I wept all the way through Memphis, and then for about an hour past. Then I made a decision. It was difficult, but it wasn't as difficult as it could have been. It's probable that my heart was going to get broken at some point, the most attractive option was to break it first, myself. Preemptive strike. I am a child afraid of anything serious, but ( Read more... )

I'm just going to let this gospel song chill on repeat. The weekend went over well, but not without typical, typical glitches and gaffes. Somehow our ship always sails, despite uncertain circumstances. Who knows. It's exhausting. I had to babysit the talent. I was perched outside of the green room, barking orders at an intern to be his personal ( Read more... )

My priorities have been all askew. Just wrong, and laughable. And I'm a fool. When I'm lonely I read Evelyn Waugh. That's the new code. I'm not jealous. I will remain single. He said my body is getting more beautiful with age. He said he was alone in a condo in Chicago, that he would be there all week, and he wanted me to come up. I used to have ( Read more... )

I should be working on other things. Nothing of interest has happened, really. Daddy responded to my email, just you know, kind of casually saying he'd love to have a drink when I'm in town, etc., etc. Except in that brilliant economy of cavalier words he managed to say just enough to make me remember how coma-inducing his wonderfulness his, how he ( Read more... )

The best way I can say it is: I can't swing a cat without hitting some gentleman suitor. Sure, I do my own little innocuous part to cultivate the thing, but that's only when I feel ( honestly ) like I'm being diplomatic or when I need an excuse to get out of the house. Am I so criminal for not making this clear ? I had lunch with the senator the ( Read more... )

Can't really stop rocking Beach House's first album, and for no good reason other than I've convinced myself I'm in love with someone I am probably not. It makes me feel like a teenager, and I like that feeling enough. Yesterday was a day of confidence, though comically, no one saw me. I looked great and my hair was perfect. I drank two Pimm's #1 ( Read more... )

My ex boyfriend broke my heart, again. Not really, but sort of. I must quote a short story I read recently when I say that the moment of his calling to say that he was not coming was like, "I already knew that, I have always known." It's just a very disappointing thing when people who were disappointing before continue to be disappointing long ( Read more... )

I have a guilty love for St. Elmo's Fire. I can explain. This love stems from the fact that I first watched last year, at the age of twenty-four, living alone for the first time in my life in the biggest city I'd lived in, in my life. I had gone through a bad break-up with someone I could have easily married. I didn't have (at the time, to my ( Read more... )

My family raised two Woody Allen daughters. I guess they couldn't really help it, but there it is. Most assuredly I am a concoction, but most closely aligned with Holly from Hannah and Her Sisters. And I'm not just saying that because she ends up being a great writer and shacking up with a little nebby Jew, although that might subconsciously have ( Read more... )

It occurs to me, standing over the kitchen sink washing my dishes from dinner, that I have been looking for him my whole adult life. Little incarnations of him. I'd think in Paris, "Oh, how smart he is, he's just like that," or lately "Oh, the way he poses with his hand under his chin so fake-pensively, that's just like him." But it wasn't, and I ( Read more... )