Comments | ann89103: Bleach fic: Instinct/Illusion

ann89103

Bleach fic: Instinct/Illusion

Feb 22, 2010 00:04

Title: Instinct/Illusion
Fandom: Bleach
Paring: Renji/Shuuhei & a second, unnamed pair
Rating: R
Warnings: Dub-con (open to interpretation), mention of character deaths
Word Count: 7,360
Summary: Shuuhei and Renji: important moments over the years
Notes: Written for yaoi_challenge. Alternate Reality, though using much of the canon storyline through the current ( Read more... )

bleach fic, bleach, yaoi_challenge

Comments 12

xglimpsex February 22 2010, 17:56:03 UTC

Wow. To be honest, it seemed almost like two different fics to me. The progression from preslash to a relationship was one seperate story, and then the possesion and the unvieling was another.

Was that intentional or do I need to sleep more?

But, in anycase, that ending was absolutely haunting. Such a gorgeously, diabolical plot twist. (You should have seen me, 'Not AKON!' I whined it in the library.)_

ann89103 February 23 2010, 03:41:47 UTC

You do not need to sleep more. *g*

The Agatha Christie quote is exactly where the story changes, with Renji's death and Aizen taking his place in Seireitei. I'll be curious to find out if that's how most readers interpreted it or if they caught on to the twist later.

Thank you! I could probably do a whole fic just on Shuuhei dealing with the repercussions of Aizen's illusions: too bad Shuuhei doesn't have the time to think about that now.

I did think of you while writing the Akon part (mostly, "I wonder if she will kill me for this?", lol).

xglimpsex February 23 2010, 04:02:47 UTC

NICE!
I was wondering, because the vibe completely changed. I didn't exactly see AIZEN coming, but I knew something... was off.

(I won't kill you, I was just overjoyed to see him and then... dead.)

ann89103 February 23 2010, 04:35:45 UTC

I won't kill you, I was just overjoyed to see him and then... dead.

It is bad that I found the way you phrased that to be extremely funny? 'Cause I totally did!

It's with stories like this that I hate writing disclaimers, because... how much to you warn for, yet keep the twist from being revealed upfront? I'm so glad you picked up on the vibe changing: I was hoping most readers wouldn't pick up on the twist right away, but get close to the end and say, 'hey, what's going on here?' and then go back and say 'a-ha, I see that you did there!'

Poor Akon wasn't even originally intended to be in the fic, but since I had some alternating Shuuhei and Renji portions in the first half, I felt I had to keep the pattern going. That, and it was a good way to hint that things were not right with 'Renji' at all: calling somebody else uncouth? Renji? Dead giveaway!

Thread 5

mainekosama February 22 2010, 18:53:08 UTC

Meeeep :(. That was a scary ending. I had a feeling there was something wrong with Renji at the end, but I never suspected THAT. I loved how you slowly unraveled the story and the giant frame it came in.

ann89103 February 23 2010, 03:43:47 UTC

Thank you! *grins* Poor Shuuhei, I abuse him so and enjoy it. I was hoping it didn't come across as too disjointed (or as lazy writing), so I appreciate your comments!

horusguard76 February 22 2010, 20:48:09 UTC

hahah! I knew it! (I LOVE these kind of mystery/detective stories! *happy grin*)

This was a pleasure to read (so many goodies, aka lovely moments!) but there were also moments where I felt that you missed out on creating a more homogenous 'one' something.

I adore Sun Tzu and when I reached that part in the story it would have been great to see his sayings being implemented into the story from the beginning, instead it felt a bit disconnected as it appeared in the middle of the story.

Loved the various stages Shuuhei and Renji went through. Great work there! ♥

Felt very sorry to read that Byakuya died but it made sense story-wise.

Kudos to you for the great twist at the end! <333

ann89103 February 23 2010, 04:29:07 UTC

This was a pleasure to read (so many goodies, aka lovely moments!)

Thank you! *grins*

but there were also moments where I felt that you missed out on creating a more homogenous 'one' something.

I agree with you here. It is a bit scatter-shot, which can be hit-or-miss when looking at the big picture later. I was really pushing to make the deadline for this story: I may come back to this one in a few month's time and see if I can revise it with fresh eyes and some distance. For now, I have to start on all those springkink stories I signed up for, lol!

I adore Sun Tzu and when I reached that part in the story it would have been great to see his sayings being implemented into the story from the beginning, instead it felt a bit disconnected as it appeared in the middle of the story.

What an excellent point! I'm ashamed to admit I never even thought of it.

Loved the various stages Shuuhei and Renji went through. Great work there! ♥

Thank you. Those were the most fun parts to write! And the ending, because I am that evil.I honestly thought ( ... )

horusguard76 February 23 2010, 18:46:17 UTC

You're very welcome, dear! :)

Oh dear but yeah, I hear you on dead-lines. And in light of that - you have a gorgeous and captivating story! ♥

Nahh, don't feel bad about it. When you are so focused on a task there is rarely time to take a step back and give the story more time to grow within yourself. And I am sure you would have noticed the possibility to weave a red thread with quotes or ideas of Sun Tzu by yourself sooner or later. ;)

Oh yes, you ARE evil but we all adore and worship your for your evil plots! (I know that I do! :) )

lol Don't apologize, I understand very well how important it is to sacrifice a character or two in a story to make move the plot along. ;)

I'm glad that you could find something useful in my comment. I was in a bit of a hurry and thus just scribbled down my thoughts so to speak. *g*

cairnsy February 23 2010, 11:22:36 UTC

Oh my. I didn't see that coming at all. I picked up that something was a little off with Renji, but I thought that would be explained by the end of the fic ... which it was, but I could never have dreamed-

*laughs* I'm really rather speechless. I had to re-read it again immediately (as did everyone else, I'm willing to bet!) and you worked it absolutely perfectly. This sort of thing can be so difficult to pull off because you have to get the balance between the clues and not giving too much away right, and you nailed it. Ridiculously so. I actually gasped out loud at the end, and not just out of surprise but horror.

Guh. It's gone midnight here and I couldn't form a coherent thought even if I tried. I'll have to give you a proper review in the morning ^_^. Hell, I need to babble on for ages just about the mood you created, and how at some stage there is this subtle shift into disquietness and unease. I ... can't help it. I babble when I'm happy and in awe. As you know.Thank you so very, very much. This is ( ... )

ann89103 February 23 2010, 15:27:19 UTC

I picked up that something was a little off with Renji, but I thought that would be explained by the end of the fic ... which it was, but I could never have dreamed-

*cue evil laughter* Muahahaha!

This sort of thing can be so difficult to pull off because you have to get the balance between the clues and not giving too much away right, and you nailed it.

Pfft. I was sure the title was a dead giveaway. *g* Thank you, I'm glad the impressionistic, bits-and-pieces approach worked for you. I don't think a more traditional narrative approach would have been effective.

I actually gasped out loud at the end, and not just out of surprise but horror.

It's fascinating to me to learn where readers actually picked up on the twist, and it's different for everyone. *smirks* I was debating labeling this fic as romantic horror.

Hell, I need to babble on for ages just about the mood you created, and how at some stage there is this subtle shift into disquietness and unease. I ... can't help it. I babble when I'm happy and in awe. As you know.Go ( ... )