COMUNICATION

[laurabelle1]

Does anyone here have problems with coming across as too intense or aggressive?  My family says that I intimidate people because I am too aggressive.  I have tried to not do this, but I can't figure out what it is that I am doing wrong.   I have asked my family to explain what I am doing wrong, but I just don't understand why people feel the way

Comments

[powerjen51]

Because of my social interaction and communication difficulties I can come across either end of the emotional spectrum from being very frustrated to one who has so much love to give.

I can become too excited, or at the other times too stubborn. I find it difficult to hit the right note sometimes because I can't read social cues both verbal and non-verbally.

I too have a strong sense of what is right or wrong and will often pick up on that with people. I dislike people not saying "please" and "thank you" after you've done something with them.

[idiotgrrl]

I think it's simply a difficulty in fine-tuning your responses to the level expected in the situation. A lot of us seem to have only two intensity settings in youth (I know it was true of me!) - Full Blast, and Off

[reginaterrae]

I'm pretty intense, too, and am described as having a "strong personality", rather than aggressive

[inkmark]

Oh, yes, I do.

I'm still trying to figure this out, so excuse me if htis is unclear.

I'm still as direct as ever, but I've learned how to express it in more subtle ways. My family likes to call it "Irish diplomacy," which is the art of telling someone to go to hell such that they look forward to the trip. More realistically, it involves phrasing my sentences and tone by being aware of the larger situation and context beyond the immediate question. It also involves obliquely answering teh question instead of directly, but in such a way that the other person understands the direct answer. The way I become aware of the larger context is by being more calm and distancing myself from the immediate experience, if that makes sense. The way I answer obliquely (albeit imperfectly) is, for example, to say, "You're under a lot of stress, but I don't think that excuses how you yelled at me," instead of, "You owe me an apology. Say you're sorry!"

Hope that helps. :)

[skyrabbit]

Over the years I've learned to be less direct and abrupt and to take people's feelings into account more.

I still find it pretty irritating to have to do this though. I wish people could understand that when I'm arguing a point with them it is *not personal* - I would love to be able to argue it as forcefully and directly as I wanted, without having to keep worrying about whether they might be offended by this.