[Kanazawa]
[GEN] AKIRA,
mmmdraco
Akira,
There's something to be said for the fact that I've played go for just over half of my life now, yet I can't really remember the things that happened before. I looked through the items my mother boxed up for me before I moved it, and very little is even familiar. I had birthday parties that seemed to involve wearing cake more than eating it... every year. I played soccer, but I can't remember if I was any good. My mother is biased when I ask her about it. There are a few trophies, but what does that mean to a bunch of kids who are doing their sport only to kick around in the dirt and get more stains on their clothing than their mothers can identify? I didn't break any bones, but that doesn't mean that I didn't come close.
I vaguely remember school, but if I think back to it at all, I remember other things that happened to occur at the same time: the Haze Go Club, Akari, Sai... You... I remember being an insei better than I remember the entirety of my schooling, but I suppose that speaks volumes of how much it all means to me.
There's been no word from Waya lately, so I'm thinking of him a lot especially. He's probably dead, but I'm holding on to what hope I can. Since the war started, we've gone without. No cigarettes, no alcohol, no medicine, no food... If I weren't in the army, I doubt our letters would get back and forth. Even Ogata is having trouble getting a letter to me, and he isn't the type to give up, is he?
Being a pen pal was never something I thought I'd be good at, but neither was go. I suppose this isn't much different. One person makes a move, and the other counters until you're both drawn in and it continues until there's no more than can be done or said. The moves are infinite.
I've fallen asleep the past few nights thinking of our games. It's hard on an empty stomach, so the distraction is nice. I'm sure you think of those games, too, to help distract you from everything that's going on. I don't know how it is in the cities there, or how they could have justified not putting you in the service because of that weird way your finger bends from holding the stones the way you do. My fingers were nearly the same, but they're used to a gun now, I suppose. To my knowledge, I haven't killed anyone with the few shots I've fired, but as we face more and more enemies, I wonder if I'll have to so I can stay alive to have one more game with you.
I can't even tell our armies apart anymore. From a distance, we're all the same, but if we get close enough to really see... Before they can see us, they can kill us. People are becoming so paranoid that we're just as likely to be killed by our own man as the Americans or Russians or Chinese.
We've come across a few men hiding on the battlefields: the ones who truly don't believe in this war. One is hidden in our unit, and he's teaching me some English. If this all ends, and we win, I might take you to America and we'll show them our go. You probably think I'm crazy to even consider that, and maybe I am going a bit crazy out here, but I feel cooped up in this country right now where every step is broaching borders other people don't want us to cross.
You haven't told me yet what job the government assigned you. It's probably something smart since you finished school, unlike the rest of us at the Institute. Maybe that's another reason I have a problem remembering my school.
It's been two months since I've seen Tokyo. I miss it. I'm camping in the bombed-shredded fields of Hokkaido right now, hoping it will stop rainging soon. Even I'm not sure how I've kept this paper useable, but it's been tucked deep into my bag, so maybe I've just been lucky.
If you are still in Tokyo and you do get this letter, I wonder if you'll do me a favor. Please try to find my parents and grandfather if they're still alive and let them know that I'm thinking about them. They aren't on my mind as much as go, but they're certainly a big distraction. I try not to think about people because people get hurt, and so many have. Ochi will never play go again. Kurata was killed for his treason. Waya... is probably never coming back. Yet, I can't make myself not think of the people I know. And you... You're so much a part of my go that I can't differentiate.
If I can make it another month, I may be able to come back for a visit. If I do, I want as many games as I can possibly have with you before they make us ship back out again.
I miss you a lot, you know... even more than the go. I never realized how much of a friend I considered you until I could no longer see your face whenever I wanted.
I do hope you're well, Akira. My memories of our games and my longing to play again are the things that carry me through each battle. I'll never truly be a soldier, but I'll fight for Japan to the best of my abilities and maybe when it's all over, I'll play go in a whole new way.
But I am scared. No matter what else I feel, there's this feeling like the first time I stepped into the Room of Infinite Darkness. There's a calm even in battle, but it seems to choke me.
Oh, another favor I have to ask... If you have a stick of incense that you can spare, would you light it for Sai for me? Children's Day passed with me lying in wait behind a rock.
I wish you well, Akira, if only because I'm selfish enough to demand to play you again.
5-4. Your move.
Yours truly,
Hikaru
mmmdraco
Akira,
There's something to be said for the fact that I've played go for just over half of my life now, yet I can't really remember the things that happened before. I looked through the items my mother boxed up for me before I moved it, and very little is even familiar. I had birthday parties that seemed to involve wearing cake more than eating it... every year. I played soccer, but I can't remember if I was any good. My mother is biased when I ask her about it. There are a few trophies, but what does that mean to a bunch of kids who are doing their sport only to kick around in the dirt and get more stains on their clothing than their mothers can identify? I didn't break any bones, but that doesn't mean that I didn't come close.
I vaguely remember school, but if I think back to it at all, I remember other things that happened to occur at the same time: the Haze Go Club, Akari, Sai... You... I remember being an insei better than I remember the entirety of my schooling, but I suppose that speaks volumes of how much it all means to me.
There's been no word from Waya lately, so I'm thinking of him a lot especially. He's probably dead, but I'm holding on to what hope I can. Since the war started, we've gone without. No cigarettes, no alcohol, no medicine, no food... If I weren't in the army, I doubt our letters would get back and forth. Even Ogata is having trouble getting a letter to me, and he isn't the type to give up, is he?
Being a pen pal was never something I thought I'd be good at, but neither was go. I suppose this isn't much different. One person makes a move, and the other counters until you're both drawn in and it continues until there's no more than can be done or said. The moves are infinite.
I've fallen asleep the past few nights thinking of our games. It's hard on an empty stomach, so the distraction is nice. I'm sure you think of those games, too, to help distract you from everything that's going on. I don't know how it is in the cities there, or how they could have justified not putting you in the service because of that weird way your finger bends from holding the stones the way you do. My fingers were nearly the same, but they're used to a gun now, I suppose. To my knowledge, I haven't killed anyone with the few shots I've fired, but as we face more and more enemies, I wonder if I'll have to so I can stay alive to have one more game with you.
I can't even tell our armies apart anymore. From a distance, we're all the same, but if we get close enough to really see... Before they can see us, they can kill us. People are becoming so paranoid that we're just as likely to be killed by our own man as the Americans or Russians or Chinese.
We've come across a few men hiding on the battlefields: the ones who truly don't believe in this war. One is hidden in our unit, and he's teaching me some English. If this all ends, and we win, I might take you to America and we'll show them our go. You probably think I'm crazy to even consider that, and maybe I am going a bit crazy out here, but I feel cooped up in this country right now where every step is broaching borders other people don't want us to cross.
You haven't told me yet what job the government assigned you. It's probably something smart since you finished school, unlike the rest of us at the Institute. Maybe that's another reason I have a problem remembering my school.
It's been two months since I've seen Tokyo. I miss it. I'm camping in the bombed-shredded fields of Hokkaido right now, hoping it will stop rainging soon. Even I'm not sure how I've kept this paper useable, but it's been tucked deep into my bag, so maybe I've just been lucky.
If you are still in Tokyo and you do get this letter, I wonder if you'll do me a favor. Please try to find my parents and grandfather if they're still alive and let them know that I'm thinking about them. They aren't on my mind as much as go, but they're certainly a big distraction. I try not to think about people because people get hurt, and so many have. Ochi will never play go again. Kurata was killed for his treason. Waya... is probably never coming back. Yet, I can't make myself not think of the people I know. And you... You're so much a part of my go that I can't differentiate.
If I can make it another month, I may be able to come back for a visit. If I do, I want as many games as I can possibly have with you before they make us ship back out again.
I miss you a lot, you know... even more than the go. I never realized how much of a friend I considered you until I could no longer see your face whenever I wanted.
I do hope you're well, Akira. My memories of our games and my longing to play again are the things that carry me through each battle. I'll never truly be a soldier, but I'll fight for Japan to the best of my abilities and maybe when it's all over, I'll play go in a whole new way.
But I am scared. No matter what else I feel, there's this feeling like the first time I stepped into the Room of Infinite Darkness. There's a calm even in battle, but it seems to choke me.
Oh, another favor I have to ask... If you have a stick of incense that you can spare, would you light it for Sai for me? Children's Day passed with me lying in wait behind a rock.
I wish you well, Akira, if only because I'm selfish enough to demand to play you again.
5-4. Your move.
Yours truly,
Hikaru