I think I'm Dumb...

[angelofmercy21]

I lost it today and called him. I'm just not used to him not being around. He was my best friend, too. I just lost it and in a moment of extreme weakness asked him "If after my appointment (I set up an emergency appt. with my counselor) I still feel the way I feel now will you come and spend the night with me?" He didn't think it was a good

Comments

[ladykarrah]

You are not weak, you are very strong and you will get through this. Listen to what he has to say and weight it on that. I know it's hard but you will make it. :)

[angelofmercy21]

Thanks girlie. I just got back from my appt. and feel alot better for the moment. She said it was OK for me to see him right now because it's impossible to go from where I was the other day to completely cutting him out of my life. And if it makes me feel better- good. If not, well, I didn't feel great to begin with. She says not to feel bad about anything I do right now which very well may involve sleeping with him one more time. Whatever. I know I can't take him back and if that makes me feel better, it's OK.

[ladykarrah]

awesome. Let me know if you need anything.

[pete_diddy]

Man, so much you said has touched me. I'm glad I'm not alone when I thought that "she" was the only person who would ever love me. You have someone like that too. Wow.

[angelofmercy21]

Yeah, it fucking sucks huh? It's like I don't know I just always thought that one day we'd be retired together in Florida somewhere. That was just the way it was supposed to be. You know? Like it was just a given - Jessica and Chris. Fuck I'm a tard.

[pete_diddy]

I don't miss "her" now. I miss what we had. And just like you, I think I'd kill just to feel that way just one more time. I'm like a junkie. I want to be loved, feel strong emotion, and love someone. Show them the respect they deserve, put them up on a little platform and treat them right.

I'm a junkie for being a romantic. And there's no rehab for this. It's just gonna eat at me till I get my fix.

[angelofmercy21]

I'm the same way. There really should be a rehab for this shit. It's fucking ridiculous. I hate it.

[killernailz]

It's gonna be okay. I know this is hard to believe but I know from my own past year that things do turn out better. I also know the strangling feeling of loneliness. The panic and the urge to just call 'him' and have him hold you again - 'if just for one night

[angelofmercy21]

Thank you so much. You are right. My counselor says that whatever makes me happy is ok. Even just once more. If it helps good, if not it was what I felt I needed right then and that's OK too. Just live one second to the next. And it's going to suck. But that's the way it's going to be.

[killernailz]

Just remember that making mistakes is not a crime - denying that they are mistakes is. That's a crime against yourself!
So think about if you really want 'just one more night' or that this is a substitute feeling for whatever it is you really want. Sounds to me (but that's just me) that what you really want is love. Love with a capital L. The problem with this is that the only person who can give Love to you is you.
I agree with your counselor that whatever you need at one moment is okay. Please do think good and hard about why you want this - is it really that what you want? i mean: wanting something is one thing, but acting upon is is quite another. Wanting one more night with your ex doesn't seem to me as a good thing to act upon... Kinda destroys the letting go process... Which hurts, but is necessary to move on.

[angelofmercy21]

Yeah, that was a phase, I think. Now I'm into the I-want-his-balls-in-a-sling phase. Much more pleasant and empowering :)

[maniacalsecret]

That probably wasn't a good idea, dear. And there are tons of guys out there who would love to love you, I'm sure. :/

[invisible_light]

You are truly beautiful

I add you : )

Sean

[angelofmercy21]

And you are truly very sweet! I add you in return ;)