Forced grooming

[year_anda_day]

So angry right now. One of the autism spectrum communities I belong to had a post from a 'concerned parent' who is trying to get some advice on getting her 15 year old daughter on the spectrum to shave her legs and care about fixing her hair. Why, why why for the love of all that is holy would you force someone who has sensory issues to shave their

Comments

[farraige]

My 5p

[quercus]

I don't think this is about either conformity or sensory sensitivity, it's about a parent who is lacking in empathy towards their child (because people on the spectrum are the ones who have a problem with empathy!). There's no consideration of why the daughter wants to behave in any particular way, or what the underlying issue might be (is this resistance to the result of shaving, or to the process?). Instead there's a simple blanket "You will shave your legs because I do" and a heavy-handed response to any resistance to this. Before there can be any move to a solution or compromise, there needs to be a recognition that this is actually an issue where some change to the end result could be considered.

[kisekileia]

This is a really good point. There are plenty of other ways to remove hair besides shaving. I switched to home waxing in February because I got sick of the little wounds I always had on my legs due to shaving irritation, and it's so much better. There's brief pain when I pull off the strips, and I've found that it takes some trial and error to learn how to hold my skin taut so that all the hair comes out, but I'm not constantly scratching at irritated spots on my legs as much as I was, and my legs look better because of it.

[lisa_writes]

It would be different if we were talking about body odour but we aren't.

Making sure you don't smell and wash yourself is one thing forcing your child to chave ther legs for no other reason than to conform with society is another

[fantomeq]

I was forced into good grooming (to the point of excessively elaborate hairdos involving curling irons and hairspray and perms as well as makeup) but it did not help at all with the bullying.

Now I just try not to stink. :)

[subgirl]

Oh man. I would not have been able to be rational about this. I haven't shaved my legs in years now, and only do my pits when they hurt (the hair gets tangled there for some reason) but I am actually supposed to NOT shave my pits because I get cysts (genetic but exacerbated by antiperspirants & shaving too closely) and actually had to have two surgically removed. I have to clipper them. TMI, sorry, but my point is it's SO not necessary and I would have LAID INTO that lady.

I actually find that long hair is easier to deal with- wad it into a pony tail/bun and forget about it. Again, details, sorry. I commend you for your restraint though. I seriously. Can't. Ugh.

People like her need to be educated properly. Maybe take like a metal pin brush for pets (I want to say something really awful like glass shards but am trying to rein myself in) and scrape it along her legs and see if she likes the sensation & equate that with shaving for someone with sensory issues. There is no reason for her to be tormenting her poor kid. It makes me so

[somniumdraconae]

I think a good analogy for shaving might be an old dull razor used on dry skin without any cream/gel. Neurotypicals can easily imagine how ouchy and uncomfortable that would be not only during, but after you're done. Just tell them, even with a fresh blade and loads of shaving cream, it still feels that way. There's no way to make it not bothersome.

Now personally, I shave my underarms because when they get hairy the excess sweatiness the hair causes is actually more uncomfortable for me than the process of keeping them shaved. But I ditched shaving my legs years ago. The last time a razor touched my leg area was when I was getting a tattoo done on one (they shave you during prep). And you know what? Most people don't actually care. Not my massage therapist. Not my doctors. Why should I care if some stranger in Target thinks it's weird my legs are hairy? I think it's weird what some strangers choose to wear in public... but I don't tell them they can't do it.

[epic_cakes]

I actually appreciated my mum paying for waxing for my legs and eyebrows when I was a teenager. I hated that I had body hair because it bothered me (the feeling, not the appearance) especially my underarms. I had trichtillomania when I was 12 though so the hair coming out was cathartic.

Leg shaving shouldn't cause sensitivity issues if you use a men's razor and ladies shaving lather for sensitive skin (and I say this as someone with horrendously sensitive skin/sensitivity to light touch) BUT I agree that nobody should be FORCED into that. I'd be compromising by making sure she was at least showering and wearing deodorant (that "goes on dry to keep you dry" stuff is a godsend).

[kisekileia]

I don't have sensitive skin in most respects--I can wear virtually whatever makeup I want--and my legs never look nice when I shave, because they always have red marks on them caused by irritation and scratching. That's even with a men's razor and fancy Aveeno shaving cream.

[epic_cakes]

Wow D: that really sucks. I get ingrowns every now and then but for the most part it's okay. I don't shave them often which could be a factor (I wear long pants at work so I have no need to). It's my underarms that irritate the shit out of me when the hair starts growing back >.< they HAVE to be smooth or I just can't concentrate.

[knowledgequeen]

Eliminating body odor is absolutely necessary unless the person is a complete recluse. Shaving is not necessary, at least not at this point in their life.