Daughter-In-Law
Input, suggestions, experience greatly appreciated.
I'm thinking of going to see my grandson on Tuesday. He's just about 7 months old and I can count on one hand how many times I've seen him since he came home from the hospital. One reason I've hardly see him is because up until recently it meant taking an hour bus ride into Jerusalem and then another bus for 35-45 minutes to their house. Another reason (which is why I am writing this) is because my relationship with my son isn't the best (that's another story in its self) and I barely know my daughter-in-law. They've been married since Dec. 2007, and still don't feel comfortable around her. Not that I've spent that much time with her.
She's very quiet and reserved which makes having a conversation with her difficult. It's not just me being an Aspie, although that does make it even more of a challenge, my other son and my parents feel the same way. In general I'm not comfortable talking about myself so when I'm trying to get know someone I usually ask questions about them and their interests and use that as a starting point but that hasn't really worked. She has a tendency to answer questions briefly in such a way that is not condusive to making conversastion. She and my son are extremly strict Orthodox Jews.They have no TV, don't go to movies, read secular books or even read a paper. In short their lives for the most part revolve around, for lack of a better way to describe it, Bible study kind of things.Which doesn't leave much to talk about. So even though I know alot of Bible stuff as I have study before I am no longer religious nor am I really interested in talking about it all the time. Nor do such conversations lend themselves to opportunities for us to get to know each other. The few times its been just the two of us or on the phone there's lots of silence, which really makes me uncomfortable.
I have a feeling that she is just as uncomfortable around me. I really think that before they were married and before I met her the first time my son told her some negative things about me...maybe even telling her I'm nuts...he has a hard time accepting that I have Apergers and other mental health issues as well as my no longer being Orthodox. In genreal I feel that they really don't want me to be an active part of thier lives. That I'm an obligation...someone thay have to put up with especially now that they have a baby.
I really want to see my grandson but the thought of spending time alone with her is giving me anxiety. Just as important I want to be able to have a relationship with her and my son.I don't know how much longer I can handle this kind of superficial relationship with the both of them. I just don't know what to do or how to go about getting to know my daughter-in-law. I've thought about putting it out there point blank. Something like saying, "We really haven't had the opportunity to get to know each other and I really would like to have a realtionship with you" But I see two problems with that. First I don't know that I could really say it and second I have no clue what to say after that...I thought about "is that something you want'? but I realize that would put her on the spot.
Suggestions and experiences greatly appreciated.
I'm thinking of going to see my grandson on Tuesday. He's just about 7 months old and I can count on one hand how many times I've seen him since he came home from the hospital. One reason I've hardly see him is because up until recently it meant taking an hour bus ride into Jerusalem and then another bus for 35-45 minutes to their house. Another reason (which is why I am writing this) is because my relationship with my son isn't the best (that's another story in its self) and I barely know my daughter-in-law. They've been married since Dec. 2007, and still don't feel comfortable around her. Not that I've spent that much time with her.
She's very quiet and reserved which makes having a conversation with her difficult. It's not just me being an Aspie, although that does make it even more of a challenge, my other son and my parents feel the same way. In general I'm not comfortable talking about myself so when I'm trying to get know someone I usually ask questions about them and their interests and use that as a starting point but that hasn't really worked. She has a tendency to answer questions briefly in such a way that is not condusive to making conversastion. She and my son are extremly strict Orthodox Jews.They have no TV, don't go to movies, read secular books or even read a paper. In short their lives for the most part revolve around, for lack of a better way to describe it, Bible study kind of things.Which doesn't leave much to talk about. So even though I know alot of Bible stuff as I have study before I am no longer religious nor am I really interested in talking about it all the time. Nor do such conversations lend themselves to opportunities for us to get to know each other. The few times its been just the two of us or on the phone there's lots of silence, which really makes me uncomfortable.
I have a feeling that she is just as uncomfortable around me. I really think that before they were married and before I met her the first time my son told her some negative things about me...maybe even telling her I'm nuts...he has a hard time accepting that I have Apergers and other mental health issues as well as my no longer being Orthodox. In genreal I feel that they really don't want me to be an active part of thier lives. That I'm an obligation...someone thay have to put up with especially now that they have a baby.
I really want to see my grandson but the thought of spending time alone with her is giving me anxiety. Just as important I want to be able to have a relationship with her and my son.I don't know how much longer I can handle this kind of superficial relationship with the both of them. I just don't know what to do or how to go about getting to know my daughter-in-law. I've thought about putting it out there point blank. Something like saying, "We really haven't had the opportunity to get to know each other and I really would like to have a realtionship with you" But I see two problems with that. First I don't know that I could really say it and second I have no clue what to say after that...I thought about "is that something you want'? but I realize that would put her on the spot.
Suggestions and experiences greatly appreciated.