try to slip past his defense without granting innocence
A couple weeks had passed quietly for Claire since her less-than-venomous conversation with Edward. Between studying, juggling Jessica and Mike and the drama between them, and dealing with the secret that continued to grow increasingly complicated to keep, it was mostly a blur. A really unpleasant, cold and rainy blur
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"I can't." She confessed, eyes searching his. "And you can't either, I know you can't. You have to feel this too." Her voice quieted a little, desperate. "You have to." She didn't want to acknowledge that maybe he really didn't -- how could she? She'd spent so long wanting to know she wasn't just some freak, that someone was like her, and now that she had -- He had to know what that felt like. Wanting to meet someone, anyone, who was like her. Even remotely.
"I don't care if I shouldn't. Whatever it is, I can take it. Edward, you saw--" Her voice hushed and she cut herself off. She could handle whatever danger came with him. The Company was enough on her end, she knew danger. She'd nearly seen New York blown sky-high because of the danger that came with this, she could handle whatever messy baggage Edward might have.
She could take it. That was the whole point. She'd always get back up.
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He kept his face impassive when her thoughts about New York nearly being blown up flashed across her mind. That was... unusual. He failed to see how her ability to regenerate could have led to something like that, which meant there was more - much more - to her story.
He craved nothing more than to ask her every detail of it.
But he was at war with himself, and his sense of duty and responsibility to his family. She thought she could handle anything, but she had no idea...
"I didn't see anything," he said flatly, but the anger had faded out of his voice, and it was not very convincing. "And neither did you." He laid one hand on her arm to gently push her aside, but there was a bit of an apology in his eyes that he couldn't quite erase completely.
He could see them up ahead, Carlisle and Claire's father, and he locked eyes for a moment with the other vampire. He could read the worries in the minds of both fathers as they came walking up: running along parallel lines of concern for what secret the two might have shared. Edward shook his head almost imperceptibly, enough for Carlisle to pick up that everything was alright.
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That icy wall had gone up between them again somewhere along that way and no amount of banging her fist on it and crying desperately was going to get him to let her back inside. And now, after having that brief glimpse in, she felt more alone than she ever had before. Because she'd gotten a glimpse, a tiny taste of what it was like to have someone just before he was torn from her. Of his own free will.
She felt hollow. Numb. Confused tears edged at her vision, but her jaw clenched stubbornly. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. If he was this sadistic that he wanted to actively hurt her by shoving her away, then he'd enjoy it too much. He'd feel too victorious. So, instead, she she shoved past Edward, hurrying to her father's side and trying to hide her distress. She latched her arms around one of his as they moved in the direction of the door, Noah bidding Carlisle goodbye and one last thank you.
"Is everything all right? Claire? Do you want to tell me who that boy was?" His tone was warning, and Claire just shook her head.
"No one. He's no one. I just want to get out of here, Dad." She looked up at him, lower lip shaking. "I hate hospitals."
She had a million reasons to, of course. Her mother. Her own car wreck with Brody Mitchem. Which led Noah to reach over and rest his free hand on the opposite side of her head, leaning down to kiss the crown of it. Reassurance. Exactly what she needed. Which was good, because she knew -- she knew as soon as they got home, she'd have to jump straight to the defensive.
After all of this, she didn't get to rest. She didn't get to just cry over the loss of the one friend she thought she might really have. Instead, she got to pretend nothing had happened. Lie to her family.
Maybe it'd be better if she didn't. The thought spooked her, but it was there. Maybe at this point, it was better if she just told the truth and they moved away and never looked back. Lyle would hate her even more, and her dad would be frustrated, but at least she wouldn't have to deal with this. At least she could put it behind her.
But, she knew she couldn't. She couldn't hurt her family like that. Not again. So, she'd just have to get used to carrying that broken and defeated look that she wore as she headed out to the car with her father.
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But that was impossible. It was too late now.
Perhaps, he thought as he watched her go with her father, that was for the best.
He'd had to commit to this before he took anything else away from her. Like her life - that one would make whatever this had been pale in comparison. He had to keep a focus on that. This was for her own good, and her couldn't let her teenage emotions convince him otherwise. He had more than enough experience reading the thoughts of teenage girls to know how melodramatic they could be.
But this felt different, and he didn't even hear what Carlisle was saying to him at first, as he asked in a low voice if he were alright.
Edward simply shook his head once, turning and stuffing a hand in his pocket, walking back down the hallway. He felt a bit bad for dismissing Carlisle's concern as such, but he was sure the elder vampire would understand.
He needed time alone.
And fresh air. More than anything right now, he needed to get away from the scent and the memory that was Claire.
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