Comments | ask_me_anything: What would you think/do in this situation?

glortw in ask_me_anything

What would you think/do in this situation?

Aug 02, 2012 10:04

So I'm friends with this girl. Not close close friends, but we've hung out a few times, we talk online. She's moving to California in a few weeks. So we were talking on facebook about how I've never been to The Cheesecake Factory and she was like "Well I'm free this weekend if you want to go". So I said okay. Then she mentioned it was her birthday ( Read more... )

failed forays into friendship, common sense is rarely common

Comments 28

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glortw August 3 2012, 14:23:24 UTC

Haha. I was thinking of that, but a tiny part of my brain says "But since it was just her bday she might be insulted you didn't offer to pay for her dinner.."

crassy August 2 2012, 14:10:32 UTC

Uhh, why would it be the right thing to do? She suggested the dinner. You are under no obligation to pay for her meal and if she expects it, she is a weirdo and it is probably good she is moving away.

Did she indicate at all that she expected you to pay for this meal or are you just overthinking the whole situation because it is her birthday?

As for how to approach the situation, just send her an email or call and say 'Hey, we still up for dinner? I'm skint at the moment and need to borrow money from my mum for my part of the meal, so I am just making sure we are still on so I can organise everything with her'.

Sweet, short, and to the point.

glortw August 3 2012, 14:27:40 UTC

She hasn't indicated it..I guess her mentioning her family "taking her out for [her] birthday at CF" made me think "well, what if that's what she thinks this is? Me "taking her out for her birthday"?

That is a good idea of what to say, thanks! I love that word skint, where are you from? Is it a uk thing?

crassy August 3 2012, 14:49:04 UTC

I'm Canadian. :)

t3hlorax August 2 2012, 14:18:36 UTC

Yeah, you're WAY over thinking this. Calm down. :)

1. she suggested the meal
2. her parents are already buying her a meal there, so why would she need you to?

I'd just bring her a card or something.

flicka23 August 2 2012, 14:41:27 UTC

This.

kimie_catclaw August 2 2012, 15:27:55 UTC

Yup. And maybe buy her a drink at the restaurant. Done and done!

couri August 2 2012, 15:29:53 UTC

Exactly.

Thread 7

demiraks_world August 2 2012, 15:10:52 UTC

I'd probably be overthinking and freaking out about it too.

Can you swing dessert for her? Maybe say 'dessert is on me' as a way to hint that the rest of the dinner isn't on you!

eyemadreamer August 3 2012, 04:49:48 UTC

Good idea ;)

glortw August 3 2012, 14:29:52 UTC

Thank you! Apparently most readers of this post just think I'm an idiot to even think she'd expect me to pay but that's just how I am.
Yeah, I was thinking of saying I'd get her dessert but then I thought she might then be offended because she'd assumed the rest of the meal was also being taken care of by me. Would you say this beforehand, or like when we sit down to eat?

demiraks_world August 3 2012, 14:32:06 UTC

Hmm, I'm thinking I'd probably do it when we sit down.
Unless there was a good way to fit it in before then. I wouldn't make it its own conversation beforehand though.

yuriko August 2 2012, 15:16:37 UTC

Don't pay for her meal. Offer to buy her a drink or something if you really feel obligated, but I think it would be pretty presumptuous of her to be assuming you'll pay for her dinner.

glortw August 3 2012, 14:32:01 UTC

I don't know, I just get paranoid I guess. The fact that she just had a birthday and is moving away...I mean I talked about it with my mom and she said the same thing happened to her recently. She felt obligated too, but had to tell the person she just couldn't do it. I just feel like it's what I SHOULD do, but it's just not possible. Yeah, I'm thinking a drink or dessert will be better than nothing, thanks.