Saudade.

[apodixis]

title: Saudade.
author:

Comments

[kag523]

Oh goodness - what an interesting spin on canon. I, admittedly, have a distinct difference in how I see Kara pre and post Maelstrom and I love that you touched on this. (Your character feels this sense too, and I loved that!) I also really enjoyed that you don't negate Sam or Dee in this. They might be a tangled mess, the four of them, but you haven't flattened anyone. They are all there... all taking their places. Playing their parts.

And that last scene... *sigh* Lovely.

Thank you for this. *hugs* K :)

[apodixis]

I definitely see Kara pre and post Maelstrom differently as well. I think the most heartbreaking thought is that the real Kara did die there and like in this story, something/one else comes back in her place to finish the job for her, like she's a conduit of sorts. Which means that Kara did go to her death in such turmoil (despite the "peace" we saw her reach in order to get her to kill herself) and she, nor anyone else, ever had that closure with the real version, just whatever it was that returned in her place

[koolaidmom11]

I expected bittersweet but although it seemed that way, you surprised me at the end. Thanks off that.

This was great

[apodixis]

One day I'll write a story with an unhappy ending. ONE DAY. (And then I'll write an alternate, happier ending).

Another one of my fix-its of Kara's great poof in daybreak.

Thank you so much for reading! Your comments are, and always have been, greatly appreciated.

[damao2010]

When I saw the Portuguese title I was so surprised. Portuguese is not terribly well known among English speakers, after all. And saudade is a very special word. They say it's a word that only exists in the Portuguese language and it is such a complex feeling , it's nearly impossible to translate accurately. It is also considered a core element of the Portuguese soul. One they passed on, to an extent, to Brazilians.

This was not what I expected. I was sure this would be a Lee-centered story. He is, after all, the one who would have to go through life consumed by saudade.

Your take on Kara (or not Kara) is very interesting, though. Food for thought. Thanks for posting it.
:)

[apodixis]

It's a very strong word and one that I think describes Lee towards the end of the show perfectly. I actually keep a list of words from other languages that have no proper english translations, this one is my absolute favorite.

In this fic, I think the word can be applied to more than Lee, though. Certainly he feels it when the Post-Maelstrom-Kara (whatever she is) leaves, but he's also felt it lingering under everything else because some part of him has known she wasn't the real one. And the Post-Kara feels it as well, for the Kara whose memories she carries and because she, herself, has learned to love Lee over the time they'e spent together and knows she has to leave him behind.

Thanks for reading!

[kdbleu]

I love the prespective of not!Kara on S4. (I too don't ever see that character as Kara but something else that came back in her place.)

There’s a conflict inside of her because some of the corners of her memories don’t feel right, like the perfect mesh things usually fit into is slightly off. She doesn’t question it, though.

And this statement on her coming back to herself is perfect.

Thank you.

[apodixis]

I said above in another comment that the thought that the Kara that returns isn't the 'real kara' is the most heartbreaking thought to me, just because it means no one ever reaches their closure with the real her, but instead some other being in her place. This story sort of stemmed from that thought. What if the thing that came in her place slowly realized it wasn't actually her, but grew to have its own attachments to the things from real Kara's life (not just residual feelings based on real Kara's memories)? Would they see how unfair it was to leave Lee on his own, expecting him to get by? And if it was within its power at all, would it try to set right real Kara's sacrifice and return her to her world after real Kara's purpose as a conduit was finished?

[kdbleu]

What if the thing that came in her place slowly realized it wasn't actually her, but grew to have its own attachments to the things from real Kara's life (not just residual feelings based on real Kara's memories)? Would they see how unfair it was to leave Lee on his own, expecting him to get by? And if it was within its power at all, would it try to set right real Kara's sacrifice and return her to her world after real Kara's purpose as a conduit was finished?

I love these questions. The idea of something else trying to figure out Kara's life and the choices she made while coming to an independent consciousness. (I'm so going to be caught up in thoughts about this for a while.) Such a cool interpretation of something I think the show totally botched.

[wicked_sassy]

What a gorgeous and melancholy story. I was drawn in by the title and really enjoyed reading this. You did such a nice job weaving their perspectives together, and their sadness and love for others and each other is so strong here. Well-done!

[apodixis]

Melancholy perfectly describes the whole tone of this story, except maybe the last few lines when the entire game changes for them. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!