[Tomosaki]
[SMUT] MADONNA
nighteevee
She was fifteen when she realized why it didn't feel so good to not correct people who thought she was a boy.
"Such a nice girl!" Hikaru's mom had gushed after meeting Touya, happy to see her daughter having a friend who wasn't only female, but of such good breeding at that. Hikaru, who had wanted to die when her mother asked if Touya practiced ikebana, had refrained from saying anything about the language Touya could use when you just got her riled up enough. She had, however, taken the time to thoroughly inform her mother that being a professional did not leave time for stupid tea ceremonies, as mom seemed to think that Touya had learned Go exclusively as a part of her education.
Hikaru had yelled when mom asked if Touya was an only child. Touya had laughed afterwards, when Hikaru complained about how multiple childhood claims of wanting to marry Akari-chan had made her mother rather desperate to soothe her own insecurities. To this day, Hikaru wasn't sure if Touya had laughed because she thought that mom's worries were adorable, or because Hikaru actually had voiced the complaint on the day she took Touya home to finally introduce her to her parents.
When Hikaru was twelve, she had never before met a girl like Touya. She hasn't met anybody like her since, either. Touya is so different from Akari-chan, and most other girls Hikaru has never really been friends with. Touya knew what she wanted from life, and had shown no hesitation for going after it. Touya would face adults across the Go board without fear, she would answer whatever accusations made against her calmly and devastatingly. Touya didn't shrink back when she faced somebody stronger, but gave what she could and took her losses, few as they were, with dignity.
Touya didn't act inferior just because she was a girl - Touya would only smile at adults who talked about how cute she was, and then trounce them when they didn't think they could lose to such an adorable little girl. Touya did not feel like boys were the only ones who could understand what it was like to play Go, and Touya would likely have answered Waya's complaints about "God, Shindou, change out of your school uniform before coming to study group - it throws me off to remember that you're actually a woman" with something a lot smarter than "go fuck yourself". Although Touya, who probably was reared by Ichikawa-san and read de Beauvior at fourteen and whose friend closest to her own age seems to be Ashiwara-san, doesn't know how guys think and of course would take a lot more offense at it than Hikaru ever did.
Hikaru had always thought of other girls as, well, girls. Girls who played with dolls and were the mommy and played flute and grew up to become mothers and housewifes, even though nobody disagreed that Akane was ten times cooler than Kasumi. Hikaru wanted to be like that: Hikaru wanted to be like a boy. Hikaru wanted to play baseball and wear caps and shorts and have a Jurassic Park pencil case for her first day of school, not Hello Kitty. Hikaru and her mother had gone through a silent war when mom started buying her skirts and pink overalls, and Hikaru continued wearing jeans getting too short in the legs and Dragon Ball t-shirts with stains that wouldn't go away. Hikaru didn't really want to be Akane, striving to be a pretty girl and a good cook for Ranma:
Hikaru wanted to be Ukyo.
Hikaru, who had wanted to marry Akari-chan when she was eight, had always known that she wasn't like other girls. She hadn't minded as long as the boys still let her play with her, but with seventh grade came the uniforms that separated her mercilessly from them anyway. But at that point, just as Hikaru was starting to realize that she was aware of other girls in a way that was totally different from just thinking that boys were more fun to play with, Touya had already entered her life and showed her that there was absolutely no weakness in talking politely and wearing skirts.
Certainly, Touya showed her that none of that ever stopped her from being a Go player whose equal had not been seen in years - although Hikaru hadn't actually known that back when Sai's enthusiasm for Touya had been what impressed her. Hikaru had thought of Go as a guy thing, and like most things that people were actually meant to be really good at, it mostly was. But Touya wore skirts and crossed her legs and talked politely, and Waya and Ochi and Saeki-san had been afraid of her for years. Hikaru wasn't: Hikaru had been inspired by an admiration for something that went beyond girls and boys, back before Tsutsui-sempai and Mitani and Kaio's first board and Waya and Isumi-san and Touya-sensei and Kurata-san and Kuwabara-sensei and a line of men a mile long before Sakurano-san and Nase. Touya was unlike all of them, and maybe Hikaru had known how special she was already back then, and maybe Hikaru had just... had just...
Maybe Hikaru had just fallen hopelessly before she even knew what it was like to be in love.
She can't imagine what her life would have been like if Touya hadn't been there to pull her into Go for herself, to show her that she didn't need to be a boy to be good at it. To make her drink sake until it got difficult to place the stones, and then lean over and hug her in a way that was different from any hugs Hikaru had ever gotten even before Touya reached down to weave her fingers between Hikaru's.
That was two years ago, and Hikaru is pretty sure that she shouldn't still be mulling over how it was Touya, in her ironed blouses and knee-length skirts, who had been the one who first put her hand up under Hikaru's yellow hoodie to touch one of her breasts. That hadn't been the only thing either, and Hikaru had always been the one pulling the other girls into trouble - not the one lying on her back and squeezing her eyes shut as Touya's fingers worked between her legs. She'd never asked where Touya knew that stuff from, but afternoons spent looking at porn with Waya seemed to suggest that net Go aside, that was what the internet was for.
Not that Touya had taken it so well when she mentioned that to her, but the ensuing argument about "perversion" had gave Hikaru the clue needed to one-up Touya at something Touya herself had probably never even considered a competition.
"It's nice," she whispers and breathes moistily into Touya's chest, fastening her mouth against the beginning curve of a breast and pressing her tongue against the skin. She pulls back to lick her lips before moving further down, breathing the scent of detergent and skin and sweat because Touya always showers in the evening.
"You would eat ramen daily if your mother let you," Touya answers and pushes herself a bit further back towards the wall. The movement dislodge Hikaru, and she moves up to latch onto Touya's neck instead.
"I mean it," she pants when she lets go, pushing herself up on her elbows to let Touya know that she's serious, "I tried it."
"You would," says Touya in the same barely nervous deadpan, but Hikaru is old enought to know what Touya is marking on her calendar. Touya goes on her period in three days, and experience says that Touya is far from unwilling the week before. So she ignores the grousing in favor of the heaving chest beneath her, and buttons Touya's blouse the rest of the way down.
"It's not like it's something to be afraid of," she says when she moves on to Touya's skirt, pulling down the zipper without ceremony as Touya obediently lifts her hips, "we're made for this kind of stuff. Reproduction and all, you know? That's why guys - "
"If this is some stupid butch, tomboy thing of yours, Shindou, I swear to -"
"If this is some stupid redstocking hangup of yours, Touya, I'm pretty sure you need a good fuck," Hikaru snaps back, and regrets it when Touya's eyes flash and her rival is pushing herself up from the pillows. They usually have better things to argue about than politics, and even when it gets to that they mostly agree. But Hikaru's history of guy friends has marked her language in some ways that Touya appreciates as little as her mother, and for somebody so fiercely liberated, Touya is surprisingly touchy when it gets to sex. So Hikaru, who worked hard enough to talk Touya into this in the first place, interupt whatever diatribe she is about to deliver by kissing her first and collapsing them back into a pile on the mattress. Touya stops struggling when Hikaru's thumb finds a nipple covered by the thin material of her bra.
Hikaru doesn't bother defending her case further after that, satisfied that Touya either forgot or chose to ignore it. She works her way down to Touya's breasts once again and pulls down the right strap to get the fabric out of the way. Touya hitches a breath and arches up as Hikaru press her tongue hard against the right nipple before closing her lips around it, sucking it into her mouth to caress it with tongue and teeth. Her other hand reach up to fondle Touya's left breast, still clothed. The nipple is already stretching against the fabric, and Touya makes a pleased sound as Hikaru caress it roughly, pressing down and shoving it to the sides before she lets up and flicks her thumb lightly over the tip. She feels Touya's moan as much as she hears it, and release the right nipple to lick at it again before she nuzzles between Touya's breasts. She reach around Touya's back to undo the hooks, and sits up to let Touya take it of along with the blouse and drop them to the floor beside the bed.
It shouldn't be startling to see Touya naked after more than a year of having sex, but after six years of rivalry, it's still a jarring reminder about how Touya, so invulnerable both on the Go board and off it, had refused to let Hikaru turn on the light for seven months. Hikaru suspects that the power she herself takes from wearing men's clothes and cutting her hair short, Touya gets from not hesitating to meet the eyes of revered old men who has just complimented her traditional, feminine looks. It's not like Touya ever says a word about it, but some part of her changes in bed, and no matter how much she tries to hide it, Hikaru can tell, and can tell that this scares Touya more than anything in the world.
But because Touya still is Touya and would deny it if Hikaru ever tried to talk to her about it, it has never been a topic between them, and with how rotten Hikaru feels for taking advantage of it now, it will probably never be one. She doesn't say anything about it as Touya lifts a leg with a demanding stare, deceptively dignified even though she's spread out on the bed with most of her clothes gone. Hikaru obediently rolls down the stocking and then do the same to the other, before she pulls Touya's underwear off. Touya bends her knees and keeps her legs closed, and meets Hikaru's eyes with the same kind of defiant lack of hesitance as when she looked at Zama Ouza in her Shin shodan game.
Which doesn't fool Hikaru for a second, but it isn't like she feels any less stupid about this. She climbs of the bed and pull her clothes of with little ceremony, before walking over to dig through her backpack.
She feels oddly self-conscious as she pulls the dildo and the harness out of the bag and sorts out the straps before stepping into them and puling them up. Touya isn't saying a word, and Hikaru is halfway expecting an irritated snort when she turns around, wondering if Touya thinks she looks as dumb as she herself had thought she did when she tried it on in front of the bathroom mirror last night. But Touya only stares intently at the toy sticking out in front of Hikaru's abdomen like some oversized coat hook.
"It's pink," she finally says, and looks up to meet Hikaru's eyes. Still without hesitating for a second, but Hikaru has known Touya for long enough, and close enough, to recognize the unhappy tug at crook of her mouth. Touya, ever so fearless and devoted to facing opposition to increase her own strength, is not comfortable with this, but is putting up with it anyway - be it to make Hikaru happy or for some unknown private motive, she has stopped with the snide implications about Hikaru's perceived shortcomings in bed. Hikaru, who had thought that she deserved some kind of medal for putting up with that for as long as she had, finds herself strangely transfixed to observe this surpressed hesitance that she only ever saw Touya wear this openly in a chemistry lab at Kaio Middle School.
"Yeah - they had some... life-like ones, too, but I thought they looked nasty," Hikaru says and walks over to the bed to kneel at Touya's bent knees. She strokes up the other girl's calves and pushes her hand lightly between her knees, and Touya parts her thighs without a word. Hikaru, who doesn't feel any more ready for this than Touya looks, continues down towards Touya's hips and then around the back of her thighs. She's acutely aware of the toy poking out in front of her, and how Touya's quick breathing does not seem to be all from excitement. She has been fantasizing about this for weeks, but with the moment finally there, she finds herself at loss for how, exactly, she is going to do something with only one logical conclusion. She refuse to think of it as stalling when she leans forward on her elbows to kiss Touya softly, and finger Touya's hair when she tries to tell her.
"I'm - I really - I appreciate you letting me do this."
Touya finally moves her hands from her sides, to pull Hikaru's face down to kiss her for much longer, keeping her in place with fingers buried in the short strands of Hikaru's hair. Hikaru has no protests to this, and leans in let Touya get a better hold until she feels the harness twist, and Touya make an uncomfortable sound beneath her.
"God, Shindou, just get it over with so you can get that thing off," Touya spits, the moment unquestionably over. Hikaru pulls back a little, and blindly reach a hand down between Touya's legs. Touya close her eyes as Hikaru slides two fingers down between her folds, bypassing her clit to poke one of them slightly inside of her, before pulling back and pushing both of them in. Touya is soft and warm and wet around her, and she wonders, for a moment, what it would be like to actually have an organ that could feel that even more intimately than her hand. She moves the fingers in and out a few times before pulling them away, and reach back to find the tip of the dildo.
"Okay," she mutters and looks up to find that Touya is still lying there with her eyes closed and her lips parted in forcedly calm breaths, "okay," she repeats and buries her face in the crook of Touya's neck, guiding the dildo down to Touya's entrance and using her fingers to get the tip positioned just slightly inside. Touya's breath jerk at that, but Hikaru knows that she won't be protesting anything at this point, and push her hips down, marveling at the feeling of the toy being swallowed by Touya's body with little resistance.
Touya is panting beneath her when she finally lets go of the base of the dildo to move the arm up to rest on her elbows. She doesn't bother asking Touya if it is alright, and doesn't dare moving up to kiss her. She hasn't hurt Touya, she's pretty sure, but she's also pretty sure that Touya never has had anything this big inside her. All things considered, she is actually kind of conservative in bed. Hikaru tries to remember what it felt like the first time she used the shaft of her hairbrush, but the memory is too old, and likely does not compare to this. Touya's eyelids are twitching as if she is forcing herself to be calm, and her hands are fisted beside her head. It isn't even close to how the girls in the pictures had looked - not that porn ever looks anything like real sex - and in the back of her mind, Hikaru thinks that if anybody was watching, they'd be laughing their asses off at this point.
It takes a couple of minutes before Touya's breath starts to slow down, and Touya opens her eyes to give Hikaru a look that would have been more convincing if she hadn't still been breathing so heavily. Still, it is a green light, and Hikaru pulls her hips back and startles when Touya snaps for air. She ignores it and continue until it is almost all the way out, when she pushes back down with more speed than the first time. Still not fast enough, though, but Touya has closed her eyes and relaxed into the pillow, so she continue like that the next few thrusts, keenly observing Touya's reactions.
It is definitely fascinating, definitely arousing, and better than Hikaru had thought it would be. She can imagine what it must feel like for Touya, who seems to have resigned herself to bear it and then some - when she draws her knees higher up around Hikaru's waist to let her penetrate deeper, there is no longer any doubt that she likes what Hikaru is doing. It doesn't go as quickly as when she use her fingers or her mouth, but Touya gradually comes to life beneath her, making small noises of pleasure as she moves her hips to meet Hikaru's thrusts. It quickens unnoticably; Hikaru only realize it when she finds herself breathing heavily from the effort to keeping up the movements, but Touya's enthusiastic grunts keeps her from slowing down or taking a break.
She's fairly certain that Touya hasn't figured out what this really is about. It's probably too petty for somebody as fearless as Touya to even consider; even as Touya is only person under fourty who can make Hikaru feel humble in her jeans and sneakers and sweaters just baggy enough to camouflage her breasts, she doesn't seem to realize just what this means. Hikaru had admired Touya for her skills at the Go board, and for the position she so effortlessly reached and maintained in a milieu where men outnumber women even more than they do in the rest of the world. Hikaru had always thought that to play like the boys, she needed to be like the boys. Touya had proven that idea thoroughly wrong. And it's not like Hikaru really is into the idea that she's Touay's boyfriend or anything, but sometimes...
Sometimes, Hikaru feels inferior next to Touya and her fearlessness and confidence in herself as a woman, and how she takes the same for granted in Hikaru. Touya can be gentle and kind and sweet if she wants to; Touya can be cute and romantic, but she rarely bothers. And it isn't that Hikaru doesn't realize how silly it is of her to want to be better than Touya at something, for then to try and achieve it through taking advantage of Touya's ridiculous fear of surrendering control in bed.
Using a strap-on hardly qualifies as "weird" when it gets to things people do in bed, but having sex with Touya as if she was a guy, lying on top of her and fucking her, is still pretty damn special. And it is surprisingly sexy to have Touya keening beneath her with her thighs spread and her knees bent and her her hips threatening to leave the mattress each time Hikaru pulls out. She is as transfixed at the act as Touya seems to be, and almost stops in surprise when Touya reach a hand down to finger herself, biting her lower lip and arching backwards as her hips jerk up and she comes with a series of short, strangled moans.
Hikaru follows when Touya collapse back onto the bed with an exhausted whimper, panting on her knees and elbows as Touya comes to rest beneath her. She can't really move to caress Touya, can't hold her and put her leg inbetween Touya's for friction. She is hyper-aware of the foreign limb poking out in front of her that still is inside Touya, and carefully pulls it out until she is sitting up between Touya's legs. She stares at the liquid running down the slick material to drip onto the sheets, and thinks that she probably should wipe it off but doesn't know on what. For lack of anything to say, she lies down on her side beside Touya and reach out a hand to caress her side slowly. Touya turns her head and opens her eyes to look at her, and rolls over without a word to kiss Hikaru, who suddenly realize that she's never been this turned on in her life. She moves closer to Touya with a needy whimper and wants to curse when she feels the toy bumping into Touya's stomach again. Touya says nothing this time, however, but reach down a hand to fondle beneath it. Hikaru throws a leg over Touya's side, feels the straps around her thigh restricting the movement and would have pulled the damn thing off if Touya's hand hadn't found her sex. Hikaru whimpers in gratitude as she feels Touya's fingers slipping between the folds to gently massage her clit. It only takes a few strokes to bring her to the edge, and Hikaru clings to Touya and whispers her gratitude into her ear as deft fingers bring her up and then down, calmly avoiding the sensitive knot as they stroke the sides of her labia.
It is in moments like this that Hikaru is happy, honestly glad, to know that she's a girl. It's not like she ever felt like a boy just because she wanted to be like them, but she has gotten so used to it by now that it almost surprises her to remember that her body was built for something else than the in-and-out that it seems to boil down to in both Waya's porn and mom's trashy novels. It's not like Hikaru ever will be able to feel like herself when wearing a dress, but Touya reminds her, whenever they're done playing Go and Hikaru has to face that Touya is as impossible and beautiful of the Go board as she is on it. Touya is Touya, and the only one who ever gets to see Hikaru limp and satiated like this, unquestionably feminine without the clothes trying to mark her as something different. Maybe she failed at whatever it was she was trying to prove to herself, but Touya is back to her normal, non-nonsense self as she undoes the buckles and tugs the harness down Hikaru's legs.
"I hope you're happy," she mutters when she lies back down to get skin-to-skin, letting an arm trail up her side before it curls around her back.
"It was okay," Hikaru replies and opens her eyes, meeting Touya's for the first time since before the sex, and seeing nothing there but what Touya has always been. "It was nice," she concedes as she relaxes and worm a hand out from between them to comb through Touya's hair, "I liked it."
"You better have," Touya says, but lowers her head as if she is trying to hide that small, self-deprecating smile.
nighteevee
She was fifteen when she realized why it didn't feel so good to not correct people who thought she was a boy.
"Such a nice girl!" Hikaru's mom had gushed after meeting Touya, happy to see her daughter having a friend who wasn't only female, but of such good breeding at that. Hikaru, who had wanted to die when her mother asked if Touya practiced ikebana, had refrained from saying anything about the language Touya could use when you just got her riled up enough. She had, however, taken the time to thoroughly inform her mother that being a professional did not leave time for stupid tea ceremonies, as mom seemed to think that Touya had learned Go exclusively as a part of her education.
Hikaru had yelled when mom asked if Touya was an only child. Touya had laughed afterwards, when Hikaru complained about how multiple childhood claims of wanting to marry Akari-chan had made her mother rather desperate to soothe her own insecurities. To this day, Hikaru wasn't sure if Touya had laughed because she thought that mom's worries were adorable, or because Hikaru actually had voiced the complaint on the day she took Touya home to finally introduce her to her parents.
When Hikaru was twelve, she had never before met a girl like Touya. She hasn't met anybody like her since, either. Touya is so different from Akari-chan, and most other girls Hikaru has never really been friends with. Touya knew what she wanted from life, and had shown no hesitation for going after it. Touya would face adults across the Go board without fear, she would answer whatever accusations made against her calmly and devastatingly. Touya didn't shrink back when she faced somebody stronger, but gave what she could and took her losses, few as they were, with dignity.
Touya didn't act inferior just because she was a girl - Touya would only smile at adults who talked about how cute she was, and then trounce them when they didn't think they could lose to such an adorable little girl. Touya did not feel like boys were the only ones who could understand what it was like to play Go, and Touya would likely have answered Waya's complaints about "God, Shindou, change out of your school uniform before coming to study group - it throws me off to remember that you're actually a woman" with something a lot smarter than "go fuck yourself". Although Touya, who probably was reared by Ichikawa-san and read de Beauvior at fourteen and whose friend closest to her own age seems to be Ashiwara-san, doesn't know how guys think and of course would take a lot more offense at it than Hikaru ever did.
Hikaru had always thought of other girls as, well, girls. Girls who played with dolls and were the mommy and played flute and grew up to become mothers and housewifes, even though nobody disagreed that Akane was ten times cooler than Kasumi. Hikaru wanted to be like that: Hikaru wanted to be like a boy. Hikaru wanted to play baseball and wear caps and shorts and have a Jurassic Park pencil case for her first day of school, not Hello Kitty. Hikaru and her mother had gone through a silent war when mom started buying her skirts and pink overalls, and Hikaru continued wearing jeans getting too short in the legs and Dragon Ball t-shirts with stains that wouldn't go away. Hikaru didn't really want to be Akane, striving to be a pretty girl and a good cook for Ranma:
Hikaru wanted to be Ukyo.
Hikaru, who had wanted to marry Akari-chan when she was eight, had always known that she wasn't like other girls. She hadn't minded as long as the boys still let her play with her, but with seventh grade came the uniforms that separated her mercilessly from them anyway. But at that point, just as Hikaru was starting to realize that she was aware of other girls in a way that was totally different from just thinking that boys were more fun to play with, Touya had already entered her life and showed her that there was absolutely no weakness in talking politely and wearing skirts.
Certainly, Touya showed her that none of that ever stopped her from being a Go player whose equal had not been seen in years - although Hikaru hadn't actually known that back when Sai's enthusiasm for Touya had been what impressed her. Hikaru had thought of Go as a guy thing, and like most things that people were actually meant to be really good at, it mostly was. But Touya wore skirts and crossed her legs and talked politely, and Waya and Ochi and Saeki-san had been afraid of her for years. Hikaru wasn't: Hikaru had been inspired by an admiration for something that went beyond girls and boys, back before Tsutsui-sempai and Mitani and Kaio's first board and Waya and Isumi-san and Touya-sensei and Kurata-san and Kuwabara-sensei and a line of men a mile long before Sakurano-san and Nase. Touya was unlike all of them, and maybe Hikaru had known how special she was already back then, and maybe Hikaru had just... had just...
Maybe Hikaru had just fallen hopelessly before she even knew what it was like to be in love.
She can't imagine what her life would have been like if Touya hadn't been there to pull her into Go for herself, to show her that she didn't need to be a boy to be good at it. To make her drink sake until it got difficult to place the stones, and then lean over and hug her in a way that was different from any hugs Hikaru had ever gotten even before Touya reached down to weave her fingers between Hikaru's.
That was two years ago, and Hikaru is pretty sure that she shouldn't still be mulling over how it was Touya, in her ironed blouses and knee-length skirts, who had been the one who first put her hand up under Hikaru's yellow hoodie to touch one of her breasts. That hadn't been the only thing either, and Hikaru had always been the one pulling the other girls into trouble - not the one lying on her back and squeezing her eyes shut as Touya's fingers worked between her legs. She'd never asked where Touya knew that stuff from, but afternoons spent looking at porn with Waya seemed to suggest that net Go aside, that was what the internet was for.
Not that Touya had taken it so well when she mentioned that to her, but the ensuing argument about "perversion" had gave Hikaru the clue needed to one-up Touya at something Touya herself had probably never even considered a competition.
"It's nice," she whispers and breathes moistily into Touya's chest, fastening her mouth against the beginning curve of a breast and pressing her tongue against the skin. She pulls back to lick her lips before moving further down, breathing the scent of detergent and skin and sweat because Touya always showers in the evening.
"You would eat ramen daily if your mother let you," Touya answers and pushes herself a bit further back towards the wall. The movement dislodge Hikaru, and she moves up to latch onto Touya's neck instead.
"I mean it," she pants when she lets go, pushing herself up on her elbows to let Touya know that she's serious, "I tried it."
"You would," says Touya in the same barely nervous deadpan, but Hikaru is old enought to know what Touya is marking on her calendar. Touya goes on her period in three days, and experience says that Touya is far from unwilling the week before. So she ignores the grousing in favor of the heaving chest beneath her, and buttons Touya's blouse the rest of the way down.
"It's not like it's something to be afraid of," she says when she moves on to Touya's skirt, pulling down the zipper without ceremony as Touya obediently lifts her hips, "we're made for this kind of stuff. Reproduction and all, you know? That's why guys - "
"If this is some stupid butch, tomboy thing of yours, Shindou, I swear to -"
"If this is some stupid redstocking hangup of yours, Touya, I'm pretty sure you need a good fuck," Hikaru snaps back, and regrets it when Touya's eyes flash and her rival is pushing herself up from the pillows. They usually have better things to argue about than politics, and even when it gets to that they mostly agree. But Hikaru's history of guy friends has marked her language in some ways that Touya appreciates as little as her mother, and for somebody so fiercely liberated, Touya is surprisingly touchy when it gets to sex. So Hikaru, who worked hard enough to talk Touya into this in the first place, interupt whatever diatribe she is about to deliver by kissing her first and collapsing them back into a pile on the mattress. Touya stops struggling when Hikaru's thumb finds a nipple covered by the thin material of her bra.
Hikaru doesn't bother defending her case further after that, satisfied that Touya either forgot or chose to ignore it. She works her way down to Touya's breasts once again and pulls down the right strap to get the fabric out of the way. Touya hitches a breath and arches up as Hikaru press her tongue hard against the right nipple before closing her lips around it, sucking it into her mouth to caress it with tongue and teeth. Her other hand reach up to fondle Touya's left breast, still clothed. The nipple is already stretching against the fabric, and Touya makes a pleased sound as Hikaru caress it roughly, pressing down and shoving it to the sides before she lets up and flicks her thumb lightly over the tip. She feels Touya's moan as much as she hears it, and release the right nipple to lick at it again before she nuzzles between Touya's breasts. She reach around Touya's back to undo the hooks, and sits up to let Touya take it of along with the blouse and drop them to the floor beside the bed.
It shouldn't be startling to see Touya naked after more than a year of having sex, but after six years of rivalry, it's still a jarring reminder about how Touya, so invulnerable both on the Go board and off it, had refused to let Hikaru turn on the light for seven months. Hikaru suspects that the power she herself takes from wearing men's clothes and cutting her hair short, Touya gets from not hesitating to meet the eyes of revered old men who has just complimented her traditional, feminine looks. It's not like Touya ever says a word about it, but some part of her changes in bed, and no matter how much she tries to hide it, Hikaru can tell, and can tell that this scares Touya more than anything in the world.
But because Touya still is Touya and would deny it if Hikaru ever tried to talk to her about it, it has never been a topic between them, and with how rotten Hikaru feels for taking advantage of it now, it will probably never be one. She doesn't say anything about it as Touya lifts a leg with a demanding stare, deceptively dignified even though she's spread out on the bed with most of her clothes gone. Hikaru obediently rolls down the stocking and then do the same to the other, before she pulls Touya's underwear off. Touya bends her knees and keeps her legs closed, and meets Hikaru's eyes with the same kind of defiant lack of hesitance as when she looked at Zama Ouza in her Shin shodan game.
Which doesn't fool Hikaru for a second, but it isn't like she feels any less stupid about this. She climbs of the bed and pull her clothes of with little ceremony, before walking over to dig through her backpack.
She feels oddly self-conscious as she pulls the dildo and the harness out of the bag and sorts out the straps before stepping into them and puling them up. Touya isn't saying a word, and Hikaru is halfway expecting an irritated snort when she turns around, wondering if Touya thinks she looks as dumb as she herself had thought she did when she tried it on in front of the bathroom mirror last night. But Touya only stares intently at the toy sticking out in front of Hikaru's abdomen like some oversized coat hook.
"It's pink," she finally says, and looks up to meet Hikaru's eyes. Still without hesitating for a second, but Hikaru has known Touya for long enough, and close enough, to recognize the unhappy tug at crook of her mouth. Touya, ever so fearless and devoted to facing opposition to increase her own strength, is not comfortable with this, but is putting up with it anyway - be it to make Hikaru happy or for some unknown private motive, she has stopped with the snide implications about Hikaru's perceived shortcomings in bed. Hikaru, who had thought that she deserved some kind of medal for putting up with that for as long as she had, finds herself strangely transfixed to observe this surpressed hesitance that she only ever saw Touya wear this openly in a chemistry lab at Kaio Middle School.
"Yeah - they had some... life-like ones, too, but I thought they looked nasty," Hikaru says and walks over to the bed to kneel at Touya's bent knees. She strokes up the other girl's calves and pushes her hand lightly between her knees, and Touya parts her thighs without a word. Hikaru, who doesn't feel any more ready for this than Touya looks, continues down towards Touya's hips and then around the back of her thighs. She's acutely aware of the toy poking out in front of her, and how Touya's quick breathing does not seem to be all from excitement. She has been fantasizing about this for weeks, but with the moment finally there, she finds herself at loss for how, exactly, she is going to do something with only one logical conclusion. She refuse to think of it as stalling when she leans forward on her elbows to kiss Touya softly, and finger Touya's hair when she tries to tell her.
"I'm - I really - I appreciate you letting me do this."
Touya finally moves her hands from her sides, to pull Hikaru's face down to kiss her for much longer, keeping her in place with fingers buried in the short strands of Hikaru's hair. Hikaru has no protests to this, and leans in let Touya get a better hold until she feels the harness twist, and Touya make an uncomfortable sound beneath her.
"God, Shindou, just get it over with so you can get that thing off," Touya spits, the moment unquestionably over. Hikaru pulls back a little, and blindly reach a hand down between Touya's legs. Touya close her eyes as Hikaru slides two fingers down between her folds, bypassing her clit to poke one of them slightly inside of her, before pulling back and pushing both of them in. Touya is soft and warm and wet around her, and she wonders, for a moment, what it would be like to actually have an organ that could feel that even more intimately than her hand. She moves the fingers in and out a few times before pulling them away, and reach back to find the tip of the dildo.
"Okay," she mutters and looks up to find that Touya is still lying there with her eyes closed and her lips parted in forcedly calm breaths, "okay," she repeats and buries her face in the crook of Touya's neck, guiding the dildo down to Touya's entrance and using her fingers to get the tip positioned just slightly inside. Touya's breath jerk at that, but Hikaru knows that she won't be protesting anything at this point, and push her hips down, marveling at the feeling of the toy being swallowed by Touya's body with little resistance.
Touya is panting beneath her when she finally lets go of the base of the dildo to move the arm up to rest on her elbows. She doesn't bother asking Touya if it is alright, and doesn't dare moving up to kiss her. She hasn't hurt Touya, she's pretty sure, but she's also pretty sure that Touya never has had anything this big inside her. All things considered, she is actually kind of conservative in bed. Hikaru tries to remember what it felt like the first time she used the shaft of her hairbrush, but the memory is too old, and likely does not compare to this. Touya's eyelids are twitching as if she is forcing herself to be calm, and her hands are fisted beside her head. It isn't even close to how the girls in the pictures had looked - not that porn ever looks anything like real sex - and in the back of her mind, Hikaru thinks that if anybody was watching, they'd be laughing their asses off at this point.
It takes a couple of minutes before Touya's breath starts to slow down, and Touya opens her eyes to give Hikaru a look that would have been more convincing if she hadn't still been breathing so heavily. Still, it is a green light, and Hikaru pulls her hips back and startles when Touya snaps for air. She ignores it and continue until it is almost all the way out, when she pushes back down with more speed than the first time. Still not fast enough, though, but Touya has closed her eyes and relaxed into the pillow, so she continue like that the next few thrusts, keenly observing Touya's reactions.
It is definitely fascinating, definitely arousing, and better than Hikaru had thought it would be. She can imagine what it must feel like for Touya, who seems to have resigned herself to bear it and then some - when she draws her knees higher up around Hikaru's waist to let her penetrate deeper, there is no longer any doubt that she likes what Hikaru is doing. It doesn't go as quickly as when she use her fingers or her mouth, but Touya gradually comes to life beneath her, making small noises of pleasure as she moves her hips to meet Hikaru's thrusts. It quickens unnoticably; Hikaru only realize it when she finds herself breathing heavily from the effort to keeping up the movements, but Touya's enthusiastic grunts keeps her from slowing down or taking a break.
She's fairly certain that Touya hasn't figured out what this really is about. It's probably too petty for somebody as fearless as Touya to even consider; even as Touya is only person under fourty who can make Hikaru feel humble in her jeans and sneakers and sweaters just baggy enough to camouflage her breasts, she doesn't seem to realize just what this means. Hikaru had admired Touya for her skills at the Go board, and for the position she so effortlessly reached and maintained in a milieu where men outnumber women even more than they do in the rest of the world. Hikaru had always thought that to play like the boys, she needed to be like the boys. Touya had proven that idea thoroughly wrong. And it's not like Hikaru really is into the idea that she's Touay's boyfriend or anything, but sometimes...
Sometimes, Hikaru feels inferior next to Touya and her fearlessness and confidence in herself as a woman, and how she takes the same for granted in Hikaru. Touya can be gentle and kind and sweet if she wants to; Touya can be cute and romantic, but she rarely bothers. And it isn't that Hikaru doesn't realize how silly it is of her to want to be better than Touya at something, for then to try and achieve it through taking advantage of Touya's ridiculous fear of surrendering control in bed.
Using a strap-on hardly qualifies as "weird" when it gets to things people do in bed, but having sex with Touya as if she was a guy, lying on top of her and fucking her, is still pretty damn special. And it is surprisingly sexy to have Touya keening beneath her with her thighs spread and her knees bent and her her hips threatening to leave the mattress each time Hikaru pulls out. She is as transfixed at the act as Touya seems to be, and almost stops in surprise when Touya reach a hand down to finger herself, biting her lower lip and arching backwards as her hips jerk up and she comes with a series of short, strangled moans.
Hikaru follows when Touya collapse back onto the bed with an exhausted whimper, panting on her knees and elbows as Touya comes to rest beneath her. She can't really move to caress Touya, can't hold her and put her leg inbetween Touya's for friction. She is hyper-aware of the foreign limb poking out in front of her that still is inside Touya, and carefully pulls it out until she is sitting up between Touya's legs. She stares at the liquid running down the slick material to drip onto the sheets, and thinks that she probably should wipe it off but doesn't know on what. For lack of anything to say, she lies down on her side beside Touya and reach out a hand to caress her side slowly. Touya turns her head and opens her eyes to look at her, and rolls over without a word to kiss Hikaru, who suddenly realize that she's never been this turned on in her life. She moves closer to Touya with a needy whimper and wants to curse when she feels the toy bumping into Touya's stomach again. Touya says nothing this time, however, but reach down a hand to fondle beneath it. Hikaru throws a leg over Touya's side, feels the straps around her thigh restricting the movement and would have pulled the damn thing off if Touya's hand hadn't found her sex. Hikaru whimpers in gratitude as she feels Touya's fingers slipping between the folds to gently massage her clit. It only takes a few strokes to bring her to the edge, and Hikaru clings to Touya and whispers her gratitude into her ear as deft fingers bring her up and then down, calmly avoiding the sensitive knot as they stroke the sides of her labia.
It is in moments like this that Hikaru is happy, honestly glad, to know that she's a girl. It's not like she ever felt like a boy just because she wanted to be like them, but she has gotten so used to it by now that it almost surprises her to remember that her body was built for something else than the in-and-out that it seems to boil down to in both Waya's porn and mom's trashy novels. It's not like Hikaru ever will be able to feel like herself when wearing a dress, but Touya reminds her, whenever they're done playing Go and Hikaru has to face that Touya is as impossible and beautiful of the Go board as she is on it. Touya is Touya, and the only one who ever gets to see Hikaru limp and satiated like this, unquestionably feminine without the clothes trying to mark her as something different. Maybe she failed at whatever it was she was trying to prove to herself, but Touya is back to her normal, non-nonsense self as she undoes the buckles and tugs the harness down Hikaru's legs.
"I hope you're happy," she mutters when she lies back down to get skin-to-skin, letting an arm trail up her side before it curls around her back.
"It was okay," Hikaru replies and opens her eyes, meeting Touya's for the first time since before the sex, and seeing nothing there but what Touya has always been. "It was nice," she concedes as she relaxes and worm a hand out from between them to comb through Touya's hair, "I liked it."
"You better have," Touya says, but lowers her head as if she is trying to hide that small, self-deprecating smile.