1 ( Read more... )

10/30
I see a friend after months and months
in a room where people are reading poems
and he tells me, whispery side of the mouth,
about his lover who died. We go outside,
the bright air, out of step, he tells me
how he hasn’t had this, before, how he can’t
stand that it was the body the body the body that
dies, through which he had learned ( Read more... )

5/30
I’m living in a secret.
I want something and see
how want repels me from it,
an often-touched searing iron,
jackal worrying a cage of bones.
Inside me someone I can’t abandon
and can’t forgive. Inside me
someone who forgot the difference
between stories and stories and lives.
Cowering, shovelfaced night
arrives again, ready to eat me ( Read more... )

1/30
Someone should have told her, the
child-me, her blue-turning held-breath-face
tantrum she threw for sugar, attention, the right
TV program, someone should have told her
what she wanted, if I keep wanting it, happens
and always wrong the terracotta vase smashed
on his kitchen floor, wife videotaping his bender,
I did that, because I sat ( Read more... )

Week 15.
So, life has been really hard and sad, and i haven't been very on top of this. I also spent a few weeks, (after i took testoripped and freaked out, in a previous post,) doing a pretty low grade product called testostrogrow hp 2, which didn't seem different to me than the regimen i'd been on for the first 6 weeks. Then, i started on an ( Read more... )

Midweek 7. Woooo, lost track of time, apparently, for a while, there ( Read more... )

Midweek 4. I've joined a gym, in addition to the dojo. I weighed myself, for the first time since about august, and i seem to have lost a little weight, which is not what i had expected/hoped. Down from 140-ish to 135. Since my last entry I have yet to go a day without cheating, at least a little, on the diet. And today i have a show at a culinary ( Read more... )

Just starting week 4, which, for those following along, means my DHEA dose is going from 25 to 50mg. I hope it doesn't make me crazy and mean ( Read more... )

Day 17. Menstrual onset seems unaffected. So, headaches and general frustration-explosions in the past week or so were par for the course, too. I can't see, but can feel, another striation in my abs! I'm sure to miss a day or two of strength training to cramps, though.

Just starting week 3. Yesterday i had a headache and some rage-type feelings, but it's probably just my uterus, asserting itself. It's that time. Nothing else seems different.