Comments | ask_captainjack: A Quick Start Guide to Shooting Something in the Face

ask_captainjack

A Quick Start Guide to Shooting Something in the Face

Jun 05, 2009 14:18

TWO QUESTIONS MERGED INTO ONE SEXY POST TODAY!

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Dear Captain Jack: I'd be interested on some tips in the event of a alien infestation or swine flu or soviet attack. What's the best way to shoot something in the face? Is there a rule of thumb for this sort of thing?

With love from Bangerz n' Mash

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Dear Captain Jack, your instructions to ( Read more... )

shoot it in the face

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ask_aboutcoffee June 5 2009, 20:32:46 UTC

I cleaned up! Nobody else even knew where the mop was. Gwen kept trying to take it away from me once I'd got it. I had to fight to keep my mop. The mop may have taken on an exaggerated sense of importance in light of my girlfriend's death by hail of bullets, but I was determined.

And anyway I'm better now! I hardly ever need to mop for obsessive reasons, only for reasons of clearing up acidic ichor/the blood of coworkers.

Technically, Tinkerbell is a pixie. She's probably still evil, so I'm not too worried.

gwen_e_cooper June 5 2009, 20:38:28 UTC

I was trying to help!

Besides, at Torchwood, we always clean up one another's dead partners' blood. Floor, fingertips, it doesn't matter.

One thing is a constant, though: Jack gets smacked afterward.

ask_aboutcoffee June 5 2009, 20:43:27 UTC

I know, Gwen, and it was very kind, but I needed the mop at that moment in time.

I did appreciate the snacks you brought me though. Myfanwy liked them.

Did you smack Jack for me? That was sweet of you.

ask_captainjack June 5 2009, 20:54:33 UTC

I saw Toshiko bring you a coffee.

It was awkward.

I kind of winced.

ask_aboutcoffee June 5 2009, 20:56:22 UTC

Her heart was in the right place. Unlike my girlfriend's, which had been left back at some cyberconversion plant in the rubble of Canary Wharf!

ask_captainjack June 5 2009, 20:57:57 UTC

I'm glad you're able to shift the blame from Torchwood to the Cybermen for that one. Healthier.

ask_aboutcoffee June 5 2009, 21:00:09 UTC

I split the blame pretty much equally but I've buried the Torchwood half under a deep layer of denial and a tendency to flee emotional relationships.

Seems to work pretty well.

ask_captainjack June 5 2009, 21:04:15 UTC

I've noticed a difference. You seem cheerier! Less shifty.

And we don't get any of those weird power shortages anymore.

ask_aboutcoffee June 5 2009, 21:05:35 UTC

Well, I do get to sleep more than two hours a night now that I'm not tending a robot in the basement. Also I feel rather less like the antagonist of a YA science fiction novel.

ask_captainjack June 6 2009, 00:59:12 UTC

Darling, you're more like the protagonist of a Tom Clancy novel. With the guns and the ninja ways!

gwen_e_cooper June 5 2009, 20:58:27 UTC

That's why I smacked you.

After we stared at Ianto from the window for like, an hour.

ask_captainjack June 5 2009, 21:00:00 UTC

We were bonding. We bonded over the "WTF!" of what Ianto had just done.

ask_captainjack June 5 2009, 20:39:32 UTC

Honestly, it was the cleanest basement floor Torchwood's had since the cement was secretly poured and smoothed in 1891!

You did a great job of corpse disposal and pizza box recycling. And while working under my super-pissed glare of mad fucking anger!

ask_aboutcoffee June 5 2009, 20:41:52 UTC

Well, I thought, if the floor is really clean you probably wouldn't shoot me in the Hub itself.

See? It worked!

Clean floors: the first step on the route to not getting shot in the face.

ask_captainjack June 5 2009, 20:55:49 UTC

That's true. If I was trying to kill you for betraying me I'd do something epic and romantic first like take you out for a seafood dinner before I drowned you in the Bay!

ask_aboutcoffee June 5 2009, 21:00:56 UTC

As an aid to marital fidelity that's an excellent statement to make, really.

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