AS and sex

[ex_jah_alarm759]

One of the problems I've been having for the past 10 years is suppressed sexual desire, which I've always explained by bad ecology and certain other external factors that I've been surrounded most of my life. A few days ago I had a meeting with a doctor, and he told me that Asperger's syndrom that I have could be one of the main reasons behind this

Comments

[finding_bliss]

Would you mind sharing more detail I realize this is a personal issue but not exactly sure what you mean by repressed sexual desire Are you saying that you aren't interested in sex? Are you feeling that you need to hold back sexual desire?

[ex_jah_alarm759]

Well, I can can basically think of two things here:

1. The joy from having sex during the process itself is relatively small. I mean I don't get as much from it as most people seem to. Maybe 20-30%, even less than that.

2. I'm sort of afraid of it, especially when it's first time - I'm kinda full of anxiety and agitation rather than happy feelings.

Does this answer your question?

[finding_bliss]

Yeah it does
Obviously if you're going to have sex and enjoy sex at all it would be within a loving comitted relationship but even then the act of intercourse itself might not be all the bells and whistles that you are expecting. My partner and I(we are both aspies) prefer fantasy play and kink rather than the simple act of sex. We both seem to get more out of that and when we do actually have sex it's pretty wonderful :)

[ex_jah_alarm759]

Sounds good, but for some rason didn't work with me for the past 28 years,

[intralimina]

I don't know the answer to this in a scientific sense, but anticdotally I have essentially no sex drive at all. When I'm with a partner they can goad me into fun sex that I enjoy, but it just doesn't spontaneously occur to me to do sex things like ever. I actually "feel horny" maybe once a year during particularly intense PMS. I am 37 and this lack of independent interest in sex has been consistent my whole life. For whatever that's worth *shrug*

:/

[hellotoaster]

I feel the same exact way. You're not alone.

I have sex solely to express my love for my boyfriend, and to make him happy. I NEVER have the desire to have sex, and most of the time, I don't enjoy it as much as I should.

Re: :/

[ex_jah_alarm759]

Did you ever try to link it to your AS?

Re: :/

[hellotoaster]

Yes.

Re: :/

[ex_jah_alarm759]

and obviously you've never tried to change anything about this situation?

[skyrabbit]

I would say I had a pretty low sex drive. In fact it's generally not there at all except pre-menstrually.

Which is rather odd, from an evolutionary point of view - I mean, as I understand it, the pre-menstrual part of the cycle is when you are *least* likely to be fertile.

But then again, I have never wanted children - so maybe I feel most comfortable with sex when I am least fertile.

It's all at an unconscious level though.

I've also been with the same partner for 12 years, and I think that inevitably erodes desire.

[lordalfredhenry]

Some of us might have what might be termed now "Hypersexuality". It can be extremes I think. i.e.: Nymphomania/satyriasis. There are a few men with AS I know who have been deemed "perverts" unfairly. They often don't know how to approach sex and have never been given a role model or instruction. As for the lack of sex drive, asexuality, by either will or nature, is quite common too. I've seen the topic recur enough to think that it's extremely common. Some of us might also be burying it deep too. Because sexuality can be dynamic and people are dynamic, I think it's hard to put a hard-fixed label on someone unless they themselves claim accurately to / have a history of being consistent in terms of their sexuality. I have unfortunately been on the hypersexual side to be frank and honest. I'm seeking antiandrogen treatment I think at some point.