[Kanazawa]

Sep 19, 2008 00:15

[GEN] AKIRA,
mmmdraco

[Kanazawa] Akira, )

sub: mmmdraco, round 006

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Comments 12

sleepingfingers September 20 2008, 06:27:16 UTC
This is poignant and bittersweet and just truly wonderful. The despair, the tenacity, even the small glimmer of hope--all came out in this letter. Thank you for writing this!

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anonymous September 20 2008, 06:32:20 UTC
Normally, I'm not one for letter fics, but this one actually works. There are a few things that made me raise my eyebrown (like Hikaru would not be allowed to give out his location in a letter, however vague it may be). Also, your sentence flow could be a bit better, but that's just me being picky. Overall, this is so bittersweet. I feel sad for Hikaru not being able to be at home.

[Kato]

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issen4 September 20 2008, 10:24:16 UTC
It's powerful how so much is unspoken here--Hikaru's wish for normality and the pain and death he's seen. The last line with the Go move is perfect.

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anonymous September 20 2008, 18:13:58 UTC
Oh, heartbreak. But wonderful.

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bookshop September 20 2008, 18:44:52 UTC

If I do, I want as many games as I can possibly have with you before they make us ship back out again.

that line just really twisted my heart around. :(

I think this loses something from its format because we miss so much backstory - a letter can't tell us, the reader, what the hell happened and why they're at war. But that's not really the point of this piece, and that comes through perfectly in the tone and the language. I feel like this isn't so much a fic so much as a character experiment, and I'd love to see it expanded and placed within a larger story. But beyond that, this was nicely done, and I felt the longing Hikaru had for Touya, and for the stability of their lives before the war, with every word. :)

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