Jo From Reno

[ask_captainjack]

Dear Captain Jack: Recently my friend, a bouncer named Big R, was asked to be on the Jerry Springer Show by his stripper ex-fiance' and a poorly dressed drag queen.

According to Big R the show went well. He got a free trip to Chicago, was not too humiliated by the audience and the drag queen, even after having been assaulted by Big R's stripper ex

Comments

[ask_aboutcoffee]

A very cunning plan, Jack.

There are eight boxes labeled Ianto's Trainers under the stairs. I didn't even remember I owned some of these. Have they been falling through the Rift or something?

[ask_captainjack]

Maybe those boxes belong to the other 7 Iantos I had before I got you.

...

HA HA HA HA!!!! THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE.

Ianto I'm kidding, you're the first Ianto. No really. LOL.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

If I'm a clone I'm going to be very upset. Nothing good every happens to clones in the films!

[ask_captainjack]

No, no, you're the original Ianto. I have your DNA of course. I can clone you sometime in the future if necessary. I'd have to be really depressed though! I'm sure you'd WANT me to clone you if I ever got really sad.

[ask_arealdoctor]

Not to mention I have DNA samples from every team member on file, both digitally and physically.

Torchwood: You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

[ask_captainjack]

SO TRUE! I didn't mention that when I enticed you to join us but you caught on pretty quickly huh?

[ask_arealdoctor]

Perceptive is my middle name. Martha Perceptive Jones! What were my parents thinking? ;D

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Well, I suppose. As long as you promise not to harvest my organs and to make sure you shoot me in the face if I turn out to be Evil.

[ask_arealdoctor]

Only after we get both of you in the same room so you can say, "Shoot him! I'm the real one!" "No, I'm the real one! Shoot him!"

That's the best part!

[ask_captainjack]

I love when that happens.

Usually though the evil clone will have a goatee so you can tell he's evil.

[ask_arealdoctor]

But a goatee would obscure the cute pouty chin! How could Evil!Ianto control the minds of men if they can't see the pouty chin and trembling lip!

OMG maybe OUR Ianto is the evil one!

[ask_captainjack]

He can't be evil. He wanted to destroy the world because of LOVE, not because of EVIL. He explained it while he was sobbing on his knees in a pool of blood in front of me.

[ask_arealdoctor]

Oh, poor sweetie!

But Evil Overlords always want you to think that. It's part of the Nefarious Plan!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

I'm not evil! I'm innocent and lamblike. Look at my curly hair!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

But then you figure out which one is really the real one, right? Because if there's me and a clone together and I get shot I'm going to be so annoyed.

[ask_arealdoctor]

Fie, Evil Overlord! We have twigged to your Nefarious Plan!