B5 FIC :: "Shattered Glass: A Journey - Part 11" [Susan/Talia, R]
INDEX & DISCLAIMER INFO { DW || LJ }
25 May 2263
susan, my susan
what will come of us after
this epic battle
for final domination
of this body that was mine?
Last night, at nearly 2300, Delenn gave birth to a son. She and John named him David Jason, after John's great-grandfather and Jason Ironheart. Delenn had specifically requested Talia to be present at the birth, stating that she'd be calmer with Talia there. This, of course, prompted to John to order me to be there to help him stay calm for Delenn. God forbid he not have something that she has.
This was the first birth I've ever been witness to. When I was a child, a part of me always assumed I'd one day have children that my parents could dote over, especially my mother. That changed when she started taking the Sleepers. Maybe it was after she'd been taking them for a while, I'm not sure anymore, but I know that my desire to have children definitely died with her. There was no way in hell that I'd allow any child of mine to suffer what my mother suffered on a daily basis, thanks to Psi Corps and their brutish tactics regarding non-complying telepaths.
But watching Delenn as her labor progressed, even feeling a bit of the psychic spillover that she and Talia tried to contain, fascinated me. I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't transposed Talia's face over Delenn's on at least one occasion. I don't know that I could go through with a pregnancy and delivery, not while running Babylon 5, but I'd be more than willing to share the experience with Talia, should she ever choose to have a child.
Okay, it's time for me to be honest here. I want to have children with Talia. I want to see her body swell with pregnancy as our child grows within. I want to spend entire nights doing nothing but touching her stomach and talking to the child growing, coaxing him or her to kick. I want to see Talia's face glowing with pride and love for our unborn child. I want people to tell me to stop smiling about said impending child, because my happiness is freaking them out. What? I can admit to the perverse delight it would cause me to make others nervous because I wasn't being my usual surly self.
We haven't discussed children much. Well, we've had plenty of discussions about Delenn's pregnancy, but we've always ignored the elephant in the room. It's only been eight months since she and Jason defeated Control, and Talia's still not one hundred percent back to her old self. In some ways, I suppose we've been incubating a baby of our own these past eight months; I just have no idea what the gestation period is in a situation like this. I know that it will take much longer than even a single year for Talia to feel totally comfortable in her own mind again, mostly likely the rest of her life. And I'm okay with that. I get frustrated and angry, yes, but that's not aimed at Talia. All of the animosity I feel about this whole situation is aimed squarely at that rat bastard Bester, for creating the Control program in the first place, and at Psi Corps, for allowing him such free rein to do whatever the hell he wanted without suffering any consequences until it was too late.
Talia looked more beautiful than I can remember as she held David for the first time. He gripped a lock of her hair tightly in his little fist, anchoring himself to the other woman that had been there practically his entire life up to that point. She had tears in her eyes as she cuddled and talked to him. John was busy giving Delenn congratulatory kisses, so they both completely missed the transcendent beauty that was Talia's face in those precious moments as she and David first bonded. I moved to wrap myself around Talia from behind, chin resting on her shoulder, and let her introduce me to the little man that had already claimed her heart.
Talia eventually talked me into holding little David, and she stood behind me, just as I'd done with her. As clichéd as it sounds, I felt such a sense of peace as we stood there, bonding with this baby that was already wrapping our hearts around his little fingers. Something changed in us last night, something for the better.
Confirmation from Talia: I was taken aback when Delenn and John announced David's full name, stating that if it hadn't been for Jason Ironheart, I wouldn't have come back into their lives. I distinctly remember arguing with them about that, as I was so unwilling to accept that I could possibly mean so much to them in such a short period of time, especially with all of the emotional turmoil I introduced into their lives. Jason was also quite stunned by their decision, and added his own arguments to my own as I tried to reason with Delenn over this. She finally ended the discussion by saying that I was just as integral to David's life as she and John were, and that it was her choice as his mother what his name would be. She also said that one day I would be more able to understand her choice. It took the better part of a year before I would fully understand and accept what she'd done that day. How could I possibly ever consider ending my life again, knowing that it would tear that little boy's whole world apart as surely as if his own parents had died?
Delenn is a shrewd and intelligent woman; she knew exactly what she was doing that day when she announced her son's name. When Susan gave me her journal to read the words within, I found this entry of hers and was immediately transported back to that night. I'd been with Delenn all day long. She hadn't wanted to inform John of her labor pains until she was certain the baby was finally coming. By the time he knew, she was quite far into the delivery process. She'd told me weeks earlier that she and John discussed my presence at the delivery, and that John had requested Susan to be his support. I was glad that Susan was going to be there, too. I needed her strength, her love, to keep me grounded and present for Delenn and the baby.
When John placed David in my arms for the first time, I nearly dropped him. I hate to admit that, but it's the truth. I'd never held a baby before, and was terrified of that squirming little bundle in my arms. But there was something there, some piece of the puzzle that fell into place in my soul. I don't think I could be any closer to a baby I hadn't borne myself. And I felt an intense desire to hold my own child like that one day, my and Susan's child. I didn't know when it would happen, but I knew it would happen in my lifetime, no matter the cost. It became the goal for the recovery I was undergoing.
Original post @ Dreamwidth with
comments. Commenting is welcome on either post.
25 May 2263
susan, my susan
what will come of us after
this epic battle
for final domination
of this body that was mine?
Last night, at nearly 2300, Delenn gave birth to a son. She and John named him David Jason, after John's great-grandfather and Jason Ironheart. Delenn had specifically requested Talia to be present at the birth, stating that she'd be calmer with Talia there. This, of course, prompted to John to order me to be there to help him stay calm for Delenn. God forbid he not have something that she has.
This was the first birth I've ever been witness to. When I was a child, a part of me always assumed I'd one day have children that my parents could dote over, especially my mother. That changed when she started taking the Sleepers. Maybe it was after she'd been taking them for a while, I'm not sure anymore, but I know that my desire to have children definitely died with her. There was no way in hell that I'd allow any child of mine to suffer what my mother suffered on a daily basis, thanks to Psi Corps and their brutish tactics regarding non-complying telepaths.
But watching Delenn as her labor progressed, even feeling a bit of the psychic spillover that she and Talia tried to contain, fascinated me. I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't transposed Talia's face over Delenn's on at least one occasion. I don't know that I could go through with a pregnancy and delivery, not while running Babylon 5, but I'd be more than willing to share the experience with Talia, should she ever choose to have a child.
Okay, it's time for me to be honest here. I want to have children with Talia. I want to see her body swell with pregnancy as our child grows within. I want to spend entire nights doing nothing but touching her stomach and talking to the child growing, coaxing him or her to kick. I want to see Talia's face glowing with pride and love for our unborn child. I want people to tell me to stop smiling about said impending child, because my happiness is freaking them out. What? I can admit to the perverse delight it would cause me to make others nervous because I wasn't being my usual surly self.
We haven't discussed children much. Well, we've had plenty of discussions about Delenn's pregnancy, but we've always ignored the elephant in the room. It's only been eight months since she and Jason defeated Control, and Talia's still not one hundred percent back to her old self. In some ways, I suppose we've been incubating a baby of our own these past eight months; I just have no idea what the gestation period is in a situation like this. I know that it will take much longer than even a single year for Talia to feel totally comfortable in her own mind again, mostly likely the rest of her life. And I'm okay with that. I get frustrated and angry, yes, but that's not aimed at Talia. All of the animosity I feel about this whole situation is aimed squarely at that rat bastard Bester, for creating the Control program in the first place, and at Psi Corps, for allowing him such free rein to do whatever the hell he wanted without suffering any consequences until it was too late.
Talia looked more beautiful than I can remember as she held David for the first time. He gripped a lock of her hair tightly in his little fist, anchoring himself to the other woman that had been there practically his entire life up to that point. She had tears in her eyes as she cuddled and talked to him. John was busy giving Delenn congratulatory kisses, so they both completely missed the transcendent beauty that was Talia's face in those precious moments as she and David first bonded. I moved to wrap myself around Talia from behind, chin resting on her shoulder, and let her introduce me to the little man that had already claimed her heart.
Talia eventually talked me into holding little David, and she stood behind me, just as I'd done with her. As clichéd as it sounds, I felt such a sense of peace as we stood there, bonding with this baby that was already wrapping our hearts around his little fingers. Something changed in us last night, something for the better.
Confirmation from Talia: I was taken aback when Delenn and John announced David's full name, stating that if it hadn't been for Jason Ironheart, I wouldn't have come back into their lives. I distinctly remember arguing with them about that, as I was so unwilling to accept that I could possibly mean so much to them in such a short period of time, especially with all of the emotional turmoil I introduced into their lives. Jason was also quite stunned by their decision, and added his own arguments to my own as I tried to reason with Delenn over this. She finally ended the discussion by saying that I was just as integral to David's life as she and John were, and that it was her choice as his mother what his name would be. She also said that one day I would be more able to understand her choice. It took the better part of a year before I would fully understand and accept what she'd done that day. How could I possibly ever consider ending my life again, knowing that it would tear that little boy's whole world apart as surely as if his own parents had died?
Delenn is a shrewd and intelligent woman; she knew exactly what she was doing that day when she announced her son's name. When Susan gave me her journal to read the words within, I found this entry of hers and was immediately transported back to that night. I'd been with Delenn all day long. She hadn't wanted to inform John of her labor pains until she was certain the baby was finally coming. By the time he knew, she was quite far into the delivery process. She'd told me weeks earlier that she and John discussed my presence at the delivery, and that John had requested Susan to be his support. I was glad that Susan was going to be there, too. I needed her strength, her love, to keep me grounded and present for Delenn and the baby.
When John placed David in my arms for the first time, I nearly dropped him. I hate to admit that, but it's the truth. I'd never held a baby before, and was terrified of that squirming little bundle in my arms. But there was something there, some piece of the puzzle that fell into place in my soul. I don't think I could be any closer to a baby I hadn't borne myself. And I felt an intense desire to hold my own child like that one day, my and Susan's child. I didn't know when it would happen, but I knew it would happen in my lifetime, no matter the cost. It became the goal for the recovery I was undergoing.
Original post @ Dreamwidth with
comments. Commenting is welcome on either post.