura’s way of punishing him and Taguchi for something they’d done wrong? The guy did have a strange sense of humor after all.
He could already hear Nakai screeching inside his office when Taguchi knocked. “Get in here, both of you!” came Nakai’s response.
Nakai was pacing in front of the bank of windows along the wall, the blinds drawn just the way they always were when he was in one of his moods. Nakamaru had just gotten used to his boss’ way of blocking out sunlight and Tokyo smog, relying instead on the fluorescent lighting.
Taichi was sitting in the chair in front of Nakai’s desk, bopping his head against the wood overdramatically again and again. “Fish. Paste. Fish. Paste. Fish. Paste. Freaking. Fish. Freaking. Paste.”
Junno opened his mouth, probably to declare how excited he was to work on the new account, so Nakamaru stepped down hard on his foot. Now was definitely a bad time. Taguchi frowned, limping over to the rickety old couch in the corner of the office, Nakai’s “thinking couch” that he’d had since he first joined the agency.
Nakamaru joined him, nervously tapping his pen against his notepad. Hitachi was a huge account, one of the most prestigious. Getting bumped down to Happy House had to be hitting Nakai and Taichi harder. They’d been working for Eastern Mountain before Nakamaru had even gone to high school. It was a slap in the face for all the years they’d put in.
But fish paste apparently wasn’t the most horrifying thing. “Who the hell is this Sakurai?” Nakai growled. “We don’t need him.”
“Don’t have money to bring over anyone else from the creative team, my ass,” Taichi complained. When he lifted his head from the desk, Nakamaru choked down a laugh at the bright red splotch on the man’s forehead. “What did you do to Kimura?”
“I won the account, that’s what I did. I just had to go out and try to win new business. I just had to do my damn job,” Nakai said, brushing dust off of his many advertising awards. When Nakamaru had first started at the agency, Nakai had made him do all the dusting in his office. He’d finally moved up enough that it was the cleaning lady’s responsibility now, even though his boss usually couldn’t remember his name.
“You know, I Googled this Storm Advertising,” Taichi said, crossing his arms. “Little upstart hole in the wall company in Shibuya, but they won MOS Burger last month. Can you believe that?”
“MOS Burger?” Nakai cried. “They wouldn’t even let us pitch to them!”
“I guess our new little consultant friend went to Keio.”
Nakai fumed. “So not only are we working on fish paste, but we’ve got some cheeky smart-ass know it all kid coming in to tell us how to do our jobs?”
There was a knock at the door.
“I looked at their website though. They’re winning awards left and right,” Taichi explained, ignoring the door. “They’re all young and do that Twatter stuff I bet.”
“Um, Twitter,” Junno mumbled, but Taichi and Nakai went on complaining about the so-called “creative consultant” from Storm Advertising.
After another, sharper knock on the door, Nakamaru turned to see a rather clean-cut man in a suit waiting to be let in. He stood in sharp contrast to the jeans and polos the rest of them were wearing. Nakai, the agency’s head of accounts, was having a sandals and beanie day.
“I’ll get it,” Nakamaru ventured, getting to his feet and opening the door.
He was greeted by a bright smile and a mouth full of large teeth. He stood aside and let the man and his expensive-looking leather briefcase enter. Nakai stopped pacing, and Taichi turned, scratching his head.
When they didn’t bother to greet the man, he spoke himself. “Hello, my name is Sakurai Sho. I’m from Storm Advertising, and I’m here to help with the Happy House account?”
Nakai blew his nose.
Sakurai just kept smiling, opening his briefcase and getting out a business card holder. He left two sitting on Nakai’s desk and personally handed them to Taguchi and Nakamaru. It was a damn impressive card on thick paper with a glittery storm cloud shaped almost like a brain in the center. Nakamaru hadn’t gotten new business cards since he’d started, and the kanji for his name read ‘Nakamura’ anyhow.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Taguchi said, seeing that their bosses weren’t going to be doing much in the way of welcoming the outsider. “I’m Taguchi, copy writer and resident genius. This here’s Nakamaru. He gets people coffee.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but it wasn’t all that untrue. With Nakai as his rather controlling, chatty boss, Nakamaru rarely got to spend a lot of one-to-one face time with their clients. “Look forward to working together.”
Sakurai was still smiling, but his eyes were starting to panic with the death glares he was getting from the older side of the room. “I...I spoke with Director Kimura. He said I’d be able to work in a cubicle by you, Taguchi-san?”
“Sure, no problem,” Taguchi said. He turned to Taichi. “I’ll show the new guy around.”
“We meet Sakamoto at 2:00 for brainstorming. Don’t forget to order in some bagels,” Nakai barked, and the three of them made a swift exit.
Sakurai clutched his briefcase, turning a bit red. “You have a pretty lax dress code here.”
Taguchi slung his arm around Sakurai’s shoulders and led him back through the cubicles. “We like to be comfortable.”
“But aren’t we meeting a client this afternoon?” Sakurai asked. Nakamaru trailed behind. Eastern Mountain was going to be a real culture shock for someone who wore a suit that probably cost more than what Nakamaru made in a month.
The spare cubicle between Taguchi and the water cooler became Sakurai’s new space, and Junno helped the newbie get settled in. Nakamaru placed the afternoon bagel order, but he wasn’t looking forward to the meeting itself. He’d been in a few of the pitch meetings with Happy House, and the company president was kind of scary. Now they were going to be making commercials for him. Scarier.
He worked on a few Hitachi wrap up things to pass on to the rest of that team, and afternoon came quickly. He, Junno, and Sakurai headed up to one of the meeting rooms where Nakai was already schmoozing with the Happy House team.
Sakamoto Masayuki was extremely serious about fish paste, and he’d brought along his rather quiet marketing director Okada. Nakamaru hung back as he usually did when Nakai was chatting up a client, but Sakurai stepped right forward before Taguchi could snatch hold of his arm.
“Sakamoto-san, let me introduce myself,” Sakurai said, showing none of the hesitation he’d had when they’d led him to his cube earlier. “I’m Sakurai Sho from Storm Advertising, and Eastern Mountain has brought me in to help manage your account. I look forward to working with you.”
Nakai was twitching and Taichi was twitching, and Sakamoto was a little shocked. Introducing himself instead of letting his team leader do so was a big Eastern Mountain no-no. Chain of command was ridiculously important.
“My god, is Sakamoto going to turn Sho-kun into fish paste?” Junno whispered, nudging him.
Sakamoto accepted Sakurai’s offered business card and actually smiled. The guy was even scarier when he smiled. “Nice to work with you, too. I’ve heard great things about Storm Advertising.” He looked over, and he and Junno both stopped slouching quickly. “It’s great to have such a young, forward thinking team working for Happy House. Shall we?”
They entered the conference room, and Nakamaru’s jaw dropped slightly at the ugly looking plastic bottles settled at each place. Okada snuck around the table and gestured to one of the bright neon pink bottles.
“Um, Happy House is looking to expand into nutraceuticals so...”
But before Okada could continue, Sakamoto and his dangerous smile were back, standing at the head of the table. “We made an energy drink! You think, Happy House. They make fish paste right? Wrong! We don’t just make fish paste. We make drinks for your health now.” He clapped Taichi on the shoulder. “Allow me to introduce Happy House F+ Energy Pow, our newest product.”
Okada cleared his throat and slid one of the bottles over to Taichi. “This will be your first project. Sakamoto-san would like you to make a commercial as soon as possible.”
Nakai handled one of the bottles as though it might explode, examining it closely. “Energy drinks? I thought we were promoting...”
“We’re ten years into a brand new millennium, Nakai-san,” Sakamoto continued. “My company has to be just as forward thinking as everyone else. I designed the bottles myself. Aren’t they eye catching?”
“They’re horrible,” Junno whispered, and Nakamaru elbowed him.
“Quite eye catching,” Taichi said calmly, uncapping the bottle and giving it a sniff. “Whoa.”
Sakamoto beamed. “So many nutrients! Think of how many people can drink it! Families, couples, kids, seniors, salarymen. Everyone wants to live a healthier life! F+ Energy Pow will help them do that!”
Nakamaru twisted off the top and gave it a sniff. It was the absolute worst thing he’d ever smelled in his life. He tried not to gag, replacing the cap and shoving it into Junno’s hand. “Sakamoto-san?” he asked quietly. “I...I was wondering what F+ means in the name of the drink?”
“Ah, a fair question!” he replied, thumping the conference table. “Fish.”
“Fish,” Nakai spluttered. “Like...fish?”
Okada handed each of them a folder while Sakamoto smiled at his bright pink bottle like a proud parent. The marketing director didn’t seem as enthusiastic. “An overview of the ingredients. Most of the uh, fish nutrients, are from the same fish we use for our kamaboko.”
“And you drink this?” Taguchi asked, tears in his eyes as he hurriedly put the top back on his sample bottle. Sakamoto looked ready to tear him limb from limb, so he quickly corrected himself. “I mean, it’s like any other energy drink, then? That’s the approach you’d like for your promotions?”
“Yes,” Sakamoto said, stroking the F+ Energy Pow affectionately while Okada helped himself to a bagel. Nakamaru wasn’t feeling too hungry after smelling the Energy Pow.
Sakurai had been silent for a while, and Nakamaru soon realized why. A sizeable amount of F+ Energy Pow had disappeared from Sakurai’s sample bottle. The guy had actually tried it? A rather rough first day for the consultant, Nakamaru thought. A rude welcome that morning and now if the drink tasted even a fraction as disgusting as it smelled...
“Sakurai-kun,” Taichi called, eyes widening. “Are you alright?”
He was definitely not alright. His hand clutching the bottle was shaking violently, drops of Energy Pow leaking out onto his hand and the conference room carpet. The veins in his neck were pulsing as though he was having some kind of episode. His eyes were bulging, and sweat was beading his brow. And just when Nakamaru thought the newbie was going to pass out right there and then, he just swallowed and twisted the cap back on the bottle.
“I look forward to coming up with a strategy that will work for Happy House,” Sakurai said as cheerfully as he could muster, considering he looked ready to die any second.
“See that you do,” Sakamoto said, twisting the top off of his own and chugging down half the bottle. Okada munched on his bagel while the Eastern Mountain employees held their breath. But a man who lived and breathed fish paste like Sakamoto just smacked his lips, went “ahhhh” and put the top back on. “I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
Nakamaru kept an eye on Sakurai, who’d had to sit down, while Junno started scribbling on a notepad. “Anything in particular? Any target you want to shoot for? Any message?” Taguchi asked.
“Health!” Sakamoto called like a cheerleader. “Good times! Feeling good! Delicious!”
“Delicious is a target?” Taguchi mumbled, writing it down anyway while Sakurai focused on breathing.
“You want families drinking this? Kids? Teenagers?” Taichi asked.
“I want everyone in Japan drinking this,” Sakamoto declared. “I am sure you’ll find a good way to hit every demographic with an ad.”
No, Nakamaru thought, that would be impossible. They’d have to post epilepsy warnings for the pinkness of the bottle, and they’d have to replace the actual drink with water for the actors in the commercial just so they wouldn’t make the same faces that Sakurai was making as he shrunk down in the conference chair.
It was a tall order, and Nakamaru was already missing the Hitachi account. It was a lot easier to sell someone a DVD player or an air conditioner than an energy drink made with fish.
“We’ll have a commercial pitch for you by this time next week,” Nakai said, using his fakest of fake smiles to try and reassure Sakamoto, who hadn’t bothered to notice how ill Sakurai was looking.
Nakai and Taichi escorted Sakamoto and Okada from the room, and as soon as the door closed, Sakurai bolted from his chair and started to barf into the garbage can next to the counter with the bagels. Yep, Nakamaru definitely didn’t want one now.
Taguchi tiptoed up to Sakurai, patting him gently on the back while he coughed up F+ Energy Pow into the can. “Is it really that bad? I mean, it smells awful...”
Sakurai lifted his head, accepting the handkerchief Junno offered him. “It’s like...” the man said warily, “it’s like natto cupcakes.”
Nakamaru swallowed down some bile at the thought of it. “How the hell are we going to market something like that?”
Even Taguchi looked less than excited about the prospect. “And it’s not like, ‘hey kids, come drink this.’ Or ‘ladies, your boobs will grow twice as big if you drink some F+ Energy Pow.’ I mean, he wants everyone in Japan to drink it?”
Nakamaru prodded the bottle with the edge of his memo pad, worrying that the smell might get on him or that the bright pink coloring might seep into his skin if he actually touched it again. “Talk about impossible.”
Sakurai stood up shakily, wiping some of the sweat from his forehead. “Don’t worry. I know exactly what to do.”
“You do?” Nakamaru sputtered. He sure as hell didn’t know what direction to go, and neither did Taguchi. “How? What?”
Sakurai just shook his head. “I don’t have it fully formed yet, and I get the impression that whatever I suggest will get vetoed by Nakai-san and Taichi-san.”
“Probably,” Junno said bluntly. “They don’t like anything I come up with.”
Nakamaru didn’t want to tell Taguchi that word play was low-brow - you couldn’t sell diamond rings by telling people they “rock,” not in this day and age. But it didn’t matter - even if he and Junno had a great way to pitch F+ Energy Pow, they weren’t the leads on the project. He decided to tell Sakurai as much.
“Whatever they say goes. They’re a little old-fashioned. They tend to veto anything that has social media tie-ins,” he explained. “Nakai still doesn’t know what Mixi and Facebook are.”
Sakurai’s eyes widened. “No wonder you guys didn’t get to pitch to MOS Burger.” He gasped. “I mean, no offense, but really?”
Taguchi nodded. “We’re just used to them telling us no. But it’s a good learning experience, right? I mean, at least it shows us what not to do if we get an account on our own at some point.”
Sakurai didn’t seem all that convinced. “Well, they won’t know I have an idea if I don’t tell them, right? And you won’t say anything if I come up with a pitch?”
Nakamaru didn’t like this. He very much didn’t like the idea of Sakurai, Mr. Brand New Contract Guy, coming up with a counter proposal for Happy House behind Nakai and Taichi’s back. They disliked Sakurai on general principle already, and the guy had only started that day.
But the Energy Pow stuff was going to be an insanely hard sell. He kind of doubted that Nakai and Taichi were going to come up with anything that was going to wow Sakamoto...or convince the Japanese public that a fish flavored energy drink was something worth buying. He and Taguchi exchanged a glance that seemed to convey all these ideas, and he nodded.
“Alright,” Nakamaru said. “We won’t say anything. But you’ll have to do this on your own time.”
Sakurai smiled. “Thanks, you guys. Don’t worry, I’m used to working under crazy deadlines. Oh.” He looked down and frowned at the garbage can beside him. “I think we better call the cleaning staff.”
--
taguchi-j: ok hows this
taguchi-j: “hey mom, can i have a snack?”
taguchi-j: “sure son, are u thirsty?”
taguchi-j: “u bet, mom! it’s like a desert in my mouth!”
taguchi-j: “a desert, huh? well how about an ocean’s worth of vitamins and nutrients?”
taguchi-j: then the mom gives son an energy pow and he rides off on his skateboard
taguchi-j: nakamaru-kun? u there?
taguchi-j: hello??
nakamaru-y: That’s terrible.
taguchi-j: oh
nakamaru-y: He rides off on his skateboard?
taguchi-j: rollerblades?
nakamaru-y: I’m busy.
--
Junno’s instant messages had been pinging his computer screen all morning, which was pretty annoying considering that his cubicle was right next to him. Sakamoto wanted everyone in Japan to drink his nasty energy beverage, and so Nakai and Taichi had decided that a commercial aimed at families would be a good idea. Get parents and kids with one promotional campaign.
The problem was that families didn’t really do the energy drink thing. Nakamaru was pretty damn sure - he’d been reading through statistics and market data for the past two days. It was college kids and people working crazy hours like he did. Hell, if there was a market for F+ Energy Pow, it was people in the ad industry.
Too bad that F+ Energy Pow tasted like peanut butter and death.
But he had to have stats to back up the commercial pitch, so he was making a very detailed spreadsheet about fathers who worked long hours and families who had teenagers, trying to make the pitiful amount of data work. It was ridiculously boring compared to Taguchi’s job. He got to come up with the script and tagline.
And on Taguchi’s other side, Sakurai was doing the work of two, probably eight people. Nakamaru had come in at 7:30 that morning to start going through a pile of beverage surveys, and Sakurai was already there - two laptops plugged in and running along with the desktop computer that Eastern Mountain had provided him.
Whatever his pitch was, he was doing it on one of the laptops and having a lot of phone calls back and forth with someone named Nino. Since Sakurai was keeping his separate pitch away from prying eyes, all Taguchi had figured out was that “Nino” was Sakurai’s “CGI guy.”
CGI? Just for a CM pitch? So that’s what Keio connections and landing MOS Burger got you. Instead, Taguchi was trying to come up with things to rhyme with Energy Pow and Nakamaru was making nonexistent data into something he could show Nakai by end of workday. Then he could start jotting down some storyboard ideas so Ohno down in the art department could get them drawn up.
And even with his own ideas, Sakurai was Nakai and Taichi’s whipping boy. They had him fact checking and doing searches on ingredients, and cruelly enough, they’d asked Sakurai to “take one for the team” and try drinking an entire bottle of Energy Pow to get more ideas on how they could describe the flavor. The guy had done it too. That only made Nakai and Taichi loathe him more.
The little message box popped up on his screen again, and he was just about to tell Taguchi off when he realized it was from someone else. Someone he really didn’t want to have to deal with.
nakai-m: office now
No phone call. No “Nakamaru-kun, do you have a minute?” Hell, even “Nakamura-kun, come here” would have at least made him feel like he was a valued member of the team. He sighed and saved his spreadsheet, grabbing his memo pad and heading for Nakai’s office.
Taichi was already lying on the thinking couch. “The hell is Taguchi doing?”
“Skateboarding. The kid’s skateboarding now, I think, and Mom gives him the drink as he heads out the door,” Nakamaru explained. Even if Junno had written a lengthy email, their supervisors never read them. They were too busy “brainstorming” while the actual work was being done by their juniors.
“That’s awful,” Nakai complained. “That’s just awful. That’s only two family members. Scratch it. We’re cutting the mom giving the kid the drink entirely. We go around the dining table after breakfast. Day’s starting off, everyone needs a boost. Dad says, ‘hey, why don’t we all pitch in and clean the house?’”
“Yeah, good, good. Everyone working together, everyone needs an energy drink. So we say, ‘Happy House F+ Energy Pow. Everything you need to get moving and great taste...’” Taichi tossed a pillow up in the air, catching it and repeating the motion. “What did Keio Boy say it tasted like again?”
“Cherry flavored baby vomit,” Nakamaru said.
Nakai nodded. “So we maybe leave out the mention of the taste. Focus on the energy it gives you.”
“Sakurai experienced a blood sugar crash shortly after finishing the drink,” Nakamaru reminded them. And yet, he’d gone right back to his laptops and asked Nino the CGI Guy to “make the swimming look cooler,” whatever the hell that meant.
Nakai shook his head. “I’d rather be selling the fish paste. Seriously. I think Sakamoto might have had a few too many Energy Pows. He’s insane.”
Taichi agreed. “Yeah, but he’s paying us to come up with something. Tell Taguchi we’re going to the family angle. Dinner table, breakfast table, energy. Everyone wants energy.”
Yeah, like that was really going to make any sense to Junno. What the hell were Taichi and Nakai even doing in here other than complaining and whining? “And what about Sakurai-san?”
Nakai’s eyes narrowed. “You’re sure he’s not up to something?”
Nakamaru tried to keep a straight face. “I...maybe he has other projects from Storm? I mean, he’s only on as a consultant, so they probably have him doing other work?”
The pillow hit him in the head. “And you’d tell us if he’s planning sabotage, wouldn’t you?” Taichi demanded.
He looked at Nakai’s array of awards statues, wondering which one his boss would use to bludgeon him to death with first if he found out about Sakurai’s counterproposal. “Of course I would, sir.”
Why did they hate Sakurai so much anyhow? They weren’t doing anything! Maybe it had taken the consultant’s arrival and amazing work ethic to remind Nakamaru just how little ever got done around here unless he or Junno were busting their asses to make Nakai and Taichi look good.
Nakai rolled his eyes. “Get out of here, Namakuru. I’m not paying you to gape at me if you have nothing to say.”
Nakai was the one who’d called him in!
“It’s Nakamaru,” he said under his breath as he closed the door behind him and stalked back to his cramped little cubicle and the stacks of work to still get done. He grabbed the back of Junno’s chair and pulled him along, wheeling him over to Sakurai’s cubicle.
“Hey, what did they want?” Taguchi cried, clinging to the arms of the chair as Nakamaru pushed him.
Nakamaru briefly saw a fish or a shark or something before Sakurai slammed the laptop closed. “Nakamaru-kun! Taguchi-kun!” he cried, knocking over a stack of reports on energy drinks that Nakai had made him photocopy just to keep him from getting any real work done.
“Sakurai-san,” he said, crossing his arms. “Whatever you need me and Junno to do to help you, just ask.”
--
“You know, I tried one of those things,” Tsuyoshi said as he tuned his guitar. “Just to get the vibe that says, ‘hey, I’m an F+ Energy Pow. Drink me, get some energy.’”
Nakamaru and Junno sat beside him in the studio, cringing at the thought of someone else subjecting himself to the nasty drink. “And did it help you come up with a jingle?” Taguchi asked.
“God no,” Tsuyoshi said, making a horrified face. “It tasted like an old man’s mouth.”
Taguchi snorted, and Nakamaru elbowed him. They had to make good with Domoto down here in music production. They had to get a jingle made for the family pitch for Nakai and Taichi and if they could manage it, Sakurai needed a short musical cue for his own project.
“We’re trying to target families, get everyone’s tension up, get them into a spring cleaning mindset,” Nakamaru explained. “Some fast forwarding thing with the family running around the house.”
“I feel that, I feel that,” Domoto nodded, strumming his guitar. “You’re lying to the Japanese people, I feel that.”
“We’re not lying!” Junno protested. He paused. “Well...I mean, we’re just saying it’ll give you energy. I mean, if that energy sends you running for the toilet, that’s not our fault, it’s the product’s, right?”
“Some integrity, man,” Domoto complained. “Take some pride in the work you’re doing.”
“Tsuyoshi, you write jingles for tampon commercials,” Nakamaru reminded him.
Domoto pointed his guitar pick in Nakamaru’s direction. “They’re super absorbent, and they help a lot of ladies out. Don’t knock it.”
“So um,” Junno started, and they thought of what Sakurai had asked them to help with. “So there’s something else we’re cooking up. For...”
“For a case study. Uniqlo,” Nakamaru continued. “We just need a short piece that’ll transition between the ocean and a stadium.”
“For Uniqlo?” Tsuyoshi asked, cocking an eyebrow as he scribbled a few more notes down on his sheet music.
“Yep,” Junno said. “A side project, nothing too important. But we know you’re quick and smart about these things. Just a few measures that’ll make you want to buy an energy...an energetic piece of clothing. From Uniqlo.”
Nakamaru was ready to facepalm at Junno’s lack of subtlety, but Tsuyoshi was nodding. “That sounds cool. Sure, I don’t mind. I can just whip up an mp3 tonight and send it. How’s that? You want that separate from the Happy House jingle?”
“If you could,” Nakamaru said. “Thanks.”
“Happy House,” Domoto sang, strumming reverently. “It tastes like a gym bag. But it gives you energy...”
As soon as they left, he and Junno exchanged high fives. Everything was going great!
--
“Everything is going horribly!” Nakai yelled, throwing a cd jewel case down on his desk.
Junno flinched, hiding behind Nakamaru. Taguchi rarely took the fact that he was taller into account in those sort of situations. “What do you mean, sir?” Nakamaru choked out.
“What’s this song Domoto’s cc’ing me on? This isn’t what I asked for!” Nakai complained. “This is an instrumental!”
Taguchi poked his face out from behind Nakamaru’s head, fingers digging into his shoulders in his nervousness. “Maybe...it’s an alternate version to play when we’re showing storyboards? He did send us another song with lyrics if we need it.”
Taichi sighed. “Musicians. Give me three minutes and a piano, and I could do that guy’s job too. Do we have to do all the work around here?”
Sakurai shifted from foot to foot, and Nakamaru could see the guy was itching to confess about his secret commercial idea, just to keep them all from getting in trouble. Domoto had sent everything to Nakai too, even after they’d asked him not to. There was always a ridiculous lack of communication in this company.
“Well, we’ll contract out for the next job,” Nakai said, picking up the cd case just so he could throw it down again. “Get some damn quality control. You want something done right I guess...you three gonna stand there all day? We’re pitching to Sakamoto tomorrow!”
Thank god Sakurai had managed to yank the mp3 before they’d all been called down to Nakai’s office. “I want my storyboards yesterday!” Taichi cried as the three of them hurried back out.
Sakurai was flustered. “Guys, I am so sorry. I didn’t know this was going to get you in trouble.”
Nakamaru just wanted to see the finished product. All he knew was that there was a shark and a baseball player involved, but Sakurai had kept the details secret. Probably so he and Junno wouldn’t lose their jobs when Sakamoto came visiting tomorrow.
“Don’t worry about it,” Taguchi said, patting Sakurai’s shoulder. “This family thing is awful. Sakamoto’s going to throw a chair unless you say you have another idea. Sure, Taichi will be the one throwing a chair later, but better him than a client.” Junno rubbed the back of his head. “Chairs hurt, for the record.”
“It’s true,” Nakamaru said. “Taichi doesn’t look like a chair thrower, right?”
Sakurai adjusted his tie. “Uh, I guess not. Well. Big day tomorrow. I have to get some stuff finalized. Thanks again for all you’ve done. I appreciate it.”
Nakamaru was pretty damn sure he’d never heard the words “I appreciate it” ever directed at him in the years he’d worked at Eastern Mountain, and he had to pinch himself. “Uh...of course. No problem.”
The three of them parted, Sakurai ready to spend another evening in the office. Nakamaru really hoped that Sakurai’s idea would win Happy House over. Taichi and Nakai needed a reality check, and they needed it now.
--
Sho was panicking when Nakamaru came in the following morning, tugging on his sleeve. “Big problem! Big, big problem! I think they know!” Sakurai squealed, eyes wide and panicky.
“Slow down,” he said. “What do you mean they know?”
“We’re presenting in the conference room on 25 right? Then how come there was a work order put in last night that the projector was defective? And it’ll take three days to be replaced!” Sakurai moaned. “I need the projector! Nakai-san doesn’t. It’s just storyboards!”
Nakamaru decided to join him in panic mode, and that’s when Taguchi came in with coffee for all of them. “Goooooood morning!” he managed to say before Nakamaru clamped a hand over his mouth.
“IT, Taguchi. Who do you know in IT?” Taguchi blinked, trying to talk around Nakamaru’s hand. “Okay okay, gross, you don’t have to lick me. Are you four years old?”
Sakurai quickly explained the projector problem. Sabotage, plain and simple. There was no reason to get the projector replaced - they were the only team scheduled to present on 25 that day.
Taguchi thought hard, and finally Nakamaru just grabbed a coffee away from him before he started freaking out right there and then. God, they’d all lose their jobs. They’d pitch to Sakamoto and when they came out, there’d be a box on his desk and he’d have to leave...oh god oh god oh god and rent was due next week and...
“I know!” Junno said, shoving the rest of the coffee at Sakurai, who cried out and nearly dropped them. He picked up his phone. “Sho-kun, I got your back. I know everyone who works here.”
“He doesn’t,” Nakamaru assured Sho, “but your pitch is better than theirs just because it’s not storyboards and a stupid jingle. I believe that much. We’ll fix this.”
--
Twenty minutes later, they were up on 25, and Yamashita from IT was standing on top of the conference table, looking at the projector.
“You know, I got my hands on one of those Energy Pow things,” Yamashita was saying as he started pressing buttons. “I guess with the new account they’re trying to make sure everyone in the agency gets free samples.”
“And what did you think of it?” Sho asked him.
Yamashita aimed the remote at the projector and on it came, perfect as if it had just come from the factory. “You know, it tasted kind of like a futon after a bunch of sweaty fat people had sex on it.”
He hopped down from the table and set the remote in Taguchi’s hand.
“You guys are all set!”
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Nakamaru Yuichi; Taguchi Junnosuke; Sakurai Sho; Nakai Masahiro; Kokubun Taichi and several other assorted cameos from various JE people
Summary: Nakamaru and Junno work under Nakai and Taichi at an advertising agency. What will happen when they have to pitch a new commercial with the help of upstart Sakurai Sho from Storm Advertising?
Notes/Warnings: Written for the jerainbowbridge exchange.
From: Higashiyama Noriyuki (higashiyama-n@easternmountain.co.jp)
To: Kimura Takuya (kimura-t@easternmountain.co.jp); Nakai Masahiro (nakai-m@easternmountain.co.jp)
CC: Creative Dept; Account Services
Subject: Big Win! Happy House Kamaboko
Creative and Account Teams,
I am thrilled to announce Eastern Mountain’s newest win! Thanks to the efforts of Nakai Masahiro and his staff in account services, we will be welcoming Happy House to our portfolio of clients.
Happy House, headquartered here in Tokyo, is a family-run business of over 85 years specializing in fish paste products. From here on, Eastern Mountain will be handling all marketing and advertising services for Happy House. Word has it that Happy House will be expanding their product line very soon - I trust that our newly formed Happy House team will come up with some winning solutions.
Our creative captain will be holding a meeting shortly. Congratulations on the win and let’s all give a warm agency welcome to our newest client!
Best,
Higashi
Higashiyama Noriyuki, CEO
Eastern Mountain Advertising Services
Creativity. Integrity. Dedication. Results.
--
From: Kimura Takuya (kimura-t@easternmountain.co.jp)
To: Nakai Masahiro (nakai-m@easternmountain.co.jp); Kokubun Taichi (kokubun-t@easternmountain.co.jp)
CC: Nakamaru Yuichi (nakamaru-y@easternmountain.co.jp); Taguchi Junnosuke (taguchi-j@easternmountain.co.jp); Sakurai Sho (sho@storm-advert.co.jp)
Subject: Happy House Team
All,
Fish paste, huh? Well, it’s better than tampons. Just ask Joshima and the Tampax team. Small client, small revenue, so small group this time. Nakai-san was kind enough to win the client - this one’s all yours. Taichi, I want you to take creative lead on this one. Good luck. You’ll probably need it.
Also want to introduce Sakurai Sho, who joins us as a creative consultant from Storm Advertising. We can’t spare too many more from creative to sell some stupid fish food when we’ve got Hitachi and Uniqlo making us run ragged. So we’ve contracted out. Don’t ask me where the money’s coming from. That’s for accounting to worry about.
Anyhow. Trust that you’ll do well.
KT
Creative Director, Eastern Mountain Advertising Services
--
Nakamaru had only just finished reading the CEO’s email when Kimura’s came through. Great. He’d gotten pulled off Hitachi for this? For fish paste?
He’d worked his ass off in school, internship after wonderful internship to land a junior account executive position with Eastern Mountain. His dream job! And now his boss had won a new account, and he’d gone from selling computers to fish paste in a matter of hours.
And then Taguchi was knocking on his cubicle wall. “New client!” Junno declared with a big smile. “New products!”
He frowned at his friend. He sometimes wondered how someone who put in sixty hour weeks and rarely slept and skipped meals just the same as him could be so energetic and enthusiastic. “Fish paste, Taguchi. We’re selling fish paste.”
“Well, I like it. It’s part of everyone’s life. At least everyone who eats ramen, I guess.”
Nakamaru clicked the email from Kimura closed. “How are we supposed to sell the stuff though? I mean, do you ever see commercials for it?”
Junno grabbed him by the arm and tugged him out of his chair. “Why are you even in this business? We get to do something new. Think about it. We’ll be fish paste commercial pioneers.”
He allowed Taguchi to drag him past the bank of cubicles toward his boss’ office. Until the email had come through, he’d been Nakai-san’s underling on the Hitachi account, and Taguchi had been Taichi-san’s equivalent on the creative end. They made a good enough team. Nakamaru worked with the clients, shaking hands, praising, doing his best to suss out what they wanted to see in their commercials and print ads. Taguchi was an ideas man, coming up with a way to put the clients’ wants into practice.
In theory, getting to work on a new client was an honor in the agency. It showed that they trusted you enough to start from the ground floor with a client. But fish paste? Was that Kimura’s way of punishing him and Taguchi for something they’d done wrong? The guy did have a strange sense of humor after all.
He could already hear Nakai screeching inside his office when Taguchi knocked. “Get in here, both of you!” came Nakai’s response.
Nakai was pacing in front of the bank of windows along the wall, the blinds drawn just the way they always were when he was in one of his moods. Nakamaru had just gotten used to his boss’ way of blocking out sunlight and Tokyo smog, relying instead on the fluorescent lighting.
Taichi was sitting in the chair in front of Nakai’s desk, bopping his head against the wood overdramatically again and again. “Fish. Paste. Fish. Paste. Fish. Paste. Freaking. Fish. Freaking. Paste.”
Junno opened his mouth, probably to declare how excited he was to work on the new account, so Nakamaru stepped down hard on his foot. Now was definitely a bad time. Taguchi frowned, limping over to the rickety old couch in the corner of the office, Nakai’s “thinking couch” that he’d had since he first joined the agency.
Nakamaru joined him, nervously tapping his pen against his notepad. Hitachi was a huge account, one of the most prestigious. Getting bumped down to Happy House had to be hitting Nakai and Taichi harder. They’d been working for Eastern Mountain before Nakamaru had even gone to high school. It was a slap in the face for all the years they’d put in.
But fish paste apparently wasn’t the most horrifying thing. “Who the hell is this Sakurai?” Nakai growled. “We don’t need him.”
“Don’t have money to bring over anyone else from the creative team, my ass,” Taichi complained. When he lifted his head from the desk, Nakamaru choked down a laugh at the bright red splotch on the man’s forehead. “What did you do to Kimura?”
“I won the account, that’s what I did. I just had to go out and try to win new business. I just had to do my damn job,” Nakai said, brushing dust off of his many advertising awards. When Nakamaru had first started at the agency, Nakai had made him do all the dusting in his office. He’d finally moved up enough that it was the cleaning lady’s responsibility now, even though his boss usually couldn’t remember his name.
“You know, I Googled this Storm Advertising,” Taichi said, crossing his arms. “Little upstart hole in the wall company in Shibuya, but they won MOS Burger last month. Can you believe that?”
“MOS Burger?” Nakai cried. “They wouldn’t even let us pitch to them!”
“I guess our new little consultant friend went to Keio.”
Nakai fumed. “So not only are we working on fish paste, but we’ve got some cheeky smart-ass know it all kid coming in to tell us how to do our jobs?”
There was a knock at the door.
“I looked at their website though. They’re winning awards left and right,” Taichi explained, ignoring the door. “They’re all young and do that Twatter stuff I bet.”
“Um, Twitter,” Junno mumbled, but Taichi and Nakai went on complaining about the so-called “creative consultant” from Storm Advertising.
After another, sharper knock on the door, Nakamaru turned to see a rather clean-cut man in a suit waiting to be let in. He stood in sharp contrast to the jeans and polos the rest of them were wearing. Nakai, the agency’s head of accounts, was having a sandals and beanie day.
“I’ll get it,” Nakamaru ventured, getting to his feet and opening the door.
He was greeted by a bright smile and a mouth full of large teeth. He stood aside and let the man and his expensive-looking leather briefcase enter. Nakai stopped pacing, and Taichi turned, scratching his head.
When they didn’t bother to greet the man, he spoke himself. “Hello, my name is Sakurai Sho. I’m from Storm Advertising, and I’m here to help with the Happy House account?”
Nakai blew his nose.
Sakurai just kept smiling, opening his briefcase and getting out a business card holder. He left two sitting on Nakai’s desk and personally handed them to Taguchi and Nakamaru. It was a damn impressive card on thick paper with a glittery storm cloud shaped almost like a brain in the center. Nakamaru hadn’t gotten new business cards since he’d started, and the kanji for his name read ‘Nakamura’ anyhow.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Taguchi said, seeing that their bosses weren’t going to be doing much in the way of welcoming the outsider. “I’m Taguchi, copy writer and resident genius. This here’s Nakamaru. He gets people coffee.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but it wasn’t all that untrue. With Nakai as his rather controlling, chatty boss, Nakamaru rarely got to spend a lot of one-to-one face time with their clients. “Look forward to working together.”
Sakurai was still smiling, but his eyes were starting to panic with the death glares he was getting from the older side of the room. “I...I spoke with Director Kimura. He said I’d be able to work in a cubicle by you, Taguchi-san?”
“Sure, no problem,” Taguchi said. He turned to Taichi. “I’ll show the new guy around.”
“We meet Sakamoto at 2:00 for brainstorming. Don’t forget to order in some bagels,” Nakai barked, and the three of them made a swift exit.
Sakurai clutched his briefcase, turning a bit red. “You have a pretty lax dress code here.”
Taguchi slung his arm around Sakurai’s shoulders and led him back through the cubicles. “We like to be comfortable.”
“But aren’t we meeting a client this afternoon?” Sakurai asked. Nakamaru trailed behind. Eastern Mountain was going to be a real culture shock for someone who wore a suit that probably cost more than what Nakamaru made in a month.
The spare cubicle between Taguchi and the water cooler became Sakurai’s new space, and Junno helped the newbie get settled in. Nakamaru placed the afternoon bagel order, but he wasn’t looking forward to the meeting itself. He’d been in a few of the pitch meetings with Happy House, and the company president was kind of scary. Now they were going to be making commercials for him. Scarier.
He worked on a few Hitachi wrap up things to pass on to the rest of that team, and afternoon came quickly. He, Junno, and Sakurai headed up to one of the meeting rooms where Nakai was already schmoozing with the Happy House team.
Sakamoto Masayuki was extremely serious about fish paste, and he’d brought along his rather quiet marketing director Okada. Nakamaru hung back as he usually did when Nakai was chatting up a client, but Sakurai stepped right forward before Taguchi could snatch hold of his arm.
“Sakamoto-san, let me introduce myself,” Sakurai said, showing none of the hesitation he’d had when they’d led him to his cube earlier. “I’m Sakurai Sho from Storm Advertising, and Eastern Mountain has brought me in to help manage your account. I look forward to working with you.”
Nakai was twitching and Taichi was twitching, and Sakamoto was a little shocked. Introducing himself instead of letting his team leader do so was a big Eastern Mountain no-no. Chain of command was ridiculously important.
“My god, is Sakamoto going to turn Sho-kun into fish paste?” Junno whispered, nudging him.
Sakamoto accepted Sakurai’s offered business card and actually smiled. The guy was even scarier when he smiled. “Nice to work with you, too. I’ve heard great things about Storm Advertising.” He looked over, and he and Junno both stopped slouching quickly. “It’s great to have such a young, forward thinking team working for Happy House. Shall we?”
They entered the conference room, and Nakamaru’s jaw dropped slightly at the ugly looking plastic bottles settled at each place. Okada snuck around the table and gestured to one of the bright neon pink bottles.
“Um, Happy House is looking to expand into nutraceuticals so...”
But before Okada could continue, Sakamoto and his dangerous smile were back, standing at the head of the table. “We made an energy drink! You think, Happy House. They make fish paste right? Wrong! We don’t just make fish paste. We make drinks for your health now.” He clapped Taichi on the shoulder. “Allow me to introduce Happy House F+ Energy Pow, our newest product.”
Okada cleared his throat and slid one of the bottles over to Taichi. “This will be your first project. Sakamoto-san would like you to make a commercial as soon as possible.”
Nakai handled one of the bottles as though it might explode, examining it closely. “Energy drinks? I thought we were promoting...”
“We’re ten years into a brand new millennium, Nakai-san,” Sakamoto continued. “My company has to be just as forward thinking as everyone else. I designed the bottles myself. Aren’t they eye catching?”
“They’re horrible,” Junno whispered, and Nakamaru elbowed him.
“Quite eye catching,” Taichi said calmly, uncapping the bottle and giving it a sniff. “Whoa.”
Sakamoto beamed. “So many nutrients! Think of how many people can drink it! Families, couples, kids, seniors, salarymen. Everyone wants to live a healthier life! F+ Energy Pow will help them do that!”
Nakamaru twisted off the top and gave it a sniff. It was the absolute worst thing he’d ever smelled in his life. He tried not to gag, replacing the cap and shoving it into Junno’s hand. “Sakamoto-san?” he asked quietly. “I...I was wondering what F+ means in the name of the drink?”
“Ah, a fair question!” he replied, thumping the conference table. “Fish.”
“Fish,” Nakai spluttered. “Like...fish?”
Okada handed each of them a folder while Sakamoto smiled at his bright pink bottle like a proud parent. The marketing director didn’t seem as enthusiastic. “An overview of the ingredients. Most of the uh, fish nutrients, are from the same fish we use for our kamaboko.”
“And you drink this?” Taguchi asked, tears in his eyes as he hurriedly put the top back on his sample bottle. Sakamoto looked ready to tear him limb from limb, so he quickly corrected himself. “I mean, it’s like any other energy drink, then? That’s the approach you’d like for your promotions?”
“Yes,” Sakamoto said, stroking the F+ Energy Pow affectionately while Okada helped himself to a bagel. Nakamaru wasn’t feeling too hungry after smelling the Energy Pow.
Sakurai had been silent for a while, and Nakamaru soon realized why. A sizeable amount of F+ Energy Pow had disappeared from Sakurai’s sample bottle. The guy had actually tried it? A rather rough first day for the consultant, Nakamaru thought. A rude welcome that morning and now if the drink tasted even a fraction as disgusting as it smelled...
“Sakurai-kun,” Taichi called, eyes widening. “Are you alright?”
He was definitely not alright. His hand clutching the bottle was shaking violently, drops of Energy Pow leaking out onto his hand and the conference room carpet. The veins in his neck were pulsing as though he was having some kind of episode. His eyes were bulging, and sweat was beading his brow. And just when Nakamaru thought the newbie was going to pass out right there and then, he just swallowed and twisted the cap back on the bottle.
“I look forward to coming up with a strategy that will work for Happy House,” Sakurai said as cheerfully as he could muster, considering he looked ready to die any second.
“See that you do,” Sakamoto said, twisting the top off of his own and chugging down half the bottle. Okada munched on his bagel while the Eastern Mountain employees held their breath. But a man who lived and breathed fish paste like Sakamoto just smacked his lips, went “ahhhh” and put the top back on. “I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
Nakamaru kept an eye on Sakurai, who’d had to sit down, while Junno started scribbling on a notepad. “Anything in particular? Any target you want to shoot for? Any message?” Taguchi asked.
“Health!” Sakamoto called like a cheerleader. “Good times! Feeling good! Delicious!”
“Delicious is a target?” Taguchi mumbled, writing it down anyway while Sakurai focused on breathing.
“You want families drinking this? Kids? Teenagers?” Taichi asked.
“I want everyone in Japan drinking this,” Sakamoto declared. “I am sure you’ll find a good way to hit every demographic with an ad.”
No, Nakamaru thought, that would be impossible. They’d have to post epilepsy warnings for the pinkness of the bottle, and they’d have to replace the actual drink with water for the actors in the commercial just so they wouldn’t make the same faces that Sakurai was making as he shrunk down in the conference chair.
It was a tall order, and Nakamaru was already missing the Hitachi account. It was a lot easier to sell someone a DVD player or an air conditioner than an energy drink made with fish.
“We’ll have a commercial pitch for you by this time next week,” Nakai said, using his fakest of fake smiles to try and reassure Sakamoto, who hadn’t bothered to notice how ill Sakurai was looking.
Nakai and Taichi escorted Sakamoto and Okada from the room, and as soon as the door closed, Sakurai bolted from his chair and started to barf into the garbage can next to the counter with the bagels. Yep, Nakamaru definitely didn’t want one now.
Taguchi tiptoed up to Sakurai, patting him gently on the back while he coughed up F+ Energy Pow into the can. “Is it really that bad? I mean, it smells awful...”
Sakurai lifted his head, accepting the handkerchief Junno offered him. “It’s like...” the man said warily, “it’s like natto cupcakes.”
Nakamaru swallowed down some bile at the thought of it. “How the hell are we going to market something like that?”
Even Taguchi looked less than excited about the prospect. “And it’s not like, ‘hey kids, come drink this.’ Or ‘ladies, your boobs will grow twice as big if you drink some F+ Energy Pow.’ I mean, he wants everyone in Japan to drink it?”
Nakamaru prodded the bottle with the edge of his memo pad, worrying that the smell might get on him or that the bright pink coloring might seep into his skin if he actually touched it again. “Talk about impossible.”
Sakurai stood up shakily, wiping some of the sweat from his forehead. “Don’t worry. I know exactly what to do.”
“You do?” Nakamaru sputtered. He sure as hell didn’t know what direction to go, and neither did Taguchi. “How? What?”
Sakurai just shook his head. “I don’t have it fully formed yet, and I get the impression that whatever I suggest will get vetoed by Nakai-san and Taichi-san.”
“Probably,” Junno said bluntly. “They don’t like anything I come up with.”
Nakamaru didn’t want to tell Taguchi that word play was low-brow - you couldn’t sell diamond rings by telling people they “rock,” not in this day and age. But it didn’t matter - even if he and Junno had a great way to pitch F+ Energy Pow, they weren’t the leads on the project. He decided to tell Sakurai as much.
“Whatever they say goes. They’re a little old-fashioned. They tend to veto anything that has social media tie-ins,” he explained. “Nakai still doesn’t know what Mixi and Facebook are.”
Sakurai’s eyes widened. “No wonder you guys didn’t get to pitch to MOS Burger.” He gasped. “I mean, no offense, but really?”
Taguchi nodded. “We’re just used to them telling us no. But it’s a good learning experience, right? I mean, at least it shows us what not to do if we get an account on our own at some point.”
Sakurai didn’t seem all that convinced. “Well, they won’t know I have an idea if I don’t tell them, right? And you won’t say anything if I come up with a pitch?”
Nakamaru didn’t like this. He very much didn’t like the idea of Sakurai, Mr. Brand New Contract Guy, coming up with a counter proposal for Happy House behind Nakai and Taichi’s back. They disliked Sakurai on general principle already, and the guy had only started that day.
But the Energy Pow stuff was going to be an insanely hard sell. He kind of doubted that Nakai and Taichi were going to come up with anything that was going to wow Sakamoto...or convince the Japanese public that a fish flavored energy drink was something worth buying. He and Taguchi exchanged a glance that seemed to convey all these ideas, and he nodded.
“Alright,” Nakamaru said. “We won’t say anything. But you’ll have to do this on your own time.”
Sakurai smiled. “Thanks, you guys. Don’t worry, I’m used to working under crazy deadlines. Oh.” He looked down and frowned at the garbage can beside him. “I think we better call the cleaning staff.”
--
taguchi-j: ok hows this
taguchi-j: “hey mom, can i have a snack?”
taguchi-j: “sure son, are u thirsty?”
taguchi-j: “u bet, mom! it’s like a desert in my mouth!”
taguchi-j: “a desert, huh? well how about an ocean’s worth of vitamins and nutrients?”
taguchi-j: then the mom gives son an energy pow and he rides off on his skateboard
taguchi-j: nakamaru-kun? u there?
taguchi-j: hello??
nakamaru-y: That’s terrible.
taguchi-j: oh
nakamaru-y: He rides off on his skateboard?
taguchi-j: rollerblades?
nakamaru-y: I’m busy.
--
Junno’s instant messages had been pinging his computer screen all morning, which was pretty annoying considering that his cubicle was right next to him. Sakamoto wanted everyone in Japan to drink his nasty energy beverage, and so Nakai and Taichi had decided that a commercial aimed at families would be a good idea. Get parents and kids with one promotional campaign.
The problem was that families didn’t really do the energy drink thing. Nakamaru was pretty damn sure - he’d been reading through statistics and market data for the past two days. It was college kids and people working crazy hours like he did. Hell, if there was a market for F+ Energy Pow, it was people in the ad industry.
Too bad that F+ Energy Pow tasted like peanut butter and death.
But he had to have stats to back up the commercial pitch, so he was making a very detailed spreadsheet about fathers who worked long hours and families who had teenagers, trying to make the pitiful amount of data work. It was ridiculously boring compared to Taguchi’s job. He got to come up with the script and tagline.
And on Taguchi’s other side, Sakurai was doing the work of two, probably eight people. Nakamaru had come in at 7:30 that morning to start going through a pile of beverage surveys, and Sakurai was already there - two laptops plugged in and running along with the desktop computer that Eastern Mountain had provided him.
Whatever his pitch was, he was doing it on one of the laptops and having a lot of phone calls back and forth with someone named Nino. Since Sakurai was keeping his separate pitch away from prying eyes, all Taguchi had figured out was that “Nino” was Sakurai’s “CGI guy.”
CGI? Just for a CM pitch? So that’s what Keio connections and landing MOS Burger got you. Instead, Taguchi was trying to come up with things to rhyme with Energy Pow and Nakamaru was making nonexistent data into something he could show Nakai by end of workday. Then he could start jotting down some storyboard ideas so Ohno down in the art department could get them drawn up.
And even with his own ideas, Sakurai was Nakai and Taichi’s whipping boy. They had him fact checking and doing searches on ingredients, and cruelly enough, they’d asked Sakurai to “take one for the team” and try drinking an entire bottle of Energy Pow to get more ideas on how they could describe the flavor. The guy had done it too. That only made Nakai and Taichi loathe him more.
The little message box popped up on his screen again, and he was just about to tell Taguchi off when he realized it was from someone else. Someone he really didn’t want to have to deal with.
nakai-m: office now
No phone call. No “Nakamaru-kun, do you have a minute?” Hell, even “Nakamura-kun, come here” would have at least made him feel like he was a valued member of the team. He sighed and saved his spreadsheet, grabbing his memo pad and heading for Nakai’s office.
Taichi was already lying on the thinking couch. “The hell is Taguchi doing?”
“Skateboarding. The kid’s skateboarding now, I think, and Mom gives him the drink as he heads out the door,” Nakamaru explained. Even if Junno had written a lengthy email, their supervisors never read them. They were too busy “brainstorming” while the actual work was being done by their juniors.
“That’s awful,” Nakai complained. “That’s just awful. That’s only two family members. Scratch it. We’re cutting the mom giving the kid the drink entirely. We go around the dining table after breakfast. Day’s starting off, everyone needs a boost. Dad says, ‘hey, why don’t we all pitch in and clean the house?’”
“Yeah, good, good. Everyone working together, everyone needs an energy drink. So we say, ‘Happy House F+ Energy Pow. Everything you need to get moving and great taste...’” Taichi tossed a pillow up in the air, catching it and repeating the motion. “What did Keio Boy say it tasted like again?”
“Cherry flavored baby vomit,” Nakamaru said.
Nakai nodded. “So we maybe leave out the mention of the taste. Focus on the energy it gives you.”
“Sakurai experienced a blood sugar crash shortly after finishing the drink,” Nakamaru reminded them. And yet, he’d gone right back to his laptops and asked Nino the CGI Guy to “make the swimming look cooler,” whatever the hell that meant.
Nakai shook his head. “I’d rather be selling the fish paste. Seriously. I think Sakamoto might have had a few too many Energy Pows. He’s insane.”
Taichi agreed. “Yeah, but he’s paying us to come up with something. Tell Taguchi we’re going to the family angle. Dinner table, breakfast table, energy. Everyone wants energy.”
Yeah, like that was really going to make any sense to Junno. What the hell were Taichi and Nakai even doing in here other than complaining and whining? “And what about Sakurai-san?”
Nakai’s eyes narrowed. “You’re sure he’s not up to something?”
Nakamaru tried to keep a straight face. “I...maybe he has other projects from Storm? I mean, he’s only on as a consultant, so they probably have him doing other work?”
The pillow hit him in the head. “And you’d tell us if he’s planning sabotage, wouldn’t you?” Taichi demanded.
He looked at Nakai’s array of awards statues, wondering which one his boss would use to bludgeon him to death with first if he found out about Sakurai’s counterproposal. “Of course I would, sir.”
Why did they hate Sakurai so much anyhow? They weren’t doing anything! Maybe it had taken the consultant’s arrival and amazing work ethic to remind Nakamaru just how little ever got done around here unless he or Junno were busting their asses to make Nakai and Taichi look good.
Nakai rolled his eyes. “Get out of here, Namakuru. I’m not paying you to gape at me if you have nothing to say.”
Nakai was the one who’d called him in!
“It’s Nakamaru,” he said under his breath as he closed the door behind him and stalked back to his cramped little cubicle and the stacks of work to still get done. He grabbed the back of Junno’s chair and pulled him along, wheeling him over to Sakurai’s cubicle.
“Hey, what did they want?” Taguchi cried, clinging to the arms of the chair as Nakamaru pushed him.
Nakamaru briefly saw a fish or a shark or something before Sakurai slammed the laptop closed. “Nakamaru-kun! Taguchi-kun!” he cried, knocking over a stack of reports on energy drinks that Nakai had made him photocopy just to keep him from getting any real work done.
“Sakurai-san,” he said, crossing his arms. “Whatever you need me and Junno to do to help you, just ask.”
--
“You know, I tried one of those things,” Tsuyoshi said as he tuned his guitar. “Just to get the vibe that says, ‘hey, I’m an F+ Energy Pow. Drink me, get some energy.’”
Nakamaru and Junno sat beside him in the studio, cringing at the thought of someone else subjecting himself to the nasty drink. “And did it help you come up with a jingle?” Taguchi asked.
“God no,” Tsuyoshi said, making a horrified face. “It tasted like an old man’s mouth.”
Taguchi snorted, and Nakamaru elbowed him. They had to make good with Domoto down here in music production. They had to get a jingle made for the family pitch for Nakai and Taichi and if they could manage it, Sakurai needed a short musical cue for his own project.
“We’re trying to target families, get everyone’s tension up, get them into a spring cleaning mindset,” Nakamaru explained. “Some fast forwarding thing with the family running around the house.”
“I feel that, I feel that,” Domoto nodded, strumming his guitar. “You’re lying to the Japanese people, I feel that.”
“We’re not lying!” Junno protested. He paused. “Well...I mean, we’re just saying it’ll give you energy. I mean, if that energy sends you running for the toilet, that’s not our fault, it’s the product’s, right?”
“Some integrity, man,” Domoto complained. “Take some pride in the work you’re doing.”
“Tsuyoshi, you write jingles for tampon commercials,” Nakamaru reminded him.
Domoto pointed his guitar pick in Nakamaru’s direction. “They’re super absorbent, and they help a lot of ladies out. Don’t knock it.”
“So um,” Junno started, and they thought of what Sakurai had asked them to help with. “So there’s something else we’re cooking up. For...”
“For a case study. Uniqlo,” Nakamaru continued. “We just need a short piece that’ll transition between the ocean and a stadium.”
“For Uniqlo?” Tsuyoshi asked, cocking an eyebrow as he scribbled a few more notes down on his sheet music.
“Yep,” Junno said. “A side project, nothing too important. But we know you’re quick and smart about these things. Just a few measures that’ll make you want to buy an energy...an energetic piece of clothing. From Uniqlo.”
Nakamaru was ready to facepalm at Junno’s lack of subtlety, but Tsuyoshi was nodding. “That sounds cool. Sure, I don’t mind. I can just whip up an mp3 tonight and send it. How’s that? You want that separate from the Happy House jingle?”
“If you could,” Nakamaru said. “Thanks.”
“Happy House,” Domoto sang, strumming reverently. “It tastes like a gym bag. But it gives you energy...”
As soon as they left, he and Junno exchanged high fives. Everything was going great!
--
“Everything is going horribly!” Nakai yelled, throwing a cd jewel case down on his desk.
Junno flinched, hiding behind Nakamaru. Taguchi rarely took the fact that he was taller into account in those sort of situations. “What do you mean, sir?” Nakamaru choked out.
“What’s this song Domoto’s cc’ing me on? This isn’t what I asked for!” Nakai complained. “This is an instrumental!”
Taguchi poked his face out from behind Nakamaru’s head, fingers digging into his shoulders in his nervousness. “Maybe...it’s an alternate version to play when we’re showing storyboards? He did send us another song with lyrics if we need it.”
Taichi sighed. “Musicians. Give me three minutes and a piano, and I could do that guy’s job too. Do we have to do all the work around here?”
Sakurai shifted from foot to foot, and Nakamaru could see the guy was itching to confess about his secret commercial idea, just to keep them all from getting in trouble. Domoto had sent everything to Nakai too, even after they’d asked him not to. There was always a ridiculous lack of communication in this company.
“Well, we’ll contract out for the next job,” Nakai said, picking up the cd case just so he could throw it down again. “Get some damn quality control. You want something done right I guess...you three gonna stand there all day? We’re pitching to Sakamoto tomorrow!”
Thank god Sakurai had managed to yank the mp3 before they’d all been called down to Nakai’s office. “I want my storyboards yesterday!” Taichi cried as the three of them hurried back out.
Sakurai was flustered. “Guys, I am so sorry. I didn’t know this was going to get you in trouble.”
Nakamaru just wanted to see the finished product. All he knew was that there was a shark and a baseball player involved, but Sakurai had kept the details secret. Probably so he and Junno wouldn’t lose their jobs when Sakamoto came visiting tomorrow.
“Don’t worry about it,” Taguchi said, patting Sakurai’s shoulder. “This family thing is awful. Sakamoto’s going to throw a chair unless you say you have another idea. Sure, Taichi will be the one throwing a chair later, but better him than a client.” Junno rubbed the back of his head. “Chairs hurt, for the record.”
“It’s true,” Nakamaru said. “Taichi doesn’t look like a chair thrower, right?”
Sakurai adjusted his tie. “Uh, I guess not. Well. Big day tomorrow. I have to get some stuff finalized. Thanks again for all you’ve done. I appreciate it.”
Nakamaru was pretty damn sure he’d never heard the words “I appreciate it” ever directed at him in the years he’d worked at Eastern Mountain, and he had to pinch himself. “Uh...of course. No problem.”
The three of them parted, Sakurai ready to spend another evening in the office. Nakamaru really hoped that Sakurai’s idea would win Happy House over. Taichi and Nakai needed a reality check, and they needed it now.
--
Sho was panicking when Nakamaru came in the following morning, tugging on his sleeve. “Big problem! Big, big problem! I think they know!” Sakurai squealed, eyes wide and panicky.
“Slow down,” he said. “What do you mean they know?”
“We’re presenting in the conference room on 25 right? Then how come there was a work order put in last night that the projector was defective? And it’ll take three days to be replaced!” Sakurai moaned. “I need the projector! Nakai-san doesn’t. It’s just storyboards!”
Nakamaru decided to join him in panic mode, and that’s when Taguchi came in with coffee for all of them. “Goooooood morning!” he managed to say before Nakamaru clamped a hand over his mouth.
“IT, Taguchi. Who do you know in IT?” Taguchi blinked, trying to talk around Nakamaru’s hand. “Okay okay, gross, you don’t have to lick me. Are you four years old?”
Sakurai quickly explained the projector problem. Sabotage, plain and simple. There was no reason to get the projector replaced - they were the only team scheduled to present on 25 that day.
Taguchi thought hard, and finally Nakamaru just grabbed a coffee away from him before he started freaking out right there and then. God, they’d all lose their jobs. They’d pitch to Sakamoto and when they came out, there’d be a box on his desk and he’d have to leave...oh god oh god oh god and rent was due next week and...
“I know!” Junno said, shoving the rest of the coffee at Sakurai, who cried out and nearly dropped them. He picked up his phone. “Sho-kun, I got your back. I know everyone who works here.”
“He doesn’t,” Nakamaru assured Sho, “but your pitch is better than theirs just because it’s not storyboards and a stupid jingle. I believe that much. We’ll fix this.”
--
Twenty minutes later, they were up on 25, and Yamashita from IT was standing on top of the conference table, looking at the projector.
“You know, I got my hands on one of those Energy Pow things,” Yamashita was saying as he started pressing buttons. “I guess with the new account they’re trying to make sure everyone in the agency gets free samples.”
“And what did you think of it?” Sho asked him.
Yamashita aimed the remote at the projector and on it came, perfect as if it had just come from the factory. “You know, it tasted kind of like a futon after a bunch of sweaty fat people had sex on it.”
He hopped down from the table and set the remote in Taguchi’s hand.
“You guys are all set!”