try to slip past his defense without granting innocence

[autophoenix]

A couple weeks had passed quietly for Claire since her less-than-venomous conversation with Edward. Between studying, juggling Jessica and Mike and the drama between them, and dealing with the secret that continued to grow increasingly complicated to keep, it was mostly a blur. A really unpleasant, cold and rainy blur

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[autophoenix]

Somehow, despite how impossible it seemed, she felt the van move away from her before she even really saw Edward. Like in one slamming motion he'd shoved it aside and she wasn't even able to process it right away, coughing a little and choking on what was blood that was slowly creeping up her throat from the wounds in her internal organs. The wounds that, she now realized, weren't hidden by any van. At least not to Edward.

Her eyes slowly widened, brows drawing together in the distinct look of confusion as she forced herself to look away from that terrifying and all the same entrancing look in his eyes to where his hand was planted against the side of the van. To where the dent in the metal, freshly made, now fettered outwards from that point.

It wasn't possible. Simply put, it was absolutely impossible. She distinctly remembered, even in the state she was in (which, honestly, wasn't the worst that it had been, minus the onlookers) she could remember staring at him, watching him from across the lot. It was why she hadn't

[likealocalgod]

Edward really shouldn't have been surprised in the least that she wasn't going to make this easy for him. When had she made anything 'easy' for him since the very first day she arrived here? There was something about her very presence that made her seem to practically exist for the mere sake of making things difficult for him.

But if she thought she was going to be able to needle him into a conversation with sheer stubbornness, she'd have to learn the hard way what dealing with someone with patience born of a century of hiding and lying was like.

"What's there to say?" he asked, his words cutting through the air as sharply as he could make them, void of emotion. "There's nothing to talk about." He raised his eyebrows at her as if he were talking to a particularly slow child. "You want this incident forgotten," he reminded her, "consider it forgotten." With a nonchalant shrug, he moved towards her again as if to slide past. There was a veiled threat in his sentence - if she continued to push, he might make what had

[autophoenix]

When he bumped past her, she looked shellshocked by the words. It was baffling every time. By now she thought she'd be used to dealing with whatever split personality problems he had, because she'd seen it before, but this hurt worse. She'd thought they were friends, or at least getting there. They got along. He'd been nice. He liked her enough to save her life when he could have been risking his own, and yet now he was pushing her away -- pretty much literally.

The only person here who had any idea who she really was and he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. The only person who she'd ever met besides her own family members who could even do something similar. What kind of freak was she that even people like her couldn't stand to be around her?

She didn't allow herself to wallow in that self-pity for long. The teenage insecurities got bit back and she turned quickly to grab his arm.

"Edward, we can't just pretend it never happened." The look in her eyes was pleading. Begging him not to tell anyone, but to

[likealocalgod]

He paused for a moment when she grabbed his arm, keeping his back to her so he wouldn't have to look at her expression. That didn't really help when he could still read her thoughts, and hear every bit of hurt she was feeling, but it would at least keep him from betraying his own thoughts with his eyes, as he recomposed himself.

"And why not? That seems the safer route for everyone." He spared her hand a glance, as if to burn her grip loose with his eyeballs. "Let's just forget this ever occurred and move on."

But the more she thought about it, the more his own curiosity over Claire rankled at him. She was willing to open up to him about the truth. But what was he supposed to say in return? He couldn't offer her the truth - that was out of the question. She thought she was ready to know, but she was dealing with an entirely different ballpark. He could lie to her about his abilities but that seemed like an even deeper betrayal, given how much she was aching to trust him. He couldn't do that to her.

He wasn't sure

[autophoenix]

"Because I don't care about safe. And considering you were a split second from getting between me and an out-of-control minivan, I didn't think you did either. What is going on with you?" She dropped her hand from his arm -- she couldn't maintain the contact, not with the cold look he gave her. She was stubborn and she was relentless, but she could do that with words. She didn't need to earn herself that loathsome look.

"I can't just forget. I can't just -- just walk away from this." The persistence and indignation seemed to drain out of her, leaving what was just a deflated look of saddened, vulnerable desperation. She shook her head, unable to understand, and pleaded. "Please. Just talk to me."

[likealocalgod]

He needed to say something to shut her down completely, to make certain she didn't pursue this line of thinking later. He had to make her certain that she wouldn't get anything else out of him.

Instead, what came out of his mouth was: "This is hardly the place to do that." The look that accompanied the words was hard at least, but that was the opposite message he wanted to get across. Angry at himself, he turned again, marching down the hall swiftly.

[autophoenix]

She had to make herself harder to shake than that -- and, of course, it helped that Edward was heading down the same hallway she needed to use to get to where her father was filling out discharge paperwork for her. She pursued him relentlessly, hot on his heels as she hurried down the cold hallway, tennis shoes squeaking.

"Then, we'll find a different place. After school, or -- Or something! Just tell me that we will talk about it." She slipped her hand into his, trying to pull him to a stop. A chill ran over her skin and she jerked her hand back, stopping in the hallway and giving him a confused look. He was freezing. But, that wasn't the point. She shook her head to dismiss it and move on.

"Please," she added. "You're the only person I can talk to."

[likealocalgod]

Edward jerked his hand away from hers so suddenly that she probably got the entirely wrong impression. But he couldn't help it - he knew how electric and warm and living her hand felt to him, and could only imagine how inhuman and wrong his must have felt against her skin. He was glad she dismissed it quickly in her mind, at least, and didn't want to press that particular issue, so he just shook his head vehemently, continuing to walk briskly.

"That isn't a good idea," he said, an attempt at damage recovery, but still twisted away from what he should say, by that ridiculous compulsion he was suffering from that he owed her some granule of the truth, because of what they knew about each other.

He had to keep a clearer head than that. But his words ran away from him. "I'm not a good person to..." spend time with, lest I try and maul you in dark corners? Oh yes, that one would go over swimmingly.

"Be around," he finished, satisfied.

[autophoenix]

It wasn't a full-out rejection. And as long as it wasn't, she couldn't let herself give up hope. She had to latch onto what she had left, because it was the most positive, good thing that she'd had in her life since getting to Forks. She needed it -- she needed him. And the honesty that could come with.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take." There was stubbornness in her tone, and a kind of disbelief. The way he tried to deflect her it was like he thought she would be in some kind of danger. Like he was bad news -- but, she knew the opposite. He'd saved her. He couldn't be that bad.

Although, to some degree, she could relate. She could remember more than one occasion on which she'd felt like just her being around people magnetized horrible, traumatizing things. On the worse days, she blamed herself for what happened to Jackie. Maybe that was what Edward was feeling now.

[likealocalgod]

♪ Alright, well that attempt at deflection was a miserable failure. Now she just felt more connection to him, rather than afraid of him. How was he supposed to communicate this without alienating her to a point where she might say something to someone else? That would be the kiss of death, and while he'd like to think that her fear of him spilling her secret would be enough to keep her silence intact, her romanticism of the situation into her head into one of noble guilt was dangerous.

"You shouldn't," he said sharply, speaking in a low tone, eyes kept dead ahead, although he could see the nurses they passed by giving him strange looks, and hear their thoughts of concern over how angry he looked. This girl, he thought with a scowl, why was it so hard to keep a lid on his emotions around her

[autophoenix]

A huff of desperation slipped out of her lips at that and she forced herself in front of him, trying to make him look at her. If he wouldn't stop, she'd try to make him. If he wouldn't listen, she'd keep talking. She couldn't leave it like this. He could pretend to hate her when she barely knew him, she could get over that. But, this? This was something she couldn't just walk away from. And the fact that he was pretending he didn't understand --

"I can't." She confessed, eyes searching his. "And you can't either, I know you can't. You have to feel this too." Her voice quieted a little, desperate. "You have to." She didn't want to acknowledge that maybe he really didn't -- how could she? She'd spent so long wanting to know she wasn't just some freak, that someone was like her, and now that she had -- He had to know what that felt like. Wanting to meet someone, anyone, who was like her. Even remotely.

"I don't care if I shouldn't. Whatever it is, I can take it. Edward, you saw--" Her voice hushed and she cut

[likealocalgod]

She was so alone, her thoughts wracked with desperation and such a desire for connection that he couldn't help but stare back at her for a long moment, struck by horrible waves of guilt for what he was doing to her

[autophoenix]

The feeling of being pushed aside was one that Claire mistook for having her heart actively torn out of her chest. Because, to a sixteen-year-old girl as alone and scared and exposed as she was, that's what it felt like. It felt like he'd torn out every last shred of hope she had left, and he wasn't even sorry.

That icy wall had gone up between them again somewhere along that way and no amount of banging her fist on it and crying desperately was going to get him to let her back inside. And now, after having that brief glimpse in, she felt more alone than she ever had before. Because she'd gotten a glimpse, a tiny taste of what it was like to have someone just before he was torn from her. Of his own free will

[likealocalgod]

Her reaction internally was so dramatic, so remarkably emotional, that it took him utterly by surprise. He'd thought he was being gentle at the end there, at least by his reckoning, but to her it had been a cold and cruel betrayal. He was somewhat shocked by how much more guilt managed to wring his heart at that realization. He felt as if he'd managed to steal something from her in that moment, take away something he hadn't even meant to, and he felt a sudden intense longing to be able to return it.

But that was impossible. It was too late now.

Perhaps, he thought as he watched her go with her father, that was for the best.

He'd had to commit to this before he took anything else away from her. Like her life - that one would make whatever this had been pale in comparison. He had to keep a focus on that. This was for her own good, and her couldn't let her teenage emotions convince him otherwise. He had more than enough experience reading the thoughts of teenage girls to know how melodramatic they could be