I used to have a saying--"you can be a saint or a son of a bitch, and in the end the exact same number of people will love you as hate you, so you may as well be whatever you can live with"
And being honest with yourself (as honest as we can be at any rate)wont 'change the number of people who love you, but it wil have a profound effect on their quality.
"And being honest with yourself (as honest as we can be at any rate)wont 'change the number of people who love you, but it wil have a profound effect on their quality."
AMEN!
And as time goes by, and one begins to understands the value of the time you spend with other people, quality becomes far more significant than anything else.
I haven't let myself be true to a lot of people in my life, and I'm learning to let go of a lot of that. And objectivity? Example from yesterday: I think I'm PMSing really bad (sorry for the TMI) and my emotions are on a rollercoaster. So I was talking with a good friend yesterday who was getting kind of irritated with me, and explaining that I feel THIS way but I also feel THAT way which is a complete contradiction of THIS way, and I know that's twisted and irrational so I apologize but that's just how I FEEEEEEEEEL! They were more than a little confused but I let them do a little butt-kicking because I needed it.
But at least I now have the courage to ADMIT when I'm not being objective and rational, which is a far cry from my past whinings of "it doesn't matter what you think because this is how I feel and I can't help it so you should validate me even if you don't understand."
None of us are completely immune from circumstances where our emotions get the better of us. We all have hot buttons, and we all have lies we tell ourselves just so we can make it through a particularly bad day.
So long as we know they're lies, indulging in them is nothing more than pure human nature.
The problem comes when we lie to ourselves and justify ourselves on such a habitual basis that we wake up one morning and have no idea who's sleeping in our bed--and we're alone!
Objectivity has the dual benefit of not only allowing us to see what's really there, in truth, and also not let judgment crash down around our ears when we see it. It's kind of like a vaccine--cause and cure in one handy dandy little shot!
Objectivity disallows judgement, and guilt, and feelings of poor self-esteem. If you practice it, you can look at the worst parts of yourself and say, Yup--there it is. And it feels good to know that you can take that good, long look and not let it turn your head so upside down that you can't do anything about it
( ... )
When someone looks at you and tells you who you are, what they're describing is not you at all. They're defining themselves, because they are telling you what they see.
They are describing the eye, and not the object.
And this is true whether the description is negative or positive.
If I tell you how wonderful I think you are, what I'm telling you is the response my heart has to what I observe...that teeny-tiny fraction of what I observe, in fact. I am describing to you the you that you have shown me, and only you can tell how accurate it is or is not, because only you know how honest you have been with me, and how open you've been, and how deeply you've let me in. And the more honest you've been with me, the more you can trust my observation.
But if you've lied to me, then my observation is as untrustworthy as your openness. And only you can know that as well
( ... )
Comments 7
Absolutely!
Reply
And being honest with yourself (as honest as we can be at any rate)wont 'change the number of people who love you, but it wil have a profound effect on their quality.
Reply
AMEN!
And as time goes by, and one begins to understands the value of the time you spend with other people, quality becomes far more significant than anything else.
Reply
I haven't let myself be true to a lot of people in my life, and I'm learning to let go of a lot of that. And objectivity? Example from yesterday: I think I'm PMSing really bad (sorry for the TMI) and my emotions are on a rollercoaster. So I was talking with a good friend yesterday who was getting kind of irritated with me, and explaining that I feel THIS way but I also feel THAT way which is a complete contradiction of THIS way, and I know that's twisted and irrational so I apologize but that's just how I FEEEEEEEEEL! They were more than a little confused but I let them do a little butt-kicking because I needed it.
But at least I now have the courage to ADMIT when I'm not being objective and rational, which is a far cry from my past whinings of "it doesn't matter what you think because this is how I feel and I can't help it so you should validate me even if you don't understand."
Reply
So long as we know they're lies, indulging in them is nothing more than pure human nature.
The problem comes when we lie to ourselves and justify ourselves on such a habitual basis that we wake up one morning and have no idea who's sleeping in our bed--and we're alone!
Objectivity has the dual benefit of not only allowing us to see what's really there, in truth, and also not let judgment crash down around our ears when we see it. It's kind of like a vaccine--cause and cure in one handy dandy little shot!
Objectivity disallows judgement, and guilt, and feelings of poor self-esteem. If you practice it, you can look at the worst parts of yourself and say, Yup--there it is. And it feels good to know that you can take that good, long look and not let it turn your head so upside down that you can't do anything about it ( ... )
Reply
"Seek the truth about yourself in your own heart. "
because what other people see of you , is nothing less than what they choose to see , according to their own beliefs and motivations
-so here's me learning to not take the distortions and negativity of people too personally and seriously
Reply
They are describing the eye, and not the object.
And this is true whether the description is negative or positive.
If I tell you how wonderful I think you are, what I'm telling you is the response my heart has to what I observe...that teeny-tiny fraction of what I observe, in fact. I am describing to you the you that you have shown me, and only you can tell how accurate it is or is not, because only you know how honest you have been with me, and how open you've been, and how deeply you've let me in. And the more honest you've been with me, the more you can trust my observation.
But if you've lied to me, then my observation is as untrustworthy as your openness. And only you can know that as well ( ... )
Reply
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