being reject really hurts. it's awkward and unfair, and even the act of exposing yourself to someone else is perplexing enough. the notion of betraying yourself, and gambling with your sentiments seems inane. wondering statisticly if one day you'll just get lucky. it's a shame not even math can bail us out, there's no odds in this game only stakes.

the last four or five days i've spent my time moaping aorund the house. an ideal way to end summer. i imagine most of all that i would be spending this time with close friends. an ironic celebration of the last few days of freedom. pictureing myself skiing or tubing at lake gaston, my counter part sir brian jefferson and i giving "Big Bertha" and ( Read more... )

these days i'm more interested in what makes me tick.  it seems all i wonder or ever worry about is mainly my self-awareness. being on the computer for longer than an hour is really depressing. it's almost like sitting in a room filled with all of your friends, only one or two of them actually come up to you to say "Hi". for the last two days the ( Read more... )

i've been noticing lately how a lot of things are becoming synonymous with each other. for instance, Bob Marley. i wouldn't consider myself a devout fan or anything, and nothing against him as an artist. but it seems he's become quite synonymous with marihuana, or marijuana. a rather interesting plant some think, but that's a whole other story. ( Read more... )

The ballad of Rott Feeler coming soon.

i've signed on and offline about twelve times ( Read more... )

i wake up tangled in my comforter. i role around, my back stiff after a long night on the living room floor. scrambling around in my mind; trying to recall where i placed the remote last, my eyes still closed as my hand probes around the carpet. while i search for the remote i lose control of my body. I start to go through the awakening process, or ( Read more... )

i enjoy more the things that seem to grown on me, rather than the obvious.

reading up on the news that's been posted on my lived journal. I quickly skimmed through what i'm sure is something important. scrolling to the bottom of the page there read a warning. In an attempt to grasp what i was warned i read the previous paragraph, which left me still clueless. apparently live journal is here for everyone to be themselves, ( Read more... )

saturday will be my birthday. i'll be eighteen, a grown man to the law. screw the man. sadly, birthdays aren't as they used to be. as a youngling i remember waking up with excitement and disbelief, wondering if i was dreaming and that i'll soon wake up. after giving myself a few pinches just for the sake of being cliche i realize this excitement is ( Read more... )