Will My Arms Be Strong Enough 27/45
Title: Will My Arms Be Strong Enough? 27/45
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys...and others!
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhys, John Hart, two OC's, Andrea (Andie) Carlowe and Nick Jones.
Spoilers: Set after Exit Wounds.
Summary: Alison's memorial takes place.
Chapter 27
Two days later…
Nick sighed as he drove back to his old apartment, Trevyn and Estelle sound asleep in the back and John sat beside him. He could see a familiar silver Porsche following his little blue car into the car park and noticed Ianto giving him a reassuring smile. The sight gave him no comfort at all. Even with the bright blue sky and the fierce sun above him, he still felt as cold as the snow underneath his feet.
“This is so strange,” he murmured to himself, absently stroking his hand over the steering wheel.
“I know.” John’s voice resonated through the small space. “It must be odd coming back to this old place after such a long time. When Jack and I were sent on a mission to the forty-second century, we were there for two years and when we finally got back to the fifty-first -”
“I don’t mean that,” interrupted Nick, not even taking his eyes off the building in front of him. But before John could ask him any more questions, he slowly unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car, pulling his coat around him as the cold air ripped through him, sending his hair flying around his face, scratching at his skin and slapping against his glasses. He didn’t wait for the others, but simply made his way into the building, not even noticing the stench around the area due to the biting wind.
John caught up with him a few minutes later, the children safely dozing inside their pushchair, snuggled up in a thick cocoon of blankets. Suddenly, Trevyn let out a large yawn and his eyes flickered open, blinking sleepily in front of him. He breathed out and looked up, his owlish brown eyes suddenly appearing too large for his face as they widened at the sight in front of him.
“Daddy…” he breathed out, his mouth breaking into a large smile.
Nick almost burst into tears. He had barely seen his children since Christmas and yet his three-year-old son still looked up to him as his father. Some children that young would have forgotten what their father looked like if they had been left for so long. But not little Trevyn; he was still gazing upon his father’s face, a beautiful expression of love and delight covering his own.
“He looks just like you, you know.” Nick jumped when Catrin appeared beside him, wearing a knee-length emerald-green dress. She wrapped her brother in a hug. “How are you?”
Nick swallowed a bit as he hugged her back. “I’m…I’m okay,” he whispered. “It’s just…all this is a bit strange, I suppose.”
“I know,” Catrin whispered. “I’ve wondered about whether we should have waited so long to do this, but I didn’t want to push you too hard. You need time to get your life back on track.”
“I know. Thanks for everything, Cat; especially for looking after the little ones.” He stepped back and held her hands. “I was so happy just now when Trev recognised me. I honestly thought -”
“Nick!” exclaimed Catrin, her eyes widening. “Don’t ever say a thing like that! You know that David and I love looking after those little ones, but I would do anything to make sure they don’t forget you! You’re their father, Nick - and, whatever happens, you always will be!”
“She’s right.” Catrin’s partner, David, had come out to see what was going on. “Nick, whatever happens, ‘Stelle and Trev will always be your kids. You raised them from the moment that they were born. We’re just here to help you get back on your feet.”
“Thanks.” Nick rubbed his head. “Sorry, guys. It’s been a long week and I’m a little tired. I guess I’m also a bit stunned that Trev would still call me Dad; I’ve hardly earned -”
“Hey, enough of that,” interrupted Ianto, who had arrived a moment earlier without anyone noticing. “Listen to the people who love you; they know best. Besides, I agree with them and you know me - I'm always right!”
“Yeah, I know.” Nick was starting to feel uncomfortable. “Are the others here yet, Cat?”
“Not yet, you’re still pretty early. We’ll wait for them and then we’ll go. Alison’s mum and sister are meeting us at the church.”
~*~
An hour later…
It was bitterly cold on the grass outside the small white Norwegian church. The sun was shining brighter than ever, but the wind had picked up again, racing through the snow-covered grass blades and whipping stinging dust into everybody’s eyes.
John shivered, cursing his decision not to wear his warmest coat to the service. Looking around, he wouldn’t have looked as ridiculous as he had thought he might have; everyone was dressed in fairly normal clothes. It looked like an everyday gathering, not a formal service. Even Ianto was wearing simple corduroy trousers, a red sweater and his thick coat. He was speaking now, but the wind was so strong, it was hard for anyone to hear what he was saying. At any rate, he wasn’t really paying much attention to what was being said because he was so busy scanning the crowd, not stopping until he spotted a flash of familiar auburn hair.
The sun was flashing repeatedly over Nick’s glasses, but in the rare moments that his dark eyes were visible, John could see a myriad of emotions flying through them, very few of which he could identify. Right then, however, those eyes were flickering in all directions, seemingly unable to focus on Ianto as he spoke, but it looked as though there was a mist over them, locking his feelings away, although his jaw was set and he was biting his lip so hard it was almost bleeding. Catrin and David were stood beside him, Catrin’s hand gently rubbing his shoulder. But Nick didn’t seem aware of them. In fact, he didn’t seem aware of anything at all. Every time his eyes looked in another direction, they seemed to be fixed on some point, far away from the church and everything that was going on around him. Even when Ianto came down and wrapped an arm around his waist, he didn’t give any sign that he’d noticed it.
John watched as Nick took the stand, moving as if he was on autopilot. When he spoke, his voice was only slightly louder than Ianto’s had been, but this time, the words rang clearly across the stretch of grass, sending arrows straight through his heart. The quiet pain in his voice was all too real, even though his face was so calm. But even then, his eyes still roamed in all directions and he couldn’t seem to focus on anyone or anything. When he caught sight of Ianto, watching him with an expression of intense pity on his face, his mouth twitched and he shifted his gaze immediately towards someone else. But even then, he couldn’t seem to linger for more than a few seconds. It was as if he was trying to find someone who could understand him…someone who could see what he was really feeling and thinking.
Slowly, not wanting to attract too much attention, John stepped closer to the group, drawing his coat closer to him, trying to hide the fact that he was shivering. He took a deep breath and concentrated on the younger man, watching his face intently for any clue to his thoughts and almost jumping out of his skin when Nick looked straight at him.
He had no idea what it was, but there must have been something there that wasn’t there with the others, because Nick’s eyes never left his face for the rest of his speech. Even when he finally stepped down to allow one of Alison’s sisters to speak, he still watched John, as if he was taking in every detail on his face and reading every emotion in his eyes.
~*~
Half an hour later…
Ianto came over and leaned on the railings outside the tourist office, looking across the water for a few minutes before he spoke. “I thought you’d be here.” His voice was quiet.
Nick shrugged. “At least I can get a few minutes peace from the others. If I have to hear anyone else say “I’m so sorry for your loss”, or “It wasn’t your fault”, I swear I am going to explode.”
“But it -” Ianto quickly cut himself off.
“I don’t want pity, Ianto. I don’t want people constantly looking at me as if they’re worried that I’m going to fall apart at any second. Yes, I’m going to miss her and yes, I’m sad that she’s…” he stopped, frowning slightly. “Oh, God, this is so wrong.”
“What is?”
“We’re having a memorial service for her as if she’s dead.”
“Nick, she’s not coming back.”
“I know she’s not. But she’s not dead, either.” Nick turned round for the first time. “It’s just…having what essentially amounts to a funeral for someone who’s still alive…don’t you find that really weird? And don’t you find it hard that you, me and John are the only ones here who -”
“We’re the only ones who know the truth,” said Ianto quietly. “I know, Nick, I know. And yes, I understand what you mean. But -”
“But do you really want to have to explain what really happened?” asked John, who had come to join them. He raised a sceptical eyebrow.
“Do we have the right to keep telling lies to her family?” retorted Nick. “Do we have the right to just let them think that Alison’s dead while we know that she’s stuck in that awful place?”
“Nick!” exclaimed Ianto, but he was cut off by John, who spoke quietly, but whose words had an immediate impact.
“Would they have believed us if we told them? And would you want them to go there?”
Nick’s eyes widened at the former Time Agent’s voice. “No,” he admitted. “I wouldn’t expect them to go there, but…you’re right, they wouldn’t believe me.” He sighed. “You’re right. I just really hate having to lie to them.”
John looked him in the eye. “I know you do,” he said. “But you tell them where she is, and then what? You think they’re just going to accept that without question? Come on, Nick.”
“I know, I know. But it doesn’t make it any easier.”
Ianto nodded. “I know it doesn’t, but we’re all here for you.”
A woman with long black hair tied up in a high ponytail joined them then. “Nick, Aunt Diane is looking to have a talk with you,” she said. “She’s been looking for you for a while now; I’d go and find her before she comes over here and starts making a scene or something.”
Nick groaned. “Okay, thanks Carrie; I’ll go over now.”
John watched as his lover followed the other woman back to the church. “Who was she?” he asked Ianto.
“That’s Alison’s cousin, Carrie,” answered Ianto. “Diane Carter is Alison’s mother.”
John’s eyes widened. “So -”
“Yep.” Ianto looked grim. “She’s Nick’s mother-in-law.”
***
Next Time: The reunion with the mother-in-law never goes well, does it? Add that to the secrets that her son-in-law is hiding and things are bound to get awkward!
.
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys...and others!
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhys, John Hart, two OC's, Andrea (Andie) Carlowe and Nick Jones.
Spoilers: Set after Exit Wounds.
Summary: Alison's memorial takes place.
Chapter 27
Two days later…
Nick sighed as he drove back to his old apartment, Trevyn and Estelle sound asleep in the back and John sat beside him. He could see a familiar silver Porsche following his little blue car into the car park and noticed Ianto giving him a reassuring smile. The sight gave him no comfort at all. Even with the bright blue sky and the fierce sun above him, he still felt as cold as the snow underneath his feet.
“This is so strange,” he murmured to himself, absently stroking his hand over the steering wheel.
“I know.” John’s voice resonated through the small space. “It must be odd coming back to this old place after such a long time. When Jack and I were sent on a mission to the forty-second century, we were there for two years and when we finally got back to the fifty-first -”
“I don’t mean that,” interrupted Nick, not even taking his eyes off the building in front of him. But before John could ask him any more questions, he slowly unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car, pulling his coat around him as the cold air ripped through him, sending his hair flying around his face, scratching at his skin and slapping against his glasses. He didn’t wait for the others, but simply made his way into the building, not even noticing the stench around the area due to the biting wind.
John caught up with him a few minutes later, the children safely dozing inside their pushchair, snuggled up in a thick cocoon of blankets. Suddenly, Trevyn let out a large yawn and his eyes flickered open, blinking sleepily in front of him. He breathed out and looked up, his owlish brown eyes suddenly appearing too large for his face as they widened at the sight in front of him.
“Daddy…” he breathed out, his mouth breaking into a large smile.
Nick almost burst into tears. He had barely seen his children since Christmas and yet his three-year-old son still looked up to him as his father. Some children that young would have forgotten what their father looked like if they had been left for so long. But not little Trevyn; he was still gazing upon his father’s face, a beautiful expression of love and delight covering his own.
“He looks just like you, you know.” Nick jumped when Catrin appeared beside him, wearing a knee-length emerald-green dress. She wrapped her brother in a hug. “How are you?”
Nick swallowed a bit as he hugged her back. “I’m…I’m okay,” he whispered. “It’s just…all this is a bit strange, I suppose.”
“I know,” Catrin whispered. “I’ve wondered about whether we should have waited so long to do this, but I didn’t want to push you too hard. You need time to get your life back on track.”
“I know. Thanks for everything, Cat; especially for looking after the little ones.” He stepped back and held her hands. “I was so happy just now when Trev recognised me. I honestly thought -”
“Nick!” exclaimed Catrin, her eyes widening. “Don’t ever say a thing like that! You know that David and I love looking after those little ones, but I would do anything to make sure they don’t forget you! You’re their father, Nick - and, whatever happens, you always will be!”
“She’s right.” Catrin’s partner, David, had come out to see what was going on. “Nick, whatever happens, ‘Stelle and Trev will always be your kids. You raised them from the moment that they were born. We’re just here to help you get back on your feet.”
“Thanks.” Nick rubbed his head. “Sorry, guys. It’s been a long week and I’m a little tired. I guess I’m also a bit stunned that Trev would still call me Dad; I’ve hardly earned -”
“Hey, enough of that,” interrupted Ianto, who had arrived a moment earlier without anyone noticing. “Listen to the people who love you; they know best. Besides, I agree with them and you know me - I'm always right!”
“Yeah, I know.” Nick was starting to feel uncomfortable. “Are the others here yet, Cat?”
“Not yet, you’re still pretty early. We’ll wait for them and then we’ll go. Alison’s mum and sister are meeting us at the church.”
~*~
An hour later…
It was bitterly cold on the grass outside the small white Norwegian church. The sun was shining brighter than ever, but the wind had picked up again, racing through the snow-covered grass blades and whipping stinging dust into everybody’s eyes.
John shivered, cursing his decision not to wear his warmest coat to the service. Looking around, he wouldn’t have looked as ridiculous as he had thought he might have; everyone was dressed in fairly normal clothes. It looked like an everyday gathering, not a formal service. Even Ianto was wearing simple corduroy trousers, a red sweater and his thick coat. He was speaking now, but the wind was so strong, it was hard for anyone to hear what he was saying. At any rate, he wasn’t really paying much attention to what was being said because he was so busy scanning the crowd, not stopping until he spotted a flash of familiar auburn hair.
The sun was flashing repeatedly over Nick’s glasses, but in the rare moments that his dark eyes were visible, John could see a myriad of emotions flying through them, very few of which he could identify. Right then, however, those eyes were flickering in all directions, seemingly unable to focus on Ianto as he spoke, but it looked as though there was a mist over them, locking his feelings away, although his jaw was set and he was biting his lip so hard it was almost bleeding. Catrin and David were stood beside him, Catrin’s hand gently rubbing his shoulder. But Nick didn’t seem aware of them. In fact, he didn’t seem aware of anything at all. Every time his eyes looked in another direction, they seemed to be fixed on some point, far away from the church and everything that was going on around him. Even when Ianto came down and wrapped an arm around his waist, he didn’t give any sign that he’d noticed it.
John watched as Nick took the stand, moving as if he was on autopilot. When he spoke, his voice was only slightly louder than Ianto’s had been, but this time, the words rang clearly across the stretch of grass, sending arrows straight through his heart. The quiet pain in his voice was all too real, even though his face was so calm. But even then, his eyes still roamed in all directions and he couldn’t seem to focus on anyone or anything. When he caught sight of Ianto, watching him with an expression of intense pity on his face, his mouth twitched and he shifted his gaze immediately towards someone else. But even then, he couldn’t seem to linger for more than a few seconds. It was as if he was trying to find someone who could understand him…someone who could see what he was really feeling and thinking.
Slowly, not wanting to attract too much attention, John stepped closer to the group, drawing his coat closer to him, trying to hide the fact that he was shivering. He took a deep breath and concentrated on the younger man, watching his face intently for any clue to his thoughts and almost jumping out of his skin when Nick looked straight at him.
He had no idea what it was, but there must have been something there that wasn’t there with the others, because Nick’s eyes never left his face for the rest of his speech. Even when he finally stepped down to allow one of Alison’s sisters to speak, he still watched John, as if he was taking in every detail on his face and reading every emotion in his eyes.
~*~
Half an hour later…
Ianto came over and leaned on the railings outside the tourist office, looking across the water for a few minutes before he spoke. “I thought you’d be here.” His voice was quiet.
Nick shrugged. “At least I can get a few minutes peace from the others. If I have to hear anyone else say “I’m so sorry for your loss”, or “It wasn’t your fault”, I swear I am going to explode.”
“But it -” Ianto quickly cut himself off.
“I don’t want pity, Ianto. I don’t want people constantly looking at me as if they’re worried that I’m going to fall apart at any second. Yes, I’m going to miss her and yes, I’m sad that she’s…” he stopped, frowning slightly. “Oh, God, this is so wrong.”
“What is?”
“We’re having a memorial service for her as if she’s dead.”
“Nick, she’s not coming back.”
“I know she’s not. But she’s not dead, either.” Nick turned round for the first time. “It’s just…having what essentially amounts to a funeral for someone who’s still alive…don’t you find that really weird? And don’t you find it hard that you, me and John are the only ones here who -”
“We’re the only ones who know the truth,” said Ianto quietly. “I know, Nick, I know. And yes, I understand what you mean. But -”
“But do you really want to have to explain what really happened?” asked John, who had come to join them. He raised a sceptical eyebrow.
“Do we have the right to keep telling lies to her family?” retorted Nick. “Do we have the right to just let them think that Alison’s dead while we know that she’s stuck in that awful place?”
“Nick!” exclaimed Ianto, but he was cut off by John, who spoke quietly, but whose words had an immediate impact.
“Would they have believed us if we told them? And would you want them to go there?”
Nick’s eyes widened at the former Time Agent’s voice. “No,” he admitted. “I wouldn’t expect them to go there, but…you’re right, they wouldn’t believe me.” He sighed. “You’re right. I just really hate having to lie to them.”
John looked him in the eye. “I know you do,” he said. “But you tell them where she is, and then what? You think they’re just going to accept that without question? Come on, Nick.”
“I know, I know. But it doesn’t make it any easier.”
Ianto nodded. “I know it doesn’t, but we’re all here for you.”
A woman with long black hair tied up in a high ponytail joined them then. “Nick, Aunt Diane is looking to have a talk with you,” she said. “She’s been looking for you for a while now; I’d go and find her before she comes over here and starts making a scene or something.”
Nick groaned. “Okay, thanks Carrie; I’ll go over now.”
John watched as his lover followed the other woman back to the church. “Who was she?” he asked Ianto.
“That’s Alison’s cousin, Carrie,” answered Ianto. “Diane Carter is Alison’s mother.”
John’s eyes widened. “So -”
“Yep.” Ianto looked grim. “She’s Nick’s mother-in-law.”
***
Next Time: The reunion with the mother-in-law never goes well, does it? Add that to the secrets that her son-in-law is hiding and things are bound to get awkward!
.