I wrote this on the 6th but LJ was not posting.

[apiphile]

Therapy continues to be unpleasant and uncomfortable and lots of other things involving the prefix "un", although as far as I know not actively "unhelpful" yet. We shall see. I get a fortnight break starting after I get back from my own holiday. STOP TRYING TO FIX ME LIKE I ASKED YOU TO, IT'S HORRIBLE AND I'M NO GOOD AT IT AND I WILL JUST... FIGURE

Comments

[wolfy_writing]

I think you have a good sense of what's unhelpful-unpleasant versus useful-but-unpleasant, so I'll just hope it starts getting to the feeling-better-about-stuff bit soon.

Oh, bitcoin people. What's really funny is Dogecoin, which is a joke version of Bitcoin and sends hardcore Bitcoin people into a rage.

Epic theater experience! Awesome!

I'm terrible at recognizing anything gender-related that isn't totally socially blunt, but I trust you're picking up on something real. And awesome! So glad you're getting recognized as a guy!

[apiphile]

*facepalm* I described the experience as "tiring" to the therapist today and he said "you say 'tiring' a lot when you mean 'painful'," so now I have to find another way to avoid admitting to having feelings. :D

GOD I will have to remember that next time! This time the white dude with the cryptocurrency fixation wasn't the one who served me - I got his much more pleasant Asian colleague. I think it's actually their business that they own, which is quite cool.

AND THEN TODAY, TODAY, RIGHT, I WENT TO SEE GLADIATORIAL FIGHTS. Staged by people who've worked on Gladiator and Centurion and the epically gay The Eagle. <3

[wolfy_writing]

I'm pretty sure having a therapist has given away the whole you-having-feelings thing.

The Eagle? Gay? Just because of all of the men having intense attachments and being vulnerable at each other and the loyalty and the power relations shifts and the setting being Ancient Rome? (I'm trying to remember how much of a thing it would have been for a Roman to have a relationship with his slave. If I recall, it would have been anywhere from basically fine to a huge scandal, depending on the specific acts involved.)

[tsuki_no_bara]

at least therapy isn't unhelpful yet.... is it helping at all?

on the plus side, yay for being recognized as a guy! and being given the once-over as such.

also! i'm about a week into as simple as hunger and i really, really like it. the only thing it's missing is a map, because my brain wants to map "frankish lands" onto "germany" about half the time, and it took longer than it should have for me to figure out the romish lands were, you know, ROME, and not parts of europe inhabited by the romany. i mean, i was picturing a lot of vardos. >.< i'm at the point where el alacran has folded and is approaching the wall, as are hajar and ferdinand and the thing inhabiting benjon, and i can't remember if john is still at sea with el miriapodo or not. but things are happening! and i like it!

[apiphile]

Still hard to say. Giving me a lot to think about, but it still feels increasingly like wading through shit, and having to constantly challenge core assumptions about yourself is REALLY. EXHAUSTING.

Awwwww yeaaaaaah. Sorry about the non-exposition nature of the world-building but I've always found I prefer reading that in books - just being left to figure things out on my own (gives you something to chew over afterward with other people!). Things will, believe me, continue to happen.

[tsuki_no_bara]

i don't generally mind the lack of infodumping, altho i'd like a little more explanation as to what the difference is between a magister and a prefect, altho i could probably just look them up in a dictionary like a normal person, it's just that i really like maps. i'm getting a pretty good idea of what's going on in the background and what the world's like, so your subtle worldbuilding is totally fine.

[apiphile]

\o/ Right at this moment I'm pretty sure I can't remember the difference myself, hopefully it will come clear.