The Secret Lives of Ants

[porrage]

First thoughts? This is shit, complete and utter shit.

Alright, I've only read the blue book in the four part trilogy, so this is my attempt to catch up with you guys. I enjoyed Eragon when I first read it, but I've been struggling for months to read Eldest. Last night I got to "The Secret Lives of Ants", and I cringed at every word. Much like the

Comments

[cael_lilikoi]

I was going to make some comment about Pao pao not knowing anything about razors because he doesn't need to use them himself...

...But I decided that was too mean and just described it in an offhand manner instead.

[porrage]

He's obviously never cut himself shaving, I can say that with certainty. Have you ever nicked yourself and had the blood come out "gushing"?

Oh, and never pull punches with Paolini. You might feel it's too mean, but he certainly doesn't pull any punches when preaching about atheism and how eating animals is worse than killing defenseless humans. :D

Thanks for reading

[cavuy]

Blood gushing out while shaving? Sure, happens all the time to me...XD

But seriously, that chapter is messed. And its amazing the kind of stuff Paolini gets away with when it comes to most readers. Considering his prose overload, Paolini failing at ants completely passed me by. And so did the suggestion of Eragon having the habit of surreptitiously (yes, surreptitiously *headdesk*) gazing at groins in Carvahall.

[venusrain]

I have had blood gush when I cut myself shaving... but that's because it's not so much "nicking my leg" as "removing a long stripe of skin because of the area having relatively low sensitivity".

Also: lol

[cael_lilikoi]

Oh, also:

How is it that this technique works for him on the first try to such ravishing success? I haven't read the book, so I'm honestly curious. Is it actually 'magical' or slanted as just being some sort of super yoga meditation thing (it's eastern so it just works, okay, guys!?)

From my understanding it takes years of study and practice for actual meditation to exhibit conscious control over things it normally wouldn't- ie, monks not snapping out of state even when a gun is fired nearby. I'm by nooo means an expert, though, so I'll leave this to someone who knows what they're on about...

I actually have a roughly similar concept that is a part of one of my character's religion, but it has nothing to do with spying on ants... more it is used for self-focus or to study how the earth in the immediate vicinity is structured, since they like to keep close tabs on how natural forces alter landscapes. Natural geology and geography history used towards divination, sort of.

The fact that he has done anything similar makes me emo

[porrage]

After reading The Secret Lives of Ants, I can't help but feel I've wasted time. None of the characters develop (except for Eragon who becomes increasingly homosexual and perverted by sneaking glances at groins), nothing major happens... nothing new happens at all. *shakes head* The best part of all this is that Paolini thinks he's written something with value in this chapter.

Anyway, thanks for reading! :D

[ivymutant]

"His body seemed almost freakish to Eragon, compared to the men he was used to seeing in Carvahall."
..... really, Paolini? With Eragon sneaking surreptitious glances at a naked elf and eying his groin, the above sounds like he's done this before with men in Carvahall.
He makes it sound like every weekend the men got together, got naked and checked each other out or something. Or that they all walk around naked, because he says used to seeing, implying he'd seen them more than once naked.
I still claim Paolini got distracted and changed the genre part way through from fantasy to diary style autobiography, because for 3/4 of the book, it's the same freaking day over and over, with minor variations on the talking lessons point, or the insult the other Elf uses during sparring practice, or the odd festival.....

[mistyeyedreamer]

Alright, now I have images of Sweeney Todd castrating Eragon. Thanks for that.

Also. Saphira "wriggled underneath him with joy" Gah, dammit! Why is my mind so dirty? WHY? *cries*

Nice spork. I liked the sarcastic conversation about Gladr. 'Twas pretty awesome :D

[mouseycat]

'Also. Saphira "wriggled underneath him with joy" Gah, dammit! Why is my mind so dirty? WHY? *cries*'

Dragon rider.

[mistyeyedreamer]

Yeah, yeah...*is still trying to bleach the images out*

[mouseycat]

:D I _revel_ in them. Then bleach them once I'm done laughing.