In My Memory 3
Title: In my Memory
Artist: yuanhua
Art Thumbnail:
Author:
ariadnechan
Characters: NuKirk, NuSpock, McCoy, KirkPrime, and Spockprime.
Pairing: Kirk/Spock preslash; Kirk Prime/Spock prime established; some Spock/KirkPrime.
Rating fic: PG- to R.
Tropes: Drama, amnesia, au counterparts, mind meld, Tarsus IV references, angst.
Warnings: Mild swearing, Mayor Character almost death, Non graphic references to imprisonment and torture, Non graphic sex and boys love.
Word count: 22.186
Spoilers: The new movie and some general knowledge of Tos, but really you can live with only the some episodes like “The Conscience of the King”; and the three first movies of Tos era.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. They are owned by Paramount and I cry at night because they aren’t mine.
Summary: In a mission where everything went wrong. Who is the Person to come back to the Enterprise in James Tiberius Kirk skin?
Beta: I worship my friend and beta for thisrainbowstrlght, The mistakes that survive are all mine.
Link to Art : Two pieces of Art here
Link to Fic: Part I / Part II / Part III.
Kirk
At last he will find Spock, his Spock. So he says goodbye to Spock, and goes to sleep.
One week passes by, and they reach Star Base 21. It is asked for the passenger that only the Captain receives him in the transporter room. Spock is not happy so he puts two security guards behind the transporter room door.
Jim makes the beam up. And he stays transfixed as the Ambassador appears on the transporter pad. Is an old Vulcan, with silver perfect hair, beautiful deep eyes and eyebrows of doom. His grace hasbecome almost noble now, and he is - he totally is his Spock.
“It’s really you, Spock.”
Jim smiles and closes short the gap between them. And he feels it, the link is there; he can reach his bondmate’s mind, his Spock.
The Ambassador smiles a little; his eyes bright as he says;
“I had been and always shall be yours…”
And Jim can’t contain it anymore. He takes him by the waist and kiss him. So long, so alone, so needy; and longing with hope.
“Jim.”
“Yes?”
Spock breaks the embrace. He is sad, with an old grief in his eyes.
“Spock, I’m here, do you see me?”
“Yes, and no, T’hy’la.”
“What do you mean, Spock?”
“I know your soul, as my own. But this body is not yours or mine, T’hy’la.”
“I know my love, I know. But I miss you, I needed you. I was so alone. I need you Spock, I need to see you, and touch you again. You can’t deny me this.”
“As I need you, my beloved - I was alone so much time. A century feels likes a millennia without you.”
“I never intended to leave you, Spock.”
“I know, but we must resolve this. This cannot be, T’hy’la.”
“I know Spock, but I really don’t sense anyone besides me in this body. Do you think we can save him?”
“We must try, T’hy’la.”
Spock rises two fingers to him; and Jim smile and caresses those beautiful fingers, then takes them to kiss with his lips.
“Spock, what do they call you in this strange place?”
“Selek, remember?”
“Selek. The name you chose when you visited the past to save your life?”
“Yes, that is the one I chose”.
“That is a logical choice, Mr. Spock.” Jim smiles at him, and then the comm. calls.
“Captain, are you well?” Spock’s voice sounds concerned.
“Yes, the ambassador Selek and I will be out in a minute, Mr. Spock. I will accompany him to his assigned quarters. Kirk’s out.”
“I know all you want to tell me now, but only let me kiss you again, and then we can go.”
Jim doesn’t let Spock to talk. He only reaches for his lips and gives him a tender kiss, and backs out.
They see each other for composure, and the door opens.
Jim does a good act, showing the ship to Spock, until they reach the guess room. Spock looks sadder if that is possible; but he knows why.
“Spock, don’t you worry, I know. But please talk to this baby McCoy, and try to make him understand that you can at least see if I’m right. So we can meld and find out properly. After that, we can discuss right and wrong. Please?”
“Very well, T’hy’la. But please, you must to act as he and I are supposed to be.”
“I know, I’m sure little Bones will faint and Mr. Spock will kill us both if he sees something. Don’t worry, my love.”
Jim sends him a floating kiss and a wink and left him alone.
He is trying to get the communicator, but Young Spock is faster.
“What is he trying to do, Captain?”
“Nothing. We only exchanged greetings, and I lead him to his room, it is there something wrong, Mr. Spock?”
“No, but I believe my counterpart cannot be trusted, sir.”
“Come on Spock, the guy is you in more ways than one.”
Jim decides to go to the bridge, followed by a storm - like Spock; and he makes the order to change the course to New Vulcan.
They will greet their guests at a dinner in the officer’s mess, after alpha shift.
They are only the senior officers. Scotty and his Spock exchange a lot about the new pet theory of his engineer. Uhura stay during the dinner looking, at ‘Selek’ with interest and glaring at young Spock. If eyes could kill apparently the Enterprise could be ridden of his first.
Jim talks trough the link to Spock, it is fainter than the bond one, but he can send images and receive ones in return.
McCoy then decides to monopolize his Spock with questions about mind melds, and his experiences and studies in the field. Jim is happy to see how easy it is for his Spock to handle this Bones and he reassures him of his expertise after his Kolinahr studies, and years melding with humans and other species. At this last statement young Spock is almost repugnant. Jim finds it funny , and his Spock seems to share the same humor, too. Jim gives him a small smile.
Jim really missed seeing Spock across the table like this, talking to others and to themselves. It really warms Jim’s heart. Jim tries to contribute to the conversation asking about the development of the colony. Because Jim knows that his first officer wants to know about New Vulcan, but he’ll never ask.
Finally Scotty excuses himself, and asks ambassador Selek for time in the next few days to show him some improvements and some ideas. Bones excuses himself too, and asks him and Selek to go to the med bay tomorrow; to talk with Dr. M’benga about an exploratory meld with Jim.
So this leaves the three of them. Jim only wants to go with his Spock, but his First obviously want to talk to ‘Selek’ alone. His Spock asks him by the link, so Jim excuses himself and goes away. He will goes to his Spock’s quarters when he can, that very night.
Jim waits for the young Spock to call or enter; it takes him only a couple of hours, when he does.
“Come in.”
“Captain, I have some concern about this possible meld between you and my counterpart. The last time you shared thoughts. It was not a good experience; and in your state, maybe it would be prudent to wait until we reach the colony, and have a proper healer to look at you.”
“Mr. Spock, you know we don’t have much time there. Our window for the treatment is not more than two days. If he can start to at least looking for solutions, we will save time. As I told you before he knew my mind before this happened; so maybe he can figure out better than a healer what my problem is and maybe resolve it. Don’t you think this is the logical thing to do?
“May be, Captain, but I don’t trust this man.”
“Then you are being jealous and illogical, Mr. Spock.”
“If you excuse me, I have my reasons; and I am not here to be insulted of having a feeling, that I do not posses. We will talk more about this at a later date, Captain.”
“As you wish, Mr. Spock, Good night.”
Jim waits an hour more to be sure; and then, he goes to the Ambassador quarters.
Spock Prime.
When the colony’s healer contacts him, he knows he must go to him. It is easy to go the Star base and buy supplies, and do some of his work while he waits for the Enterprise to come for him. It is easy to set up with Admiral Pike the need for the Enterprise to lead him back to New Vulcan. But nothing prepares him enough to find his Jim in the body of other.
His T’hy’la is in front of him, and he reciprocates the embrace and the kiss almost in a dream. The link is there, but is not a full bond - but it is there. And the person it’s comes from is his James not the younger version of Jim. But all this is very wrong - why this come to happen? Where did his Jim come from? How can they undo this?
Spock’s mind is uncertain, hand is logic falters. His hopes were too high on the dream that his Jim could return to him. Feeling his love images trough the link at the table is a cause of unbelievable joy, and disturbs him at the same time. He needs meditation to find an answer, and to shield him from this.
His alternate version is worried and jealous about his intentions. It seems that the young Jim and this Spock had developed something there, at least a strong friendship, and Spock can sense his younger counterpart having more feelings that the ones he can express, or believe are real. This is good according to destiny- they will not need more assistance of his part in order for both of them to come together, as they are meant to be.
He must know what happened for his T’hy’la to possess the body of the young James Kirk.
Spock is too immerse in his thoughts to pick up that Jim is outside his quarters and overriding the code, until he is in his room.
“Jim, what are you doing here at this late hour?”
“It is my right and my best destiny to be at your side, my love. I need you, like I need to breath.”
“As I always needed you, T’hy’la… but you are not yourself, and I do not have the right to be with thee.”
“Spock, we need to talk and we need to meld, before McCoy gives his clearance for a meld.”
“What will happen if there is no young Kirk in there? What if I can’t control myself? I need to do this before that happens.”
“You are not faulted in this matter. Come.”
Jim sits in a cushion on the room, and Spock brings another to sit down by his side.
“Spock, don’t worry. We always figured out something, you know it.”
Spock reaches for his beloved psi points and chants:
“My mind to your mind, my thought to your thoughts…”
He is drowning in the bright sun of his T’hy’la, and he is rejoicing. He feels at last the pure love that Jim Kirk has always had for him, and he feels blessed by the light, warm feeling. It costs him a lot of self-control not to lose the fight, and reach for a bond link between them. He can feel that Jim wants this, and how much he wants to be one again. Spock takes all his will to shush Jim’s eagerness and want, and to reassure him of the moments they had in another place and age, while he try to go deeper in the meld, to look in uncharted territories of this mind; looking for the younger version of his love. This is a long journey, and it seems like there is no one else to look for. And there is dark, a block solid void divested of life and light, but with a faint hum. Spock calls for the boy, using his immaterial hands to call out and trespass the black hollow.
There is someone there. Spock cries out and knocks, until he reaches the faint presence. There is a dark blond, and he is very thin. Spock walks very slowly to the boy and caresses his hair. The boy does not seems to acknowledge his presence or his actions, Spock positions himself to sit his side, and caresses his back and his hair with good intentions; trying to sooth the trembling boy.
The boy is too far to reach; and Spock decides to light a scented candle at his side and leaves him an apple and the door open.
Spock lights the entire path until he finds his Jim again. He explains to him all about the boy who exists, and that they must nursed him back to life. Jim is a little sad about the news, but he understands. Spock takes his hand and takes him to the road of the dark cell and to the little boy. As they come out of it, Jim understands that they have to do that path together in a meld. That maybe they can bring the kid to the light. Then they can figure out what will happen next.
They finish the meld, and they are both physically holding hands when they open their eyes.
Spock is somehow exhausted, but pleased to know the young boy is there. He is pleased to know that his Jim is here too; even if it is for a little pause in time.
Jim takes his hand and caresses it in a passionate Vulcan kiss, and Spock falters to prohibit this little joy when they can achieve it.
“Jim, promise me that you will give up when the times come.”
“Yes, my love. I know my duty to him; but promise me you will stay with me, this little time we can have together!”
Spock cannot deny Jim or himself this indulgence. He is dead- alive so many years, so many years, he - needs and he wants so much as his T’hy’la needs and wants he is overwhelmed . He cannot fight it for now.
“Yes, my beautiful Jim I cannot deny you or me this joy. But you must promise that we can only have this lapse until we reach New Vulcan, if he does not come out first. Because this body is not ours, and we cannot harm this soul or interfere in his destiny.”
“I know my love. I promise that I will stop, and I will let the boy to come out. But until then, please shut up.”
Kirk
Jim has no problems pinning his lover onto the bed or taking off their clothes. He feels the same electricity he always feels even if it is so long ago.
He reveres this body and this soul with all the love one can have or give. Their love story is so plagued with tragedy and joy, like no other, and they are always meant to be together; even if death takes one of them, they will find each other again, like now.
Jim doesn’t want a light on the room, because Spock can see that his eyes are wrong, or he is too tall, or too thin, so young. Jim wants to be his old self to his lover, so he tries to disperse his fears in his passion; and in his praying in the body and soul of his other self, his friend, his brother, his lover.
He feels every new scar in Spock, and kisses it, because he is not there to make him safe, to make sure it would not happen. He kisses every inch of his body; because he needs reverence and love no one else can give. He embraces and feels embraced like he is never was before by this man, and never after. He feels happy re-mapping his lover, and finds out that all the kinky places are there still, for him to find. Jim had to learn that if he caresses this place his lover will feels a shiver, and if he sucks this other, he can hear his Vulcan roar.
Everything that he knew is still there, but like is new again. He uses the time until morning to make Spock feel him for all the time he is alone, and for all the time they lost forever. For all the time he will not be at the side of as the love of his life, for the times he wasn’t there when his soul mate, cried out for him. They join together, like they never were apart.
They dissolve together, now and again in the dance that is never forgotten; in the same rhythm and beat. Because the love is always there; likewise the light of the so,l or the pallid light of the moon. When they finally fall asleep, they are still entangled as one.
Jim wakes up first, so he uses the shower and makes himself presentable to confront the corridor. He kisses the temple of his lover and goes away, hoping that this kiss will not be their last.
Jim goes into the corridor and to the mess hall like he is the same man as yesterday, ready to take his breakfast with McCoy, his usual morning date. Ready to go to the bridge and confront this life, that is not his own.
Bones
He had everything ready for the test at hand. M’Benga will monitor them both, while the Ambassador and Jim will be scanned to map brainwave activity. McCoy will stop the meld if M’Benga says it is something wrong.
Leonard tries to reassure himself, knowing that while this is maybe, the only way to save Jim, no one on Vulcan will reassure him that it will. McCoy decides to let that pointy ear hobgoblin be present; you never have enough insurance.
The time comes, and the magic business begins. Jim seems too relaxed to Leonard’s view, but the poor guy is facing the third time he will be invaded by a green- blooded goblin; so it is consistent. All the readings seem fine.
They are at it 15 minutes. Bones is doing circles around the room, like a fox waiting for his prey. There is no sign of anything being wrong, or right. It is all too much, so Bones goes to his office for a little drink.
After an hour, they are still no-where near finished. Leonard gets close to Spock and asks…
“If this normal for an exploratory meld?” McCoy asks to the younger Spock.
“This experience is new to me, as well. As we do not have established parameters for this kind of meld, I am not sure when they will reach the end.”
M’Benga is completely excited about the whole thing; like he believes this is some kind of miracle.
The Ambassador takes his hands from James’ face; and the readings of the kid are normal. Leonard scans him again. At least his readings are the same from before the meld.
“Kid, are you okay?”
“Yes Bones, but I still don’t remember anything.”
Bones scans the Ambassador, who except of being a little chipper for a Vulcan seems all right.
“Ambassador, what happened?”
“Doctor McCoy, his memories are within his mind, but in a very far place to reach. It is like he is imprisoned in the dark. I cannot resurface them, but I opened the door of the cell, to light the way out. I think it will take him a longer amount of time, and several melds, to bring back all his memories. I could try another time in order to resurface the memories, if you think I could be of service.”
“Ambassador, was there anything wrong with the meld Spock did to the Captain?”
“Spock did a better job, despite his inexperience. The Captain will need more time on the colony, as two days is insufficient. If the Enterprise cannot stay for longer maybe you can leave the Captain with us. Or maybe I could start with daily meld sessions here until we reach New Vulcan; so we can begin sooner, and maybe be able to speed the healing process. ”
Leonard is not happy with the news, but he understands the complexities of the situation. He takes M’Benga to his office, and the man is exhilarated with the idea of being able to monitor a mind meld.
“I need to know - what do you think about the Ambassador’s idea of a daily sessions; to start the healing process by using the week and a half we have, before our arrival to the colony?” McCoy asks looking intensely to M’Benga.
“I think this could be good. I read the Ambassador record, he did study for the Kolinahr, and he has experience in melding with humans and alien species. So he is qualified to do the first steps of the job for sure. But I recommend that these sessions should be private. We can scan the Captain before and after as a precaution if you wish, Leonard. In order to achieve a better result, I think the session must be private.”
“Why private? This thing could be here so we can monitor them. I really don’t trust this thing or Vulcans at all.” McCoy says while rises an eyebrow, exceptical.
“This is the first time we monitor a mind meld. But you know Vulcans are private persons, and they feel discomfort being watched and being treated like an experiment. But the more vital thing is they need a deep level of meditation in order to do a better job. And we want the better job this man can offer to save the Captain. That’s why I ask you for private sessions, for better results.”
“I’m not so happy about it. At least we must make a schedule with the Ambassador and the Captain, M’Benga. And we will monitor the Captain readings as you say, before and after the melds.”
McCoy goes to talk to both men, and arranges the schedule; hoping this will work and save Jim’s memories.
Kirk
Jim feels much more alive with Spock so close. He misses the full bond, but this as good as he can get and he is happy; trying hard not to show it on his face.
Spock is so good to him let him stay in his memories and thoughts, while he is trying to save the kid in the meld.
Jim learns a lot about what happened to his bondmate when he wasn’t around. It was really hard on Spock and full of heartache, Spock looked for him a long time, using his Ambassador’s job as a reason to wander to different places, and search for him. He never gave up, not even when he decided to teach Surak’s winsdom to the Romulans, with great results even in little groups; or when he went to Vulcan to research about the red matter. He never gave up, even when he felt the severing of the bond at some point, but he never got any real conclusion, so he always waits for him.
Jim is really more in love with him than it should be possible. He will never give up either, never, because their love is bigger than time, space, or whatever. So Jim wants to kiss him and embrace him, until he ceases to exist.
Jim knows he must surrender to the young Jim, but this will not be easier knowing it’s the right thing to do; but because he knows that every time he see the younger version of his lover, that he is in love, too. He will soon need his Jim, as much as Jim needs his Spock.
Spock takes Jim on one of his tours to the younger Jim’s mind. All the shadows and darkness are so familiar to him.
“Spock, this is a cell on Tarsus. Why does he hide in our worst nightmare? This is insane; we must take him out of here.”
“Jim, I cannot. If I take him forcefully, I can cause him damage. So I visit him, and I encourage him to go I offer him food and blankets, and try to give him a choice of leaving this place.
“Spock I know what you mean; but I know too much about this place to know he will never get out of here. I remember when I wished my father to come and save me, but no one ever came. When I finally escape and saved some other children with me, I learned that no one will ever come to save me; and if I don’t save myself, I will die alone. I don’t think he can leave this place without us. So it will be you saving him, or it will be me. Do you understand, Spock?”
“I understand Jim, but maybe you must try to lure him out, if you take him, maybe he will never recover.”
Jim kneels on the dirty floor next to the boy in a fetal position, and takes his hand.
“Jim, do you hear me? Jim, I’m here to rescue you. You are not alone anymore. Please get up and we can go to happy place, and we can go home. To the Enterprise, our home - with our family the crew, Bones, and Spock. Remember Spock? He is waiting for you out there. Everybody is waiting for you; they need you, Jim.”
“No one needs me out there! I’m alone, and I always will be” the little boy says.
“Jim, that is not true. They love you and they need you in the light. They need you on the Enterprise, Bones needs you, Spock needs you -”
“You are a liar! He doesn’t need me, and he hates me.” Jimmy yells at him while he crawls away from himself. He doesn’t answer anymore.
Spock changes the food, light more lights, and cover the boy with a blanket.
“Jim we wait for you, outside. Please come with us, when you are ready.”
Spock has to manhandle Kirk to take him out.
“T’hy’la , I understand your concern, He improved so much today, but he will not believe us. We must give him time.”
“No, Spock. If he stays there any longer he will die! The next time I will rescue him. Or maybe we are not the rescuer he needs?”
“What do you mean?”
“Spock, maybe he needs to be certain that he will never be alone out here. Maybe he needs his Spock, to save him”
“Jim, I may have pushed them towards each other - as you would say - but they are not us. It may take them years to know the truth in their hearts.”
“Spock, I’m certain that Jimmy needs him. I know your alternative Spock almost loves Jim. I’m really not sure if he can voice that out loud, even to himself yet; but sure thing he’s fallen for charming Jim, already”
“We cannot push them harder - and no, I don’t authorize you to try your charms in him, because those are mine.”
“So jealous, my love. I always be yours, and you know it!” Jim smiles at his bondmate and kisses him in mind meld.
The next day Jim tries to rescue the boy. But little Jim doesn’t want to be saved, he wants to die. Maybe he is masochist as some people think, or maybe he has a soft spot for suffering people, who make him want to sacrifice himself. Tarsus did that to him. He can’t stand the suffering, and he needs to help and save anyone who needs it; even if this make him suffer. He is not really a hero, he only knows that he will do everything he can; even when it’s never enough, and he will never forgive himself because he can’t save them all.
So he looks at his first officer more. And it really doesn’t take him much time, or effort making the young Vulcan approaches him.
“Captain, I need to speak with you.”
“We are speaking, Mr. Spock.” Jim smiles at him, while the other raises an eyebrow.
“I want to speak with you privately, Jim.”
Just right there the “Jim” word. Jim can be a little smug about it.
“Oh, in that case we can talk in my quarters at the end of the shift; if it’s not so urgent, Mr. Spock”
“That will be agreeable.”
Jim smiles at him, and decides that maybe they need to talk for real.
After the shift, Jim waits in his office. The door whooshes and reveals a young, stoic Vulcan.
“Mr. Spock. come in. Do you want a tea?”
“Captain, that would be agreeable.”
Jim takes his coffee, and serves a mug with spiced tea and a bit of jasmine to Spock.
“Jim, I need to talk to you about your new acquaintance with the ambassador; and the mind meld healing appointments.”
“Oh, well I was looking for the opportunity to talk to you about it. But what is your concern, Spock?” Jim keep smiling.
“Jim, I don’t trust that man.”
“But, you trust me?”
“This is not the point.”
“And what is the point, Mr. Spock.”
“The point Jim, is that maybe this man can do a link with you against your will.
Your character has changed these days, after his arrival.”
So the young Vulcan is jealous. He can’t stop himself from smirking.
“Spock I need to talk you about this too, and I need to tell you the truth; even if this truth, make it so you don’t want to be my friend, anymore.”
“I don’t understand, Captain.”
“Spock, please sit down.”
Jim decides to not sugarcoat the issue, and explains everything that has happened since he woke up, ‘til his last mind meld.
……
“Is this one of your human jokes?” Spock finally says, after he only raises one or two eyebrows during Jim’s talk.
“No Spock, it isn’t. Please see for yourself that I’m telling truth. I want to save the Captain, just as you want to. But I really think don’t that neither my Spock nor a healer cad do it. He needs you, Spock. He needs you.”
“But this cannot be. It is true that you do not behave in the same manner, but - I think maybe the Ambassador is making you believe these things.”
“Really Spock, he and you are the same person, in essence. If you would never do something so amoral, he wouldn’t either. Please, meld with me and believe me. We don’t have a lot of time to waste with your jealousy.”
Spock finally complied and they enter in a mind meld. Jim shows him the young Jim.
“I cannot understand where this dark cell, Captain is?”
“Spock Jim is in a cell in Tarsus IV, both of us where there during the famine and the executions. Kodos want us, we resist him and tried to save food for others; and he finds out and punishes us. He sends us to this cell for years it seems. Until we escape, saving other children with us. This children whom are the witness of how Kodos really looks like.”
Spock can’t understand how something like this, could happened to the Captain.
“Spock, he can survive staying here for long. I remember how much I want my father came to save me. My worse fear born here, my fear is dying alone. Spock you will leave him dying alone?”
“I cannot, you cannot…” Spock was really shocked, but Jim can give him time he doesn’t have. Jim takes Spock by the shoulder.
“Spock, or you save him safely, or I will take him from there, I don’t care about the consequences. I will not let Jim die in there, do you understand?” The meld ends.
Spock fell in his sit unable to say a word. Jim looks at him waiting for an answer.
Spock
Spock would be worried, if Vulcans could worry. He knows about the schedule with the ambassador. But the Captain uses every possible opportunity to be in the Ambassador’s presence. Spock even sees the captain one night ‘sneaking in the corridors to the Ambassador‘s Chambers’ as humans may says.
So to have the opportunity to explain this to the Captain is only logical. But the conversation doesn’t turn out the way he expects. The strangest feelings in his side comeback; and the elevated rate of his heart pulsing is completely illogical. He goes to his quarters later on.
But with the Captain’s statement, those sensations don’t go away, only anger in him is the new feeling. How can he be this Jim, his alternate self? That is impossible. And why he claims that in the other reality they are bondmates- this is plainly absurd.
He accepted the meld to see what the Ambassador did to his Captain. But everything is real. This man who claims to be the Captain the last few weeks is not the Captain at all. And he had failed in his attempt to resurface the real Captain’s mind. His Captain mind is in a dark cell, in the image of a little defenseless boy. And this man asks him the unacceptable - that he confesses a feeling he cannot possibly possess, in order to lure the real Captain out of his nightmare.
“Spock, even if you deny it, I just melded with you, and know you have feelings for him. I know from experience that to acknowledge this maybe takes you some years, as my Spock needed time to realize. But we don’t have several years, and I’m sure he loves you.”
Everything this man says is too much. Spock fell in his sit, he needs to go and meditate, as he cannot stay there in this man’s presence. Jim takes one of his wrists, and a flow of feeling comes in. This incapacitates him as Jim leans and kisses him on the lips. His heart beats faster, and his arterial pressure seems to be elevated as well; and finally he closes his eyes, and reaches Jim’s hand with a strong grip. Jim leans back and lets his wrist free. Spock opens his eyes to see his smile.
“Do you see Mr. Spock. I knew it.”
“What do you know?”
“That you are in love with your Captain. I never did that to my Spock. I wonder if this could’ve resolved things earlier.”
Spock is getting greener by the minute. And he is ready to leave again….
“Spock, I’m sorry, I will never do that again. But I really hope you have the opportunity to experiment further with your Captain.”
Jim doesn’t let Spock think or say anything further, because immediately he says something more.
“Spock, I can tell you for a fact, that I and your Captain have one thing in common: We need our Spocks in order to breath; and you and he will never be complete without the other. So please, Spock, help us to save him. It could be all cozy, having the enterprise and two Spocks for myself. But I will risk my life with my bondmate, for your life with your Captain. Please don’t give me the ‘I Don’t Feel Anything Speech’; because I know Vulcans actually feel deeper than anyone elses, and that’s why Surak taught you to have control over your emotions. So please acknowledge your feeling for your Captain, and think with us how to save him, okay?”
Before Spock can say anything, the door opens and the Ambassador is in there with them. His counterpart raises and eyebrow and smiles a little; a disturbing mannerism of him.
“Jim, I always knew I needed to have you closer, but I never thought you would ‘cheat ‘on me with myself.”
“See, Mr. Spock, and they say Vulcans don’t make jokes - my Spock, you know I is only making my point”- Jim look t the Ambassador -“I would never be disloyal to you, even with you.” Jim smirks. As the older version of Spock looks at young Spock.
“I am sorry Spock that you had to learn of matters this way. I was expecting to tell you with more tact than my bondmate apparently doesn’t possess. But we need your assistance in order to save your Captain’s katra, and to return him to his own body.”
Spock really doesn’t know what to think or do, as he is really overwhelmed and compromised. But he recover with aplomb and speak.
“I will not recognize what this man says about what I think about the Captain; but I see the necessity of bringing him back at once. But I need to know, how this is possible - how the mind of this man entered in the Captain’s body?”
“As my bondmate told you, he is not your Captain. We thought about this as well, and apparently I had in me the dormant katra of my bondmate. I presume that’s why I never gave up about him being alive.“
“When I met this alternate version of Jim Kirk on Delta Vega, after witnessing the destruction of our planet, I was really not in control of myself. So when I melded with your Captain, his katra found his rightful owner and parted from me; locking into a deeper part of the Captain’s mind. When your Captain disappear in Sigma Omega V and he was tortured and almost died, the Captain locked himself in an even deeper place in his mind; so when you melded, in order to try to make his mind re surface, you accessed the closest one and the one, the one who is intact -the more visible one, in a manner of speech. This is a great accomplishment for your inexperience; but you could not possibly know there were two minds in one body. This is not logical.”
The Ambassador clears his throat and continue…
"When I sensed a very weak presence in my link with Jim, and heard about the accident, I decided to travel near the Enterprise; in order to give the opportunity to the ship to travel to New Vulcan, I arranged this with Admiral Pike, and here my T’hy’la is. What happens next, you know already.”
Spock sees them, and he is really compromised. He needs to meditate and settle his newfound feelings, and figure out what will be his next action. The Ambassador apparently understands this.
“Jim, I think he needs to digest what we have said and what he has learned.” The Ambassador looks at him. ”Spock, we will wait for your answer.”
Jim nods at him, as the younger Spock leaves the room. He needs to meditate, and to desperately find his focus.
Spock Prime
He is meditating, when he feels Jim is really agitated and sees an image of his younger self with him. He doesn’t need to think too much to know that Jim decided to explain the situation to the First Officer and overwhelm him; as Jim always does to him. So he decides it is prudent to ‘join the party’, as Jim says. When he is almost at the door, he feels Jim kissing the other Spock. He freezes for a moment. He knows Jim, but he feels something he has not felt in years -jealousy. How many times did he feel this in the five - year mission, or in some other times after it? He takes a deep breath, and enters Jim’s quarters.
His younger self is really agitated and overwhelmed, as he thought he would be. So he tries to make everything more understandable and let him go; he has a lot to think and meditate.
“Jim, do you really think that is necessary? The poor boy is really beaten. He will have difficulties to find his focus”
“I know I never did this to you, but we are short on time. I know that he is the one who can help the kid to get out of that cell. If he says no, then I will go in, you know that. We don’t have five years for him to figure out that he has feelings, and that he has feelings for his Captain You know, I always thought that if you loved someone, you took it slow. But I was too slow with you, and you ran away from me. We lost so much time - we would’ve had more time together, if we hadn’t been so obtuse, and so frightened. Slow wasn’t the right thing. Maybe it’s my age, but I can’t feel bad for making him snap right away. I know the kid will be happy.”
“Jim, you always throw yourself in without much thinking. I hope my alternate self do not runaway already.”
Jim smiles at him with that smile and Spock cannot say anything more. He raises two fingers who encounter the two of his husband.
Spock
The alarm rings, and finds him still in deep meditation. He cannot be sure of anything at this point, except one thing: If the Captain is in that body, he needs to rescue him. That man said that he is the only one who can do it. He is not certain of it, but if he can be of assistance to the Captain’s recovery, he will try to save him. The Enterprise needs it him, Star fleet needs him. How can he don’t try to save the man who is so important to so many?
So he prepares himself, and goes to see the man in the body of the Captain.
He is smiling and talking with the good Doctor in the mess room. He joins them with his tray, and exchanges customary greetings.
Finally they take the way to the bridge, where Spock can approach his target alone in the turbolift.
Spock pushes the stop button. “Captain, I have meditated on everything you and the Ambassador have told me. I can only relate about James Kirk’s fate, and I have decided I will join your efforts to save him, and resurface his katra.”
“That is enough for us. Meet us in the Captain’s quarters an hour after your shift, Mr. Spock.”
Spock
The day is uneventful, as they will arrive at New Vulcan in two days. He uses the hour he has for meditation, and prepares himself for the meld. When the time comes, he gets up and goes next door, and calls for entrance.
“Come on in, Mr. Spock.” Was his greeting, as he enters the Captain’s quarters.
The lights are dimmed at 45%, and the temperature is acceptable for human and Vulcan; better than the overall temperature of the ship, which obviously a concession on the Captain’s part. There are candles and incense, and three pillows. Spock sits on the one to the right, the Captain in the center and his alternate version is on the left. Without much ado or words, both Vulcans put their fingers in the meld points, and chant the necessary words.
They are in the tunnel that is illuminated with candles, until they arrive to a certain cell that has the door open. In there is a little boy in a fetal position, who shivers from the cold.
The Ambassador calls the boy out, but he doesn’t respond. James Kirk approaches him, and talks to him.
“Hi Jim, I have news for you. Someone special has come to see you today. He’s Commander Spock from your ship, the Enterprise.”
The boy doesn’t acknowledge their presence, or their greetings. Spock. The younger one, kneels close to the boy, and almost caresses his hair; his hand almost touches the boy and tries to speak to him.
“Captain, Jim- it is me, Spock. Do you recognize me?”
The boy looks up for a moment; his eyes almost a void. But Spock sees a sparkle in the impossible blue eyes.
“Jim, The Enterprise and her crew need your leadership. Please come back to us”
The boy puts his head to his knees, and shivers a little. Spock takes the blanket and covers the boy; molding the blanket to his fragile body, and the boy lets him. Spock is about to touch the boy again, but jerks his hand once more when he hears the voice of the Ambassador.
“Spock, comfort him. You can touch him - remember, Jim is a tactile person. He obtains contentment from the touch.”
Spock looks at the boy again. He is badly hurt, and malnourished. He seems very cold also, even with the blanket. Spock reaches for the boy and caresses his hair, while he tries more self-confidence. He sits and hugs the boy taking him into his lap. When the boy relaxes sufficiently, he continues to caress the boy’s scalp.
Spock tries again to speak to the kid.
“Jim, do you recognize me? I am Spock, your first officer. You are needed on the Enterprise. You are the Captain, and your crew needs you.”
The boy only makes a noise as he molds himself to fit better in Spock’s lap. Spock looks up to where the Ambassador and the alternate Jim are standing. Spock doesn’t know what to do, and if the action he is performing is adequate.
The Captain seems to read his mind, because he nods at and smile at him.
The little boy opens his eyes and asks.
“Who are you?“
“I am Spock, your first officer”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to take you to the Enterprise, to your life.”
“I don’t have a life. I’m alone anywhere and everywhere, and you hate me. I have no place to go.” The boy stars to cry softly.
“I do not hate you, Jim.”
“I don’t believe you! You will forget about me, you don’t need me.”
“It is impossible for me to forget about you, Jim. And The Enterprise needs your leadership.”
“The Enterprise has you, They don’t need me and you. That is the truth.”
“Jim, that is not the truth. You are better than me as the Captain. I’m content to be the first officer.”
“But there’s no ones who need me; that’s why no one come to rescue me. I’m alone, I don’t wanna struggle anymore - in the end I’ll die alone.”
Spock Prime touches his shoulder You need to tell him
“Jim…”
The boy looks at Spock’s eyes. James Kirk, at the side of the ambassador, moves his hand and says.
“You must Spock, if you want to save him, if you don’t want to lose him, you must tell him.”
The boy looks at him intensely, waiting for an answer.“Do you see, there is no reason for me to live.”
Spock thinks his heart is ripping apart on the spot.
“Please leave me, Spock. You will have a better life without me, all of us will have a better life without me.”
The boy tries to leave Spock’s embrace, but takes his hands out of him crawls away and embrace himself like a cocoon.
Spock doesn’t move, like he cannot understand what is happening in front of him. His older self pats his shoulder.
“Then there is nothing we can do to make him comeback. His only need, in order to live, is you. He has any reason to survive, but not to live, Spock. Without you, he doesn’t want to try to survive another day.”
“I know you know about this, Spock. Since our planet vanished, you only have been surviving. How many days, months or years do you think you can just survive? The man in front of you is a gift, a gift that I neglected too many years, a gift I tried to put aside while achieving Kolinahr. But I cannot fight against it, because it is my only reason to live, my home, my destiny - my T’hy’la. Please don’t lose the gift of your lifetime, here.”
“How can you be so sure he is my T’hy’la also, Ambassador?” the younger Spock says while look at his counterpart.
“Because you are sure of it, even if you don’t want to see it yet. The feelings you have are not a shameful thing of your human half. The feelings and emotion run more deeply in a Vulcan than in a Human, and as our father told him in your timeline, he loves your mother, Love is a simple feeling but one is the most valuable than logic. Please touch this one mind and you will see he is your T’hy’la.”
Spock tries to touch the child, and he feels: affection incredulity, unworthy feelings, so alone. Those mirror exactly the commotion in his own mind and heart. He decides to believe.
“Jim, you must comeback with me.”
“There is no reason for you to stay here anymore.”
“Jim you must come to me, because I need thee.”
The boy sits up, and reaches with his open hands toward Spock. Spock takes them, and lifts the boy from the floor, and kisses his forehead.
“We must get out of these shadows”, Spock says while he walks from the door.
Everything dissolves and they comeback from the mind meld.
Kirk the young.
He does not remember anything about the time he is in a corner in a corner of his mind except that Spock saved him, and he said he personally needed him. Everything that happened in between, he knew through the memories of his alternate self; who is still in his body as a second voice.
They finally arrive to New Vulcan and a healer checks on his two minds. A carrier of two katras was not uncommon, but having an alternate katra of himself from a different reality was.
The older Spock and himself decide to try transferring this living katra of his alternate self, whom they call James. After some deliberations, they decide to transfer the katra into Older Spock’s body.
This has never been done. But the high priest is optimistic, although inexperienced. If they don’t succeed, James’ soul will vanish. But as James once vanished in the Nexus, there would always be hope - even if this ceremony hasn’t been performed in a thousand years.
After some ceremonies Jim’s body and Older Spock one are ready for a special form of Fal-tor- pan only made in preSurak times between T’hy’las.
They lay in two bed stones. The Priestess conducts a deeply profound mind meld with both of them, and Jim feels relegated to a waiting room in his mind, as the transfer is made.
Jim really can say how the ceremony goes or how much it takes; the Priestess at some point knocks on the waiting room door. Jim exits from the metaphorical room in his mind, and feels alone in his body again. When the priestess states it’s okay, he opens his eyes.
When he turns his head and opens his eyes, he sees the old Ambassador so full of life, and more radiant than he has ever seen him.
Later the next day when they are departing, Spock is at his side; as he really hopes he’ll be forever; and they could marry someday like the older ones. He really hopes so. He approaches at the Ambassador and asks him.
“After this whole experience; how do feel Ambassador? He looks at him with warm eyes and says:
“We feel complete at last.”
.....
Fin
Artist: yuanhua
Art Thumbnail:
Author:
ariadnechan
Characters: NuKirk, NuSpock, McCoy, KirkPrime, and Spockprime.
Pairing: Kirk/Spock preslash; Kirk Prime/Spock prime established; some Spock/KirkPrime.
Rating fic: PG- to R.
Tropes: Drama, amnesia, au counterparts, mind meld, Tarsus IV references, angst.
Warnings: Mild swearing, Mayor Character almost death, Non graphic references to imprisonment and torture, Non graphic sex and boys love.
Word count: 22.186
Spoilers: The new movie and some general knowledge of Tos, but really you can live with only the some episodes like “The Conscience of the King”; and the three first movies of Tos era.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. They are owned by Paramount and I cry at night because they aren’t mine.
Summary: In a mission where everything went wrong. Who is the Person to come back to the Enterprise in James Tiberius Kirk skin?
Beta: I worship my friend and beta for thisrainbowstrlght, The mistakes that survive are all mine.
Link to Art : Two pieces of Art here
Link to Fic: Part I / Part II / Part III.
Kirk
At last he will find Spock, his Spock. So he says goodbye to Spock, and goes to sleep.
One week passes by, and they reach Star Base 21. It is asked for the passenger that only the Captain receives him in the transporter room. Spock is not happy so he puts two security guards behind the transporter room door.
Jim makes the beam up. And he stays transfixed as the Ambassador appears on the transporter pad. Is an old Vulcan, with silver perfect hair, beautiful deep eyes and eyebrows of doom. His grace hasbecome almost noble now, and he is - he totally is his Spock.
“It’s really you, Spock.”
Jim smiles and closes short the gap between them. And he feels it, the link is there; he can reach his bondmate’s mind, his Spock.
The Ambassador smiles a little; his eyes bright as he says;
“I had been and always shall be yours…”
And Jim can’t contain it anymore. He takes him by the waist and kiss him. So long, so alone, so needy; and longing with hope.
“Jim.”
“Yes?”
Spock breaks the embrace. He is sad, with an old grief in his eyes.
“Spock, I’m here, do you see me?”
“Yes, and no, T’hy’la.”
“What do you mean, Spock?”
“I know your soul, as my own. But this body is not yours or mine, T’hy’la.”
“I know my love, I know. But I miss you, I needed you. I was so alone. I need you Spock, I need to see you, and touch you again. You can’t deny me this.”
“As I need you, my beloved - I was alone so much time. A century feels likes a millennia without you.”
“I never intended to leave you, Spock.”
“I know, but we must resolve this. This cannot be, T’hy’la.”
“I know Spock, but I really don’t sense anyone besides me in this body. Do you think we can save him?”
“We must try, T’hy’la.”
Spock rises two fingers to him; and Jim smile and caresses those beautiful fingers, then takes them to kiss with his lips.
“Spock, what do they call you in this strange place?”
“Selek, remember?”
“Selek. The name you chose when you visited the past to save your life?”
“Yes, that is the one I chose”.
“That is a logical choice, Mr. Spock.” Jim smiles at him, and then the comm. calls.
“Captain, are you well?” Spock’s voice sounds concerned.
“Yes, the ambassador Selek and I will be out in a minute, Mr. Spock. I will accompany him to his assigned quarters. Kirk’s out.”
“I know all you want to tell me now, but only let me kiss you again, and then we can go.”
Jim doesn’t let Spock to talk. He only reaches for his lips and gives him a tender kiss, and backs out.
They see each other for composure, and the door opens.
Jim does a good act, showing the ship to Spock, until they reach the guess room. Spock looks sadder if that is possible; but he knows why.
“Spock, don’t you worry, I know. But please talk to this baby McCoy, and try to make him understand that you can at least see if I’m right. So we can meld and find out properly. After that, we can discuss right and wrong. Please?”
“Very well, T’hy’la. But please, you must to act as he and I are supposed to be.”
“I know, I’m sure little Bones will faint and Mr. Spock will kill us both if he sees something. Don’t worry, my love.”
Jim sends him a floating kiss and a wink and left him alone.
He is trying to get the communicator, but Young Spock is faster.
“What is he trying to do, Captain?”
“Nothing. We only exchanged greetings, and I lead him to his room, it is there something wrong, Mr. Spock?”
“No, but I believe my counterpart cannot be trusted, sir.”
“Come on Spock, the guy is you in more ways than one.”
Jim decides to go to the bridge, followed by a storm - like Spock; and he makes the order to change the course to New Vulcan.
They will greet their guests at a dinner in the officer’s mess, after alpha shift.
They are only the senior officers. Scotty and his Spock exchange a lot about the new pet theory of his engineer. Uhura stay during the dinner looking, at ‘Selek’ with interest and glaring at young Spock. If eyes could kill apparently the Enterprise could be ridden of his first.
Jim talks trough the link to Spock, it is fainter than the bond one, but he can send images and receive ones in return.
McCoy then decides to monopolize his Spock with questions about mind melds, and his experiences and studies in the field. Jim is happy to see how easy it is for his Spock to handle this Bones and he reassures him of his expertise after his Kolinahr studies, and years melding with humans and other species. At this last statement young Spock is almost repugnant. Jim finds it funny , and his Spock seems to share the same humor, too. Jim gives him a small smile.
Jim really missed seeing Spock across the table like this, talking to others and to themselves. It really warms Jim’s heart. Jim tries to contribute to the conversation asking about the development of the colony. Because Jim knows that his first officer wants to know about New Vulcan, but he’ll never ask.
Finally Scotty excuses himself, and asks ambassador Selek for time in the next few days to show him some improvements and some ideas. Bones excuses himself too, and asks him and Selek to go to the med bay tomorrow; to talk with Dr. M’benga about an exploratory meld with Jim.
So this leaves the three of them. Jim only wants to go with his Spock, but his First obviously want to talk to ‘Selek’ alone. His Spock asks him by the link, so Jim excuses himself and goes away. He will goes to his Spock’s quarters when he can, that very night.
Jim waits for the young Spock to call or enter; it takes him only a couple of hours, when he does.
“Come in.”
“Captain, I have some concern about this possible meld between you and my counterpart. The last time you shared thoughts. It was not a good experience; and in your state, maybe it would be prudent to wait until we reach the colony, and have a proper healer to look at you.”
“Mr. Spock, you know we don’t have much time there. Our window for the treatment is not more than two days. If he can start to at least looking for solutions, we will save time. As I told you before he knew my mind before this happened; so maybe he can figure out better than a healer what my problem is and maybe resolve it. Don’t you think this is the logical thing to do?
“May be, Captain, but I don’t trust this man.”
“Then you are being jealous and illogical, Mr. Spock.”
“If you excuse me, I have my reasons; and I am not here to be insulted of having a feeling, that I do not posses. We will talk more about this at a later date, Captain.”
“As you wish, Mr. Spock, Good night.”
Jim waits an hour more to be sure; and then, he goes to the Ambassador quarters.
Spock Prime.
When the colony’s healer contacts him, he knows he must go to him. It is easy to go the Star base and buy supplies, and do some of his work while he waits for the Enterprise to come for him. It is easy to set up with Admiral Pike the need for the Enterprise to lead him back to New Vulcan. But nothing prepares him enough to find his Jim in the body of other.
His T’hy’la is in front of him, and he reciprocates the embrace and the kiss almost in a dream. The link is there, but is not a full bond - but it is there. And the person it’s comes from is his James not the younger version of Jim. But all this is very wrong - why this come to happen? Where did his Jim come from? How can they undo this?
Spock’s mind is uncertain, hand is logic falters. His hopes were too high on the dream that his Jim could return to him. Feeling his love images trough the link at the table is a cause of unbelievable joy, and disturbs him at the same time. He needs meditation to find an answer, and to shield him from this.
His alternate version is worried and jealous about his intentions. It seems that the young Jim and this Spock had developed something there, at least a strong friendship, and Spock can sense his younger counterpart having more feelings that the ones he can express, or believe are real. This is good according to destiny- they will not need more assistance of his part in order for both of them to come together, as they are meant to be.
He must know what happened for his T’hy’la to possess the body of the young James Kirk.
Spock is too immerse in his thoughts to pick up that Jim is outside his quarters and overriding the code, until he is in his room.
“Jim, what are you doing here at this late hour?”
“It is my right and my best destiny to be at your side, my love. I need you, like I need to breath.”
“As I always needed you, T’hy’la… but you are not yourself, and I do not have the right to be with thee.”
“Spock, we need to talk and we need to meld, before McCoy gives his clearance for a meld.”
“What will happen if there is no young Kirk in there? What if I can’t control myself? I need to do this before that happens.”
“You are not faulted in this matter. Come.”
Jim sits in a cushion on the room, and Spock brings another to sit down by his side.
“Spock, don’t worry. We always figured out something, you know it.”
Spock reaches for his beloved psi points and chants:
“My mind to your mind, my thought to your thoughts…”
He is drowning in the bright sun of his T’hy’la, and he is rejoicing. He feels at last the pure love that Jim Kirk has always had for him, and he feels blessed by the light, warm feeling. It costs him a lot of self-control not to lose the fight, and reach for a bond link between them. He can feel that Jim wants this, and how much he wants to be one again. Spock takes all his will to shush Jim’s eagerness and want, and to reassure him of the moments they had in another place and age, while he try to go deeper in the meld, to look in uncharted territories of this mind; looking for the younger version of his love. This is a long journey, and it seems like there is no one else to look for. And there is dark, a block solid void divested of life and light, but with a faint hum. Spock calls for the boy, using his immaterial hands to call out and trespass the black hollow.
There is someone there. Spock cries out and knocks, until he reaches the faint presence. There is a dark blond, and he is very thin. Spock walks very slowly to the boy and caresses his hair. The boy does not seems to acknowledge his presence or his actions, Spock positions himself to sit his side, and caresses his back and his hair with good intentions; trying to sooth the trembling boy.
The boy is too far to reach; and Spock decides to light a scented candle at his side and leaves him an apple and the door open.
Spock lights the entire path until he finds his Jim again. He explains to him all about the boy who exists, and that they must nursed him back to life. Jim is a little sad about the news, but he understands. Spock takes his hand and takes him to the road of the dark cell and to the little boy. As they come out of it, Jim understands that they have to do that path together in a meld. That maybe they can bring the kid to the light. Then they can figure out what will happen next.
They finish the meld, and they are both physically holding hands when they open their eyes.
Spock is somehow exhausted, but pleased to know the young boy is there. He is pleased to know that his Jim is here too; even if it is for a little pause in time.
Jim takes his hand and caresses it in a passionate Vulcan kiss, and Spock falters to prohibit this little joy when they can achieve it.
“Jim, promise me that you will give up when the times come.”
“Yes, my love. I know my duty to him; but promise me you will stay with me, this little time we can have together!”
Spock cannot deny Jim or himself this indulgence. He is dead- alive so many years, so many years, he - needs and he wants so much as his T’hy’la needs and wants he is overwhelmed . He cannot fight it for now.
“Yes, my beautiful Jim I cannot deny you or me this joy. But you must promise that we can only have this lapse until we reach New Vulcan, if he does not come out first. Because this body is not ours, and we cannot harm this soul or interfere in his destiny.”
“I know my love. I promise that I will stop, and I will let the boy to come out. But until then, please shut up.”
Kirk
Jim has no problems pinning his lover onto the bed or taking off their clothes. He feels the same electricity he always feels even if it is so long ago.
He reveres this body and this soul with all the love one can have or give. Their love story is so plagued with tragedy and joy, like no other, and they are always meant to be together; even if death takes one of them, they will find each other again, like now.
Jim doesn’t want a light on the room, because Spock can see that his eyes are wrong, or he is too tall, or too thin, so young. Jim wants to be his old self to his lover, so he tries to disperse his fears in his passion; and in his praying in the body and soul of his other self, his friend, his brother, his lover.
He feels every new scar in Spock, and kisses it, because he is not there to make him safe, to make sure it would not happen. He kisses every inch of his body; because he needs reverence and love no one else can give. He embraces and feels embraced like he is never was before by this man, and never after. He feels happy re-mapping his lover, and finds out that all the kinky places are there still, for him to find. Jim had to learn that if he caresses this place his lover will feels a shiver, and if he sucks this other, he can hear his Vulcan roar.
Everything that he knew is still there, but like is new again. He uses the time until morning to make Spock feel him for all the time he is alone, and for all the time they lost forever. For all the time he will not be at the side of as the love of his life, for the times he wasn’t there when his soul mate, cried out for him. They join together, like they never were apart.
They dissolve together, now and again in the dance that is never forgotten; in the same rhythm and beat. Because the love is always there; likewise the light of the so,l or the pallid light of the moon. When they finally fall asleep, they are still entangled as one.
Jim wakes up first, so he uses the shower and makes himself presentable to confront the corridor. He kisses the temple of his lover and goes away, hoping that this kiss will not be their last.
Jim goes into the corridor and to the mess hall like he is the same man as yesterday, ready to take his breakfast with McCoy, his usual morning date. Ready to go to the bridge and confront this life, that is not his own.
Bones
He had everything ready for the test at hand. M’Benga will monitor them both, while the Ambassador and Jim will be scanned to map brainwave activity. McCoy will stop the meld if M’Benga says it is something wrong.
Leonard tries to reassure himself, knowing that while this is maybe, the only way to save Jim, no one on Vulcan will reassure him that it will. McCoy decides to let that pointy ear hobgoblin be present; you never have enough insurance.
The time comes, and the magic business begins. Jim seems too relaxed to Leonard’s view, but the poor guy is facing the third time he will be invaded by a green- blooded goblin; so it is consistent. All the readings seem fine.
They are at it 15 minutes. Bones is doing circles around the room, like a fox waiting for his prey. There is no sign of anything being wrong, or right. It is all too much, so Bones goes to his office for a little drink.
After an hour, they are still no-where near finished. Leonard gets close to Spock and asks…
“If this normal for an exploratory meld?” McCoy asks to the younger Spock.
“This experience is new to me, as well. As we do not have established parameters for this kind of meld, I am not sure when they will reach the end.”
M’Benga is completely excited about the whole thing; like he believes this is some kind of miracle.
The Ambassador takes his hands from James’ face; and the readings of the kid are normal. Leonard scans him again. At least his readings are the same from before the meld.
“Kid, are you okay?”
“Yes Bones, but I still don’t remember anything.”
Bones scans the Ambassador, who except of being a little chipper for a Vulcan seems all right.
“Ambassador, what happened?”
“Doctor McCoy, his memories are within his mind, but in a very far place to reach. It is like he is imprisoned in the dark. I cannot resurface them, but I opened the door of the cell, to light the way out. I think it will take him a longer amount of time, and several melds, to bring back all his memories. I could try another time in order to resurface the memories, if you think I could be of service.”
“Ambassador, was there anything wrong with the meld Spock did to the Captain?”
“Spock did a better job, despite his inexperience. The Captain will need more time on the colony, as two days is insufficient. If the Enterprise cannot stay for longer maybe you can leave the Captain with us. Or maybe I could start with daily meld sessions here until we reach New Vulcan; so we can begin sooner, and maybe be able to speed the healing process. ”
Leonard is not happy with the news, but he understands the complexities of the situation. He takes M’Benga to his office, and the man is exhilarated with the idea of being able to monitor a mind meld.
“I need to know - what do you think about the Ambassador’s idea of a daily sessions; to start the healing process by using the week and a half we have, before our arrival to the colony?” McCoy asks looking intensely to M’Benga.
“I think this could be good. I read the Ambassador record, he did study for the Kolinahr, and he has experience in melding with humans and alien species. So he is qualified to do the first steps of the job for sure. But I recommend that these sessions should be private. We can scan the Captain before and after as a precaution if you wish, Leonard. In order to achieve a better result, I think the session must be private.”
“Why private? This thing could be here so we can monitor them. I really don’t trust this thing or Vulcans at all.” McCoy says while rises an eyebrow, exceptical.
“This is the first time we monitor a mind meld. But you know Vulcans are private persons, and they feel discomfort being watched and being treated like an experiment. But the more vital thing is they need a deep level of meditation in order to do a better job. And we want the better job this man can offer to save the Captain. That’s why I ask you for private sessions, for better results.”
“I’m not so happy about it. At least we must make a schedule with the Ambassador and the Captain, M’Benga. And we will monitor the Captain readings as you say, before and after the melds.”
McCoy goes to talk to both men, and arranges the schedule; hoping this will work and save Jim’s memories.
Kirk
Jim feels much more alive with Spock so close. He misses the full bond, but this as good as he can get and he is happy; trying hard not to show it on his face.
Spock is so good to him let him stay in his memories and thoughts, while he is trying to save the kid in the meld.
Jim learns a lot about what happened to his bondmate when he wasn’t around. It was really hard on Spock and full of heartache, Spock looked for him a long time, using his Ambassador’s job as a reason to wander to different places, and search for him. He never gave up, not even when he decided to teach Surak’s winsdom to the Romulans, with great results even in little groups; or when he went to Vulcan to research about the red matter. He never gave up, even when he felt the severing of the bond at some point, but he never got any real conclusion, so he always waits for him.
Jim is really more in love with him than it should be possible. He will never give up either, never, because their love is bigger than time, space, or whatever. So Jim wants to kiss him and embrace him, until he ceases to exist.
Jim knows he must surrender to the young Jim, but this will not be easier knowing it’s the right thing to do; but because he knows that every time he see the younger version of his lover, that he is in love, too. He will soon need his Jim, as much as Jim needs his Spock.
Spock takes Jim on one of his tours to the younger Jim’s mind. All the shadows and darkness are so familiar to him.
“Spock, this is a cell on Tarsus. Why does he hide in our worst nightmare? This is insane; we must take him out of here.”
“Jim, I cannot. If I take him forcefully, I can cause him damage. So I visit him, and I encourage him to go I offer him food and blankets, and try to give him a choice of leaving this place.
“Spock I know what you mean; but I know too much about this place to know he will never get out of here. I remember when I wished my father to come and save me, but no one ever came. When I finally escape and saved some other children with me, I learned that no one will ever come to save me; and if I don’t save myself, I will die alone. I don’t think he can leave this place without us. So it will be you saving him, or it will be me. Do you understand, Spock?”
“I understand Jim, but maybe you must try to lure him out, if you take him, maybe he will never recover.”
Jim kneels on the dirty floor next to the boy in a fetal position, and takes his hand.
“Jim, do you hear me? Jim, I’m here to rescue you. You are not alone anymore. Please get up and we can go to happy place, and we can go home. To the Enterprise, our home - with our family the crew, Bones, and Spock. Remember Spock? He is waiting for you out there. Everybody is waiting for you; they need you, Jim.”
“No one needs me out there! I’m alone, and I always will be” the little boy says.
“Jim, that is not true. They love you and they need you in the light. They need you on the Enterprise, Bones needs you, Spock needs you -”
“You are a liar! He doesn’t need me, and he hates me.” Jimmy yells at him while he crawls away from himself. He doesn’t answer anymore.
Spock changes the food, light more lights, and cover the boy with a blanket.
“Jim we wait for you, outside. Please come with us, when you are ready.”
Spock has to manhandle Kirk to take him out.
“T’hy’la , I understand your concern, He improved so much today, but he will not believe us. We must give him time.”
“No, Spock. If he stays there any longer he will die! The next time I will rescue him. Or maybe we are not the rescuer he needs?”
“What do you mean?”
“Spock, maybe he needs to be certain that he will never be alone out here. Maybe he needs his Spock, to save him”
“Jim, I may have pushed them towards each other - as you would say - but they are not us. It may take them years to know the truth in their hearts.”
“Spock, I’m certain that Jimmy needs him. I know your alternative Spock almost loves Jim. I’m really not sure if he can voice that out loud, even to himself yet; but sure thing he’s fallen for charming Jim, already”
“We cannot push them harder - and no, I don’t authorize you to try your charms in him, because those are mine.”
“So jealous, my love. I always be yours, and you know it!” Jim smiles at his bondmate and kisses him in mind meld.
The next day Jim tries to rescue the boy. But little Jim doesn’t want to be saved, he wants to die. Maybe he is masochist as some people think, or maybe he has a soft spot for suffering people, who make him want to sacrifice himself. Tarsus did that to him. He can’t stand the suffering, and he needs to help and save anyone who needs it; even if this make him suffer. He is not really a hero, he only knows that he will do everything he can; even when it’s never enough, and he will never forgive himself because he can’t save them all.
So he looks at his first officer more. And it really doesn’t take him much time, or effort making the young Vulcan approaches him.
“Captain, I need to speak with you.”
“We are speaking, Mr. Spock.” Jim smiles at him, while the other raises an eyebrow.
“I want to speak with you privately, Jim.”
Just right there the “Jim” word. Jim can be a little smug about it.
“Oh, in that case we can talk in my quarters at the end of the shift; if it’s not so urgent, Mr. Spock”
“That will be agreeable.”
Jim smiles at him, and decides that maybe they need to talk for real.
After the shift, Jim waits in his office. The door whooshes and reveals a young, stoic Vulcan.
“Mr. Spock. come in. Do you want a tea?”
“Captain, that would be agreeable.”
Jim takes his coffee, and serves a mug with spiced tea and a bit of jasmine to Spock.
“Jim, I need to talk to you about your new acquaintance with the ambassador; and the mind meld healing appointments.”
“Oh, well I was looking for the opportunity to talk to you about it. But what is your concern, Spock?” Jim keep smiling.
“Jim, I don’t trust that man.”
“But, you trust me?”
“This is not the point.”
“And what is the point, Mr. Spock.”
“The point Jim, is that maybe this man can do a link with you against your will.
Your character has changed these days, after his arrival.”
So the young Vulcan is jealous. He can’t stop himself from smirking.
“Spock I need to talk you about this too, and I need to tell you the truth; even if this truth, make it so you don’t want to be my friend, anymore.”
“I don’t understand, Captain.”
“Spock, please sit down.”
Jim decides to not sugarcoat the issue, and explains everything that has happened since he woke up, ‘til his last mind meld.
……
“Is this one of your human jokes?” Spock finally says, after he only raises one or two eyebrows during Jim’s talk.
“No Spock, it isn’t. Please see for yourself that I’m telling truth. I want to save the Captain, just as you want to. But I really think don’t that neither my Spock nor a healer cad do it. He needs you, Spock. He needs you.”
“But this cannot be. It is true that you do not behave in the same manner, but - I think maybe the Ambassador is making you believe these things.”
“Really Spock, he and you are the same person, in essence. If you would never do something so amoral, he wouldn’t either. Please, meld with me and believe me. We don’t have a lot of time to waste with your jealousy.”
Spock finally complied and they enter in a mind meld. Jim shows him the young Jim.
“I cannot understand where this dark cell, Captain is?”
“Spock Jim is in a cell in Tarsus IV, both of us where there during the famine and the executions. Kodos want us, we resist him and tried to save food for others; and he finds out and punishes us. He sends us to this cell for years it seems. Until we escape, saving other children with us. This children whom are the witness of how Kodos really looks like.”
Spock can’t understand how something like this, could happened to the Captain.
“Spock, he can survive staying here for long. I remember how much I want my father came to save me. My worse fear born here, my fear is dying alone. Spock you will leave him dying alone?”
“I cannot, you cannot…” Spock was really shocked, but Jim can give him time he doesn’t have. Jim takes Spock by the shoulder.
“Spock, or you save him safely, or I will take him from there, I don’t care about the consequences. I will not let Jim die in there, do you understand?” The meld ends.
Spock fell in his sit unable to say a word. Jim looks at him waiting for an answer.
Spock
Spock would be worried, if Vulcans could worry. He knows about the schedule with the ambassador. But the Captain uses every possible opportunity to be in the Ambassador’s presence. Spock even sees the captain one night ‘sneaking in the corridors to the Ambassador‘s Chambers’ as humans may says.
So to have the opportunity to explain this to the Captain is only logical. But the conversation doesn’t turn out the way he expects. The strangest feelings in his side comeback; and the elevated rate of his heart pulsing is completely illogical. He goes to his quarters later on.
But with the Captain’s statement, those sensations don’t go away, only anger in him is the new feeling. How can he be this Jim, his alternate self? That is impossible. And why he claims that in the other reality they are bondmates- this is plainly absurd.
He accepted the meld to see what the Ambassador did to his Captain. But everything is real. This man who claims to be the Captain the last few weeks is not the Captain at all. And he had failed in his attempt to resurface the real Captain’s mind. His Captain mind is in a dark cell, in the image of a little defenseless boy. And this man asks him the unacceptable - that he confesses a feeling he cannot possibly possess, in order to lure the real Captain out of his nightmare.
“Spock, even if you deny it, I just melded with you, and know you have feelings for him. I know from experience that to acknowledge this maybe takes you some years, as my Spock needed time to realize. But we don’t have several years, and I’m sure he loves you.”
Everything this man says is too much. Spock fell in his sit, he needs to go and meditate, as he cannot stay there in this man’s presence. Jim takes one of his wrists, and a flow of feeling comes in. This incapacitates him as Jim leans and kisses him on the lips. His heart beats faster, and his arterial pressure seems to be elevated as well; and finally he closes his eyes, and reaches Jim’s hand with a strong grip. Jim leans back and lets his wrist free. Spock opens his eyes to see his smile.
“Do you see Mr. Spock. I knew it.”
“What do you know?”
“That you are in love with your Captain. I never did that to my Spock. I wonder if this could’ve resolved things earlier.”
Spock is getting greener by the minute. And he is ready to leave again….
“Spock, I’m sorry, I will never do that again. But I really hope you have the opportunity to experiment further with your Captain.”
Jim doesn’t let Spock think or say anything further, because immediately he says something more.
“Spock, I can tell you for a fact, that I and your Captain have one thing in common: We need our Spocks in order to breath; and you and he will never be complete without the other. So please, Spock, help us to save him. It could be all cozy, having the enterprise and two Spocks for myself. But I will risk my life with my bondmate, for your life with your Captain. Please don’t give me the ‘I Don’t Feel Anything Speech’; because I know Vulcans actually feel deeper than anyone elses, and that’s why Surak taught you to have control over your emotions. So please acknowledge your feeling for your Captain, and think with us how to save him, okay?”
Before Spock can say anything, the door opens and the Ambassador is in there with them. His counterpart raises and eyebrow and smiles a little; a disturbing mannerism of him.
“Jim, I always knew I needed to have you closer, but I never thought you would ‘cheat ‘on me with myself.”
“See, Mr. Spock, and they say Vulcans don’t make jokes - my Spock, you know I is only making my point”- Jim look t the Ambassador -“I would never be disloyal to you, even with you.” Jim smirks. As the older version of Spock looks at young Spock.
“I am sorry Spock that you had to learn of matters this way. I was expecting to tell you with more tact than my bondmate apparently doesn’t possess. But we need your assistance in order to save your Captain’s katra, and to return him to his own body.”
Spock really doesn’t know what to think or do, as he is really overwhelmed and compromised. But he recover with aplomb and speak.
“I will not recognize what this man says about what I think about the Captain; but I see the necessity of bringing him back at once. But I need to know, how this is possible - how the mind of this man entered in the Captain’s body?”
“As my bondmate told you, he is not your Captain. We thought about this as well, and apparently I had in me the dormant katra of my bondmate. I presume that’s why I never gave up about him being alive.“
“When I met this alternate version of Jim Kirk on Delta Vega, after witnessing the destruction of our planet, I was really not in control of myself. So when I melded with your Captain, his katra found his rightful owner and parted from me; locking into a deeper part of the Captain’s mind. When your Captain disappear in Sigma Omega V and he was tortured and almost died, the Captain locked himself in an even deeper place in his mind; so when you melded, in order to try to make his mind re surface, you accessed the closest one and the one, the one who is intact -the more visible one, in a manner of speech. This is a great accomplishment for your inexperience; but you could not possibly know there were two minds in one body. This is not logical.”
The Ambassador clears his throat and continue…
"When I sensed a very weak presence in my link with Jim, and heard about the accident, I decided to travel near the Enterprise; in order to give the opportunity to the ship to travel to New Vulcan, I arranged this with Admiral Pike, and here my T’hy’la is. What happens next, you know already.”
Spock sees them, and he is really compromised. He needs to meditate and settle his newfound feelings, and figure out what will be his next action. The Ambassador apparently understands this.
“Jim, I think he needs to digest what we have said and what he has learned.” The Ambassador looks at him. ”Spock, we will wait for your answer.”
Jim nods at him, as the younger Spock leaves the room. He needs to meditate, and to desperately find his focus.
Spock Prime
He is meditating, when he feels Jim is really agitated and sees an image of his younger self with him. He doesn’t need to think too much to know that Jim decided to explain the situation to the First Officer and overwhelm him; as Jim always does to him. So he decides it is prudent to ‘join the party’, as Jim says. When he is almost at the door, he feels Jim kissing the other Spock. He freezes for a moment. He knows Jim, but he feels something he has not felt in years -jealousy. How many times did he feel this in the five - year mission, or in some other times after it? He takes a deep breath, and enters Jim’s quarters.
His younger self is really agitated and overwhelmed, as he thought he would be. So he tries to make everything more understandable and let him go; he has a lot to think and meditate.
“Jim, do you really think that is necessary? The poor boy is really beaten. He will have difficulties to find his focus”
“I know I never did this to you, but we are short on time. I know that he is the one who can help the kid to get out of that cell. If he says no, then I will go in, you know that. We don’t have five years for him to figure out that he has feelings, and that he has feelings for his Captain You know, I always thought that if you loved someone, you took it slow. But I was too slow with you, and you ran away from me. We lost so much time - we would’ve had more time together, if we hadn’t been so obtuse, and so frightened. Slow wasn’t the right thing. Maybe it’s my age, but I can’t feel bad for making him snap right away. I know the kid will be happy.”
“Jim, you always throw yourself in without much thinking. I hope my alternate self do not runaway already.”
Jim smiles at him with that smile and Spock cannot say anything more. He raises two fingers who encounter the two of his husband.
Spock
The alarm rings, and finds him still in deep meditation. He cannot be sure of anything at this point, except one thing: If the Captain is in that body, he needs to rescue him. That man said that he is the only one who can do it. He is not certain of it, but if he can be of assistance to the Captain’s recovery, he will try to save him. The Enterprise needs it him, Star fleet needs him. How can he don’t try to save the man who is so important to so many?
So he prepares himself, and goes to see the man in the body of the Captain.
He is smiling and talking with the good Doctor in the mess room. He joins them with his tray, and exchanges customary greetings.
Finally they take the way to the bridge, where Spock can approach his target alone in the turbolift.
Spock pushes the stop button. “Captain, I have meditated on everything you and the Ambassador have told me. I can only relate about James Kirk’s fate, and I have decided I will join your efforts to save him, and resurface his katra.”
“That is enough for us. Meet us in the Captain’s quarters an hour after your shift, Mr. Spock.”
Spock
The day is uneventful, as they will arrive at New Vulcan in two days. He uses the hour he has for meditation, and prepares himself for the meld. When the time comes, he gets up and goes next door, and calls for entrance.
“Come on in, Mr. Spock.” Was his greeting, as he enters the Captain’s quarters.
The lights are dimmed at 45%, and the temperature is acceptable for human and Vulcan; better than the overall temperature of the ship, which obviously a concession on the Captain’s part. There are candles and incense, and three pillows. Spock sits on the one to the right, the Captain in the center and his alternate version is on the left. Without much ado or words, both Vulcans put their fingers in the meld points, and chant the necessary words.
They are in the tunnel that is illuminated with candles, until they arrive to a certain cell that has the door open. In there is a little boy in a fetal position, who shivers from the cold.
The Ambassador calls the boy out, but he doesn’t respond. James Kirk approaches him, and talks to him.
“Hi Jim, I have news for you. Someone special has come to see you today. He’s Commander Spock from your ship, the Enterprise.”
The boy doesn’t acknowledge their presence, or their greetings. Spock. The younger one, kneels close to the boy, and almost caresses his hair; his hand almost touches the boy and tries to speak to him.
“Captain, Jim- it is me, Spock. Do you recognize me?”
The boy looks up for a moment; his eyes almost a void. But Spock sees a sparkle in the impossible blue eyes.
“Jim, The Enterprise and her crew need your leadership. Please come back to us”
The boy puts his head to his knees, and shivers a little. Spock takes the blanket and covers the boy; molding the blanket to his fragile body, and the boy lets him. Spock is about to touch the boy again, but jerks his hand once more when he hears the voice of the Ambassador.
“Spock, comfort him. You can touch him - remember, Jim is a tactile person. He obtains contentment from the touch.”
Spock looks at the boy again. He is badly hurt, and malnourished. He seems very cold also, even with the blanket. Spock reaches for the boy and caresses his hair, while he tries more self-confidence. He sits and hugs the boy taking him into his lap. When the boy relaxes sufficiently, he continues to caress the boy’s scalp.
Spock tries again to speak to the kid.
“Jim, do you recognize me? I am Spock, your first officer. You are needed on the Enterprise. You are the Captain, and your crew needs you.”
The boy only makes a noise as he molds himself to fit better in Spock’s lap. Spock looks up to where the Ambassador and the alternate Jim are standing. Spock doesn’t know what to do, and if the action he is performing is adequate.
The Captain seems to read his mind, because he nods at and smile at him.
The little boy opens his eyes and asks.
“Who are you?“
“I am Spock, your first officer”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to take you to the Enterprise, to your life.”
“I don’t have a life. I’m alone anywhere and everywhere, and you hate me. I have no place to go.” The boy stars to cry softly.
“I do not hate you, Jim.”
“I don’t believe you! You will forget about me, you don’t need me.”
“It is impossible for me to forget about you, Jim. And The Enterprise needs your leadership.”
“The Enterprise has you, They don’t need me and you. That is the truth.”
“Jim, that is not the truth. You are better than me as the Captain. I’m content to be the first officer.”
“But there’s no ones who need me; that’s why no one come to rescue me. I’m alone, I don’t wanna struggle anymore - in the end I’ll die alone.”
Spock Prime touches his shoulder You need to tell him
“Jim…”
The boy looks at Spock’s eyes. James Kirk, at the side of the ambassador, moves his hand and says.
“You must Spock, if you want to save him, if you don’t want to lose him, you must tell him.”
The boy looks at him intensely, waiting for an answer.“Do you see, there is no reason for me to live.”
Spock thinks his heart is ripping apart on the spot.
“Please leave me, Spock. You will have a better life without me, all of us will have a better life without me.”
The boy tries to leave Spock’s embrace, but takes his hands out of him crawls away and embrace himself like a cocoon.
Spock doesn’t move, like he cannot understand what is happening in front of him. His older self pats his shoulder.
“Then there is nothing we can do to make him comeback. His only need, in order to live, is you. He has any reason to survive, but not to live, Spock. Without you, he doesn’t want to try to survive another day.”
“I know you know about this, Spock. Since our planet vanished, you only have been surviving. How many days, months or years do you think you can just survive? The man in front of you is a gift, a gift that I neglected too many years, a gift I tried to put aside while achieving Kolinahr. But I cannot fight against it, because it is my only reason to live, my home, my destiny - my T’hy’la. Please don’t lose the gift of your lifetime, here.”
“How can you be so sure he is my T’hy’la also, Ambassador?” the younger Spock says while look at his counterpart.
“Because you are sure of it, even if you don’t want to see it yet. The feelings you have are not a shameful thing of your human half. The feelings and emotion run more deeply in a Vulcan than in a Human, and as our father told him in your timeline, he loves your mother, Love is a simple feeling but one is the most valuable than logic. Please touch this one mind and you will see he is your T’hy’la.”
Spock tries to touch the child, and he feels: affection incredulity, unworthy feelings, so alone. Those mirror exactly the commotion in his own mind and heart. He decides to believe.
“Jim, you must comeback with me.”
“There is no reason for you to stay here anymore.”
“Jim you must come to me, because I need thee.”
The boy sits up, and reaches with his open hands toward Spock. Spock takes them, and lifts the boy from the floor, and kisses his forehead.
“We must get out of these shadows”, Spock says while he walks from the door.
Everything dissolves and they comeback from the mind meld.
Kirk the young.
He does not remember anything about the time he is in a corner in a corner of his mind except that Spock saved him, and he said he personally needed him. Everything that happened in between, he knew through the memories of his alternate self; who is still in his body as a second voice.
They finally arrive to New Vulcan and a healer checks on his two minds. A carrier of two katras was not uncommon, but having an alternate katra of himself from a different reality was.
The older Spock and himself decide to try transferring this living katra of his alternate self, whom they call James. After some deliberations, they decide to transfer the katra into Older Spock’s body.
This has never been done. But the high priest is optimistic, although inexperienced. If they don’t succeed, James’ soul will vanish. But as James once vanished in the Nexus, there would always be hope - even if this ceremony hasn’t been performed in a thousand years.
After some ceremonies Jim’s body and Older Spock one are ready for a special form of Fal-tor- pan only made in preSurak times between T’hy’las.
They lay in two bed stones. The Priestess conducts a deeply profound mind meld with both of them, and Jim feels relegated to a waiting room in his mind, as the transfer is made.
Jim really can say how the ceremony goes or how much it takes; the Priestess at some point knocks on the waiting room door. Jim exits from the metaphorical room in his mind, and feels alone in his body again. When the priestess states it’s okay, he opens his eyes.
When he turns his head and opens his eyes, he sees the old Ambassador so full of life, and more radiant than he has ever seen him.
Later the next day when they are departing, Spock is at his side; as he really hopes he’ll be forever; and they could marry someday like the older ones. He really hopes so. He approaches at the Ambassador and asks him.
“After this whole experience; how do feel Ambassador? He looks at him with warm eyes and says:
“We feel complete at last.”
.....
Fin