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[astraevirgo]

I've been trying to write my and Sylvia's birth story again, this time with compassion towards myself and joy at the outcome. I want to post it on my grown-up blog, but I think my inner editor is keeping from making that easy. The whole point of this rewrite is editing, though writing it in WordPress seems to imbue writing performance anxiety

Comments

[jedilora]

http://www.npr.org/blogs/babyproject/

http://www.npr.org/blogs/babyproject/2011/08/04/138990299/yes-there-was-pitocin-a-birth-that-didnt-quite-stick-to-the-script

[astraevirgo]

I am still recovering emotionally, and reading other people's birth stories is hard for me. When I was home with Sylvia, I used to turn on TLC and watch the intro to birth shows to see if I could stand it. I couldn't do pitocin stories, I couldn't do induction stories, and I couldn't do planned natural births with complication stories. Birth stories don't have that kind of preview. I want to be in a place where I can read birth stories again, but I don't think I'm there yet.

[hope_guides_me]

♥ I don't know what to say, but I wish I could make this easier for you. Love you, Katie.

[in_themargins]

1) I'm glad you feel like you're at a place where you can start to work through this.

2) I am going to be a bit strange and send you to this video: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html (It doesn't involve any birth stories.) It is about how human beings manage to accept things that they cannot change, and I think it might be interesting to you in relation to figuring out how your mind might spin this experience in a different way.

<3

[asillia]

*hugs*

I hope you and Sylvia are doing well. Any chance you guys will be around for Thanksgiving?

One of my friends just had (what sounds like to me) a pretty scary birth story too, and I feel for you both.

This was not wasted time - you were educating yourself about your body, about the process, about all of the options. You were cultivating a healthy mindset towards birth in general, and making sure the people you surrounded yourself with would be positive influences. Not to mention, if you do get pregnant again, you will have that information (and wisdom) at your side.

I look forward to reading your new story.

[asillia]

Also, you did the best for your baby, so I hope you don't feel like you failed her in any way. I know that our stories are not similar at all, but I thought that if I ended up taking pain medication (which I did) I would be kicking myself over it and feeling all sorts of guilt and feelings of weakness. But I'm not - because after all the research and everything I did, I knew that it was something I had to do for both of us. So I hope you can eventually work through your own feelings and recognize what you accomplished and continue to accomplish each day.

[astraevirgo]

I am beginning to be at peace that I did the right thing by myself and my baby, but I'm not 100% there yet. That's part of the reason for this project -- recognizing that it all happened the way it was meant to happen, that good was part of it, that I was powerful (and not a victim), and I have a beautiful baby girl who was brave and strong from day 1. I have to tell myself the story this way so I can believe it. I'm starting to.

[asillia]

I am sure you will get there in time

[asillia]

Wednesday is good! But it will have to be afternoon, since we'll have been driving Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and will be sleeping in (as much as Luke lets us ;)) Where are you guys? My parents live in Plymouth. What's a good meeting place?

[astraevirgo]

We're in Farmington Hills, so Plymouth is doable. Want to say like, 2 or 3 in the afternoon somewhere in Plymouth?