Sparky Advent calendar fic: Heartbeats
Title: Heartbeats
Pairing: John/Elizabeth
Rating: PG - 13
Genre: fluff with bit of angst, romance, friendship
Spoilers: it's a season one based fic, so there are no spoilers beyond that season
Beta: the ever wonderful the_scary_kitty
Summary: It's not if what we're doing is right. It's how are we going to do this.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis belongs to MGM. The title was borrowed from Jose Gonsales :)
A/N: this is another sequel in “Lullaby” verse (here are parts One, Two and Three).
Feedback is loved and cherished! Have a peaceful Christmas and other winter - season holidays! :)
*
"You're thinking,” John sighed and punched his pillow with a fist. “You should be resting.”
“I'm not,” Elizabeth stretched her toes and wondered if old married couples talked like this.
“You are. To be precise, you're worried. Again.” He propped himself up on an elbow, and gazed at her in the semi-darkness.
She shifted uncomfortably on the narrow bed, then sighed.
“You're creepy sometimes, you know that?”
“And you're too easy,” his voice was a gentle whisper.
“Am I?” She raised her eyebrow as she turned to him. He snuggled closer, looking at her fondly.
“Only sometimes.” His hand felt familiar and right, and fingers tender and warm on her face. “What's bothering you?”
Elizabeth curled into him, as much as she could on their narrow mattress, looking at his features. It was dark in her room, but he was familiar up to a point where she didn't need to see his face to tell what kind of expression he was wearing.
“It's not if what we're doing is right.” Her fingers curled around his and she closed her eyes. Part of her still thought it wasn't a good idea. It wasn't wrong, but it wasn't very smart either. Having a baby here was risky and dangerous and multiplied their responsibilities by thousands. There were issues she was still trying to avoid thinking about. “It's how are we going to do this.” She couldn't help the heaviness of her voice.
When he turned to his back she wished she could swallow her words. John was patient, caring, surprisingly discreet with everything going on right now. Besides them, Carson was the only person in the City who knew they were expecting, but the secret couldn't be kept forever.
The problem was, John couldn't solve this for her. Not that she needed him to solve her problems and hand her the answer to every worry or fear she might have - she was never that kind of woman. But John honestly thought and felt this was his part of the deal, the thing about him she both loved and was annoyed with.
“John,” she whispered, feeling him so close, but somehow being unable to touch him.
“I won't let anything happen to you. Or the baby,” he said, the personal mantra firm in its place of his mind. At the end, she was feeling bad because here she was, handing him a problem he couldn't fix on his own and knowing he wasn't unbreakable.
“I know that. It's... the organizational part of it,” she sighed. “I will become more and more pregnant. I will have a baby, and that baby will keep me awake through nights and days. I won't have time to be a leader like I am now,” she closed her eyes again, still unable to imagine herself carrying an infant of her own.
“You'll take a maternity leave then.” He shrugged it off, for reasons different than hers. “We'll find a baby sitter. I'm sure Rodney will volunteer.”
Despite the worry, she smiled to herself and felt it was better to let it slide, for now.
“Why do you think so?”
“I'm sure he'll blow up something soon and he'll need brownie points with you.” Elizabeth could sense the tension ease slightly as they safely stuffed the issue under the rug. Again. They had to be the world champions of avoidance.
For the time being, she promised herself. Elizabeth shifted to her side and John followed, spooning her from behind. A hand covered her stomach, round and growing, but still not big enough to be noticed.
*
“Major,” Teyla's voice was slightly concerned.
John peeled himself off the floor.
“You're a mean woman,” he said as he sat up and rubbed his shoulder. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“I am most certainly not. You, however, are being unfocused,” she sighed, hands on hips as he panted on the floor. “More than usual, that is.”
“Geez, thank you so much, Teyla.”
“I am a honest critic, Major,” she said fondly. “I am worried, though. You seem very preoccupied.”
She looked at him as he seemingly forgot to get up from the floor, so she sat right next to him. John's face was expressive, thoughts, concerns and fears playing over it as he swallowed his words. “John?” she asked tentatively; she usually didn't call him by his given name.
“There's this.... situation,” he sighed.
“A situation?” she asked. His hesitation was telling, just like the way he avoided her eyes. They got along well, and Teyla always felt at ease around John. His heart was in the right place even when his actions were a little off, and sometimes he needed a pointer in the right direction, like a younger brother would. But John was also incredibly private and closed off from everyone.
Or, almost everyone.
“Elizabeth is pregnant,” he blurted suddenly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
At first Teyla was at a momentary loss for words. Then, seemingly in slow motion (like in the movies they sometimes watched), the pieces slid into a bigger picture, and she certainly wasn't surprised to learn that he and Elizabeth had become close.
Not meaning to push him, Teyla opted for gentle prodding.
“Is she doing well?”
“Carson says she is.” His shoulders were set tight. Teyla noted the tone of intimate, knowing concern in his voice, one people seemed to use for their closest, loved ones, and she could read nuances and details and feel the level of familiarity he must have with Elizabeth.
“And you?” she asked with care.
John closed his eyes and she could almost feel him stiffen.
“The baby is yours,” she stated and John nodded. After several moments he looked at her.
“How can we have a baby in a place like this?” he asked and sighed.
“John,” Her hand hesitated a bit before she placed her palm onto his shoulder. He turned to face her and Teyla smiled slowly, recognizing the distinct change that came with fatherhood. “I can not promise you we will always be safe, or you, or Elizabeth. Or your child.” She thought of Halling and Jinto, and the day when they lost Nimera, Jinto's mother. Life offered no promises and nothing was certain. “But you can not turn your back to your responsibility and I am certain of this,” she paused, looking at him softly, and he seemed both young and old; her friend, her leader, her almost - brother. “Your friends will never turn their back on you.”
Before he could say anything and before she became overwhelmed by too many sad memories she touched her forehead to his, and then left him with a little more peace in his heart.
*
Rodney McKay was always proud of his considerable intelligence and the fact that he knew many things. He understood the way Atlantis worked better than anyone (Zelenka was smart but he was no match to him). He was the person you called if something needed to be fixed before it blew up in the next thirty seconds; actually it seemed to Rodney that he was even more intelligent when under pressure.
All things considered, Rodney wasn't very willing to admit that nuances of social interactions were sometimes lost on him. However, he wasn't completely unobservant, especially when it came to people he actually respected. (There weren't many).
Rodney had suspicions that something was wrong with Elizabeth - she seemed preoccupied more than usual, and had snapped at him two or three times at an earlier point of a discussion than she normally would. It wasn't quite enough to prompt a real concern, until today.
Rodney walked in Elizabeth's office, already speaking his requests and stopped mid-sentence. At first Elizabeth seemed engrossed in the report she was reading, but then he realized she was asleep.
“Elizabeth?” He just stood there, not sure if he should let her sleep, wake her up or perhaps call someone. She didn't move and Rodney glanced toward the gateroom full of the regular staff. If he knew Elizabeth, then he was quite certain she wouldn't like anyone to find her like this. He neared her desk and carefully shook her shoulder.
Elizabeth awakened groggily, then jerked when she realized where she was.
“Rodney, I didn’t see you there...”
“Quite possible because you seemed pretty much aslee - whoa -” When she got up from her chair her legs seemed to give out a little. “Are you okay?”
“Just dizzy,” she said.
“Huh, right. Tired, cranky, asleep on your work and dizzy; I say you should go and see Carson,” Rodney held her shoulders automatically. They were all mother henning her a little, ever since the storm and Genii breach. She leaned forward, with hands on her desk to steady herself, then straightened slowly, placing a hand to her forehead.
“I'm not sick, Rodney,” she sighed.
She was really pale. A lot more than Elizabeth’s usual translucent skin with freckles.
“Are you sure you're not sick?” he asked.
Elizabeth closed her eyes, seemingly debating something - like when they were discussing options to act upon, a moment just before she reached an important decision. Rodney felt his chest tighten. Then she looked at him, finding resolve somewhere in herself. Her face was serious, a futile struggle left behind.
“I'm not sick. I'm pregnant,” she said quietly.
His first reaction was to look her up and down - her stomach seemed flat as always, but Jeannie didn't show until she was four months pregnant. His mind raced to several places and he wanted to ask too many questions all at once, and felt rather confused at the same time.
“How long... I mean did you know... I mean you didn't plan this did you - are you saying you're involved with someone here?”
“Less than three months, I knew for some time, no, I didn't plan it and... yes, on the last question.”
“Who?” asked Rodney before he could stop himself, but an irrational desire to protect her - he wasn't sure where it came from but it had something to do with the storm and Kolya aiming a gun at them both - made him ask before his better judgment could insert itself and advise that it really wasn't his concern.
Only it was.
For a moment he felt he should kick some bastard's ass. Maybe that had to do with not being there for Jeannie, most of the time. Maybe someone was leaving her to worry through this alone.
“John,” she answered to his surprise.
Okay, maybe he wouldn't kick John's ass, but still.
“How... I mean when...” He stopped asking when she placed her hand on his shoulder.
“The old fashioned way, Rodney.” She grinned, then lowered herself back into her chair and yawned.
“You should rest. Where is Sheppard? He should be taking care of you now,” Rodney started pacing. “Does he know you're not feeling well?”
“Rodney,” she smiled at him affectionately. “Sit down, please. You're making me dizzy.”
Which he did, with a heave. One could dump a mass of mathematical facts on him and he'd come up with a solution, but this - socializing stuff, the meaning of life stuff - just wasn't his thing. He sucked at it. Mathematics was perfectly safe and predictable, people were screwed up. Rodney rubbed his face.
“I can take care of myself rather well,” Elizabeth reminded him, looking at him in an amused way.
“I know that,” he said, and it was true. If someone could kick Sheppard's ass, verbally....
“Good,” she smiled. “Pregnant but not sick,” she added.
Rodney looked at her in disbelief. That simply couldn't be happening.
“My God. You're gonna be a mom,” he felt like he finally realized what it meant - huge stomach and a baby, and being a parent and in some way decidedly different than she was now. Something inside of his chest hurt; quite possibly he was a tad bit jealous. When he spoke Elizabeth's smile was gone and she looked away. “I'm sorry. Did I just...?”
“It's okay, Rodney,” she said.
“Well, it doesn't look like you're okay. I remember Jeannie. She was glowing,” he blurted.
“Oh, no, not the glowing jokes,” the way she tried to joke her way out of the situation was distinctly familiar and arched a comical eyebrow at him. “I'm serious.”
“You don't look okay,” he repeated, smiling half heartedly.
“Well. I'm not,” she admitted, leaning back in her chair and looking up at the ceiling. Rodney felt his chest tighten when she slid her hand down onto her stomach. Suddenly, kicking Sheppard's ass seemed an easy task, when compared to, for instance, keeping the Wraith away. Or keeping the City powered up, or not letting everyone be killed by one crazy terrorist or another. This galaxy certainly had its unpleasant quirks. Raising a kid in a decent neighborhood on Earth had to be hard enough, then, how about this one?
“And Sheppard?”
“He thinks he has to protect me from everything,” Rodney could tell just from the pitch of her voice how annoyed she was about it.
“He’d better.” Now her smile was decidedly amused, but her gaze was still heavy with worry.
“I don't know how everything is supposed to work out, with me being the ...” Elizabeth gestured, indicating the City around them, giving him a long, pensive look. Rodney frowned, realizing what she had in mind. He was a part of planning this expedition. It was about science, discovery of new technologies, going boldly where no one had gone before.
The plan didn't include babies.
But their plan didn't include many other things either.
*
“Are you thinking about something?” murmured Elizabeth, lips almost touching the skin of John's chest. He was radiating heat, even without a blanket covering him and she contemplated that amazing quality of his body - he was always warm. John pulled her slightly closer as she lay next to him. He was much better than a blanket.
“You're getting bigger.” She could hear a smile stretching his lips as his hand moved and searched to feel her hip and the slight swell of her stomach. She shifted and granted his hand a path to explore, moving her leg over his.
“Yes, and don't you dare start teasing me about it,” she said softly, then closed her eyes. Any conversation about her pregnancy would inevitably lead to a topic of making it known and both of them, but Elizabeth in particular, were trying to postpone it. However, it was a matter of weeks, or perhaps even days, before her pregnancy would become visible.
He moved and kissed the top of her head.
“I won't, but others are going to wonder how come you're getting so fat,” she smiled, even as the joke didn't come out quite right.
“I suppose telling people I fell in love with Athosian meals won't work,” she chose the lighthearted approach. The avoid the issue approach, at least partially, was still the safest. Elizabeth wasn't sure if a relationship could work out like this, but at least they were on an exactly same page.
“Probably not,” he said and she could feel tension build within him, reaching that point when it needed to be addressed. Unexpectedly, he switched the topic, and his voice came out tense. “I told Teyla.”
Elizabeth moved up, to look at him.
“We were sparring and I guess she noticed something was off,” John's eyes searched her face. Elizabeth moved further, until she was half lying over him, propped up and looking at him.
“You know, Rodney noticed something too,” she bit her lip slightly.
“And?”
“He said he was going to kick your ass,” she said. He smiled at her and she smiled back, feeling something shift between them. The moment was soft and slow, and Elizabeth felt they were settling in, into some place completely new.
“I'd be more worried if he tried to kill me with his brain,” John cracked a joke, a real one, and Elizabeth laughed. John's eyes lit up, “You're pregnant and you're getting bigger,” he grinned. There was something ridiculously proud in his voice and sappy as she felt at the moment, worried and content and excited all at once, Elizabeth couldn't say anything to take the moment away from him.
Simultaneously they both moved, and sat up halfway, until she was comfortable against John's chest and his hands rested on her stomach possessively. Elizabeth closed her eyes and thought of Rodney - he was giving her worried looks the whole day and was uncharacteristically tentative. The fact that Teyla noticed there was something wrong with John wasn't surprising at all.
“We can't deal with this alone, John,” she said finally. She could feel him nod against her hair slowly, and then his chin leaning on top of her head.
“I guess we should start telling people,” he said. “Maybe you could make an announcement over the city-wide?” He knew she was going to frown at the mere thought of that, so he tickled her lightly, until she squirmed in his arms and laughed. “Hey, that would be the simplest way to do it.”
“Oh, only if you agree to spend next three hours in my office, having people congratulate you and offer child rearing advice and share horror stories of their nephews after I announce it,” she answered, and he mirrored her raised eyebrow and matched her grin.
“There's always Chuck and Peter and the rumor mill,” he suggested, waggling his eyebrows naughtily. “Maybe we could even start one of their betting pool ourselves?”
Now she really laughed. In their current circumstances the rumor mill and the ongoing betting pools were a necessity, a thread to normalcy. In normal circumstances all she'd be worried about now was pausing her career, but right here her work came with a whole new level of responsibilities. She would need a maternity leave, a minimal one at least. It was going to be complicated at best, but she felt calmer knowing there were people who cared about them. They were going to make it... somehow. She closed her eyes, it wasn't a conclusion that usually made her feel better.
Turning, she looked at him, trying to imagine what their child would be like - smart and stubborn, perhaps, loyal and honest like its father, or pragmatic like her?
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I'm wondering what our child will be like,” she said.
“Charming and resourceful?” John's lips were close and soft.
“I think I heard that once,” she grinned and let him kiss her. “Resourceful is just another word for impossible. I think we will have our hands full.”
“Well... I think you at least have lots of practice with that,” he nuzzled his nose against her forehead. She slapped him lightly,
“Yes, yourself included,” John let her pull him down onto the mattress, but held his weight securely above her. Elizabeth looked at his eyes, his smile, trying to imagine a little girl or a boy with dark wild hair and hazel eyes, and some of her features mixed in. It couldn't be that bad, she thought. They were going to do this, they were, they had to. Even if it felt too big and too much, and she was terrified. John's eyes were light and warm and she let the smile in his voice carry her. He said he would take care of her, and she believed him.
“Elizabeth.... remember. It takes a village to raise a child. Or in this case, a city. Who says ours will be the only one? Besides, I better not screw it up. Rodney said he was going to kick my ass after all.”
Pairing: John/Elizabeth
Rating: PG - 13
Genre: fluff with bit of angst, romance, friendship
Spoilers: it's a season one based fic, so there are no spoilers beyond that season
Beta: the ever wonderful the_scary_kitty
Summary: It's not if what we're doing is right. It's how are we going to do this.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis belongs to MGM. The title was borrowed from Jose Gonsales :)
A/N: this is another sequel in “Lullaby” verse (here are parts One, Two and Three).
Feedback is loved and cherished! Have a peaceful Christmas and other winter - season holidays! :)
*
"You're thinking,” John sighed and punched his pillow with a fist. “You should be resting.”
“I'm not,” Elizabeth stretched her toes and wondered if old married couples talked like this.
“You are. To be precise, you're worried. Again.” He propped himself up on an elbow, and gazed at her in the semi-darkness.
She shifted uncomfortably on the narrow bed, then sighed.
“You're creepy sometimes, you know that?”
“And you're too easy,” his voice was a gentle whisper.
“Am I?” She raised her eyebrow as she turned to him. He snuggled closer, looking at her fondly.
“Only sometimes.” His hand felt familiar and right, and fingers tender and warm on her face. “What's bothering you?”
Elizabeth curled into him, as much as she could on their narrow mattress, looking at his features. It was dark in her room, but he was familiar up to a point where she didn't need to see his face to tell what kind of expression he was wearing.
“It's not if what we're doing is right.” Her fingers curled around his and she closed her eyes. Part of her still thought it wasn't a good idea. It wasn't wrong, but it wasn't very smart either. Having a baby here was risky and dangerous and multiplied their responsibilities by thousands. There were issues she was still trying to avoid thinking about. “It's how are we going to do this.” She couldn't help the heaviness of her voice.
When he turned to his back she wished she could swallow her words. John was patient, caring, surprisingly discreet with everything going on right now. Besides them, Carson was the only person in the City who knew they were expecting, but the secret couldn't be kept forever.
The problem was, John couldn't solve this for her. Not that she needed him to solve her problems and hand her the answer to every worry or fear she might have - she was never that kind of woman. But John honestly thought and felt this was his part of the deal, the thing about him she both loved and was annoyed with.
“John,” she whispered, feeling him so close, but somehow being unable to touch him.
“I won't let anything happen to you. Or the baby,” he said, the personal mantra firm in its place of his mind. At the end, she was feeling bad because here she was, handing him a problem he couldn't fix on his own and knowing he wasn't unbreakable.
“I know that. It's... the organizational part of it,” she sighed. “I will become more and more pregnant. I will have a baby, and that baby will keep me awake through nights and days. I won't have time to be a leader like I am now,” she closed her eyes again, still unable to imagine herself carrying an infant of her own.
“You'll take a maternity leave then.” He shrugged it off, for reasons different than hers. “We'll find a baby sitter. I'm sure Rodney will volunteer.”
Despite the worry, she smiled to herself and felt it was better to let it slide, for now.
“Why do you think so?”
“I'm sure he'll blow up something soon and he'll need brownie points with you.” Elizabeth could sense the tension ease slightly as they safely stuffed the issue under the rug. Again. They had to be the world champions of avoidance.
For the time being, she promised herself. Elizabeth shifted to her side and John followed, spooning her from behind. A hand covered her stomach, round and growing, but still not big enough to be noticed.
*
“Major,” Teyla's voice was slightly concerned.
John peeled himself off the floor.
“You're a mean woman,” he said as he sat up and rubbed his shoulder. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“I am most certainly not. You, however, are being unfocused,” she sighed, hands on hips as he panted on the floor. “More than usual, that is.”
“Geez, thank you so much, Teyla.”
“I am a honest critic, Major,” she said fondly. “I am worried, though. You seem very preoccupied.”
She looked at him as he seemingly forgot to get up from the floor, so she sat right next to him. John's face was expressive, thoughts, concerns and fears playing over it as he swallowed his words. “John?” she asked tentatively; she usually didn't call him by his given name.
“There's this.... situation,” he sighed.
“A situation?” she asked. His hesitation was telling, just like the way he avoided her eyes. They got along well, and Teyla always felt at ease around John. His heart was in the right place even when his actions were a little off, and sometimes he needed a pointer in the right direction, like a younger brother would. But John was also incredibly private and closed off from everyone.
Or, almost everyone.
“Elizabeth is pregnant,” he blurted suddenly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
At first Teyla was at a momentary loss for words. Then, seemingly in slow motion (like in the movies they sometimes watched), the pieces slid into a bigger picture, and she certainly wasn't surprised to learn that he and Elizabeth had become close.
Not meaning to push him, Teyla opted for gentle prodding.
“Is she doing well?”
“Carson says she is.” His shoulders were set tight. Teyla noted the tone of intimate, knowing concern in his voice, one people seemed to use for their closest, loved ones, and she could read nuances and details and feel the level of familiarity he must have with Elizabeth.
“And you?” she asked with care.
John closed his eyes and she could almost feel him stiffen.
“The baby is yours,” she stated and John nodded. After several moments he looked at her.
“How can we have a baby in a place like this?” he asked and sighed.
“John,” Her hand hesitated a bit before she placed her palm onto his shoulder. He turned to face her and Teyla smiled slowly, recognizing the distinct change that came with fatherhood. “I can not promise you we will always be safe, or you, or Elizabeth. Or your child.” She thought of Halling and Jinto, and the day when they lost Nimera, Jinto's mother. Life offered no promises and nothing was certain. “But you can not turn your back to your responsibility and I am certain of this,” she paused, looking at him softly, and he seemed both young and old; her friend, her leader, her almost - brother. “Your friends will never turn their back on you.”
Before he could say anything and before she became overwhelmed by too many sad memories she touched her forehead to his, and then left him with a little more peace in his heart.
*
Rodney McKay was always proud of his considerable intelligence and the fact that he knew many things. He understood the way Atlantis worked better than anyone (Zelenka was smart but he was no match to him). He was the person you called if something needed to be fixed before it blew up in the next thirty seconds; actually it seemed to Rodney that he was even more intelligent when under pressure.
All things considered, Rodney wasn't very willing to admit that nuances of social interactions were sometimes lost on him. However, he wasn't completely unobservant, especially when it came to people he actually respected. (There weren't many).
Rodney had suspicions that something was wrong with Elizabeth - she seemed preoccupied more than usual, and had snapped at him two or three times at an earlier point of a discussion than she normally would. It wasn't quite enough to prompt a real concern, until today.
Rodney walked in Elizabeth's office, already speaking his requests and stopped mid-sentence. At first Elizabeth seemed engrossed in the report she was reading, but then he realized she was asleep.
“Elizabeth?” He just stood there, not sure if he should let her sleep, wake her up or perhaps call someone. She didn't move and Rodney glanced toward the gateroom full of the regular staff. If he knew Elizabeth, then he was quite certain she wouldn't like anyone to find her like this. He neared her desk and carefully shook her shoulder.
Elizabeth awakened groggily, then jerked when she realized where she was.
“Rodney, I didn’t see you there...”
“Quite possible because you seemed pretty much aslee - whoa -” When she got up from her chair her legs seemed to give out a little. “Are you okay?”
“Just dizzy,” she said.
“Huh, right. Tired, cranky, asleep on your work and dizzy; I say you should go and see Carson,” Rodney held her shoulders automatically. They were all mother henning her a little, ever since the storm and Genii breach. She leaned forward, with hands on her desk to steady herself, then straightened slowly, placing a hand to her forehead.
“I'm not sick, Rodney,” she sighed.
She was really pale. A lot more than Elizabeth’s usual translucent skin with freckles.
“Are you sure you're not sick?” he asked.
Elizabeth closed her eyes, seemingly debating something - like when they were discussing options to act upon, a moment just before she reached an important decision. Rodney felt his chest tighten. Then she looked at him, finding resolve somewhere in herself. Her face was serious, a futile struggle left behind.
“I'm not sick. I'm pregnant,” she said quietly.
His first reaction was to look her up and down - her stomach seemed flat as always, but Jeannie didn't show until she was four months pregnant. His mind raced to several places and he wanted to ask too many questions all at once, and felt rather confused at the same time.
“How long... I mean did you know... I mean you didn't plan this did you - are you saying you're involved with someone here?”
“Less than three months, I knew for some time, no, I didn't plan it and... yes, on the last question.”
“Who?” asked Rodney before he could stop himself, but an irrational desire to protect her - he wasn't sure where it came from but it had something to do with the storm and Kolya aiming a gun at them both - made him ask before his better judgment could insert itself and advise that it really wasn't his concern.
Only it was.
For a moment he felt he should kick some bastard's ass. Maybe that had to do with not being there for Jeannie, most of the time. Maybe someone was leaving her to worry through this alone.
“John,” she answered to his surprise.
Okay, maybe he wouldn't kick John's ass, but still.
“How... I mean when...” He stopped asking when she placed her hand on his shoulder.
“The old fashioned way, Rodney.” She grinned, then lowered herself back into her chair and yawned.
“You should rest. Where is Sheppard? He should be taking care of you now,” Rodney started pacing. “Does he know you're not feeling well?”
“Rodney,” she smiled at him affectionately. “Sit down, please. You're making me dizzy.”
Which he did, with a heave. One could dump a mass of mathematical facts on him and he'd come up with a solution, but this - socializing stuff, the meaning of life stuff - just wasn't his thing. He sucked at it. Mathematics was perfectly safe and predictable, people were screwed up. Rodney rubbed his face.
“I can take care of myself rather well,” Elizabeth reminded him, looking at him in an amused way.
“I know that,” he said, and it was true. If someone could kick Sheppard's ass, verbally....
“Good,” she smiled. “Pregnant but not sick,” she added.
Rodney looked at her in disbelief. That simply couldn't be happening.
“My God. You're gonna be a mom,” he felt like he finally realized what it meant - huge stomach and a baby, and being a parent and in some way decidedly different than she was now. Something inside of his chest hurt; quite possibly he was a tad bit jealous. When he spoke Elizabeth's smile was gone and she looked away. “I'm sorry. Did I just...?”
“It's okay, Rodney,” she said.
“Well, it doesn't look like you're okay. I remember Jeannie. She was glowing,” he blurted.
“Oh, no, not the glowing jokes,” the way she tried to joke her way out of the situation was distinctly familiar and arched a comical eyebrow at him. “I'm serious.”
“You don't look okay,” he repeated, smiling half heartedly.
“Well. I'm not,” she admitted, leaning back in her chair and looking up at the ceiling. Rodney felt his chest tighten when she slid her hand down onto her stomach. Suddenly, kicking Sheppard's ass seemed an easy task, when compared to, for instance, keeping the Wraith away. Or keeping the City powered up, or not letting everyone be killed by one crazy terrorist or another. This galaxy certainly had its unpleasant quirks. Raising a kid in a decent neighborhood on Earth had to be hard enough, then, how about this one?
“And Sheppard?”
“He thinks he has to protect me from everything,” Rodney could tell just from the pitch of her voice how annoyed she was about it.
“He’d better.” Now her smile was decidedly amused, but her gaze was still heavy with worry.
“I don't know how everything is supposed to work out, with me being the ...” Elizabeth gestured, indicating the City around them, giving him a long, pensive look. Rodney frowned, realizing what she had in mind. He was a part of planning this expedition. It was about science, discovery of new technologies, going boldly where no one had gone before.
The plan didn't include babies.
But their plan didn't include many other things either.
*
“Are you thinking about something?” murmured Elizabeth, lips almost touching the skin of John's chest. He was radiating heat, even without a blanket covering him and she contemplated that amazing quality of his body - he was always warm. John pulled her slightly closer as she lay next to him. He was much better than a blanket.
“You're getting bigger.” She could hear a smile stretching his lips as his hand moved and searched to feel her hip and the slight swell of her stomach. She shifted and granted his hand a path to explore, moving her leg over his.
“Yes, and don't you dare start teasing me about it,” she said softly, then closed her eyes. Any conversation about her pregnancy would inevitably lead to a topic of making it known and both of them, but Elizabeth in particular, were trying to postpone it. However, it was a matter of weeks, or perhaps even days, before her pregnancy would become visible.
He moved and kissed the top of her head.
“I won't, but others are going to wonder how come you're getting so fat,” she smiled, even as the joke didn't come out quite right.
“I suppose telling people I fell in love with Athosian meals won't work,” she chose the lighthearted approach. The avoid the issue approach, at least partially, was still the safest. Elizabeth wasn't sure if a relationship could work out like this, but at least they were on an exactly same page.
“Probably not,” he said and she could feel tension build within him, reaching that point when it needed to be addressed. Unexpectedly, he switched the topic, and his voice came out tense. “I told Teyla.”
Elizabeth moved up, to look at him.
“We were sparring and I guess she noticed something was off,” John's eyes searched her face. Elizabeth moved further, until she was half lying over him, propped up and looking at him.
“You know, Rodney noticed something too,” she bit her lip slightly.
“And?”
“He said he was going to kick your ass,” she said. He smiled at her and she smiled back, feeling something shift between them. The moment was soft and slow, and Elizabeth felt they were settling in, into some place completely new.
“I'd be more worried if he tried to kill me with his brain,” John cracked a joke, a real one, and Elizabeth laughed. John's eyes lit up, “You're pregnant and you're getting bigger,” he grinned. There was something ridiculously proud in his voice and sappy as she felt at the moment, worried and content and excited all at once, Elizabeth couldn't say anything to take the moment away from him.
Simultaneously they both moved, and sat up halfway, until she was comfortable against John's chest and his hands rested on her stomach possessively. Elizabeth closed her eyes and thought of Rodney - he was giving her worried looks the whole day and was uncharacteristically tentative. The fact that Teyla noticed there was something wrong with John wasn't surprising at all.
“We can't deal with this alone, John,” she said finally. She could feel him nod against her hair slowly, and then his chin leaning on top of her head.
“I guess we should start telling people,” he said. “Maybe you could make an announcement over the city-wide?” He knew she was going to frown at the mere thought of that, so he tickled her lightly, until she squirmed in his arms and laughed. “Hey, that would be the simplest way to do it.”
“Oh, only if you agree to spend next three hours in my office, having people congratulate you and offer child rearing advice and share horror stories of their nephews after I announce it,” she answered, and he mirrored her raised eyebrow and matched her grin.
“There's always Chuck and Peter and the rumor mill,” he suggested, waggling his eyebrows naughtily. “Maybe we could even start one of their betting pool ourselves?”
Now she really laughed. In their current circumstances the rumor mill and the ongoing betting pools were a necessity, a thread to normalcy. In normal circumstances all she'd be worried about now was pausing her career, but right here her work came with a whole new level of responsibilities. She would need a maternity leave, a minimal one at least. It was going to be complicated at best, but she felt calmer knowing there were people who cared about them. They were going to make it... somehow. She closed her eyes, it wasn't a conclusion that usually made her feel better.
Turning, she looked at him, trying to imagine what their child would be like - smart and stubborn, perhaps, loyal and honest like its father, or pragmatic like her?
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I'm wondering what our child will be like,” she said.
“Charming and resourceful?” John's lips were close and soft.
“I think I heard that once,” she grinned and let him kiss her. “Resourceful is just another word for impossible. I think we will have our hands full.”
“Well... I think you at least have lots of practice with that,” he nuzzled his nose against her forehead. She slapped him lightly,
“Yes, yourself included,” John let her pull him down onto the mattress, but held his weight securely above her. Elizabeth looked at his eyes, his smile, trying to imagine a little girl or a boy with dark wild hair and hazel eyes, and some of her features mixed in. It couldn't be that bad, she thought. They were going to do this, they were, they had to. Even if it felt too big and too much, and she was terrified. John's eyes were light and warm and she let the smile in his voice carry her. He said he would take care of her, and she believed him.
“Elizabeth.... remember. It takes a village to raise a child. Or in this case, a city. Who says ours will be the only one? Besides, I better not screw it up. Rodney said he was going to kick my ass after all.”