Bad Dates
There was a time when I used to believe that there's no such thing as a bad date.
That was waaay back when I was young and foolish. After being exposed to the dating battlefield for some time, I've seen the worst. (Please pray to God that you won't go through this at all.) Warning: Don't try this when you really like someone!
Thank you to my new friend, heureviolet, for the inspirational idea. This will be done in parts. *bows*
1) I think I was 19 when I dated a guy who had no concept of hygiene. (Hygiene, people, hygiene! He definitely needed the most basic lesson in grooming. There's always a significant connection between dating and grooming! If you don't groom yourself regularly- bathing, brushing your teeth and applying deodorant- then please, for the love of God and all things holy, don't date!)
I forgot his name. He's not so important so we can skip that. What really happened was that he got my number from somebody I know and texted me regularly. I wasn't really interested but I was bored so I agreed to a meet-up. If I didn't like him, I figured that I could always run away... (I should have run away!) To play by the rules of safety, we met up inside a mall. We were going to my friend's house since I had a project to do for a subject. (Oh, yes, I remember. I was still in college.)
As we boarded a jeep to go to our destination, the wind blew westward. An unpleasant odor was detected by my nostrils. It was very unpleasant like stinky two-days-old socks or really sweaty armpits. (Didn't he know that deodorants are cheap and available in all convenience stores? Did his mother even tell him that he stank horribly? Oh God.) The stench could fell a horse! I averted my face and pretended not to know him, even though he was right beside me. (I wish I packed a gas mask.) As soon as I arrived at my friend's house, I politely told him that we have to part ways. I made up some excuse that we can't have boys and apologized because he had to pay for the fare. The poor schmuck waved it off and left dejectedly. I think he already knew.
Lesson learned: good physical and mental hygiene. A guy who can't take of himself can't possibly take care of other people.
2) I dated a guy just to watch Twilight. (Note to self: never EVER do that again!)
I was still a college student with meager funds (and underdeveloped brain cells.) Twilight was still the rage so I had to see why. I shouldn't have bothered. The experience gave me nightmares! How did we meet? I think he was a hotdog stand vendor in SM terminal, if my vague memory can be trusted. Again, I was bored so I decided to chat him up. He blurted out that he wanted to see a movie with me. I guess it was really dark so I couldn't see what he looked like. (Or maybe I had brain damage already?) I said, 'okay'.
We agreed to watch Twilight. We met up on the mall beside my school so I could avoid the knowing looks of my (bitchy) classmates since I would be dating down the food chain. They'd make fun of me for months. I skipped a class so I was still wearing my uniform when we entered the cinema. It was then that I realized that I didn't feel anything for this guy. I hated my 20/20 eyesight because what must have looked good in the dark... did not look good in the light!
Let's call him Not-RPattz for the sake of this story. (I cannot call him HotDog Dude even though that's ridiculously appropriate.) Anyway, he was not funny or attractive. He repulsed me. Not R-Pattz was just plain creepy. Whenever we exchanged text messages, I felt vaguely annoyed and creeped out because of his passionate declaration of feelings. (We've only known each other for two days! How come you love me already? Hello Creepy Insecure Ego!) He even gave me pictures of himself! Pictures! *facepalm*
Here's what I learned: Bad movie = bad date. The movie began. My torture began. He tried to put an arm around me. I didn't move. He snuggled up next to me. I didn't move. He nuzzled my ear and tried to make me look at him so he could kiss me. I. Didn't. Move. (Ewww! I don't want to kiss you!) In an attempt to make sure that I was still alive, he whispered, "Your hair smells good." I was tempted to reply with, "Thanks! Edward Cullen should try my shampoo if he ever wanted to wash his hair." I proceeded to pretend catatonia for the next hour. He gave up. (There is a God!)
Later that night, I received a text message from him and several missed calls. I was grinning when I read "even for a short time, I knew that I love you... Whatever you think of me, blah blah blah..." R-Pattz might not have the goods of Edward Cullen but he got the personality down to a pat!
Lesson learned: Don't date a guy just for the free movie tickets. It's not worth the torture.
3) I dated a male model. As in a six-foot-tall, mestizo with ripped abs model... who sells massage machines. We met when he was wandering around the neighborhood selling his wares to everyone who was interested. Don't give me dirty looks. He was a salesman! He sold massage machines! Anyway, I was the one who answered the gate one fine afternoon. We smiled, flirted and looked at each other longingly...
Joey: -insert toothpaste smile- Would you like to buy one? It's really good and really cheap...
Angel: -flash a cute smile- No.
...while I gently rejected his offer. He left. I thought that he was gone for good when he came running back and asked for my number. To avoid creeps like the previous two, I gave my mother's number.
Two hours later, we were furiously exchanging messages like there was no tomorrow. I could barely send a message to my then-ex-boyfriend but I was replying to him all the time. What? Okay, fine, give me the dirty looks. Side story: I was not in love with my previous flame so I was basking in the adoration of an admirer who was also a model. It was like comparing the prince to the pauper! Joey was tall and handsome and sweet while Carlo was short, ugly and indifferent. I don't have a picture yet to prove it but you'll just have to take my word for it. We decided to meet up in the same mall next to my school on the day that I had no afternoon classes.
All of my schoolmates were stunned to see me walk around with him. I knew that word would spread like wildfire but I didn't care. I was pretty happy. Joey was into me. That's what mattered. When he learned that my ex-boyfriend was a vocalist of his imaginary band, he decided to do a pissing contest with someone who wasn't there. We went to the arcade and my handsome, charming date went up on the small stage with a microphone. Imagine this: you were in a room full of your peers, underclassmen and strangers. You were looking up to your sexy, handsome date who stared at you with soulful eyes as the familiar notes wafted in...
I wanted to die right then and there.
We never saw a second date in public. Again.
Lesson learned: Just because a guy was good-looking doesn't mean he was talented and decent. A guy who chose a thinly-veiled song about masturbation was someone seriously disturbed. (Don't touch my birdie... Just call it and it will cum...)
First a slob then a creep and then a perv. I hope that my luck will change. If not, I'll have even more entertaining stories to tell. You know me. Whenever I get bored, I date. Then I chuck them to the curb and write blog entries.
That was waaay back when I was young and foolish. After being exposed to the dating battlefield for some time, I've seen the worst. (Please pray to God that you won't go through this at all.) Warning: Don't try this when you really like someone!
Thank you to my new friend, heureviolet, for the inspirational idea. This will be done in parts. *bows*
1) I think I was 19 when I dated a guy who had no concept of hygiene. (Hygiene, people, hygiene! He definitely needed the most basic lesson in grooming. There's always a significant connection between dating and grooming! If you don't groom yourself regularly- bathing, brushing your teeth and applying deodorant- then please, for the love of God and all things holy, don't date!)
I forgot his name. He's not so important so we can skip that. What really happened was that he got my number from somebody I know and texted me regularly. I wasn't really interested but I was bored so I agreed to a meet-up. If I didn't like him, I figured that I could always run away... (I should have run away!) To play by the rules of safety, we met up inside a mall. We were going to my friend's house since I had a project to do for a subject. (Oh, yes, I remember. I was still in college.)
As we boarded a jeep to go to our destination, the wind blew westward. An unpleasant odor was detected by my nostrils. It was very unpleasant like stinky two-days-old socks or really sweaty armpits. (Didn't he know that deodorants are cheap and available in all convenience stores? Did his mother even tell him that he stank horribly? Oh God.) The stench could fell a horse! I averted my face and pretended not to know him, even though he was right beside me. (I wish I packed a gas mask.) As soon as I arrived at my friend's house, I politely told him that we have to part ways. I made up some excuse that we can't have boys and apologized because he had to pay for the fare. The poor schmuck waved it off and left dejectedly. I think he already knew.
Lesson learned: good physical and mental hygiene. A guy who can't take of himself can't possibly take care of other people.
2) I dated a guy just to watch Twilight. (Note to self: never EVER do that again!)
I was still a college student with meager funds (and underdeveloped brain cells.) Twilight was still the rage so I had to see why. I shouldn't have bothered. The experience gave me nightmares! How did we meet? I think he was a hotdog stand vendor in SM terminal, if my vague memory can be trusted. Again, I was bored so I decided to chat him up. He blurted out that he wanted to see a movie with me. I guess it was really dark so I couldn't see what he looked like. (Or maybe I had brain damage already?) I said, 'okay'.
We agreed to watch Twilight. We met up on the mall beside my school so I could avoid the knowing looks of my (bitchy) classmates since I would be dating down the food chain. They'd make fun of me for months. I skipped a class so I was still wearing my uniform when we entered the cinema. It was then that I realized that I didn't feel anything for this guy. I hated my 20/20 eyesight because what must have looked good in the dark... did not look good in the light!
Let's call him Not-RPattz for the sake of this story. (I cannot call him HotDog Dude even though that's ridiculously appropriate.) Anyway, he was not funny or attractive. He repulsed me. Not R-Pattz was just plain creepy. Whenever we exchanged text messages, I felt vaguely annoyed and creeped out because of his passionate declaration of feelings. (We've only known each other for two days! How come you love me already? Hello Creepy Insecure Ego!) He even gave me pictures of himself! Pictures! *facepalm*
Here's what I learned: Bad movie = bad date. The movie began. My torture began. He tried to put an arm around me. I didn't move. He snuggled up next to me. I didn't move. He nuzzled my ear and tried to make me look at him so he could kiss me. I. Didn't. Move. (Ewww! I don't want to kiss you!) In an attempt to make sure that I was still alive, he whispered, "Your hair smells good." I was tempted to reply with, "Thanks! Edward Cullen should try my shampoo if he ever wanted to wash his hair." I proceeded to pretend catatonia for the next hour. He gave up. (There is a God!)
Later that night, I received a text message from him and several missed calls. I was grinning when I read "even for a short time, I knew that I love you... Whatever you think of me, blah blah blah..." R-Pattz might not have the goods of Edward Cullen but he got the personality down to a pat!
Lesson learned: Don't date a guy just for the free movie tickets. It's not worth the torture.
3) I dated a male model. As in a six-foot-tall, mestizo with ripped abs model... who sells massage machines. We met when he was wandering around the neighborhood selling his wares to everyone who was interested. Don't give me dirty looks. He was a salesman! He sold massage machines! Anyway, I was the one who answered the gate one fine afternoon. We smiled, flirted and looked at each other longingly...
Joey: -insert toothpaste smile- Would you like to buy one? It's really good and really cheap...
Angel: -flash a cute smile- No.
...while I gently rejected his offer. He left. I thought that he was gone for good when he came running back and asked for my number. To avoid creeps like the previous two, I gave my mother's number.
Two hours later, we were furiously exchanging messages like there was no tomorrow. I could barely send a message to my then-ex-boyfriend but I was replying to him all the time. What? Okay, fine, give me the dirty looks. Side story: I was not in love with my previous flame so I was basking in the adoration of an admirer who was also a model. It was like comparing the prince to the pauper! Joey was tall and handsome and sweet while Carlo was short, ugly and indifferent. I don't have a picture yet to prove it but you'll just have to take my word for it. We decided to meet up in the same mall next to my school on the day that I had no afternoon classes.
All of my schoolmates were stunned to see me walk around with him. I knew that word would spread like wildfire but I didn't care. I was pretty happy. Joey was into me. That's what mattered. When he learned that my ex-boyfriend was a vocalist of his imaginary band, he decided to do a pissing contest with someone who wasn't there. We went to the arcade and my handsome, charming date went up on the small stage with a microphone. Imagine this: you were in a room full of your peers, underclassmen and strangers. You were looking up to your sexy, handsome date who stared at you with soulful eyes as the familiar notes wafted in...
Click to viewI wanted to die right then and there.
We never saw a second date in public. Again.
Lesson learned: Just because a guy was good-looking doesn't mean he was talented and decent. A guy who chose a thinly-veiled song about masturbation was someone seriously disturbed. (Don't touch my birdie... Just call it and it will cum...)
First a slob then a creep and then a perv. I hope that my luck will change. If not, I'll have even more entertaining stories to tell. You know me. Whenever I get bored, I date. Then I chuck them to the curb and write blog entries.