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[ilikemyhumordry]

I just posted on the 27th of November (2012), but I wanted to ask something of you people who are a bit better with body language out there. I promise this will be short. How do you signal that you're done hugging? I don't have problems most of the time, but sometimes I just feel like "gah, don't touch me,". I've tried pulling away slightly, but

Comments

[anais_pf]

Extra pressure before releasing, or a few light pats on the back, would indicate to most people that a hug is ending. If you don't want a hug at all but someone is moving in for a hug, put one hand firmly on their shoulder, lean in for just a moment, then push back slightly with your hand to indicate that's all the hug they're getting.

[ilikemyhumordry]

Ooh, thank you! I usually just kind of freeze. That helps a lot. :)

[old_cutter_john]

No idea about the hugging thing: It's never been a problem to me, so I never tried to solve it.

Post as often as you have material that warrants a post. I've been helping to moderate this community for over six years now, and during all that time, there have been only two or three people who overdid it, and only for brief periods. It's clear, based on experience, that twice in one day isn't inherently excessive, nor is four times in three days - though the subject matter can make it excessive. If you start out from a position of worry about overdoing it, which seems to be the case, it's very unlikely that you actually will overdo it. Just do what feels comfortable for you, and it'll almost certainly be comfortable for the rest of us.

Edited to add: Oh yeah!... Welcome to the community!

[ilikemyhumordry]

Sounds good! I like to understand the rules as soon as I can. :)

Thank you for the welcome! :D

[pklemica]

I'd add to this that, with regards to content: the times to me that it has felt like someone is overdoing it is when they begin to treat the community like it's their personal journal - when I'm seeing several posts a week (or more) from the same person, all with more of a "this is what happened to me today" slant without much in the way of generalizing it to the comm. An occasional post of that sort is fine - I mean, we are not the greatest at always remembering how to get out of our own heads and relate to others. But after a fair number in pretty quick succession I start to feel like, "If I wanted to read this much about your world I'd have friended you," which is maybe not the most charitable thought... but I just think it, I don't actually say it to them! Iirc, those who do overuse the comm like that generally seem to outgrow that pretty quickly anyway - I think people get really excited to have finally found a set of people like them, and overdo it to start, but seem to settle in to some sort of more reasonable rhythm once

[ilikemyhumordry]

Hmm, alright. That makes sense. Thank you for the guidelines. :) With this perspective I don't think I'll have a problem with my behavior. Thank you for replying to me.

[epic_cakes]

I've never really had that problem... I just loosen my arms and step backwards. If its someone I'm close to, I might leave a hand on their arm or shoulder as I pull back and then trail off.

[ilikemyhumordry]

I try that, but I hit the persons arms and if they don't let go I don't know what to do. Thanks for messaging!

[myrrhdusa]

I avoid hugs whenever possible, and if my friends really need one they ask, which is nice. Strangers, especially men, are tough for me because I think they just want to press into my chest. I'm large up top. So for strangers I give a light arms hug with my body pulled away, that way I can step out. I'm pagan, and some of the ladies are big huggers, so I just go in and try to not hold my breath and relax. I know they mean well.

[ilikemyhumordry]

Your friends sound nice. :) For me my comfort hugging depends on how big the person hugging me is and if my arms are under of over theirs. If they're my size or smaller and my arms are on top I can stand it longer than if they're larger than me and pinning me arms. Thanks for the comment.

Oh, and welcome to the community. :)

[celticmoni]

I usually do a light "tap out", so to speak, by giving them some loving taps before slowly pulling away. I'm also pretty top-heavy, so...I don't usually hug men unless I know them pretty well. If they move in for the hug, I usually just give them a one-arm hug, or a combo hand-shake/half-hug that you see guys typically do.