(Untitled)

[astraevirgo]

I've been trying to write my and Sylvia's birth story again, this time with compassion towards myself and joy at the outcome. I want to post it on my grown-up blog, but I think my inner editor is keeping from making that easy. The whole point of this rewrite is editing, though writing it in WordPress seems to imbue writing performance anxiety

Comments

[asillia]

*hugs*

I hope you and Sylvia are doing well. Any chance you guys will be around for Thanksgiving?

One of my friends just had (what sounds like to me) a pretty scary birth story too, and I feel for you both.

This was not wasted time - you were educating yourself about your body, about the process, about all of the options. You were cultivating a healthy mindset towards birth in general, and making sure the people you surrounded yourself with would be positive influences. Not to mention, if you do get pregnant again, you will have that information (and wisdom) at your side.

I look forward to reading your new story.

[asillia]

Also, you did the best for your baby, so I hope you don't feel like you failed her in any way. I know that our stories are not similar at all, but I thought that if I ended up taking pain medication (which I did) I would be kicking myself over it and feeling all sorts of guilt and feelings of weakness. But I'm not - because after all the research and everything I did, I knew that it was something I had to do for both of us. So I hope you can eventually work through your own feelings and recognize what you accomplished and continue to accomplish each day.

[astraevirgo]

I am beginning to be at peace that I did the right thing by myself and my baby, but I'm not 100% there yet. That's part of the reason for this project -- recognizing that it all happened the way it was meant to happen, that good was part of it, that I was powerful (and not a victim), and I have a beautiful baby girl who was brave and strong from day 1. I have to tell myself the story this way so I can believe it. I'm starting to.

[asillia]

I am sure you will get there in time

[astraevirgo]

We will be around for Thanksgiving! We should make better plans.

[asillia]

We'll be in Michigan from Wednesday-Sunday. Thursday itself is out, and I'm thinking Friday we might be going to Saginaw to visit Joe's grandmother (I have to confirm) but otherwise I don't have any plans yet.

[astraevirgo]

Wednesday works! I don't have class that day.