Pushing Who: Happy-Go-Weirdy - A Doctor Who/Pushing Daisies crossover, 4/?
“Pushing Who: Happy-Go-Weirdy” - A Doctor Who/Pushing Daisies crossover.
Collab between me and my friend Jess. I’ll write a chapter, she’ll write a chapter.
Title: Pushing Who: Happy-Go-Weirdy
Genre: Humour, crossover, mystery
Story By: Immy and Jess
This Chapter By: Immy (applegrass_wolf)
Word Count: 1,173
Rating: PG-13 for innuendo ;)
Disclaimer: Characters not ours, DW © BBC and PD © Bryan Fuller/ABC/etc. (oh how that corporation is loathed).
An ordinary day at the Pie Hole, and Chuck and Ned are planning a picnic. But all this is halted by the arrival of a strange man and three companions in a bizarre blue box…chaos ensues…and Emerson finds he might just need their help with the latest, most mysterious case.
CHAPTER FOUR!
Chapter Four
In Which the Pie-maker's Car Keys Are Surprisingly Useful
Well, they certainly enjoyed the pie.
This was the first thought of Olive Snook, looking down at the dishes licked clean so neatly and wholly they could have just been washed, rather than only eaten off a few minutes previously. Upon starting to clear the plates, however, the Doctor leapt in with the first of many questions.
“So…what do they normally do up there then? At the morgue, I mean.” Olive shrugged.
“Well, Emerson’s a private investigator, and Ned and Chuck always help out, somehow. Ned’s good with dead bodies, they do evidence gathering…” she frowned, “or something like that.”
“And Emerson didn’t mention anything about the case?”
“Nope. Why would he?”
Olive piled up the spotless plates and forks and carried them over to the counter, where Digby still lay. He whined slightly.
“What is it, boy?” She turned back to the Doctor and his companions and smiled. “Do you like dogs?”
“Well, I’m certainly not a cat person.” The Doctor gave an inescapably dazzling grin, and Olive was at once struck by certain similarities with the Pie-maker’s effortless good looks. She tried to push all thoughts from her head and focus on the current situation, and did so…with difficulty.
“Why’re you so interested in the case? Probably just some poor soul’s relatives looking for a reason why they died, trying to prove it was murder instead of an accident.”
“The reason, Olive, is that I’m not really a Doctor at all. I am - ” and with a flourish he produced a piece of paper in a leather holder and waved it in her direction. “ - John Smith of Scotland Yard.”
“Oh really?” She strode towards him and took the card. Just for a second, it seemed as if there was nothing there, but then she blinked and a full set of Her Majesty’s Service credentials bloomed into view. She handed it back, puzzled. “So, why don’t you call yourself John?”
“Oh…just because I’m the Doctor.”
“I thought you said you weren’t a Doctor?”
“NO, I’m THE Doctor.”
“…right.” Still perplexed, the petite waitress simply added, “You’ll be wanting to go to the morgue, I presume. If you’re still interested in the case.” The grin grew wider.
“Oh yes!” Donna, Martha and the Captain all nodded, intrigued. The Captain felt the need to add,
“Except, we don’t have transport.” At this, Olive paused, but not for long.
“Ned always leaves his car keys in the Pie Hole…in case of emergencies...oh, to hell with that.”
And the waitress wandered behind the counter, plucked out the keys and placed them in the Captain’s outstretched hand with barely a second thought. There was just something about these people that made them seem trustworthy, if a little odd. Or at least, this was what Olive Snook told herself, though the vodka-infused coffee just might have been more to blame than she was prepared to admit.
~*~
“You do know where you’re going, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Really? I thought you said you never go with them.”
“I live here though, don’t I? Of course I should know the town’s major landmarks.”
“Only a town as crazed as this would have the morgue as a major landmark…”
“Just drive!”
Olive Snook wondered how this situation had come to be. She was sat squeezed between two Englishwomen while a manic “Doctor” from Scotland Yard and a Captain of god-only-knows-what (something cheesy, she thought) drove the Pie-maker’s car madly through the streets.
“This isn’t Cardiff, Jack! Slow DOWN!” The Doctor yelled as the Captain narrowly missed a lamppost.
“No need to shout,” the Captain grinned. “I’m more interested as to why there’s a plastic wall here. Your Ned doesn’t double as a taxi driver, does he?”
“He’s not MY Ned. And no, that’s for - ”
“There’s a glove, look! A glove attached to the side of a transparent wall. I can’t tell you what I’m thinking now...”
“Thank you SO much for that image, Mr Harkness,” Donna rolled her eyes theatrically.
“THAT is for Ned and Chuck,” Olive finally managed to say.
“Oh, that’s just going to make him worse, Olive!” Donna glowered at the back of the Captain’s head, though Olive could definitely see a smirk forming.
“EYES ON THE ROAD, HARKNESS!” The Doctor’s outburst was sudden, but Olive was in instant agreement for fear of her own life. “And watch out for that red light! Where on earth did you learn to drive? Or should I say where in the universe…”
“Turn here!” Olive called, and instantly winced as the brakes’ immediacy almost hurtled her into the front seat.
“Jack, this car isn’t exactly brand new. I can’t imagine that Ned would be all too pleased to hear you ruined it…” Martha pointed out, to no avail. The Captain ignored her, continuing to drive in the same deranged manner. Puzzled, he asked,
“Why would Ned and Chuck need that, apart from the various filthy reasons that happened to cross my mind…”
“Your mind’s already filthy.” Donna and Martha both called. Startled, they turned to each other and burst out laughing. Olive giggled, too, before replying,
“They don’t touch.”
“What?!” said the Doctor disbelievingly.
“Something like Chuck has a deadly food allergy.”
“Do you really believe that, Olive Snook?” The Doctor snorted.
“Of course it’s crossed my mind that that doesn’t make sense!” she raged, “But there’s not really any other plausible explanation.”
“When you say they don’t touch…” began the Captain.
“They can’t.” Olive instantly regretted these words, however, as all four people began to talk at once.
“Then how do they - ”
“Yeah, do they ki- ”
“I’d be devastated if I couldn’t touch that - ”
“Frankly, a “deadly food allergy” between human flesh is quite impossi- ”
“DON’T ASK ME I DON’T KNOW I DON’T WANT TO KNOW NOW CAN WE PLEASE REMOVE NED AND CHUCK FROM THE CONVERSATION?!”
The Doctor, Martha, Donna and the Captain all turned round to stare at Olive. Her face was flushed, her eyebrows ferociously knitted together. She blanched quickly, however, as she pointed out,
“Nobody’s watching the road!”
The Captain turned instantly to watch as he sailed through a red light, narrowly missing a couple who swore violently at the passing car as they ran for cover. He sighed with relief.
“Sorry about that.”
“Actually, I’d just like to point out that though you, Doctor, say a “deadly food allergy between human flesh is quite impossible”, this man here who apparently cannot keep his eyes in one place for more than five seconds has an incredibly suspicious sounding boning disease…”
Olive paused, thinking what she had said just didn’t quite fit.
“Was that me, or was that the vodka talking?”
Her words were drowned, however, by the sound of three people laughing manically, their bodies shaking with mirth. The Captain, Donna and Martha were in hysterics, while the Doctor simply shook his head, though Olive could see him smiling in rear view mirror. He looked up at the mirror and caught her eye.
“See what I end up travelling with, Olive?”
____________
End of chapter four.
Chapter five available now!
Collab between me and my friend Jess. I’ll write a chapter, she’ll write a chapter.
Title: Pushing Who: Happy-Go-Weirdy
Genre: Humour, crossover, mystery
Story By: Immy and Jess
This Chapter By: Immy (applegrass_wolf)
Word Count: 1,173
Rating: PG-13 for innuendo ;)
Disclaimer: Characters not ours, DW © BBC and PD © Bryan Fuller/ABC/etc. (oh how that corporation is loathed).
An ordinary day at the Pie Hole, and Chuck and Ned are planning a picnic. But all this is halted by the arrival of a strange man and three companions in a bizarre blue box…chaos ensues…and Emerson finds he might just need their help with the latest, most mysterious case.
CHAPTER FOUR!
Chapter Four
In Which the Pie-maker's Car Keys Are Surprisingly Useful
Well, they certainly enjoyed the pie.
This was the first thought of Olive Snook, looking down at the dishes licked clean so neatly and wholly they could have just been washed, rather than only eaten off a few minutes previously. Upon starting to clear the plates, however, the Doctor leapt in with the first of many questions.
“So…what do they normally do up there then? At the morgue, I mean.” Olive shrugged.
“Well, Emerson’s a private investigator, and Ned and Chuck always help out, somehow. Ned’s good with dead bodies, they do evidence gathering…” she frowned, “or something like that.”
“And Emerson didn’t mention anything about the case?”
“Nope. Why would he?”
Olive piled up the spotless plates and forks and carried them over to the counter, where Digby still lay. He whined slightly.
“What is it, boy?” She turned back to the Doctor and his companions and smiled. “Do you like dogs?”
“Well, I’m certainly not a cat person.” The Doctor gave an inescapably dazzling grin, and Olive was at once struck by certain similarities with the Pie-maker’s effortless good looks. She tried to push all thoughts from her head and focus on the current situation, and did so…with difficulty.
“Why’re you so interested in the case? Probably just some poor soul’s relatives looking for a reason why they died, trying to prove it was murder instead of an accident.”
“The reason, Olive, is that I’m not really a Doctor at all. I am - ” and with a flourish he produced a piece of paper in a leather holder and waved it in her direction. “ - John Smith of Scotland Yard.”
“Oh really?” She strode towards him and took the card. Just for a second, it seemed as if there was nothing there, but then she blinked and a full set of Her Majesty’s Service credentials bloomed into view. She handed it back, puzzled. “So, why don’t you call yourself John?”
“Oh…just because I’m the Doctor.”
“I thought you said you weren’t a Doctor?”
“NO, I’m THE Doctor.”
“…right.” Still perplexed, the petite waitress simply added, “You’ll be wanting to go to the morgue, I presume. If you’re still interested in the case.” The grin grew wider.
“Oh yes!” Donna, Martha and the Captain all nodded, intrigued. The Captain felt the need to add,
“Except, we don’t have transport.” At this, Olive paused, but not for long.
“Ned always leaves his car keys in the Pie Hole…in case of emergencies...oh, to hell with that.”
And the waitress wandered behind the counter, plucked out the keys and placed them in the Captain’s outstretched hand with barely a second thought. There was just something about these people that made them seem trustworthy, if a little odd. Or at least, this was what Olive Snook told herself, though the vodka-infused coffee just might have been more to blame than she was prepared to admit.
~*~
“You do know where you’re going, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Really? I thought you said you never go with them.”
“I live here though, don’t I? Of course I should know the town’s major landmarks.”
“Only a town as crazed as this would have the morgue as a major landmark…”
“Just drive!”
Olive Snook wondered how this situation had come to be. She was sat squeezed between two Englishwomen while a manic “Doctor” from Scotland Yard and a Captain of god-only-knows-what (something cheesy, she thought) drove the Pie-maker’s car madly through the streets.
“This isn’t Cardiff, Jack! Slow DOWN!” The Doctor yelled as the Captain narrowly missed a lamppost.
“No need to shout,” the Captain grinned. “I’m more interested as to why there’s a plastic wall here. Your Ned doesn’t double as a taxi driver, does he?”
“He’s not MY Ned. And no, that’s for - ”
“There’s a glove, look! A glove attached to the side of a transparent wall. I can’t tell you what I’m thinking now...”
“Thank you SO much for that image, Mr Harkness,” Donna rolled her eyes theatrically.
“THAT is for Ned and Chuck,” Olive finally managed to say.
“Oh, that’s just going to make him worse, Olive!” Donna glowered at the back of the Captain’s head, though Olive could definitely see a smirk forming.
“EYES ON THE ROAD, HARKNESS!” The Doctor’s outburst was sudden, but Olive was in instant agreement for fear of her own life. “And watch out for that red light! Where on earth did you learn to drive? Or should I say where in the universe…”
“Turn here!” Olive called, and instantly winced as the brakes’ immediacy almost hurtled her into the front seat.
“Jack, this car isn’t exactly brand new. I can’t imagine that Ned would be all too pleased to hear you ruined it…” Martha pointed out, to no avail. The Captain ignored her, continuing to drive in the same deranged manner. Puzzled, he asked,
“Why would Ned and Chuck need that, apart from the various filthy reasons that happened to cross my mind…”
“Your mind’s already filthy.” Donna and Martha both called. Startled, they turned to each other and burst out laughing. Olive giggled, too, before replying,
“They don’t touch.”
“What?!” said the Doctor disbelievingly.
“Something like Chuck has a deadly food allergy.”
“Do you really believe that, Olive Snook?” The Doctor snorted.
“Of course it’s crossed my mind that that doesn’t make sense!” she raged, “But there’s not really any other plausible explanation.”
“When you say they don’t touch…” began the Captain.
“They can’t.” Olive instantly regretted these words, however, as all four people began to talk at once.
“Then how do they - ”
“Yeah, do they ki- ”
“I’d be devastated if I couldn’t touch that - ”
“Frankly, a “deadly food allergy” between human flesh is quite impossi- ”
“DON’T ASK ME I DON’T KNOW I DON’T WANT TO KNOW NOW CAN WE PLEASE REMOVE NED AND CHUCK FROM THE CONVERSATION?!”
The Doctor, Martha, Donna and the Captain all turned round to stare at Olive. Her face was flushed, her eyebrows ferociously knitted together. She blanched quickly, however, as she pointed out,
“Nobody’s watching the road!”
The Captain turned instantly to watch as he sailed through a red light, narrowly missing a couple who swore violently at the passing car as they ran for cover. He sighed with relief.
“Sorry about that.”
“Actually, I’d just like to point out that though you, Doctor, say a “deadly food allergy between human flesh is quite impossible”, this man here who apparently cannot keep his eyes in one place for more than five seconds has an incredibly suspicious sounding boning disease…”
Olive paused, thinking what she had said just didn’t quite fit.
“Was that me, or was that the vodka talking?”
Her words were drowned, however, by the sound of three people laughing manically, their bodies shaking with mirth. The Captain, Donna and Martha were in hysterics, while the Doctor simply shook his head, though Olive could see him smiling in rear view mirror. He looked up at the mirror and caught her eye.
“See what I end up travelling with, Olive?”
____________
End of chapter four.
Chapter five available now!