efff you faulty kidneys & emergency room trips

it makes me feel so vulnerable

i  need some sort of hobby.
vice.
interest.

anything.

i have nothing to look forward to each day.
nothing i want to do with all this spare time
so i just end up sitting alone reading
wasting away my youth
wasting away what little money i've made
when i ACTUALLY had shit to do with my life.

i live a meaningless existence.

 everything is everything.

i'm going to be okay.
i'm going to be okay.
i'm going to be okay.
i'm going to be okay.

positive reinforcement is all i need.

i'm just on a hunt for a little bit of peace of mind.

-
i got fired from the hair salon this weekend.
FUCK THEM
that's all i have to say about that hahahah.
so now i'm going back to working for my old boss ( Read more... )

you came to  me in a dream last night.
we met in a dark room, held each other.
i held your hands, so soft & pure
the innonce was regained.
& i woke with an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
it couldnt be.
& it wont ever be.

i  am a fucking drug addict.

&no one care about anyone but themselves.

I knew a woman, she was dignified and true.
And her love for her man was one of her many virtues.
Until one day, she found out that he had lied
and she decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie.
But she was grateful for everything that had happened.
And she was anxious for all that would come next.
But then she wept.
What did you ( Read more... )

 i read somewhere today, 'never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about.' 
what about someone in my situation?
i mean really, i tried to swallow a bottle of pills over the guy- he didn't care.
he's in love with the one person i can honestly say i have hate for.
like, literally to the point where i want to hire someone with aids to ( Read more... )

gym
reading
working
less herb
less alch
new friends

shit son, im all about positive changes.

the beatles- she said she said
rebelution-  courage to grow
living legends- purple kush
bob dylan- subterranean homesick blues
bright eyes- lua
the mars volta- l'via l'viaquez
the black keys- psychotic girl
kings of leon- where nobody knows
fleetwood mac- gypsy
beruit- elephant gun
citizen cope- pablo picasso
bob marley- redemption song
311- champagne
marvin ( Read more... )

 i love making new friends.

i miss my sisters.
& my daddy.
& my doggies.

life's been lonely lately, but i've got my books & work to keep me company

& it doesn't hurt i worked about 10 more hours than i slept this weekend.
but
i'm a girl with a mission.