Torchwood scheduled you some time on the target range

[ask_captainjack]

Dear darling Captain Jack, are you guys going to participate in Blog Like It's The End of the World Day next saturday? The way it works is that on June 13th you post on your blog (livejournal) that zombies are attacking. You describe what's going on in your spot in the world and link to other journals. You'll see people tagging 'bliteotw'.

CHOMP

Comments

[thaddeusfavour]

I'm not too late, am I? Please, dear God, tell me I'm not too late for your lessons! I need them so badly, Jack! (I've dreamed about your lessons. Well, actually I dreamed we were at a party and you kissed me in a friendly manner, but that's nearly the same thing!)

Gun? Check! Ammo? Check! Spiffy yellow safety glasses? Check! Unbeatable, lusty attitude for shooting things in the face? Check!

I'm ready!

(I lol'd pretty hard at this while Gwen compassions at you through the rolled-down window. It's so Torchwood. Is Gwen good at the drive by compassioning?)

[ask_captainjack]

I kissed you in a friendly manner? How friendly did my tongue feel? We'll experiment when you don't have to concentrate on your weapon.

Gwen is amazing at drive-by compassioning. These days she's got it down to a few short sharp sentences: "IT WILL BE OK SWEETHEART. TORCHWOOD CARES."

I'm having a sticker made for the boot of the SUV: "Torchwood Cares". So people will see it as we zoom past them!

Okay, so you look pretty hot in your safety glasses. You're all ThaddeusSeriousBizness.

I'm just going to push my face into the nape of your neck to make sure your spinal column is well-positioned...Yeah I think you're ready to go..

[gwen_e_cooper]

I AM great at that!

I also toss a Retcon tablet in a cup of tea and hand it out through the SUV window. So it's like a drive-through as well as a drive-by.

Because once we tell people how much TORCHWOOD CARES, we have to make them forget Torchwood.

It's heart-rending, really.

[ask_captainjack]

Gwen cries into a lot of pizza.

I wouldn't want her job!

[gwen_e_cooper]

I know!

You wouldn't want my pizzas, either. Tears are salty.

[ask_captainjack]

I'm not into drinking tears! That sounds like something out of a bad television episode.

The kind of episode that would be really 'atmospheric' but otherwise pointless.

[gwen_e_cooper]

Drinking tears would be so emo!

...and the "weep snot" is even worse than the tears.

Guess this pizza is ALL MINE.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Keep out of reach of Hart!

You can't assume anything with him around. Man licks the whiteboard for fun.

[gwen_e_cooper]

He is more than welcome to nom my cry-pizza. Wouldn't recommend it but...okay.

[oh_doask]

I JUST HURT MY ELBOW! IT HURTS, GWEN!

I'M NOMMING YOUR CRY PIZZA!

SEE HOW I CRAM IT ALL INTO MY MOUTH!

[gwen_e_cooper]

Kind of... soggy, isn't it?

[oh_doask]

IT CRAMS IN BETTER THAT WAY!

LOOK HOW MY TONGUE WRAPS AROUND THE SOGGY CRUST!

[gwen_e_cooper]

EW. Seriously.

I can't even taint food to keep it safe in the Hub. You'll eat anything, Jack can't die and... well, okay, Ianto won't eat tainted food.

[oh_doask]

YOU HAVE TO WRITE YOUR NAME ON IT IN BLACK WHITEBOARD MARKER!!

I'LL ONLY LICK THE MARKER OFF!!!!!

[thaddeusfavour]

I'm just going to push my face into the nape of your neck to make sure your spinal column is well-positioned...Yeah I think you're ready to go..

I've never been readier!

Oh! You meant with the gun! I'm a decent shot, but I've never tried shooting under combat conditions. You should probably keep distracting me until I get the hang of it.

[ask_captainjack]

CAN DO!

I'm wearing a VERY tight tshirt today. Are you noticing me flex this bicep?

Note it out of the corner of your eye. Keep the rest of your eye corners on the target!