I cry and cry and cry  with my mouth closed swallowing all the noise and the tears, until I am full and then I throw them up and start all over again.  I cannot even put into words the horrible twisting pain I feel in my chest, the negative lense in which I suddenly see the world, the gnawing loneliness, the disappointment, the disgust, the ( Read more... )

I totally forgot this thing existed. 
Just stumbled upon it when i needed it most i guess....  Testing...Testing.....FUCK all girls named KATE....Testing...

alll i can smell is hyacinths right now. just relived the past year in fast forward mode.mannnn alll the drugs...
insane

and pan...oh pan! maybe I loved you too much.

whatever

If i ever complained about anything ever before in my life I was out of line. Nothing compares to the bullshit that is going on now. Nothing.
I have had the rug pulled out from under me.
Just when I was learning to walk again.

 
3

the door is unlocked, so i just walk in. she’s there on the antique sofa wrapped in countless blankets. she must have lost forty pounds since i’ve last seen her and i am scared to kiss her cheek because she looks like she could crumble with the faintest breath. i am shocked, but i smile so she will not become upset. she asks me three or four ( Read more... )

 Must be getting early, clocks are running late ( Read more... )

another  5 am cant sleep gotta be up in 3 hours

 i just woke up screaming. 
all i can remember is tony.

bah. what a friggen jerk.

agh.

And while I may sound angry and bitter and upset, I am mostly sad and cry all the time. THAT is my pathetic and embaressing admission.  
yup. I'm a sucker.

well  hello prozac.

Wow. I am out of the loop. Havent' seen most of my friends for weeks, lame lame lame.

Feelin' sorry,  

woooo have i got some bad PMS. gotts to clean my room. gotta be alone. gotta gotta gotta get money for school books. gotta keep away from all the jerks. gotta be happy.