Fic: Observations, Ch 250
Why.
Why did this happen.
Was there anything that could have been done to prevent it.
Who am I.
Who was I before this.
Why did this happen to me.
What is this universe.
Why is life worth living.
Why am I still living.
Is there justice in this universe.
What is freedom.
Who am I.
These questions are useless. Cease asking them.
Why.
Why did this happen.
Who am I.
Was it my fault?
Will I ever be clean?
I’m sorry Jim.
Why can’t I move on.
I am healed. Then why do I feel all of this, why do I think all of this.
Why do creatures do this to each other.
Is there reason in the universe?
Is there logic?
If there is reason, if there is logic, why did this happen.
Is the universe merely chaos?
Cease asking questions. There are no answers.
Who am I?
Is there good in the universe?
What is life?
What is love?
What is hope?
What is that against hatred and malice?
What is light against darkness?
I am healed. Why am I asking these questions still.
Why do things not return to before.
Why does time pass so slowly.
Why did I go through this.
Is there any meaning to this agony and shame?
Is there a reason behind suffering?
They promise hope and better days in the future.
How do they know?
Why do I keep going.
Why did this happen.
I rage rage against it but there is nothing to rail against. The universe is impersonal. Impassive. Inanimate. No meaning. No significance.
I am compromised.
Is this what it means to be human?
Is this what it means to feel?
I don’t want it.
Fight.
Against what.
Will this happen again?
What is the likelihood that this might happen again.
Calculate the probability.
Can this be prevented?
Can these feelings be prevented.
Yes.
Suppress.
Why did this happen.
Who am I.
Is there logic in this universe.
Is there order in this universe.
I never want to feel these emotions again.
Can these feelings be prevented.
Yes.
Kolinahr.