Losing Count
Fandom: U-KISS
Pairing: Elvin
Rating: G
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: There's something about the new member that Kevin doesn't like so much.
1,596 words
...although I didn't technically go anywhere. I've postponed my writing a bit because of classes, which get more and more complex by the day. But writing this felt so goddamn good, you have no idea. I felt disconnected from the world during this hiatus, like something was missing from within. It's good to be back. 'Twister' will be very soon updated, as well. And my apologies to those who have been waiting.
Now that you know I haven't disappeared from the face of the planet, allow me to say that this short fic was inspired by this picture (the one on the right) and this video (moments: 0:52-53, 1:54-57, 2:21-24, 2:28-29). And yes, I do have a trained eye for this.
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Kevin doesn’t like the newcomer and the fact that Eli is always near him isn’t helping much, either.
He can’t possibly conceive what’s so addictive about him, why do his members enjoy spending time with him so much, when the less talkative one appears to be just as attention-grabbing as he is. Kevin feels like throwing himself out the window when most interviewers, previously focused on him, now turn their focal point on the two new components of the group. Not that his life revolves around the desire of being in the spotlight all the time, but with the latest addition of the shiny new toys, he can’t help but feel slightly left out.
He hates himself for even thinking like that.
Kevin tries to get close to him, just to see what is it that Eli seems to like so much. Because there is obviously something developing between the two, something that was born in the minute they met and kept growing as weeks passed. Something which kind of makes Kevin want to scream his lungs out in frustration, buried under the suffocating feeling of incapability, as the only thing he can do is watch from the far back and not move a muscle. It feels as if Jaeseop’s swift appearance blew everything he and Eli built over the years into smithereens.
He managed to do that in a flash of a second.
He doesn’t enjoy Jaeseop’s jokes. They are unkind and often centered around how fragile and feminine Kevin is, how the ongoing working at the gym isn’t doing crap for his physic, how he sometimes has the girliest laughter possible and how his hands could very easily be featured in a hand cream commercial and no one would even know they belonged to a male.
As if he wasn’t already aware of that.
What bothers Kevin the most is that Dongho, who is just as picked on by Jaeseop as he is, doesn’t seem to be affected in the least. He reluctantly finds the new band mate ‘funny’ and ‘unpredictable’, which makes him feel like the most paranoid person that ever walked the Earth. The sarcasm, the pitiless remarks, the fact that he doesn’t even realize the hassle he is causing - all of these have piled up to the extent that Kevin feels he is about to collapse soon.
That is, until one late evening, when he finally gets the chance to coalesce with Eli in his own room, as he cuddles close to his chest and lets his nostrils be filled by the almost surreal smell of cologne. He lets out a deep sigh of happiness, as he becomes conscious of how much he had missed it. The warmth given by the closeness, the intimacy set by the dim light and soft whispers, the tingly sensation on his fingers, as he runs them through Eli’s longer-by-the-day hair. Everything falls back together, like matching pieces belonging to a machine which was never supposed to stop running.
Everything is too good to be true.
Jaeseop yells Eli’s name from the living room and the called one half-rushes out of bed, breaking the contact so suddenly that Kevin doesn’t even have time to react. He watches Eli’s body disappear behind the door and soon begins hearing voices, coming from the people in the videos they both take pleasure in so much. The ridiculousness of the situation is so great that it leaves Kevin speechless, as he undergoes the most vivid crashing sensation ever.
It hurts so much it’s almost tangible. It fills his brain up with fiber, blocking all communication lines with his body, it infiltrates inside his mouth and begins nesting in there, it paralyzes his entire organism using needles poisoned with desperation and dread. What’s worse, he feels so small that resisting it seems pointless. All he does is clinch into a ball and closes his eyes, hoping someone would enter the room sooner or later, to turn off the light.
**
Kevin tried. He can’t say he hasn’t, can’t deny the fact he really put effort into trying to make his and Jaeseop’s relationship thrive. It simply didn’t work. Their caterpillar of a connection didn’t turn into a butterfly like it should have, or like it happened in his case with Hoonmin. Ironically enough, though, Jaeseop’s and Eli’s wires met without obstacles, causing an insanely fast bonding to take place.
And even more ironically, the newcomer seems to take his relationship with Kevin very differently.
He doesn’t mind helping Kevin cook dinner one evening, albeit the younger remains stiff the entire time. While he is trying to make a conversation work between them for once (and just as he was about to believe it was finally working), Jaeseop simply has to ruin his attempt and make a brainless comment about Kevin’s very specific way of holding the can, pretty similar to a teenage girl’s.
That was the peak of his patience.
He smashes the container on the marble table, cracking it into pieces that fly across the room and walks out with heavy steps. The reaction apparently causes awareness among the members, who each get up and begin diving themselves, not at all surprising when most of them run by Jaeseop’s side and start interrogating him.
Eli and Kiseop were the only ones to actually care about Kevin’s statement, as they gush over and force him to sit down. The younger feels most grateful when Eli hushes Kiseop away and leads both of them to his room, where he takes his small, trembling figure in his arms and holds him tight. As Kevin begins talking without interruption, leaning closer and closer into the tender embrace, Eli strokes his hair affectionately, letting him liberate all of his unspoken soreness and irritation.
And it works, better than medicine. At least for the time being.
**
During a photoshoot, Eli’s lips seem to have caught a life of their own, as they keep connected to Jaeseop’s cheeks, much to the photographer’s delight and Kevin’s misery. They try different angles and different facial expressions, because God forbid for a picture to be labeled as containing an improper kiss or presenting uncanny shadows on Jaeseop’s face.
Kevin really tries focusing on his own solo shoots, tries following the artist’s advice regarding his poses and approaches, but becomes increasingly annoyed as minutes go by, until the crew tell him that’d have to do and move on to another member.
It’s the same loss of concentration that he experiences in the middle of their live performance, as they are promoting a new album. The same deep sting in the chest when he notices Eli throwing Jaeseop loving looks, as if trying to emphasize something hidden, something only they know. It’s the same feeling of heart dropping in the stomach, brain being invaded by wool and dust, air incapable of finding its way from his lungs to his nose, sounds losing their path to his mouth and feet trembling just to make everything harder.
And he fakes it, because that’s what he does best.
He fakes happiness, fakes delight and even goes to the point of imitating perfection. How he manages, he has no idea, but the only thing he can be certain of is that after the song ends he sprints in the backstage and cries his eyes out, concealed by curtains too heavy to even be there. He slides against the wall and rests his back onto the cold surface, letting the sobs escape his body, accompanied by disorderly shaking. He scratches the floor with his nails and rips two of them, as he distinguishes, even with all the noise outside, a pair of feet making their way to where he is.
He doesn’t want to be seen like that. Doesn’t need looks of pity and ‘it’s-alright-everything-will-be-fine’ types of judgment, as he is the only male treated differently when he cries. Because of his delicateness and his stupid, problems-causing, exasperating frailty.
The sandy-green curtains are removed with one strong hand and all he can see is a shaken, immobile Eli, who stares at him for a few seconds before falling to his knees right beside him and shields him with the most caring hug Kevin has ever received. He hears Eli nagging at him as he senses his arms drawing him closer and closer. Eli doesn’t stop questioning, keeps asking about his impulsive disappearance and disquieting breakdown, tries to guess who’s guilty in this and whispers soothing words at the same time.
As stern as Kevin wants to remain and as much as he’d like for all the commentaries to be over, he feels as if everything that has accumulated in the past weeks is too much and there is no room for another drop in his glass. And, much to his shame and Eli’s astonish, he blurts everything out, frame by frame on their recent timeline, as best as he can remember. He refuses to stop even when Eli tries to shush him and, locking his lips with his index finger, continues without even stopping for air.
And when there is nothing left to be said, all Eli does is to tell Kevin he loves him.
Again and again, echoing in Kevin’s ears like bells and carols during Christmas. Everything feels so movie-like and mushy and real that Jaeseop seems like a thing of the past in mere seconds and tears have long dried, leaving salty trails on his skin.
A few days after, Kevin overhears Jaeseop asking Eli if they’re ever going to hang out again.
Pairing: Elvin
Rating: G
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: There's something about the new member that Kevin doesn't like so much.
1,596 words
...although I didn't technically go anywhere. I've postponed my writing a bit because of classes, which get more and more complex by the day. But writing this felt so goddamn good, you have no idea. I felt disconnected from the world during this hiatus, like something was missing from within. It's good to be back. 'Twister' will be very soon updated, as well. And my apologies to those who have been waiting.
Now that you know I haven't disappeared from the face of the planet, allow me to say that this short fic was inspired by this picture (the one on the right) and this video (moments: 0:52-53, 1:54-57, 2:21-24, 2:28-29). And yes, I do have a trained eye for this.
-----------------------
Kevin doesn’t like the newcomer and the fact that Eli is always near him isn’t helping much, either.
He can’t possibly conceive what’s so addictive about him, why do his members enjoy spending time with him so much, when the less talkative one appears to be just as attention-grabbing as he is. Kevin feels like throwing himself out the window when most interviewers, previously focused on him, now turn their focal point on the two new components of the group. Not that his life revolves around the desire of being in the spotlight all the time, but with the latest addition of the shiny new toys, he can’t help but feel slightly left out.
He hates himself for even thinking like that.
Kevin tries to get close to him, just to see what is it that Eli seems to like so much. Because there is obviously something developing between the two, something that was born in the minute they met and kept growing as weeks passed. Something which kind of makes Kevin want to scream his lungs out in frustration, buried under the suffocating feeling of incapability, as the only thing he can do is watch from the far back and not move a muscle. It feels as if Jaeseop’s swift appearance blew everything he and Eli built over the years into smithereens.
He managed to do that in a flash of a second.
He doesn’t enjoy Jaeseop’s jokes. They are unkind and often centered around how fragile and feminine Kevin is, how the ongoing working at the gym isn’t doing crap for his physic, how he sometimes has the girliest laughter possible and how his hands could very easily be featured in a hand cream commercial and no one would even know they belonged to a male.
As if he wasn’t already aware of that.
What bothers Kevin the most is that Dongho, who is just as picked on by Jaeseop as he is, doesn’t seem to be affected in the least. He reluctantly finds the new band mate ‘funny’ and ‘unpredictable’, which makes him feel like the most paranoid person that ever walked the Earth. The sarcasm, the pitiless remarks, the fact that he doesn’t even realize the hassle he is causing - all of these have piled up to the extent that Kevin feels he is about to collapse soon.
That is, until one late evening, when he finally gets the chance to coalesce with Eli in his own room, as he cuddles close to his chest and lets his nostrils be filled by the almost surreal smell of cologne. He lets out a deep sigh of happiness, as he becomes conscious of how much he had missed it. The warmth given by the closeness, the intimacy set by the dim light and soft whispers, the tingly sensation on his fingers, as he runs them through Eli’s longer-by-the-day hair. Everything falls back together, like matching pieces belonging to a machine which was never supposed to stop running.
Everything is too good to be true.
Jaeseop yells Eli’s name from the living room and the called one half-rushes out of bed, breaking the contact so suddenly that Kevin doesn’t even have time to react. He watches Eli’s body disappear behind the door and soon begins hearing voices, coming from the people in the videos they both take pleasure in so much. The ridiculousness of the situation is so great that it leaves Kevin speechless, as he undergoes the most vivid crashing sensation ever.
It hurts so much it’s almost tangible. It fills his brain up with fiber, blocking all communication lines with his body, it infiltrates inside his mouth and begins nesting in there, it paralyzes his entire organism using needles poisoned with desperation and dread. What’s worse, he feels so small that resisting it seems pointless. All he does is clinch into a ball and closes his eyes, hoping someone would enter the room sooner or later, to turn off the light.
**
Kevin tried. He can’t say he hasn’t, can’t deny the fact he really put effort into trying to make his and Jaeseop’s relationship thrive. It simply didn’t work. Their caterpillar of a connection didn’t turn into a butterfly like it should have, or like it happened in his case with Hoonmin. Ironically enough, though, Jaeseop’s and Eli’s wires met without obstacles, causing an insanely fast bonding to take place.
And even more ironically, the newcomer seems to take his relationship with Kevin very differently.
He doesn’t mind helping Kevin cook dinner one evening, albeit the younger remains stiff the entire time. While he is trying to make a conversation work between them for once (and just as he was about to believe it was finally working), Jaeseop simply has to ruin his attempt and make a brainless comment about Kevin’s very specific way of holding the can, pretty similar to a teenage girl’s.
That was the peak of his patience.
He smashes the container on the marble table, cracking it into pieces that fly across the room and walks out with heavy steps. The reaction apparently causes awareness among the members, who each get up and begin diving themselves, not at all surprising when most of them run by Jaeseop’s side and start interrogating him.
Eli and Kiseop were the only ones to actually care about Kevin’s statement, as they gush over and force him to sit down. The younger feels most grateful when Eli hushes Kiseop away and leads both of them to his room, where he takes his small, trembling figure in his arms and holds him tight. As Kevin begins talking without interruption, leaning closer and closer into the tender embrace, Eli strokes his hair affectionately, letting him liberate all of his unspoken soreness and irritation.
And it works, better than medicine. At least for the time being.
**
During a photoshoot, Eli’s lips seem to have caught a life of their own, as they keep connected to Jaeseop’s cheeks, much to the photographer’s delight and Kevin’s misery. They try different angles and different facial expressions, because God forbid for a picture to be labeled as containing an improper kiss or presenting uncanny shadows on Jaeseop’s face.
Kevin really tries focusing on his own solo shoots, tries following the artist’s advice regarding his poses and approaches, but becomes increasingly annoyed as minutes go by, until the crew tell him that’d have to do and move on to another member.
It’s the same loss of concentration that he experiences in the middle of their live performance, as they are promoting a new album. The same deep sting in the chest when he notices Eli throwing Jaeseop loving looks, as if trying to emphasize something hidden, something only they know. It’s the same feeling of heart dropping in the stomach, brain being invaded by wool and dust, air incapable of finding its way from his lungs to his nose, sounds losing their path to his mouth and feet trembling just to make everything harder.
And he fakes it, because that’s what he does best.
He fakes happiness, fakes delight and even goes to the point of imitating perfection. How he manages, he has no idea, but the only thing he can be certain of is that after the song ends he sprints in the backstage and cries his eyes out, concealed by curtains too heavy to even be there. He slides against the wall and rests his back onto the cold surface, letting the sobs escape his body, accompanied by disorderly shaking. He scratches the floor with his nails and rips two of them, as he distinguishes, even with all the noise outside, a pair of feet making their way to where he is.
He doesn’t want to be seen like that. Doesn’t need looks of pity and ‘it’s-alright-everything-will-be-fine’ types of judgment, as he is the only male treated differently when he cries. Because of his delicateness and his stupid, problems-causing, exasperating frailty.
The sandy-green curtains are removed with one strong hand and all he can see is a shaken, immobile Eli, who stares at him for a few seconds before falling to his knees right beside him and shields him with the most caring hug Kevin has ever received. He hears Eli nagging at him as he senses his arms drawing him closer and closer. Eli doesn’t stop questioning, keeps asking about his impulsive disappearance and disquieting breakdown, tries to guess who’s guilty in this and whispers soothing words at the same time.
As stern as Kevin wants to remain and as much as he’d like for all the commentaries to be over, he feels as if everything that has accumulated in the past weeks is too much and there is no room for another drop in his glass. And, much to his shame and Eli’s astonish, he blurts everything out, frame by frame on their recent timeline, as best as he can remember. He refuses to stop even when Eli tries to shush him and, locking his lips with his index finger, continues without even stopping for air.
And when there is nothing left to be said, all Eli does is to tell Kevin he loves him.
Again and again, echoing in Kevin’s ears like bells and carols during Christmas. Everything feels so movie-like and mushy and real that Jaeseop seems like a thing of the past in mere seconds and tears have long dried, leaving salty trails on his skin.
A few days after, Kevin overhears Jaeseop asking Eli if they’re ever going to hang out again.