*shakes head* I knew to avoid certain pregnancy related communities from friends' comments. Especially the "au natural" type places like breastfeeding, etc
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commonsense tells you that everyone mother and every baby is different. I mean, what about the women who can't breastfeed? Does that mean something is wrong with them as a mother? What about the mother who doesnt have paid leave or any parental benefits and needs to go back to work as soon as she can? She isnt supposed to pump or, oh no, use formula??
Sure breastfeeding is good for babies but it isnt the only way and it sometimes just isnt feasible. I will never understand people that feel like they need to be self-righteous and force feed others the "right way" to do something.
If she'd been just a general mom, I'd have probably let it slide. But she's throwing her weight around as a Professional (WIC) Breastfeeding Counselor, as if that makes her expert on every possible issue that could face a mom... THAT's what really burned me.
Hey, Arkie! I wasn't around long enough to read the feedback to your post about pumping but it looks like it wasn't pretty. I am so sorry that happened to you. Thanks for adding me to your friends list. I have added you to mine.
What you say is exactly on target. She's not the one in your situation. She doesn't know your body, your baby or what's going on at all. Which is better? That your baby is happy, healthy and content or miserable and at the doctor a lot just so you can say you breastfed all the time? I think the choice is easy.
I'd just love to know by what authority some women speak. Did someone hand them a mantle that says "Mother Who Knows All" therefore they are right 100 percent of the time? That's a mantle I could never wear.
As for me, I just couldn't take it. Most of the ladies there are pretty understanding but knowing I was being silently judged by a few was just too much for me to take any more.
The doctor who delivered both of my boys (and several other of my family members) was a small town doc whose philosophy about feeding baby was simple. Make sure baby isn't hungry and mom's happy about it. When I told him I wasn't comfortable breastfeeding with #1, he said "stop and give him a bottle then." On the flip side, had I stuck with it, he would have given me every bit of advice he could muster.
Too bad that's not a common attitude.
I'm fine with most of them and like that there's a wide spectrum. It's just the one brandishing her "I'm a professional breastfeeding counselor" banner that gets to me.
Side note... I finished reading some of the posts from the WE KNOW BEST routines... good grief they don't see that they were rude in the least. I see the gal I tangled with was also on your case. I hope she's not that much of a self-righteous brat to her patients at that WIC office. That'd turn folks off advice and help in a heartbeat.
I would think it is hard enough to walk into a WIC office in the first place, to be asking for help. Then to get sledgehammered by the person who is supposedly there to assist you. I'd be in tears in no time.
I'm a huge support of breastfeeding, but geez, there are times a woman can't. Hey, at least you're willing to pump and give the milk to your baby. A lot of women wouldn't even be willing to do that. I think it's great of you to be willing to do that. I know first hand that pumping can be inconvenient.
I've written about my milk supply issues and my experience with boob natzis, so I know exactly how frustrating it can be.
I'm going to give it a try. If it works, yay for all involved. If it doesn't, that's why we're lucky to live in a country where formula is easy to get for the baby. I won't cry about it.
The pumping communities are much nicer about things... working moms, moms with health issues, moms who just made the choice I want to that breastmilk is good - but breastfeeding's not for them.
Back when I was due to evict Justin, the boob nazi's visited me in my hospital room. I had already chosen to bottle feed at that point, for various reasons... but these monsters would not leave me alone. Almost every six hours or so, another member of LaLeche leeches would pop uninvited into my room to lecture me about my choice.
I finally got very, very rude with them. It's a shame, though, that it took being actively hostile to get rid of them. I will never understand people like that.
I was lucky with my boys. My grandmother had been a nurse there for 20 some odd years, and no one was brave enough to give unwanted advice on her great-grandsons' care. ;-)
This time I'll be delivering at an unfamiliar hospital, but one of my friends is a nurse there. She's already given me the entire routine on what to expect on baby-feeding, including the fact that guess what - they'll supplement with formula until milk supply is established when I'm pumping.
They just don't want to understand that if a mom can't - or just flat out doesn't WANT to breastfeed - it's not good for baby to have a mom resent that she's being forced into it.
OH my gosh! I have nightmares about that happening to me when I am in the hospital. I am so sorry that happened to you. Do you think they get monetary rewards for winning new mothers over to their side?
Can I put some kind of sign on my door saying La Leche Ladies, KEEP OUT?
If they won't let you use a sign, you could always get a watergun and shoot them with red koolaid everytime they venture in. ;-)
Seriously though, you should be able to ban them from your room. Visit your hospital beforehand and check on their policy for unwanted visitors. Surely it should be possible - kind of like putting "no religion" in a religious hospital so the chaplain doesn't come calling.
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I'm gonna have Prince Charming armed with a chainsaw stuck in my head all day now!
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commonsense tells you that everyone mother and every baby is different. I mean, what about the women who can't breastfeed? Does that mean something is wrong with them as a mother? What about the mother who doesnt have paid leave or any parental benefits and needs to go back to work as soon as she can? She isnt supposed to pump or, oh no, use formula??
Sure breastfeeding is good for babies but it isnt the only way and it sometimes just isnt feasible. I will never understand people that feel like they need to be self-righteous and force feed others the "right way" to do something.
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What you say is exactly on target. She's not the one in your situation. She doesn't know your body, your baby or what's going on at all. Which is better? That your baby is happy, healthy and content or miserable and at the doctor a lot just so you can say you breastfed all the time? I think the choice is easy.
I'd just love to know by what authority some women speak. Did someone hand them a mantle that says "Mother Who Knows All" therefore they are right 100 percent of the time? That's a mantle I could never wear.
As for me, I just couldn't take it. Most of the ladies there are pretty understanding but knowing I was being silently judged by a few was just too much for me to take any more.
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Too bad that's not a common attitude.
I'm fine with most of them and like that there's a wide spectrum. It's just the one brandishing her "I'm a professional breastfeeding counselor" banner that gets to me.
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I would think it is hard enough to walk into a WIC office in the first place, to be asking for help. Then to get sledgehammered by the person who is supposedly there to assist you. I'd be in tears in no time.
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I've written about my milk supply issues and my experience with boob natzis, so I know exactly how frustrating it can be.
Reply
The pumping communities are much nicer about things... working moms, moms with health issues, moms who just made the choice I want to that breastmilk is good - but breastfeeding's not for them.
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I finally got very, very rude with them. It's a shame, though, that it took being actively hostile to get rid of them. I will never understand people like that.
Reply
This time I'll be delivering at an unfamiliar hospital, but one of my friends is a nurse there. She's already given me the entire routine on what to expect on baby-feeding, including the fact that guess what - they'll supplement with formula until milk supply is established when I'm pumping.
They just don't want to understand that if a mom can't - or just flat out doesn't WANT to breastfeed - it's not good for baby to have a mom resent that she's being forced into it.
Reply
Can I put some kind of sign on my door saying La Leche Ladies, KEEP OUT?
Reply
Seriously though, you should be able to ban them from your room. Visit your hospital beforehand and check on their policy for unwanted visitors. Surely it should be possible - kind of like putting "no religion" in a religious hospital so the chaplain doesn't come calling.
Reply
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