[ryouken]
STANDING ON THE EDGE OF TOMORROW
by doumeki
.//standing on the edge of desperation.1999
There is only one game left, one opponent, and he does not want to play. He's tired, too tired to deal with this, to face him. He's already passed, and he considers just not showing up. Forfeiting this last game wouldn't hurt his record- a pass with one loss is nothing to be ashamed of, and his family will be happy for him either way.
He stares at the door for a moment before deciding. He turns around, intent on leaving, and runs into Saeki.
Hiroyuki stumbles backwards, tripping on the uneven cement and falling to the ground. Saeki is standing above him, staring at him with unreadable eyes as he offers him a hand up. He stares at the hand, not sure whether to take it or what it means, even though he is sure that it means nothing, because he means nothing to Saeki.
Tears are pricking at his eyes as he scrambles to his feet, ignoring Saeki's hand. "I'm sorry," he chokes out, though he's not sure whether he's apologizing for bumping into him or for everything, and he doesn't care. He only wants to be out of there, away from Saeki. He walks past Saeki, heading towards the street.
"Where are you going?" Saeki calls, and he freezes.
"I don't feel well," Hiroyuki replies, not turning around. "I'm going home."
He hears footsteps behind him, but he still doesn't turn. "And what about our game?" Saeki's voice is directly behind him now, and Hiroyuki digs his nails into his palms to keep from running away.
There is silence for a moment, and he knows that Saeki is still standing there, staring at him, waiting for an answer that he doesn't want to give.
"I forfeit," he says quietly, and he hopes Saeki hears him, because he doesn't want to repeat it any more than he wants to be standing there.
"No," Saeki's voice is just as quiet, but there is steel around that one word, and Hiroyuki closes his eyes tightly. "You are not forfeiting. You are going to go in there, and you are going to play me, damn it."
He whirls around to face him, and the words he was going to say die in his throat. Saeki is glaring at him with narrowed eyes, and it's too much. He can't do this now, not ever, and he wants to leave and he doesn't. He wants to stay there, to keep Saeki's eyes on him and him alone, but he knows that he can't have that, can never have that, and it hurts because it's too soon.
"I can't," Hiroyuki replies, because it's the truth.
"The hell you can't," Saeki snarls, reaching forward and grabbing his arm. "You are going to play me."
Hiroyuki jerks away from Saeki's touch. "Don't," he warns. "Don't touch me."
"Is there a problem, Ashiwara?" a smooth voice cuts in.
He turns away from Saeki to face Ogata, who is standing there with a scowl on his face. Hiroyuki is sure that he's about to be lectured for making a scene and embarrassing Touya Kouyo's group, but Ogata is looking at Saeki, not him. "No, Ogata-san. I was just telling Saeki-kun that I wasn't feeling well, so I was going to forfeit."
Ogata raises his eyebrows and stares at him. "Is this some sudden illness, Ashiwara? Because you were fine at breakfast."
He feels his cheeks flush and stares at the ground. "Yes."
"You do realize that if you forfeit, Touya-sensei will be disappointed. Every member of his group has passed undefeated," Ogata says conversationally, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. He puts the cigarette to his lips and takes a drag, holding the smoke in his mouth a moment before lazily blowing it out. "Akira will be disappointed in you, as well. You know how that kid is. He may not want to play with you anymore."
He looks up to see Ogata smirking smugly. "Akira-kun isn't like that, Ogata-san."
Saeki is tapping his foot impatiently behind him, and Hiroyuki looks pleadingly at Ogata, who continues to smoke his cigarette. The smoke is circling around him, clinging to his clothes and snaking through his mouth. He coughs, putting a hand over his mouth to keep from inhaling the fumes.
"You'll be late if you don't hurry," Ogata says casually, letting the ash from the cigarette float in the wind.
He says nothing, only bows and turns around. Saeki is staring at him with an expression he can't read, and he stalks passed him, making his way into the building. He hears Saeki's footsteps behind him, and he scowls.
They reach the examination room just as the proctor announces that it is time to start. He reaches for the black stones on reflex, but is stopped when Saeki's hand touches his. He pulls his hand back quickly and grabs for the white stones instead. There is no need to nigiri, and Saeki places the first stone.
They reach mid-game quickly enough, and he is losing. He cannot concentrate on the game, and the thought of letting Saeki win makes him queasy. They have both already passed, this is all just for show, may as well let the other boy pass with only one loss, rather than two. Thoughts are swirling through his mind, and he cannot grasp them long enough to make any real sense of them. He only knows that he wants to leave, and there is only way of doing that short of playing the game to the end.
"I-" he starts, but Saeki is glaring at him, and he drawn into that gaze. Saeki's eyes are sparkling in determination, frustration, anger. He swallows the last word and instead places his stone.
He looks at the game spread across the board, sees every move that he's made, and every response that Saeki has given. He sees everything that has led to this, and he thinks that maybe he can see where this will lead, but he isn't sure. He isn't confident that he is reading things correctly, but as Saeki plays a keima, he immediately responds with a hane.
The proctor's voice cuts through the silence, announcing lunch, and Ashiwara stands and leaves the room. He isn't hungry and his head is full of half-formed thoughts. He is in front of the building when he hears his voice being called.
He closes his eyes and smiles sadly at the ground. "Yes, Saeki-kun?"
"Why?" Saeki's voice is rough, and Hiroyuki thinks that if he turns around, he'll see that the other boy's cheeks are flushed and his eyes bright with unshed tears. But he knows that that can't be true; Saeki wouldn't cry over this, he's too strong, too proud.
"Why what, Saeki-kun?" He is suddenly remembering their conversation in front of the elevators years ago, and he takes a shaky breath before turning around, smile bright on his face.
Saeki's hands are balled into fists at his side, and there is a tremor in his body. "You're losing on purpose and I want to know why."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he replies lightly, even though he knows it's not the truth.
"Damn it, Ashiwara-san! You know what I'm talking about! You aren't this weak of a player! I've seen your games, I've played you, and you've never played as recklessly and passively as you have today," Saeki growls. "I don't want this win. I don't want you to hand this to me just because of some stupid mistake that you made a year ago."
Hiroyuki freezes, smile slipping from his lips. Something in his chest hardens and he thinks he's going to cry, but instead calm surges through his body. He vaguely remembers this feeling from years ago, this desire to just let go, but he fought it then. He embraces the feeling, letting the calm ease away the tension in his shoulders and chest.
"I apologize for my mistake, Saeki-kun," he says cheerfully, smile back in place. He nods his head and walks away, determined to turn the game around in the time that they have left.
He knows how to win. He knows where to place the stones, knows how to counter each of Saeki's moves so that there is nowhere for him to go. He tears apart the formations on the board, rips into black's territory and makes it his own. Saeki is looking at him with a scowl, but there is appreciation and determination in his eyes, as well.
He watches Saeki study the board, watches as Saeki realizes that there is nowhere left to play that he will not tear apart in the end. He watches Saeki take a deep breath, and he watches as Saeki resigns.
The game is cleared away, the stones returned to their proper go ke, and Saeki is gone.
.//standing on the edge of darkness.2000
His relationship with Ogata is unconventional, and the few people who know about it regard it as a result of his naiveté. Tashiro and Ryuuzaki are among the top protesters of their liaisons, claiming that Ogata isn't right for him, but he just smiles and nods because he knows the older pro isn't the right choice, isn't the one he wants, even, but that doesn't stop either of them from continuing this charade.
He's not sure if he regrets getting involved with the other man, but Ogata is as close a friend as Tashiro, and the risk of hurting Ogata happens to be significantly less than it would be with Tashiro. To Ogata, this was a bit of fun, something to indulge in when he lacks a warm body in his bed. To Hiroyuki, it's distraction.
Ogata's hand is on his shoulder now, thumb lazily tracing circles on the fabric of his suit jacket, and he can feel Saeki's eyes on him from across the room. He hears Ogata say something to Touya-sensei, who has just taken the Meijin title, and he laughs too loudly. Ogata is looking at him, a frown on his face, and Hiroyuki excuses himself.
He walks past Saeki, who is standing with Morishita, and out the door. The cool air hits his face, stinging his cheeks, and he takes a deep breath. He knows Ogata will make their excuses, probably something in regards to the alcohol, and come to find him soon enough. He also knows that they will end up at Ogata's apartment, in Ogata's bed, and he can't bring himself to dredge up any emotion over it.
It takes Ogata longer to find him than he'd thought it would, but it's not long before there is a hand on the small of his back, leading him to the car. Ogata is scowling, and Hiroyuki notices a wet patch on the front of other man's immaculate white suit. Hiroyuki scowls, but doesn't ask.
The ride to Ogata's is silent, and Hiroyuki stares out the window, letting the scenery flash by in blurs of color. He doesn't think about the way Saeki's eyes followed him around the room, or the grim set of his jaw. Instead, he thinks of Touya-sensei's booming laugh, and Akiko-san's sparkling eyes. He remembers Akira's curious gaze following the movement in the room and asking questions. He focuses on the feel of Ogata's hand on his thigh, solid and warm and there.
They reach the apartment complex a few minutes later, and are in Ogata's apartment when the older man presses him up against the door and kisses him. Ogata tastes of cigarettes and alcohol, his tongue warm and coaxing. Hiroyuki kisses him back, leaning into Ogata's embrace.
Ogata's hands are unbuttoning his jacket, pushing it off his shoulder, unbuttoning his shirt until the calloused fingers stroke skin. He sighs into Ogata's mouth, moving his hands to unbutton Ogata's jacket, but Ogata pulls away and leads them into the bedroom.
Hiroyuki finishes undressing, averting his eyes as Ogata begins to disrobe as well. Ogata's hands are on his hips, pulling him forward, and he looks up into the other man's eyes. Ogata smirks and shakes his head.
"I spoke to Saeki today," Ogata says, face buried in Hiroyuki's neck, teeth scraping at the exposed skin.
"What did Saeki-kun say?" he gasps, pressing closer. "Don't leave any marks, Ogata-san. I have a match tomorrow."
Ogata nips his ear. "Saeki warned me about hurting you," he says, voice warm and amused against his ear. "He seems to think I'm forcing you." Ogata's hands are traveling down his body, stroking and caressing.
As Ogata pulls him onto the bed and begins to kiss down his chest, he wonders why Saeki cares, but Ogata's mouth is on his erection, and all thoughts are driven away by sensation and broken pleas.
.//standing on the edge of reconciliation.2001
They are sharing a room at a convention the next time they see each other. Saeki is laying on one of the futons when he enters, and he almost turns and leaves, except Saeki is sitting up and looking at him. Hiroyuki takes a deep breath and enters the room, placing his overnight bag in a corner.
"Hello, Saeki-kun," he greets, taking off his suit jacket and placing it haphazardly on a chair. "I didn't know we would be sharing a room."
"Neither did I," Saeki replies, and Hiroyuki can feel Saeki's eyes on him. "I heard Ogata-san made the room arrangements."
That makes him pause a moment before he shrugs it off. He remembers Ogata mentioning being in charge of the rooming assignments, but he hadn't thought that Ogata would be cruel enough to have put them together. "I remember Ogata-san saying that," he replies, turning to smile at the other man. "I had thought he would have had he and I room together."
Saeki flinches and Hiroyuki feels a small sort of comfort in it. He remembers Ogata telling him about the night of the party, about his and Saeki's conversation, and Hiroyuki feels confused and hurt and angry. He remembers telling Saeki how he felt all those years ago, remembers being rejected. It's unfair of Saeki to be doing this to him now, to warn other people off even though Saeki himself doesn't want him.
Hiroyuki takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "I'm going to outside," he says and leaves.
Their hotel is on the seashore, and he has vague recollections of his brother running through the surf and his parents watching in amusement from the beach. There is more to the memories, he knows, but he's not sure what. He walks along the shore, shoes in his hand, and lets the surf lick his feet.
Distant laughter floats on the wind, and he raises his face to look at the sky, letting the wind and voices and sound of the ocean wash over him. It's familiar, he knows, the sounds and feel of the area. He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and calls Hiroshi.
"What's up, Yuki?" his brother answers, and Hiroyuki thinks that maybe it's a bad time to call.
"Nothing," he admits. "I just had a question, but if you're busy, it can wait."
"I'm never too busy for my baby brother," Hiroshi replies. "Where are you? I hear water."
"I'm at the beach. There's a convention in Chiba that I was asked to help with."
There is silence on the other line for a second before Hiroshi speaks again. "Stay away from the water, Hiroyuki," he warns, and his voice is serious.
"Why? I can swim, Hiro-nii," Hiroyuki replies, annoyed. "Ka-san made a big deal about it when we were younger, remember?"
"Yeah, but do you know why she made such a big deal about it, Hiroyuki?"
"No," he replies, but something is nagging at the back of his mind.
"Ashiwara-san!" someone calls, and he turns to see Saeki stalking towards him.
"I have to go, Hiro-nii," he says into the phone. "I'll talk to you later. Tell Michiko-san I say hello." He hangs up the phone and waits for Saeki to reach him.
"It's almost time to meet with the event coordinators," Saeki informs him once he's caught up.
"Thank you, Saeki-kun," Hiroyuki says, smiling and walking past him. He's stopped by Saeki's hand on his wrist. "Is there something else, Saeki-kun?"
Saeki is staring at him, and Hiroyuki wavers under his gaze. "You're still avoiding me," Saeki says after a moment.
"I'm not avoiding you," he denies. "You were avoiding me."
"I was not-"
"You were," Hiroyuki asserts. "Ever since Akazawa-kun's party, you avoided me. And then you wouldn't even look at me after the pro exam, but now all of a sudden, you're telling Ogata-san to leave me alone, and I don't understand. If you don't want me, why can't someone else?"
"Because he's not right for you! He'll just hurt you, Ashiwara-san."
"Like you did?" Hiroyuki bites back scathingly, and Saeki drops his hand.
"I didn't mean to," Saeki whispers, and Hiroyuki almost can't hear it because of the rush of surf.
"Yes, well you did," Hiroyuki whispers back before walking away, leaving Saeki standing on the beach.
--
Waves are crashing over him, pulling him down, and all he can do is thrash about, try to break free and breathe. Salt water stings his eyes and he opens his mouth to scream, but water rushes in, choking and gagging him, and he can only scream in his head. There is a hand reaching for him, and he tries to grab it, but the water is thick and restricting.
"--wara-san."
There's a hand on his shoulder now, pushing him down, down, down. He struggles, twisting his shoulders, trying to dislodge the appendage.
"--shiwara-san!"
He thinks he can hear a voice over the deafening crush of water and the pounding in his ears, and he cries out, straining to hear the voice and to call for help.
"Ashiwara-san! Wake up!"
His eyes open and he sits straight up, hand going to his throat as he gasps for air.
"Are you all right, Ashiwara-san?" Saeki is beside him, hand on his shoulder, looking at him with unreadable eyes.
"I'm fine," he pants, wrenching away from Saeki's touch. He hears Saeki sigh.
"You are not fine, Ashiwara-san," Saeki says after a moment. "You were crying and screaming. How is that fine?"
He wants to lash out, to ask why Saeki cares, but he shakes his head. "I was just having a nightmare," he assures him. "I used to have them a when I was younger. Hiro-nii says I always used to crawl into his futon so I could sleep." Saeki is quiet while he rambles, and Hiroyuki is thankful that Saeki has nothing to say. He's not sure he could handle being laughed at right now.
"Scoot over," Saeki says suddenly, nudging Hiroyuki with his shoulder.
"What for?" he asks with a frown.
"Having someone sleep with you got rid of the nightmares, right? We have an early morning, so I'd rather you sleep so you can't used exhaustion as an excuse when I beat you."
"You don't have to, Saeki-kun," he protests. He doesn't want Saeki in his bed, not even if it's just so he can sleep. "Really."
Saeki yawns. "Scoot over, Ashiwara-san," he says again, crawling onto the empty space that Hiroyuki has given up. He pulls the covers up and pushes Hiroyuki down. "Sleep."
Hiroyuki doesn't say anything, just stares at the ceiling and listens as Saeki's breathing evens out. The futon is too small for both of them, and Saeki is pressed uncomfortably close against him. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his pounding heart, when Saeki's arm wraps itself around Hiroyuki's waist.
Saeki's body is warm, he thinks as he cuddles against him. He falls asleep wrapped in the warmth of Saeki's embrace and dreams of Saeki, go, and Ogata's smirk.
.//standing on the edge of happiness.2002
"Hurry up, Yuki-nii!" Sunako calls, hands on her hips. "If we don't hurry, the tickets are going to be sold out!"
Hiroyuki shakes his head as he walks faster to catch up with his sister. "You know what ka-san told you," he warns. "You can't buy the tickets until you have someone to take you."
Sunako rolls her eyes. "You're taking me, duh."
"I have a game that afternoon, Sunako-chan," he protests weakly. "I don't know if I'll be able to take you."
"You're playing Akira-san," she says. "He'll beat you quickly so that you can take me to see the musical."
"What?" he splutters. "I can beat Akira-kun."
"One out of every six games, Yuki-nii," she informs him. "Besides, you promised."
Hiroyuki sighs. "I know," he says, "but does it really have to be Tenimyu?"
"It has to be," she asserts. "I have to see Shirota-san and Aiba-san or I'll die."
"You won't die," he replies.
"I will," she says seriously. "I'll die if I don't get to see them, and it will be all your fault, Yuki-nii."
"Whatever happened to my sweet baby sister?" he asks and receives a glare. "Fine, fine," he relents. "Let's buy the tickets."
Sunako smiles and grabs his hand, pulling him forward.
"Yuki-nii!" Sunako exclaims, pointing to a girl with bright pink hair. "I want to do my hair like that for the show. If I do that, Shirota-san and Aiba-san will notice me for sure in the front seat."
"I am not buying front row tickets, Sunako," he admonishes. "I don't have that type of money."
Sunako is about to reply when the pink haired girl turns around, arms crossed. "I won't accept anything other than front row, Kouji-nii," the girl exclaims loudly.
"See?" Sunako says. "I'm with her."
The girl looks over, and Sunako nods before dashing off to stand next to the other girl. Hiroyuki sighs and walks over.
"Sunako," he begins, only to see Saeki stalk up behind the two girls. "Saeki-kun!"
"Ashiwara-san," Saeki says, looking surprised. "What are you doing here?"
He points at Sunako, who sticks her tongue out. "Buying tickets for my sister," he replies. "You?"
Saeki looks down at the other girl, who turns her nose up at him. "Same," Saeki admits.
"Stop stalling, Kouji-nii," the pink haired girl says. "I want my tickets."
"Same here, Yuki-nii," Sunako pipes up. "Front row."
"What she said," Saeki's sister agrees.
"Hanako, I told you I don't have that type of money! Those tickets are expensive," Saeki argues.
"You promised me the best tickets," Hanako glares. "I want the best."
"It's my birthday, Yuki-nii," Sunako whines. "I want to see Shirota-san and Aiba-san close up!"
Hiroyuki sighs. "Fine," he relents. "I'll get you front row tickets."
Sunako grins and hugs him. "Thanks, Yuki-nii! You're the best!"
"See? He's getting her front row tickets. You should do the same," Hanako says.
"I am not buying you front row tickets just because Ashiwara-san is getting his sister front row tickets," Saeki replies, annoyed. He looks apologetically at Hiroyuki. "I don't even want to go to this thing."
"Fine," Saeki's sister declares, "I'll go with them."
"With us?" Hiroyuki asks, startled.
"That would be so cool!" Sunako squeals.
"You can't impose on Ashiwara-san, Hanako!" Saeki exclaims.
"It's not a problem, Saeki-kun," Hiroyuki assures him weakly, wondering if he has enough to buy three front row tickets and still pay rent next week.
"It is," Saeki argues. "She can't just arbitrarily decide to go with someone she doesn't even know just because I won't get her a front row seat."
"Oh please, Kouji-nii. You know him, so it should be fine if I go with him," Hanako replies, rolling her eyes. "Besides, she's my new best friend and you wouldn't want to tear me away from my new best friend, would you?"
Sunako is grinning widely at this. "You really shouldn't, Saeki-san," she agrees. "It would be detrimental to her social development."
"You need to stop reading Hiro-nii's old psychology textbooks, Sunako-chan," Hiroyuki admonishes. "And it really isn't a problem, Saeki-kun."
"I told her I'd take her, so I'll take her," Saeki replies through clenched teeth. "I'll buy you the stupid tickets."
"Front row?" Hanako asks skeptically.
"Fine," Saeki agrees.
"Next to my new best friend?" Hanako adds.
"Come on, Saeki-kun," Hiroyuki cuts in before Saeki can say anything. "Let's go get the tickets. Stay here, Sunako-chan, Hanako-chan."
They are walking away when he hears Sunako tell Hanako that Saeki is mean, and he hears Hanako agree. Hiroyuki shakes his head and looks at Saeki.
"I apologize for my sister, Saeki-kun."
"I'm sure Hanako started it," Saeki says, shrugging. "I'm sorry that she was so pushy."
"It's fine," Hiroyuki assures him as they get in line. "I don't mind."
"You never mind anything," Saeki mutters.
He can't think of anything to say to that, so he says nothing. Soon enough, they're at the teller and purchasing the tickets. The walk back to where their sisters are sitting and chatting animatedly is silent.
"Come on, Hanako," Saeki says as they reach the two girls. "We've got to go."
"Sunako-chan and I want to go see a movie," Hanako announces.
"What?" Saeki cries. "I have things to do!"
"Like what?" Hanako scoffs. "Sit in your apartment and stare at that picture? Sheesh," she sighs. "You're so pathetic, Kouji-nii."
Saeki is bright red, and Hiroyuki smiles uncomfortably. He can see Sunako giggling behind her hand and he sighs. "Come on, Sunako-chan."
"Movie," Sunako says, linking her arm with Hanako's. "You promised me a movie, anyway, Yuki-nii."
"We can go together," Hanako says, smiling widely at her brother. "Come on, Kouji-nii. You know you want to."
Saeki scowls, but agrees. "But that's it," he warns Hanako. "We have to go home after that."
"Yeah, yeah," Hanako waves him off. "After dinner, home. Right."
"The movie, Hanako! After the movie!"
Hanako turns to Sunako and grins. "It's a date!"
Hiroyuki has a bad feeling about this, but he can't begrudge his sister a bit of fun. "Let's go," he says, turning to smile apologetically at Saeki. "Why don't you girls pick the movie?"
"Your brother is so cool, Sunako-chan," Hanako exclaims. "Kouji-nii never lets me pick the movie."
The two girls run off ahead of them, and Saeki sighs. "I'm really sorry about this, Ashiwara-san."
"It's okay," Hiroyuki asserts. "Besides, we haven't really done anything together since before Akazawa-kun's party."
Saeki nods slowly. "True."
"And we did agree to start hanging out again, but you keep cancelling," Hiroyuki points out cheerfully.
"I told you, I was busy," Saeki defends. "And Morishita-sensei keeps asking me to help him out at events."
Hiroyuki grins and grabs Saeki's hand. "So we can hang out today, and if someone asks, you can say it's our sisters' fault."
Saeki frowns. "What about you?"
"What about me?" he asks. "I like you, so I'll take any excuse to be with you, Saeki-kun."
"Stop saying that," Saeki hisses, face heating up. "What if Hanako hears?"
"I'm sure Sunako-chan has already told her," Hiroyuki replies dismissively. "Actually, I'm sure that they're doing this because you keep cancelling on me."
"We were going to hang out tomorrow," Saeki argues weakly.
"I'm sure you'd have found some way to get out of it," Hiroyuki cuts in. "The only time we ever hang out anymore is when I drag you to lunch during games."
Saeki shakes his head, but he's smiling, and Hiroyuki has to control the impulse to lean over and kiss him. He reminds himself that they are just friends, that Saeki isn't interested him, and Hiroyuki lets go of Saeki's hand. "They're going to leave us behind," he explains.
Saeki nods, and they begin walking faster.
--
Sunako and Hanako decide to sit in the back of the movie theatre, warning their brothers that they are under no circumstances to sit with them. Saeki shakes his head and leads Hiroyuki to a row in the middle of the auditorium.
Hiroyuki sits down and looks at the screen, Saeki sitting beside him.
"What do you think the movie is about?" Saeki whispers.
"I don't know," Hiroyuki admits, turning to face Saeki. "Sunako has been wanting to see it, though."
"It's probably girly, then," Saeki decides.
Their shoulders brush, and Hiroyuki realizes that they're sitting too close, even with the armrest between them. He wants to pull away, but Saeki is looking at him with serious eyes, so he smiles and stays still. Saeki smiles back, and props his elbow on the armrest, resting his cheek in his palm. Saeki's head is barely a centimeter away from Hiroyuki's shoulder, so Hiroyuki takes a deep breath, and Saeki is resting his head on Hiroyuki's shoulder.
They stay like that for the entire movie, neither of them moving, and they do not say anything about it when Hiroyuki and Sunako walk Saeki and Hanako to the train station after dinner.
.//standing on the edge of tomorrow.2007
"We never did discuss that game," Hiroyuki says randomly, staring at the goban.
"What game?" Saeki asks, frowning. "We always discuss our games."
"The game we played before we went to Akazawa-kun's."
"That was years ago, Hiroyuki."
"I know, but that it bugs me that we didn't talk about it."
Saeki sighs, placing his stone on the board. "Do you even remember it?"
Hiroyuki plays his move, effectively killing white's territory in the upper right corner. He watches as Saeki balks before replying, "Of course I do, Kouji. I remember every game we've ever played."
"Every game?" Saeki is looking at the goban, face scrunched up in concentration.
"If you play there," Hiroyuki muses, "I'll just kill the stones in the center. And yes, every game."
Saeki glares and places the stone back in the go ke. "I resign," he says. "And how do you remember every game?"
"Thank you for the game," Hiroyuki answers back, bowing slightly. "And I remember everything about Kouji!"
"I'm sure you do," Saeki says with a smile. "So, this move here," he begins, pointing at the go ban. "If I had gone here, you wouldn't have killed this cluster, right?"
Saeki looks up from the board when Hiroyuki doesn't respond. Hiroyuki smiles and says, "We can discuss it tomorrow," before leaning down to kiss Saeki.
Saeki kisses back, and the game remains forgotten on the goban.
previous part
by doumeki
.//standing on the edge of desperation.1999
There is only one game left, one opponent, and he does not want to play. He's tired, too tired to deal with this, to face him. He's already passed, and he considers just not showing up. Forfeiting this last game wouldn't hurt his record- a pass with one loss is nothing to be ashamed of, and his family will be happy for him either way.
He stares at the door for a moment before deciding. He turns around, intent on leaving, and runs into Saeki.
Hiroyuki stumbles backwards, tripping on the uneven cement and falling to the ground. Saeki is standing above him, staring at him with unreadable eyes as he offers him a hand up. He stares at the hand, not sure whether to take it or what it means, even though he is sure that it means nothing, because he means nothing to Saeki.
Tears are pricking at his eyes as he scrambles to his feet, ignoring Saeki's hand. "I'm sorry," he chokes out, though he's not sure whether he's apologizing for bumping into him or for everything, and he doesn't care. He only wants to be out of there, away from Saeki. He walks past Saeki, heading towards the street.
"Where are you going?" Saeki calls, and he freezes.
"I don't feel well," Hiroyuki replies, not turning around. "I'm going home."
He hears footsteps behind him, but he still doesn't turn. "And what about our game?" Saeki's voice is directly behind him now, and Hiroyuki digs his nails into his palms to keep from running away.
There is silence for a moment, and he knows that Saeki is still standing there, staring at him, waiting for an answer that he doesn't want to give.
"I forfeit," he says quietly, and he hopes Saeki hears him, because he doesn't want to repeat it any more than he wants to be standing there.
"No," Saeki's voice is just as quiet, but there is steel around that one word, and Hiroyuki closes his eyes tightly. "You are not forfeiting. You are going to go in there, and you are going to play me, damn it."
He whirls around to face him, and the words he was going to say die in his throat. Saeki is glaring at him with narrowed eyes, and it's too much. He can't do this now, not ever, and he wants to leave and he doesn't. He wants to stay there, to keep Saeki's eyes on him and him alone, but he knows that he can't have that, can never have that, and it hurts because it's too soon.
"I can't," Hiroyuki replies, because it's the truth.
"The hell you can't," Saeki snarls, reaching forward and grabbing his arm. "You are going to play me."
Hiroyuki jerks away from Saeki's touch. "Don't," he warns. "Don't touch me."
"Is there a problem, Ashiwara?" a smooth voice cuts in.
He turns away from Saeki to face Ogata, who is standing there with a scowl on his face. Hiroyuki is sure that he's about to be lectured for making a scene and embarrassing Touya Kouyo's group, but Ogata is looking at Saeki, not him. "No, Ogata-san. I was just telling Saeki-kun that I wasn't feeling well, so I was going to forfeit."
Ogata raises his eyebrows and stares at him. "Is this some sudden illness, Ashiwara? Because you were fine at breakfast."
He feels his cheeks flush and stares at the ground. "Yes."
"You do realize that if you forfeit, Touya-sensei will be disappointed. Every member of his group has passed undefeated," Ogata says conversationally, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. He puts the cigarette to his lips and takes a drag, holding the smoke in his mouth a moment before lazily blowing it out. "Akira will be disappointed in you, as well. You know how that kid is. He may not want to play with you anymore."
He looks up to see Ogata smirking smugly. "Akira-kun isn't like that, Ogata-san."
Saeki is tapping his foot impatiently behind him, and Hiroyuki looks pleadingly at Ogata, who continues to smoke his cigarette. The smoke is circling around him, clinging to his clothes and snaking through his mouth. He coughs, putting a hand over his mouth to keep from inhaling the fumes.
"You'll be late if you don't hurry," Ogata says casually, letting the ash from the cigarette float in the wind.
He says nothing, only bows and turns around. Saeki is staring at him with an expression he can't read, and he stalks passed him, making his way into the building. He hears Saeki's footsteps behind him, and he scowls.
They reach the examination room just as the proctor announces that it is time to start. He reaches for the black stones on reflex, but is stopped when Saeki's hand touches his. He pulls his hand back quickly and grabs for the white stones instead. There is no need to nigiri, and Saeki places the first stone.
They reach mid-game quickly enough, and he is losing. He cannot concentrate on the game, and the thought of letting Saeki win makes him queasy. They have both already passed, this is all just for show, may as well let the other boy pass with only one loss, rather than two. Thoughts are swirling through his mind, and he cannot grasp them long enough to make any real sense of them. He only knows that he wants to leave, and there is only way of doing that short of playing the game to the end.
"I-" he starts, but Saeki is glaring at him, and he drawn into that gaze. Saeki's eyes are sparkling in determination, frustration, anger. He swallows the last word and instead places his stone.
He looks at the game spread across the board, sees every move that he's made, and every response that Saeki has given. He sees everything that has led to this, and he thinks that maybe he can see where this will lead, but he isn't sure. He isn't confident that he is reading things correctly, but as Saeki plays a keima, he immediately responds with a hane.
The proctor's voice cuts through the silence, announcing lunch, and Ashiwara stands and leaves the room. He isn't hungry and his head is full of half-formed thoughts. He is in front of the building when he hears his voice being called.
He closes his eyes and smiles sadly at the ground. "Yes, Saeki-kun?"
"Why?" Saeki's voice is rough, and Hiroyuki thinks that if he turns around, he'll see that the other boy's cheeks are flushed and his eyes bright with unshed tears. But he knows that that can't be true; Saeki wouldn't cry over this, he's too strong, too proud.
"Why what, Saeki-kun?" He is suddenly remembering their conversation in front of the elevators years ago, and he takes a shaky breath before turning around, smile bright on his face.
Saeki's hands are balled into fists at his side, and there is a tremor in his body. "You're losing on purpose and I want to know why."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he replies lightly, even though he knows it's not the truth.
"Damn it, Ashiwara-san! You know what I'm talking about! You aren't this weak of a player! I've seen your games, I've played you, and you've never played as recklessly and passively as you have today," Saeki growls. "I don't want this win. I don't want you to hand this to me just because of some stupid mistake that you made a year ago."
Hiroyuki freezes, smile slipping from his lips. Something in his chest hardens and he thinks he's going to cry, but instead calm surges through his body. He vaguely remembers this feeling from years ago, this desire to just let go, but he fought it then. He embraces the feeling, letting the calm ease away the tension in his shoulders and chest.
"I apologize for my mistake, Saeki-kun," he says cheerfully, smile back in place. He nods his head and walks away, determined to turn the game around in the time that they have left.
He knows how to win. He knows where to place the stones, knows how to counter each of Saeki's moves so that there is nowhere for him to go. He tears apart the formations on the board, rips into black's territory and makes it his own. Saeki is looking at him with a scowl, but there is appreciation and determination in his eyes, as well.
He watches Saeki study the board, watches as Saeki realizes that there is nowhere left to play that he will not tear apart in the end. He watches Saeki take a deep breath, and he watches as Saeki resigns.
The game is cleared away, the stones returned to their proper go ke, and Saeki is gone.
.//standing on the edge of darkness.2000
His relationship with Ogata is unconventional, and the few people who know about it regard it as a result of his naiveté. Tashiro and Ryuuzaki are among the top protesters of their liaisons, claiming that Ogata isn't right for him, but he just smiles and nods because he knows the older pro isn't the right choice, isn't the one he wants, even, but that doesn't stop either of them from continuing this charade.
He's not sure if he regrets getting involved with the other man, but Ogata is as close a friend as Tashiro, and the risk of hurting Ogata happens to be significantly less than it would be with Tashiro. To Ogata, this was a bit of fun, something to indulge in when he lacks a warm body in his bed. To Hiroyuki, it's distraction.
Ogata's hand is on his shoulder now, thumb lazily tracing circles on the fabric of his suit jacket, and he can feel Saeki's eyes on him from across the room. He hears Ogata say something to Touya-sensei, who has just taken the Meijin title, and he laughs too loudly. Ogata is looking at him, a frown on his face, and Hiroyuki excuses himself.
He walks past Saeki, who is standing with Morishita, and out the door. The cool air hits his face, stinging his cheeks, and he takes a deep breath. He knows Ogata will make their excuses, probably something in regards to the alcohol, and come to find him soon enough. He also knows that they will end up at Ogata's apartment, in Ogata's bed, and he can't bring himself to dredge up any emotion over it.
It takes Ogata longer to find him than he'd thought it would, but it's not long before there is a hand on the small of his back, leading him to the car. Ogata is scowling, and Hiroyuki notices a wet patch on the front of other man's immaculate white suit. Hiroyuki scowls, but doesn't ask.
The ride to Ogata's is silent, and Hiroyuki stares out the window, letting the scenery flash by in blurs of color. He doesn't think about the way Saeki's eyes followed him around the room, or the grim set of his jaw. Instead, he thinks of Touya-sensei's booming laugh, and Akiko-san's sparkling eyes. He remembers Akira's curious gaze following the movement in the room and asking questions. He focuses on the feel of Ogata's hand on his thigh, solid and warm and there.
They reach the apartment complex a few minutes later, and are in Ogata's apartment when the older man presses him up against the door and kisses him. Ogata tastes of cigarettes and alcohol, his tongue warm and coaxing. Hiroyuki kisses him back, leaning into Ogata's embrace.
Ogata's hands are unbuttoning his jacket, pushing it off his shoulder, unbuttoning his shirt until the calloused fingers stroke skin. He sighs into Ogata's mouth, moving his hands to unbutton Ogata's jacket, but Ogata pulls away and leads them into the bedroom.
Hiroyuki finishes undressing, averting his eyes as Ogata begins to disrobe as well. Ogata's hands are on his hips, pulling him forward, and he looks up into the other man's eyes. Ogata smirks and shakes his head.
"I spoke to Saeki today," Ogata says, face buried in Hiroyuki's neck, teeth scraping at the exposed skin.
"What did Saeki-kun say?" he gasps, pressing closer. "Don't leave any marks, Ogata-san. I have a match tomorrow."
Ogata nips his ear. "Saeki warned me about hurting you," he says, voice warm and amused against his ear. "He seems to think I'm forcing you." Ogata's hands are traveling down his body, stroking and caressing.
As Ogata pulls him onto the bed and begins to kiss down his chest, he wonders why Saeki cares, but Ogata's mouth is on his erection, and all thoughts are driven away by sensation and broken pleas.
.//standing on the edge of reconciliation.2001
They are sharing a room at a convention the next time they see each other. Saeki is laying on one of the futons when he enters, and he almost turns and leaves, except Saeki is sitting up and looking at him. Hiroyuki takes a deep breath and enters the room, placing his overnight bag in a corner.
"Hello, Saeki-kun," he greets, taking off his suit jacket and placing it haphazardly on a chair. "I didn't know we would be sharing a room."
"Neither did I," Saeki replies, and Hiroyuki can feel Saeki's eyes on him. "I heard Ogata-san made the room arrangements."
That makes him pause a moment before he shrugs it off. He remembers Ogata mentioning being in charge of the rooming assignments, but he hadn't thought that Ogata would be cruel enough to have put them together. "I remember Ogata-san saying that," he replies, turning to smile at the other man. "I had thought he would have had he and I room together."
Saeki flinches and Hiroyuki feels a small sort of comfort in it. He remembers Ogata telling him about the night of the party, about his and Saeki's conversation, and Hiroyuki feels confused and hurt and angry. He remembers telling Saeki how he felt all those years ago, remembers being rejected. It's unfair of Saeki to be doing this to him now, to warn other people off even though Saeki himself doesn't want him.
Hiroyuki takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "I'm going to outside," he says and leaves.
Their hotel is on the seashore, and he has vague recollections of his brother running through the surf and his parents watching in amusement from the beach. There is more to the memories, he knows, but he's not sure what. He walks along the shore, shoes in his hand, and lets the surf lick his feet.
Distant laughter floats on the wind, and he raises his face to look at the sky, letting the wind and voices and sound of the ocean wash over him. It's familiar, he knows, the sounds and feel of the area. He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and calls Hiroshi.
"What's up, Yuki?" his brother answers, and Hiroyuki thinks that maybe it's a bad time to call.
"Nothing," he admits. "I just had a question, but if you're busy, it can wait."
"I'm never too busy for my baby brother," Hiroshi replies. "Where are you? I hear water."
"I'm at the beach. There's a convention in Chiba that I was asked to help with."
There is silence on the other line for a second before Hiroshi speaks again. "Stay away from the water, Hiroyuki," he warns, and his voice is serious.
"Why? I can swim, Hiro-nii," Hiroyuki replies, annoyed. "Ka-san made a big deal about it when we were younger, remember?"
"Yeah, but do you know why she made such a big deal about it, Hiroyuki?"
"No," he replies, but something is nagging at the back of his mind.
"Ashiwara-san!" someone calls, and he turns to see Saeki stalking towards him.
"I have to go, Hiro-nii," he says into the phone. "I'll talk to you later. Tell Michiko-san I say hello." He hangs up the phone and waits for Saeki to reach him.
"It's almost time to meet with the event coordinators," Saeki informs him once he's caught up.
"Thank you, Saeki-kun," Hiroyuki says, smiling and walking past him. He's stopped by Saeki's hand on his wrist. "Is there something else, Saeki-kun?"
Saeki is staring at him, and Hiroyuki wavers under his gaze. "You're still avoiding me," Saeki says after a moment.
"I'm not avoiding you," he denies. "You were avoiding me."
"I was not-"
"You were," Hiroyuki asserts. "Ever since Akazawa-kun's party, you avoided me. And then you wouldn't even look at me after the pro exam, but now all of a sudden, you're telling Ogata-san to leave me alone, and I don't understand. If you don't want me, why can't someone else?"
"Because he's not right for you! He'll just hurt you, Ashiwara-san."
"Like you did?" Hiroyuki bites back scathingly, and Saeki drops his hand.
"I didn't mean to," Saeki whispers, and Hiroyuki almost can't hear it because of the rush of surf.
"Yes, well you did," Hiroyuki whispers back before walking away, leaving Saeki standing on the beach.
--
Waves are crashing over him, pulling him down, and all he can do is thrash about, try to break free and breathe. Salt water stings his eyes and he opens his mouth to scream, but water rushes in, choking and gagging him, and he can only scream in his head. There is a hand reaching for him, and he tries to grab it, but the water is thick and restricting.
"--wara-san."
There's a hand on his shoulder now, pushing him down, down, down. He struggles, twisting his shoulders, trying to dislodge the appendage.
"--shiwara-san!"
He thinks he can hear a voice over the deafening crush of water and the pounding in his ears, and he cries out, straining to hear the voice and to call for help.
"Ashiwara-san! Wake up!"
His eyes open and he sits straight up, hand going to his throat as he gasps for air.
"Are you all right, Ashiwara-san?" Saeki is beside him, hand on his shoulder, looking at him with unreadable eyes.
"I'm fine," he pants, wrenching away from Saeki's touch. He hears Saeki sigh.
"You are not fine, Ashiwara-san," Saeki says after a moment. "You were crying and screaming. How is that fine?"
He wants to lash out, to ask why Saeki cares, but he shakes his head. "I was just having a nightmare," he assures him. "I used to have them a when I was younger. Hiro-nii says I always used to crawl into his futon so I could sleep." Saeki is quiet while he rambles, and Hiroyuki is thankful that Saeki has nothing to say. He's not sure he could handle being laughed at right now.
"Scoot over," Saeki says suddenly, nudging Hiroyuki with his shoulder.
"What for?" he asks with a frown.
"Having someone sleep with you got rid of the nightmares, right? We have an early morning, so I'd rather you sleep so you can't used exhaustion as an excuse when I beat you."
"You don't have to, Saeki-kun," he protests. He doesn't want Saeki in his bed, not even if it's just so he can sleep. "Really."
Saeki yawns. "Scoot over, Ashiwara-san," he says again, crawling onto the empty space that Hiroyuki has given up. He pulls the covers up and pushes Hiroyuki down. "Sleep."
Hiroyuki doesn't say anything, just stares at the ceiling and listens as Saeki's breathing evens out. The futon is too small for both of them, and Saeki is pressed uncomfortably close against him. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his pounding heart, when Saeki's arm wraps itself around Hiroyuki's waist.
Saeki's body is warm, he thinks as he cuddles against him. He falls asleep wrapped in the warmth of Saeki's embrace and dreams of Saeki, go, and Ogata's smirk.
.//standing on the edge of happiness.2002
"Hurry up, Yuki-nii!" Sunako calls, hands on her hips. "If we don't hurry, the tickets are going to be sold out!"
Hiroyuki shakes his head as he walks faster to catch up with his sister. "You know what ka-san told you," he warns. "You can't buy the tickets until you have someone to take you."
Sunako rolls her eyes. "You're taking me, duh."
"I have a game that afternoon, Sunako-chan," he protests weakly. "I don't know if I'll be able to take you."
"You're playing Akira-san," she says. "He'll beat you quickly so that you can take me to see the musical."
"What?" he splutters. "I can beat Akira-kun."
"One out of every six games, Yuki-nii," she informs him. "Besides, you promised."
Hiroyuki sighs. "I know," he says, "but does it really have to be Tenimyu?"
"It has to be," she asserts. "I have to see Shirota-san and Aiba-san or I'll die."
"You won't die," he replies.
"I will," she says seriously. "I'll die if I don't get to see them, and it will be all your fault, Yuki-nii."
"Whatever happened to my sweet baby sister?" he asks and receives a glare. "Fine, fine," he relents. "Let's buy the tickets."
Sunako smiles and grabs his hand, pulling him forward.
"Yuki-nii!" Sunako exclaims, pointing to a girl with bright pink hair. "I want to do my hair like that for the show. If I do that, Shirota-san and Aiba-san will notice me for sure in the front seat."
"I am not buying front row tickets, Sunako," he admonishes. "I don't have that type of money."
Sunako is about to reply when the pink haired girl turns around, arms crossed. "I won't accept anything other than front row, Kouji-nii," the girl exclaims loudly.
"See?" Sunako says. "I'm with her."
The girl looks over, and Sunako nods before dashing off to stand next to the other girl. Hiroyuki sighs and walks over.
"Sunako," he begins, only to see Saeki stalk up behind the two girls. "Saeki-kun!"
"Ashiwara-san," Saeki says, looking surprised. "What are you doing here?"
He points at Sunako, who sticks her tongue out. "Buying tickets for my sister," he replies. "You?"
Saeki looks down at the other girl, who turns her nose up at him. "Same," Saeki admits.
"Stop stalling, Kouji-nii," the pink haired girl says. "I want my tickets."
"Same here, Yuki-nii," Sunako pipes up. "Front row."
"What she said," Saeki's sister agrees.
"Hanako, I told you I don't have that type of money! Those tickets are expensive," Saeki argues.
"You promised me the best tickets," Hanako glares. "I want the best."
"It's my birthday, Yuki-nii," Sunako whines. "I want to see Shirota-san and Aiba-san close up!"
Hiroyuki sighs. "Fine," he relents. "I'll get you front row tickets."
Sunako grins and hugs him. "Thanks, Yuki-nii! You're the best!"
"See? He's getting her front row tickets. You should do the same," Hanako says.
"I am not buying you front row tickets just because Ashiwara-san is getting his sister front row tickets," Saeki replies, annoyed. He looks apologetically at Hiroyuki. "I don't even want to go to this thing."
"Fine," Saeki's sister declares, "I'll go with them."
"With us?" Hiroyuki asks, startled.
"That would be so cool!" Sunako squeals.
"You can't impose on Ashiwara-san, Hanako!" Saeki exclaims.
"It's not a problem, Saeki-kun," Hiroyuki assures him weakly, wondering if he has enough to buy three front row tickets and still pay rent next week.
"It is," Saeki argues. "She can't just arbitrarily decide to go with someone she doesn't even know just because I won't get her a front row seat."
"Oh please, Kouji-nii. You know him, so it should be fine if I go with him," Hanako replies, rolling her eyes. "Besides, she's my new best friend and you wouldn't want to tear me away from my new best friend, would you?"
Sunako is grinning widely at this. "You really shouldn't, Saeki-san," she agrees. "It would be detrimental to her social development."
"You need to stop reading Hiro-nii's old psychology textbooks, Sunako-chan," Hiroyuki admonishes. "And it really isn't a problem, Saeki-kun."
"I told her I'd take her, so I'll take her," Saeki replies through clenched teeth. "I'll buy you the stupid tickets."
"Front row?" Hanako asks skeptically.
"Fine," Saeki agrees.
"Next to my new best friend?" Hanako adds.
"Come on, Saeki-kun," Hiroyuki cuts in before Saeki can say anything. "Let's go get the tickets. Stay here, Sunako-chan, Hanako-chan."
They are walking away when he hears Sunako tell Hanako that Saeki is mean, and he hears Hanako agree. Hiroyuki shakes his head and looks at Saeki.
"I apologize for my sister, Saeki-kun."
"I'm sure Hanako started it," Saeki says, shrugging. "I'm sorry that she was so pushy."
"It's fine," Hiroyuki assures him as they get in line. "I don't mind."
"You never mind anything," Saeki mutters.
He can't think of anything to say to that, so he says nothing. Soon enough, they're at the teller and purchasing the tickets. The walk back to where their sisters are sitting and chatting animatedly is silent.
"Come on, Hanako," Saeki says as they reach the two girls. "We've got to go."
"Sunako-chan and I want to go see a movie," Hanako announces.
"What?" Saeki cries. "I have things to do!"
"Like what?" Hanako scoffs. "Sit in your apartment and stare at that picture? Sheesh," she sighs. "You're so pathetic, Kouji-nii."
Saeki is bright red, and Hiroyuki smiles uncomfortably. He can see Sunako giggling behind her hand and he sighs. "Come on, Sunako-chan."
"Movie," Sunako says, linking her arm with Hanako's. "You promised me a movie, anyway, Yuki-nii."
"We can go together," Hanako says, smiling widely at her brother. "Come on, Kouji-nii. You know you want to."
Saeki scowls, but agrees. "But that's it," he warns Hanako. "We have to go home after that."
"Yeah, yeah," Hanako waves him off. "After dinner, home. Right."
"The movie, Hanako! After the movie!"
Hanako turns to Sunako and grins. "It's a date!"
Hiroyuki has a bad feeling about this, but he can't begrudge his sister a bit of fun. "Let's go," he says, turning to smile apologetically at Saeki. "Why don't you girls pick the movie?"
"Your brother is so cool, Sunako-chan," Hanako exclaims. "Kouji-nii never lets me pick the movie."
The two girls run off ahead of them, and Saeki sighs. "I'm really sorry about this, Ashiwara-san."
"It's okay," Hiroyuki asserts. "Besides, we haven't really done anything together since before Akazawa-kun's party."
Saeki nods slowly. "True."
"And we did agree to start hanging out again, but you keep cancelling," Hiroyuki points out cheerfully.
"I told you, I was busy," Saeki defends. "And Morishita-sensei keeps asking me to help him out at events."
Hiroyuki grins and grabs Saeki's hand. "So we can hang out today, and if someone asks, you can say it's our sisters' fault."
Saeki frowns. "What about you?"
"What about me?" he asks. "I like you, so I'll take any excuse to be with you, Saeki-kun."
"Stop saying that," Saeki hisses, face heating up. "What if Hanako hears?"
"I'm sure Sunako-chan has already told her," Hiroyuki replies dismissively. "Actually, I'm sure that they're doing this because you keep cancelling on me."
"We were going to hang out tomorrow," Saeki argues weakly.
"I'm sure you'd have found some way to get out of it," Hiroyuki cuts in. "The only time we ever hang out anymore is when I drag you to lunch during games."
Saeki shakes his head, but he's smiling, and Hiroyuki has to control the impulse to lean over and kiss him. He reminds himself that they are just friends, that Saeki isn't interested him, and Hiroyuki lets go of Saeki's hand. "They're going to leave us behind," he explains.
Saeki nods, and they begin walking faster.
--
Sunako and Hanako decide to sit in the back of the movie theatre, warning their brothers that they are under no circumstances to sit with them. Saeki shakes his head and leads Hiroyuki to a row in the middle of the auditorium.
Hiroyuki sits down and looks at the screen, Saeki sitting beside him.
"What do you think the movie is about?" Saeki whispers.
"I don't know," Hiroyuki admits, turning to face Saeki. "Sunako has been wanting to see it, though."
"It's probably girly, then," Saeki decides.
Their shoulders brush, and Hiroyuki realizes that they're sitting too close, even with the armrest between them. He wants to pull away, but Saeki is looking at him with serious eyes, so he smiles and stays still. Saeki smiles back, and props his elbow on the armrest, resting his cheek in his palm. Saeki's head is barely a centimeter away from Hiroyuki's shoulder, so Hiroyuki takes a deep breath, and Saeki is resting his head on Hiroyuki's shoulder.
They stay like that for the entire movie, neither of them moving, and they do not say anything about it when Hiroyuki and Sunako walk Saeki and Hanako to the train station after dinner.
.//standing on the edge of tomorrow.2007
"We never did discuss that game," Hiroyuki says randomly, staring at the goban.
"What game?" Saeki asks, frowning. "We always discuss our games."
"The game we played before we went to Akazawa-kun's."
"That was years ago, Hiroyuki."
"I know, but that it bugs me that we didn't talk about it."
Saeki sighs, placing his stone on the board. "Do you even remember it?"
Hiroyuki plays his move, effectively killing white's territory in the upper right corner. He watches as Saeki balks before replying, "Of course I do, Kouji. I remember every game we've ever played."
"Every game?" Saeki is looking at the goban, face scrunched up in concentration.
"If you play there," Hiroyuki muses, "I'll just kill the stones in the center. And yes, every game."
Saeki glares and places the stone back in the go ke. "I resign," he says. "And how do you remember every game?"
"Thank you for the game," Hiroyuki answers back, bowing slightly. "And I remember everything about Kouji!"
"I'm sure you do," Saeki says with a smile. "So, this move here," he begins, pointing at the go ban. "If I had gone here, you wouldn't have killed this cluster, right?"
Saeki looks up from the board when Hiroyuki doesn't respond. Hiroyuki smiles and says, "We can discuss it tomorrow," before leaning down to kiss Saeki.
Saeki kisses back, and the game remains forgotten on the goban.
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