禁菸區 (aka smoke free zone)
kyumin | pg13 | ~8,200w | sungmin has a tendency to fall for his assistants
beta → teexsaurus, who's always rude to me
a/n → i debated with myself and dropped mangaka for comic artist instead. but i think i'll stick with sensei for this because i'm more comfortable with it :3
There is a black suit hanging in Kyuhyun’s wardrobe. It has been in there for approximately five years, its pants lengthen thrice and worn exactly four times.
The first time he wore it (which was also the reason why it was bought) was at his grandfather’s funeral (there were no tears but a lot of gambling; he lost forty five thousand won to his ten year old cousin). His sister had insisted that he bought a new suit for her wedding but he didn’t see the need to outshine the groom, as he believed he would so easily do.
The third time he donned that suit was for his tumble (because really, it had been very ungraceful) out of the closet ceremony. He had bathed himself thoroughly before he carefully put on his suit, kneeled down before his parents who had been watching the TV at that time and told them very solemnly that he’s gay. The dried squid his mum had been nibbling on dropped out of her mouth and his dad was reduced to a statue; unfortunately that (the statulization of his dad) didn’t last. It was a good thing that he already had plans to make his first visit to the gay bar because his dad had banished him from the house in a fit of ‘Why do I have a son like you!’. Naturally, he was upset but fathers are always harder to pacify. He figured he’ll just need to kneel longer the next time they meet (his mum, on the other hand, never really did get over the shock. There’s also a girl that she insists he must meet). When he reached the pub, Kyuhyun was surprised to find himself severely overdressed, shocked that he was mistaken for a (high class) hooker four times, pleased that he got pinched in the butt twice and was wholly befuddled that he even got laid for the first time.
But that is another tale for another time.
He is wearing the suit for the fourth time. It’s not the right moment to recall the last time he had rolled around with someone in the sheets so he gives himself a hard slap on the cheek to hopefully knock those lewd thoughts out of his mind and presses the bell while his stomach starts doing acrobatics.
No one answers the door.
He presses the bell again and waits.
No one answers the door.
He presses the bell, peers into the peephole and hears a muffled gasp behind the door. Hastily, he steps back because no interviewee wants to scare the interviewer. The door cracks open an inch.
“Identify yourself,” Kyuhyun sees a quarter of a pale face, a single lidded eye and some bangs through the tiny slice of opening.
“Good afternoon, my name is Kyu-,” the door closes, “-hyun, I’m here for the interview.” Kyuhyun finishes his sentence anyway because he has rehearsed it so many times that he’s almost a voice recorder. Then he stares at the wilted aloe vera outside the apartment. The wilted aloe vera stares back. Before Kyuhyun can introduce himself, the door opens again.
This time it opens fully to reveal Lee Sungmin himself. Kyuhyun gulps and quickly bends his body such that his nose is grazing his legs. “N-Nice to meet you! My n-name is, Cho, Cho-”
“I can’t see your face.” The voice is lazy and very raspy.
Kyuhyun straightens immediately and hears his back creaks in annoyance at the abuse. “My name is, is,” he is trying not to imitate a broken record and failing miserably.
“Do you smoke?” Sungmin asks, leaning against the door. His underarm is itchy. He probably shouldn’t scratch it in front of a stranger but…what gives. He scratches. It gets itchier. He scratches harder.
Kyuhyun is finding it hard to pretend he didn’t see Sungmin scratching his underarm. While he’s glad his prospective boss is such an easy-going person, he’s also finding it very difficult not to stare. So he diverts his gaze to the wilted pot of petunia beside the aloe vera. It must have been pink once.
“I asked if you smoke.” Sungmin repeats after his itch has been sated.
Snapping back to attention, Kyuhyun gives the safe answer. “No.”
Sungmin frowns. He turns his head and says to someone in the apartment, “We may have a problem.” Kyuhyun tiptoes and tries to peer inside the house. He sees an ashtray filled with cigarette butts on the table behind Sungmin and feels his heart skydives.
“But!” Kyuhyun thinks wildly, “I, erm, I love the smell of second hand smoke?” The sentence morphs into a question because that’s how lies work sometimes.
Sungmin side eyes him. “Second hand smoke is very bad for health, you know?”
Kyuhyun nods eagerly.
“I think passive smoking is more harmful than direct smoking.”
Kyuhyun nods eagerly.
“Have you ever considered direct smoking?”
“…”
Sungmin twists his lips as he waits for an answer. When he realizes he’s not going to get one, he runs his eyes over Kyuhyun critically before they stop at his butt. Kyuhyun clenches his butt unconsciously and swallows as silently as he can manage. He stares determinedly at Sungmin’s shoulders because he doesn’t dare look into Sungmin’s eyes and turning his eyes up to the ceiling would be too rude.
Sungmin gives a low chuckle. He turns and cocks an eyebrow at whoever it is in the house. A moment later, he turns back to Kyuhyun whose lips are pursing so much that his mouth resembles a pickled prune.
“You’re hired.”
. . . . .
A week later, Kyuhyun’s first day at work
Lee Sungmin is a dirty fellow, both literally and figuratively speaking. Kyuhyun is about to discover it.
There is a whimsical touch to Sungmin’s apartment - which also doubles as his work studio - but only because there is so much smoke (mist, if you happen to be a romantic). Sadly, this is where the whimsical part ends.
The living room where they work is shrouded with cigarette smoke and poorly ventilated. When Kyuhyun first steps in, or rather, trips into the room (credit goes to a toy hammer beside the shoe cabinet), he finds it hard to open his eyes. He turns to Eunhyuk who has helped him opened the door, “Is it always so-coughshacklescoughs,” Kyuhyun completes his question with some vigorous coughing for Eunhyuk has exhaled a lungful of smoke into his face.
Kyuhyun takes that as a ‘yes’. He tries to minimize his coughing and looks like he is enjoying all the passive smoking but in fact, he sounds like a whiny dolphin. He attempts to suck in a deep breath to stifle his coughing and detects a sour smell underneath all that smoke. It takes his everything to not dry retch. All his discomfort is sent into exile however, when he turns and finds himself looking at Sungmin who is furiously drawing at his work desk. There is also a cigarette clamped firmly at the corner of his lips but it is unlit. He seems to be chewing rather earnestly on it instead. He appears to have not shaved for the past few days and the beginnings of a moustache are showing above his upper lip. Sungmin is deadly pale and his eye bags are bigger than his eyes. His hair…Kyuhyun would not be surprised if a sparrow suddenly emerges from within. The yellow tee he is wearing is as stained and holey as Eunhyuk’s blue top. Clearly, Sungmin has made efforts to look human during the day of the interview but he no longer cares to do so. Kyuhyun feels overdressed in his polo tee and jeans. But he is still excited to be breathing the same air as Sungmin.
“Sensei.” Kyuhyun frowns. Eunhyuk has beaten him to addressing Sungmin.
“Huh?” Sungmin looks up, all bleary eyed. “Oh,” he says, “the new assistant.” As though he hasn’t noticed any whiny dolphin at all. “Take a seat,” Sungmin pats his thighs absentmindedly with his left hand, his right hand is still drawing.
Kyuhyun’s mouth falls open slightly. If he’s not mistaken, Sungmin just invited him to sit on his thighs.
Surely, he’s mistaken.
“Sensei,”Eunhyuk sighs, “it’s time for your bath. Once every five days, remember?”
“Oh, is it five days already?” Sungmin scratches his head. With his left hand, of course, the right apparently has a life of its own and is perfectly fine at drawing without the guidance of a brain. Once Sungmin starts scratching his head though, he can’t seem to stop and what looks suspiciously like snow (but logically, isn’t), begins to fall from his head onto the desk.
Kyuhyun wills himself to not recoil in disgust.
Sungmin is unmoved by it. He sweeps the dandruff off the table and stands up (his right hand finally drops the pencil). On his way to the bathroom, he passes by Kyuhyun and the latter realizes that Sungmin is the source of that sour stench. He stops breathing.
Until Sungmin pinches his butt.
Kyuhyun gasps and slaps both his hands over his butt to shield it from further groping.
Looking as if he’s deep in thought, Sungmin gazes at his left hand. “Eight,” he mutters. Then he chews his cigarette suggestively (Kyuhyun never knew that cigarettes could be chewed suggestively) and leers at Kyuhyun before strolling off to the bathroom, whistling a tune all the way.
Kyuhyun gapes at Eunhyuk, who seems impressed. “I’m three, too skinny,” he says as a way of explanation that doesn’t explain anything - in particular, sexual harassment at work - at all. Drawing on his cigarette, he drops his eyes to Kyuhyun’s butt and blows out small appreciative circles of smoke.
Kyuhyun tries to feel happy over his high butt score and fails magnificently.
“Well,” Eunhyuk drawls, “get to work already.” He moves to sit at his workstation, which is placed adjacent to Sungmin’s and starts to sketch.
Kyuhyun rubs his palms together to diffuse his awkwardness. There are only two desks in the room. “You can start by clearing the desks,” Eunhyuk says without lifting his head.
‘It’s OK,’ Kyuhyun tells himself, ‘in comics, the protagonist has to overcome a lot of difficulties in order to realize his dream too.’ He walks over and lifts a mug from Sungmin’s desk only to drop it with a loud thump!. “What’s this?” asks an astounded Kyuhyun.
Eunhyuk leans over to peer into the mug. There’s a layer of nice green fluffy cotton-like stuff floating on liquid the color of iron rust. A fly whizzes out from the mug.
“Biohazard?”
. . . . .
Sungmin is a comic artist, Eunhyuk is his assistant. But they’re actually just a pair of pasty skinned, chain- smoking rogues, thinks Kyuhyun. He used to think another way. He believed Sungmin must be a hot blooded basketball loving young man just like his characters, full of justice and passion, but no. The speed at which he is becoming disillusioned with his favorite comic artist is alarming. Lee Sungmin is only a mere mortal after all, and a very dirty one at that.
He has been working as Sungmin’s new assistant for a week but all he has done is clean up the house and buy food. When he draws the curtains for what appears to be the first time anyone has ever done so in Lee’s residence, both of them flinch like vampires. It is obvious that they find sunshine irritating but neither is willing to get up to make the effort of walking five steps to draw back the curtains so they continue sketching with squinted eyes. Kyuhyun is glad because dear beautiful fresh air, he misses it.
The lifestyle of a comic artist is very unhealthy, Kyuhyun realizes. All Sungmin does is sits at his desk and draws around the clock. When he’s concentrating very hard, he tends to chew cigarettes instead, claiming he has no time to light them up. When he has time to light cigarettes up though, he apparently has no time to ash it. So the still flaming ashes drop to his clothes and sometimes burn holes into them. Not that Sungmin gives a damn. Everyday, at twelve and six pm, Kyuhyun buys food back and they dig in like starving hyenas. Sungmin and Eunhyuk are very easy going about food. “As long as it’s not vegetarian.” is the only instruction Kyuhyun has been given. He’s been buying them KFC consecutively for three days but it doesn’t seem like they’ve noticed. The day ends when Sungmin falls asleep at his desk and starts when Eunhyuk slaps him awake in the morning.
Eunhyuk acts as an alarm clock of some sort. He reminds Sungmin to bath and shave. Unfortunately, he only reminds him when he remembers to. Even more unfortunate is that fact that he remembers only when Sungmin starts to smell. So Kyuhyun very gladly takes over this position.
“Sensei, it’s time to bathe.”
“Oh, is it five days already?”
“…yes.”
“Man, time flies.”
So his work as an assistant is pretty much settled except there is the problem of sexual harassment.
Except there is the problem of sexual harassment.
Right now, he’s laying over Sungmin on the sofa, one knee between his spread legs. They’re posing for Eunhyuk for a scene he has to draw. Things were going fine until Sungmin raised his leg and started trailing his knee down the side of Kyuhyun’s hip. Which is fine, if Kyuhyun weren’t gay. But he is.
And even though Sungmin is lascivious, he is a cute lascivious guy and Kyuhyun is finding it hard not to get a reaction.
“Do we have to do this?” Kyuhyun shifts away from that evil knee and grits out.
“Fanservice for the readers,” Eunhyuk mutters as he traces out the curve of Kyuhyun’s butt on paper. Nay, not curvy enough. He erases and redraws.
“Shut up or I’ll violate you,” Sungmin threatens with a lazy smile as he continues puffing away on his cigarette. When Kyuhyun first heard him said that, he had been thoroughly shocked. Then he realizes it’s something like a catchphrase for Sungmin. So he gradually gets used to it. That, and the butt groping episodes.
Because really, Sungmin is too cute. Initially, Kyuhyun would get mad over the groping but when Sungmin smiles at him all harmlessly, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore. So he’d just scratch his head and mutter, “Don’t do that again…” Later, he doesn’t even get mad anymore. In fact, it doesn’t feel like a day has passed until his butt gets groped. Kyuhyun is quite ashamed of himself.
There are times when Kyuhyun observes him at work under the pretext of learning. Since Sungmin rarely goes out, his complexion is very pale. Kyuhyun can even make out the fine veins running under his smooth skin. He has a habit of biting on his lower lip when he’s not smoking and it makes the jut of his upper lip even more obvious. Due to the angle of the four pm sun, when sunlight rushes in, it splashes itself on Sungmin’s back and obscures part of his face. Bathed in Sungmin’s shadow, Kyuhyun sometimes foolishly thinks that he looks almost beautiful like this. But the moment is always spoiled when Sungmin notices Kyuhyun staring. He’d reciprocate with a leer of his own and say, “Come and get some.”
There’s something about Sungmin but Kyuhyun can’t quite put his finger down on it.
. . . . .
When Kyuhyun reports for work today, it’s not Eunhyuk who opens the door. Actually, the door isn’t locked at all. Kyuhyun pushes the door open and sees a bespectacled young man dressed in a suit pacing around in circles in front of a highly stressed Sungmin. He must be highly stressed because there are currently four cigarettes tucked between his lips and he’s puffing and huffing away like a chimney.
“Erm…”
The bespectacled man whips around. “You. Where have you been! Get down and start drawing!” He grabs Kyuhyun and pushes him down to Eunhyuk’s desk. Sungmin quickly passes him some unfinished sketches and a pleading look. His lip would have trembled if not for the fact that it has the weight of four cigarettes to support.
“What’s going on,” Kyuhyun asks in bewilderment.
Sungmin spits out all four cigarettes (the bespectacled dude rushes to extinguish them before they can burn any of those precious drawings) and his lower lip starts wobbling in earnest. “Kyuhyun, do you know how to draw backgrounds?”
Kyuhyun nods uncertainly. Sungmin didn’t shave over the weekend, so it’s a little strange seeing a mustached Sungmin wobble his lower lip.
“Good. You have to draw the backgrounds for this stack and then you’ll need to apply the screentones for this stack here,” the bespectacled man says hurriedly. “Eunhyuk has taken urgent leave for a week,” he says before Kyuhyun could ask. “You have until sunrise to finish this. And you,” he glares at Sungmin who squeaks and quickly goes back to drawing, “have no time for useless lip trembling. The next time you forget the deadline and grant your assistance leave I will burn all your Bleach collectibles.” Then he continues his frantic pacing, ignoring all of Sungmin’s whimpers.
“Who are you?” Kyuhyun sputters.
“I’m Leeteuk,” the bespectacled man stops walking and pushes up his metal rimmed glasses with a lot of self-importance. “Sungmin’s editor.”
. . . . .
Sungmin has resorted to using scotch tape to force his eyes open. Leeteuk helps by pinching his thigh once every half an hour. It is three am in the morning and they’re still working away furiously trying to meet the deadline. Kyuhyun is pretty sure Sungmin must have ingested three whole cigarettes by now.
An hour later, Kyuhyun finally finishes his part. Now all that’s left is for Sungmin to ink the characters. Leeteuk has fallen asleep by Sungmin’s feet and the artist himself is struggling to move his pen. “Kyuhyun…” he says, sounding dead, “help me light up a cigarette.”
Kyuhyun feels his eyebrow twitch in annoyance. But he lights up a cigarette and shoves it between Sungmin’s lips anyway. Sungmin sucks in deeply and exhales. His nostrils are smoking. When it’s time to ash the cigarette, he puckers his lips around it and frowns. Kyuhyun sighs. He lifts the ashtray to the cigarette and Sungmin taps the cigarette twice on its edge by nodding his head. The ash drops and scatters into the ashtray.
“Sensei, you shouldn’t smoke so much,” Kyuhyun chided.
Sungmin can barely keep his eyes open, let alone keep up a coherent argument. “Shut up…or I’ll violate you,” he yawns. “Talk to me so I won’t fall asleep.”
Kyuhyun drags Leeteuk away by his legs and pulls his chair over so he’s sitting beside Sungmin. “What do I talk about?”
“Anything.” Scratch scratch, goes the pen over paper.
“Erm, OK,” Kyuhyun rubs his nose self-consciously. “When I was young, I was really a pest. I’d draw on anything available to me, textbooks, walls, my sister’s sleeping fac-”
“Heh heh.”
“-face, et cetera. My mum wanted me to become an engineer; my dad wanted me to take over his business. When I decided to become a comic artist, I endured a beating, put together a portfolio and sent it out to some of my favorite artists and…well, you know, I got lucky.”
“Hmm…” Sungmin’s eyelids are fluttering like wings of a butterfly so Kyuhyun tears off the scotch tape holding his eyes open. Sungmin yelps awake. The cigarette falls to his thigh, stinging him for a moment before it drops to the floor. Kyuhyun picks it up and extinguishes it in the ashtray. Sungmin is nursing his burn and curling his lips in a growl at Kyuhyun. He looks so cute, Kyuhyun wants to pat him.
“So anyway, I’m glad to be hired. I really like your works,” he smiles at Sungmin who is fast beginning to doze off again although his right hand never stopped drawing.
“Really…”
“Yeah, I really like-” Kyuhyun stops abruptly because Sungmin’s head has dropped onto his shoulder. The pen slips out of Sungmin’s grasp and rolls over the edge of the table. The ticking of the clock is suddenly too loud. Kyuhyun feels goosebumps erupt on the spot Sungmin is leaning on and spreads over his scalp. He remains fixated for a long while. Then he slowly turns his head and looks down at Sungmin but could only see the curve of his cheek. He gingerly leans further down to check if Sungmin is really asleep. But he suddenly moves and Kyuhyun goes rigid as his lips brushes against Sungmin’s forehead. He jerks up immediately and dares not move for the rest of the night.
His heart is pumping blood so fast, Kyuhyun is sure his face is red.
. . . . .
Leeteuk wakes at dawn. He shakes Sungmin awake and off Kyuhyun so he can ink the last page of his submission. Kyuhyun stays frozen for approximately ten more minutes because his shoulders are so numb he can’t move. Then he stiffens again for Sungmin has slumped back onto his shoulders after he’s done with inking. Leeteuk is out of the door in seconds.
Kyuhyun half drags Sungmin to his bedroom and flings him down onto bed. He looks at him for only a second before he turns and steps out of the room. He comes stomping back after three seconds. Sungmin is lying on his blanket so Kyuhyun has to pull it out, kicking him twice in the process. Then he wraps Sungmin with it like a California roll so that only his head peeks out. Feeling begrudged, he flicks Sungmin’s forehead with a finger and earns himself a small sound of protest. Then he throws himself onto the couch in the living room and is dead to the world within a minute.
. . . . .
After a thirteen-hour nap, Sungmin resumes his suave smoking self.
Kyuhyun wakes up at night to see him sitting on the couch. More specifically, he is sitting on Kyuhyun’s legs (it kinda hurts so he wiggles his legs. Sungmin wiggles along but stays put). He is sucking on a cigarette, which is normal Sungmin behavior. What is unusual about Sungmin is that he is wearing an unholey black shirt, which Kyuhyun takes to mean that he must be dreaming. So he groggily lays back and goes back to sleep in this dream.
Sungmin kicks him awake. “Why are you ignoring me?”
Kyuhyun groans and pretends to know Arabic. “كيف حالك؟ شكرا,” he mutters into the cushion.
“Come on, we’re going to get ourselves as drunk as silly anteaters.”
. . . . .
They end up in the gay bar. Coincidentally, it is also the same bar that Kyuhyun visited as part of his tumble out of the closet ceremony. He never visited it again for obvious reasons (here’s a helpful recap: he got drunk, got laid, had no idea what in the world happened and thus, isn’t sure he wants another episode of this). He sneaks a look at Sungmin who is enthusiastically chugging down his second drink of whatever, Kyuhyun can’t tell, he only knows soju. In a roundabout way, he guesses Sungmin is trying to disclose his sexual orientation to him, in case harassing him isn’t obvious enough. Then he frowns as he watches Sungmin eyeing back everyone who is eyeing him. No, he doesn’t think Sungmin cares at all. He sighs. The background music swallows the sound. Sungmin catches it anyway.
“Why? Your first time here?” he narrows his eyes (seductively, he hopes) at the bartender who winks at him.
Kyuhyun flushes. He has never talked about this. “I, well,”
“Don’t worry. I know. I can smell you virgins a mile away.” Sungmin gives him a reassuring (read: leering) smile.
The blush on Kyuhyun’s face deepens to a dull red. “I’m not a virgin!” he exclaims. Someone at the next table whistles. Sungmin acknowledges it with a toast to ‘Kyuhyun’s asdjalksjdahh’ (Kyuhyun stifles whatever Sungmin is about to say by clamping a hand firmly on his lips). He releases his hand when Sungmin starts to laugh. Kyuhyun has no idea if he should be mad.
Sungmin takes out a cigarette and someone rushes over to light it up. He is rewarded with a slow smile from Sungmin but nothing more. “Why so shy. It’s only natural, kinda like a game,” Sungmin pauses to take a drag on the cig. When he speaks next, his words are accompanied with puffs of smoke. “Except there are no losers, isn’t that grand.” It isn’t a question. He leans back into his seat, stares at the lights above and taps the unlit end of the cigarette at his knee as he attempts to recall. Kyuhyun watches the cigarette ash splinters into dust and then nothingness.
“My last time was with a kid, we met at this bar. It was his first time, I can tell, even if he was as drunk as I was. He was even wearing a suit, can you imagine!” Sungmin cackles until he catches sight of the look on Kyuhyun’s face. “What, are you OK…” Suddenly, Sungmin recalls the day of Kyuhyun’s interview. He had looked petrified too. And he had been wearing a suit, a very familiar looking suit, in fact…
The cigarette drops unnoticed to the floor. A waiter passing by picks it up and extinguishes it in a bottle of unwanted beer on his tray.
“Holy crap.”
. . . . .
This is ‘another time.’
Sungmin wasn’t sure who made the first move, wasn’t sure how they made it to the motel room, intoxicated as they were. Then he was slammed against the door and there was a tongue against the pulse of his neck. That was when he stopped trying to make sense. There were too many buttons on the stranger’s shirt so Sungmin’s hands slid to his belt. They couldn’t wait, there was only enough time to unbuckle, unzip and then Sungmin was stroking him, too fast for anyone to still have any control. They never made it to the bed. First, against the door, then on the floor and then Sungmin wasn’t so sure anymore.
Sungmin limped out of the motel before dawn. He cursed his luck for meeting an inexperienced. There hadn’t been any foreplay and it was too raw. He tried to recall the stranger’s face but his head was hurting too much. Dragging his feet to a 24-hour eatery nearby, he had some soup to help wake himself up from all the excessive alcohol. It was another kind of hell in there.
The lady boss - who appeared to be in her fifties - was wailing as she was cooking spicy rice cakes. As the only customer in the store, Sungmin felt obliged to ask if she was fine. Somehow, she took it as permission to cling onto his arm and tell him the sob story of her life. Sungmin took it in his stride. He lighted up a cigarette and gave the appropriate response at the right time, a “Oooh!” at a revelation, a “Good God, no!” at another exclamation and at one point, he even dispensed bad advice on family relationships.
At the end of her story, the lady boss had sniffed and marveled over how nice a man Sungmin is. Sungmin only nodded modestly in agreement. Then her gaze turned predatory and he stiffened. She ran her eyes over him from head to toe critically before smiling as though she was satisfied with her assessment.
“You know, I know a girl who’s really cute. Since you’ve been so nice, I should introduce you to her,” was what she had said.
Slyly.
Sungmin had chortled like the rouge he was and agreed heartedly that indeed, they should meet. They never did though. And every time Sungmin returns to the store (because who can say no to a nice bowl of hot soup), the lady boss will complain that he arrives at the wrong time and the girl had already left ‘ten minutes/one hour/eleven hours’ earlier.
Sungmin always laughs and blames it easily on fate.
. . . . .
They are walking back home from the bar. Kyuhyun struggles to break the silence but only comes up with a “Em…”
“We can pretend nothing happened.”
Kyuhyun flinches. Sungmin stops walking.
“Sorry, I thought that would make you feel better,” he says to Kyuhyun who continues walking. He lets out a long breath when he realizes Kyuhyun has no intention of stopping.
“What do you want then?” Sungmin didn’t do anything to stop the hint of mild annoyance from seeping into the question.
But Kyuhyun only has eyes for the ground.
Sungmin reaches instinctively for his packet of cigs before he recalls that he has already finished it. He clenches and unclenches his fist instead.
“I can’t,” he says. The words, devoid of any promises, finally make Kyuhyun stops. He lifts his eyes to Sungmin. It’s too dark; the streetlights aren’t enough to illuminate whatever it is that resides in Kyuhyun’s eyes in that moment.
Sungmin badly needs a cigarette. There is a desperate need to sink into familiar territory or claw at his throat in mindless want. He picks at his nails unconsciously, scratching at the cuticle of his thumb.
“There’s this person,” he says, hoping what he’s about to say is enough. “I can’t. I can’t figure it out. I’m still waiting.”
Kyuhyun is nodding too soon, too fast. As if he understands. Then he turns and walks a couple of steps before he gives up and breaks into a run.
There is pain. Sungmin looks down and sees a drop of blood falls from his thumb to the ground.
. . . . .
Kyuhyun is pretending that nothing has happened. Sungmin supposes he should feel relieved. Instead he feels like a jerk. They get along like before except Sungmin no longer touches Kyuhyun.
This is absolutely fine with Kyuhyun because he’s not sure if he’s capable of holding back any punches.
So much for his pretense. It’s just anger simmering under his skin and he’s too embarrassed to let it show because he doesn’t want to seem like he cares too much. He doesn’t want to lose.
The relief in the air is almost tangible when Eunhyuk shows up after a week of absence. But since Eunhyuk’s radar to, well, everything, is as defective as the typical weather forecast, he fails to notice anything. On the other hand, Kyuhyun is an opportunist. He sneaks up on Eunhyuk one day after work.
“Say, how long have you been working with sensei?” he sounds as nonchalant as the dude making his orders at the drive in. Perfect.
Eunhyuk takes too long with his answer and Kyuhyun mentally kicks himself for the IQ challenging question. “About three years? We’ve been working together since he started out.”
“So like, was there anyone playing a significant role in his life during these three years?” He pauses to check the time on his cellphone because that’s what people do when they’re asking questions they’re not really concerned about. Just innocent little time fillers.
“His mum? They used to live together but-“
“No, I mean-“
“OK, hmmm, he used to keep a cat but I’m allergic so-“
“Did. Did he,” Kyuhyun summons all the patience in his entire being, “did he have a boyfriend?”
“Oh. Nope,” Eunhyuk replies. And that’s it. They continue walking in silence and have already parted ways at the metro station when Eunhyuk suddenly turns back and runs up to him at the cross junction.
“I remember! There was this guy,” he pants, “that sensei was pretty close with. Well, I didn’t know if they, you know, but sensei was quite upset when he, erm, left one day.”
I’m still waiting.
“What do you mean ‘he left’? Where is he now?”
Eunhyuk’s eyes shift from left to right, as do his feet. He scratches his arm absentmindedly. “He’s…dead.”
An ambulance roars past them on the road and Eunhyuk jumps. But it fails to shake Kyuhyun out from his stupor.
“We’ve been trying to look for another to take his place. But sensei was always displeased,” Eunhyuk continues like he has never been disrupted, “it was as if no one else will ever be good enough. But then you came along, of course, the perfect replacement. Finally. We’ve been looking for a whole year.”
“What replacement? What are you talking about?” Kyuhyun feels his scalp begins to tingle.
“You, Kyuhyun,” Eunhyuk smiles.
“You are his replacement.”
. . . . .
One of the most amazing things about humans is that they can make themselves as miserable as they want to, as long as they’re determined enough. And Kyuhyun is very determined to avoid Sungmin. He can’t exactly pinpoint why and he can’t really be bothered to. It couldn’t be anything good anyway, his gut instinct insists.
Kyuhyun also discovers that if he persists in believing that there isn’t a problem, people are likely to keep up the pretense too. It makes the days easier to pass. Even if he feels like he’s just waiting for it all to fall apart.
It is just another day at work. Sungmin has just plopped down on his desk, which means it’s time to head back home. Eunhyuk scampers out in a hurry because he claims that he has a date and leaves Kyuhyun to lock up. He has just put on his shoes and switched off the lights when he hears Sungmin call out to him. Kyuhyun hesitates. He still has time to close the door behind him and pretend he didn’t hear Sungmin.
But Sungmin continues speaking so Kyuhyun knows he is aware. “Do you know what’s the day after today?”
Kyuhyun didn’t pause to think, “Tomorrow.”
“No, it’s a holiday.”
Kyuhyun couldn’t resist turning back to look at Sungmin but he could only make out the wispy trails of smoke made by the cigarette butts in the ashtray. He waits.
“Let’s go for a ride.”
. . . . .
Kyuhyun doesn’t recognize the address Sungmin had given to him. Neither did the cab driver. They spend many minutes getting lost in the outskirts of Seoul before they find the place.
It’s a train station.
He’s late for thirty minutes. Sungmin manages to cluck his tongue in disapproval despite the cigarette caught between his lips. “I’ve never been here,” Kyuhyun elaborates.
“Yeah? Me too,” Sungmin hisses, smoke comes rushing out of his nostrils. He looks like a dragon, Kyuhyun thinks and sniggers quietly to himself. “What,” Sungmin demands.
Kyuhyun ignores him and surveys their surroundings. The train station consists of one solitary building, half the size of Sungmin’s apartment. The grass around the station is unkempt and tall.
“Are you sure there’s going to be a train?” Kyuhyun asks. Sungmin shrugs and flicks his unfinished cigarette to the ground. He grounds it out and makes his way into the station. Kyuhyun follows him.
Yes, of course there is going to be a train, the sole employee - a bored middle-aged man - of the station assures them. They buy tickets from him and sit on the only wooden bench available to wait. There isn’t any shelter but it’s not like they need it. The late afternoon sun casts its dull light on them and pulls Sungmin’s shadow over Kyuhyun. I’m always in his shadow, Kyuhyun muses.
The train arrives after a long wait. It has only three cabins and looks like it came from another era. Some of the yellow has peeled off to reveal the rusted metal below. They get on it and are surprised to see passengers on it. There is an old gran and a schoolboy in their cabin. The train moves on impatiently before they can get a seat.
There are no air coolers, only opened windows. The air rushes in and plays with their hair. Kyuhyun is having a hard time keeping his eyes open against the wind. The scenery outside is made up of never-ending stretches of fields. Their first stop, however, is situated right beside a school. The school boy gets up. Sungmin pretends to trip him on his way out and he giggles before leaping off the steps of the train.
Kyuhyun knows there are only five stops and the entire loop will take them thirty minutes before they arrive back at the station where they’ve boarded the train. ‘What can thirty minutes do?’ he ponders.
Smoking is prohibited on the train and before long, Sungmin is restless. He keeps picking his nails and Kyuhyun stops him by grabbing hold of his right hand. Sungmin doesn’t tell him to let go so he doesn’t.
Nothing eventful is happening; no one boards or alights at the second and third stops. The gran, however, begins to stare at their clasped hands. Kyuhyun smiles at her.
Sungmin falls asleep somewhere between the fourth and fifth stop. His head lolls forward and Kyuhyun quickly tucks it in the crook of his neck. He leans his head against Sungmin’s, closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep.
When Kyuhyun realizes he has dozed off, it is already too late. The train driver has to wake them up. Gran is nowhere to be seen. They have reached the end of the loop.
Nothing happens within the thirty minutes.
. . . . .
Sungmin sits on the railing outside the train station. “He was the one who told me about this train.” He retrieves a crushed cigarette from his pocket, clamps it between his lips and starts to chew. The cig is bent in the middle and Kyuhyun would have laughed if he were in the mood. But Sungmin is clearly saying, I know you knew about him.
So he makes to sit beside Sungmin instead.
“Invited me on a train ride but he couldn’t make it,” Sungmin mumbles around the cig. “Car accident, I think, couldn’t be sure.” Kyuhyun knows how the guy must have felt. Both of them had been hoping for a miracle but thirty minutes is shorter than they thought it was.
There is a pause.
“You didn’t ask any questions,” Sungmin says, almost admiringly. He finally lights up the cigarette. “You’re not like him at all,” he draws in deeply, scrunches his brows as he savors the flavor before letting out his breath. The evening breeze disperses the smoke. It didn’t even have a chance to linger. Kyuhyun wanders about his own fate. “His drawings are terrible.”
“Did he confess?” Kyuhyun asks. It’s a childish question. Sungmin is allowing him questions and this is all he can manage.
“No, but neither did you.” Sungmin rolls the cigarette between his thumb and index finger. Kyuhyun looks up sharply at him. There is a hint of a grin on Sungmin’s face.
“You like him,” Kyuhyun doesn’t mean for that to come out like an accusation.
“I told you, I don’t know.” A deft flick is given to the cigarette before Sungmin lifts it up. Maybe he meant to put it back between his lips but he stops moving as he mutters his next sentence. “I’ve waited but the answer never came.”
“People are really strange.” Sungmin throws the squashed half-smoked cig onto the ground and lights up a fresh one. “They only think of possibilities and ‘what if’s when the moment to make the decision has already passed.”
They sat in silence. Sungmin speaks up after he has finished the entire cig. “I have a friend who’s also a comic artist. He needs an assistant.”
Kyuhyun looks on with widened eyes as Sungmin moves on to another cigarette. “You have to go.” Sungmin hollows his cheeks and the lighted end of the cigarette brightens in response. He looks so unaffected that Kyuhyun wants to provoke him into a response. He takes a swipe at Sungmin’s cigarette and it hits his shoulders, causing ash to disintegrate into the air before it falls to the ground.
Sungmin stares at Kyuhyun. Slowly, he draws another cig, taps it sharply against the back of his hand and sticks it in the corner of his mouth. Then he reaches for the lighter, the swaying orange flame emerges with an admonishing clink. Sungmin’s eyes are focused on it as he says, “I don’t need another ‘what if’ in my life.”
Kyuhyun watches Sungmin smokes. His lips close around the cigarette and he takes in a little of the drug. Then he exhales - or maybe that’s a sigh - and smoke comes drifting out. Sungmin’s eyes are downcast, his right hand is splayed with the cigarette clamped between his index and middle fingers. Every time he lifts the cig to his lips, he looks like he’s shielding his mouth from letting out another secret. With every puff, Kyuhyun feels his anger ebbs a little and is replaced with some other emotion. But the cigarette smoke is making Kyuhyun’s eyes tear up a fair bit. So he removes the cig from Sungmin’s hand and walks away.
For a few minutes, he walks about aimlessly. All his turns don’t seem to make any sense. Then he remembers he’s lost. Even before he reached the station. There’s a sudden sharp sting on his thumb and he quickly throws whatever it is he’s holding between his fingers on the ground.
It’s Sungmin’s cigarette.
All that’s left is the brown of it. Kyuhyun picks it up, bushes away the dirt and hesitatingly brings it to his lips. His rejection is immediate. His lungs close around the invasion of smoke and he coughs so hard, he dry retches. The tears are real this time.
He always did hate the smell of cigarette smoke.
. . . . .
Here are Sungmin’s thoughts on the process of forgetting:
Step 1 → Remove the person from your physical surroundings.
Step 2 → Bury yourself in work while you bully your remaining assistant mercilessly.
Step 3 → Mediate to the saying, Time is the best medicine, every night before bed (this step is optional and will eventually end up being skipped every night because teeth brushing has already sapped one of all yang energy).
Step 4 → Time is the best medicine.
To his shock, it goes something like this instead:
Step 1 → Remove the person fro- oh my God, what have I done
The first day sails by smoothly; like how cigarette smoke cuts through air. The relief Sungmin experiences after the execution of his solution (carefully selected after making several lists of pros and cons) is so intense that he can’t feel anything else. On the second day, however, he gets a paper cut on his thumb and pouts for Kyuhyun immediately. Eunhyuk answers him with a mean, elevated brow and everything somersaults downhill from there.
People are not strange, Sungmin surmises, they are just plain assholes. The more determined you are to stay on a diet, the more you crave for nasty French fries. The more you want to break out of a vicious cycle, the more you forget that you’re already in one. The more you want to forget someone, the more you fall for him.
They’ve been holding interviews for a month now but Sungmin can’t quite settle his mind on anyone. In fact, Kyuhyun seems to be irreplaceable. ‘I have to be particular,’ he thinks wrly, ‘since I’m most likely going to fall for anyone who’s going to be my new assistant.’ He looks at Eunhyuk. ‘Why am I immune to this one?’
Eunhyuk is licking the chocolate wrapper when he catches the look of revulsion on Sungmin’s face. “Hmm?” he asks.
‘This is exactly why,’ Sungmin sighs. He pops a piece of nicotine gum into his mouth and chews viciously. As if that’d miraculously drives away the urge to smoke.
The door bell rings. Eunhyuk gets it.
“Good afternoon, my name is Donghae, I’m here for the interview.” Sungmin hears the visitor says. He grabs a piece of paper, hastily scribbles something on it and holds it up to Eunhyuk.
Eunhyuk surveys the visitor with his picky eyes. Then he turns his back to him. Tasty, he mouths to Sungmin.
Shortly after they sent Donghae away with a job offer, the door bells rings again.
“Erm, sensei?” Eunhyuk asks.
“If it’s another interviewee, tell him the position’s filled. If it’s the insurance agent, tell him we all have lung cancer,” Sungmin says. He focuses on inking the character’s eyes.
“Kyuhyun’s table has arrived.”
. . . . .
The table is white and is exactly the same design as Sungmin’s and Eunhyuk’s. Nothing special about it except its owner is no longer around. Sungmin had the delivery man placed it beside Eunhyuk’s table instead of his. He doesn’t think he wants to be so close to his next assistant. Once bitten, twice shy. He’s fairly sure the third time will terminate him altogether.
Sungmin opens the top drawer and puts a box of disposable face masks into it. Then he shoves a gum into his mouth. ‘Oh, what the hell.’ Sungmin empties the entire box packet of nicotine gum into his mouth and declares it the day off because “I’m going out for soup”.
. . . . .
The lady boss is as loud as ever. She is insisting that Sungmin sits at the counter so she can chat with him while she’s cooking. “The girl just left,” she says regretfully while she tosses some vegetables into the wok. The water on the cabbage is making the hot oil spit and crackle but she takes it like a pro. “I’m beginning to believe in this ‘fate’ thing that you have been talking about.”
“Fate is an amazing thing,” Sungmin advises. “The good thing is, you don’t have to believe in it for it to happen to you. It’s already written,” he babbles on nonsensically because honestly, he doesn’t really believe in it. He rarely has faith in anything that is not tobacco related. He shovels a large spoonful of rice into his mouth and chomps hard on it instead because he’s not supposed to think about tobacco. It’s kind of funny that he needs distraction from his distraction. Except it’s not.
“Mum, I forgot my cellphone.” A voice suddenly rings out from above.
Sungmin lifts his head up and sees Kyuhyun. He spits out only half a mouthful of rice.
The cigarette dangles from Kyuhyun’s lips and nearly burns the corner of his mouth.
On the other hand, the lady boss looks like a rose that has just blossomed. “You’re back! This must be fate, Sungmin!” she chatters excitedly and places a hand on Kyuhyun’s face. “Isn’t my Kyuhyun pretty?” Kyuhyun has the expression of a dying smoking rat. “I know, I told you it’s a girl I’m going to introduce you to,” she says, a little red-faced, “but remember what you told me when I talked to you about Kyuhyun? You say I’ll never know unless I give it a try, I’ll have two son-in-laws instead of one!”
“I said that?” Sungmin says stupidly. He usually holds no responsibility for his bad advice.
“Yes, and you even said that society is very liberal and accepting now,” Kyuhyun’s mum says. “You should try dating him. A straight spoon can always be bent. You’ll make such a good son-in-law.” Her eyes are sparkling.
“I thought you wanted to introduce me to a girl,” Kyuhyun says, just as stupidly as Sungmin.
“Did I say it was going to be a girl?”
“No, I. I. What’s happening?” The question is directed to Kyuhyun but his mum answers it for him.
“You’re going on a date, that’s what’s happening.” She shoves the two of them out of the eatery. “Shoo, shoo. Oh, why are you two so shy,” she chastises and forces their hands together. “You look lovely together. Come back home for dinner,” she coos before closing the door of the eatery firmly behind her.
The door opens again a few seconds later. “And stop smoking so much, you little rascal! Who taught you that!” The door closes again.
Sungmin flicks a glance at their interlaced hands. Kyuhyun doesn’t tell him to let go so he doesn’t.
"Now what?" Sungmin is full of stupid today.
“Let’s go,” Kyuhyun says.
They begin a long slow stroll down the lonely street. The sun is behind them and it draws long black figures of them on the concrete ground ahead. Sungmin tilts his head a little to the right. His shadow lays his head on the shoulder of Kyuhyun’s shadow. He smiles a secret smile.
“Your mum is very interesting.”
“Hmmm.”
The cig is tucked in the corner of Kyuhyun’s lip like an accessory. He’s not really smoking it.
“Why did you start smoking?” There is a tightness in Sungmin’s chest and he credits it to nicotine withdrawal symptom.
As if he has just noticed the cig, Kyuhyun sucks deeply on it and squints his eyes as he holds in his breath for a moment before releasing it together with a stream of smoke. “There’s someone I want to understand better.”
Sungmin stops walking. Kyuhyun pauses too when he senses a pull on his hand. “So do you know him better now?”
Kyuhyun doesn’t answer. He clears his throat.
“Sungmin,” he says and Sungmin’s heart leaps because it’s the first time Kyuhyun has addressed him by his name. “Why did you quit smoking?”
“I, I needed a distraction.”
“Yeah? How’s the distraction coming along?”
In reply, Sungmin removes the cig from Kyuhyun’s lips and puts it between his lips. He takes a long satisfying drag on it and feels as if every nerve in his body had been properly strummed. His lips curve into a small smug smile that mirrors Kyuhyun’s.
“I no longer need one.”
“What if I say no?” Kyuhyun says, even though he’s already leaning down.
“You never know unless you give it a try.”
The last word is whispered onto Kyuhyun’s lips.
fin (or at least that was what the author thought)
. . . . .
A month later
Donghae sticks a piece of paper up on the corkboard hanging in the living room. Eunhyuk praises him for his initiative and mentions the possibility of a pay raise.
Sungmin frowns as he reads the list while he chews on a leftover...he couldn't really be sure (he’s in one of his I-don’t-really-care-what-I-eat-as-long-as-I’m-eating moments). He reaches for his pen.
. . . . .
“They are ganging up me,” Sungmin whines as he clings on to Kyuhyun’s arm. “It’s two against one!”
They are nesting on the sofa while Donghae frowns at their PDA from where he sits at his desk. Eunhyuk is scowling too (because he’s pretending he’s on Donghae’s side).
“Yeah man, life is tough,” Kyuhyun mutters through a mouthful of nicotine gum. It’s not really fair, he thinks, that he has to attempt to quit smoking for a couple of hours while he’s over at Sungmin’s. He doesn’t even work here now.
“You don’t love me anymore,” Sungmin whimpers and flings Kyuhyun’s hand away like it’s a rotten apple core.
“Sure, I do, “ Kyuhyun says reassuringly/automatically (because this routine is as daily as breakfast) and puts an arm around Sungmin. He draws him near and makes the sorry mistake of sniffing his hair. God, when was the last time the little fatty bathed? What happened to jasmine and peach scented hair?
“If you love me, you will help me with the laundry for a week.”
“If you love me, you will make bathing a habit and stop smelling like fifteen year old corned beef.”
Sungmin gets up and makes a beeline for the washing machine.
author thinks this is where it really ends
p.s.: leeteuk has an editor face ok.
p.p.s.: i've actually sworn off long oneshots after my first one. what happened.
author's dictionary
statulization → the process of converting, or of being converted, into a statue (i think ._.)
edited on 11jun2011
beta → teexsaurus, who's always rude to me
a/n → i debated with myself and dropped mangaka for comic artist instead. but i think i'll stick with sensei for this because i'm more comfortable with it :3
There is a black suit hanging in Kyuhyun’s wardrobe. It has been in there for approximately five years, its pants lengthen thrice and worn exactly four times.
The first time he wore it (which was also the reason why it was bought) was at his grandfather’s funeral (there were no tears but a lot of gambling; he lost forty five thousand won to his ten year old cousin). His sister had insisted that he bought a new suit for her wedding but he didn’t see the need to outshine the groom, as he believed he would so easily do.
The third time he donned that suit was for his tumble (because really, it had been very ungraceful) out of the closet ceremony. He had bathed himself thoroughly before he carefully put on his suit, kneeled down before his parents who had been watching the TV at that time and told them very solemnly that he’s gay. The dried squid his mum had been nibbling on dropped out of her mouth and his dad was reduced to a statue; unfortunately that (the statulization of his dad) didn’t last. It was a good thing that he already had plans to make his first visit to the gay bar because his dad had banished him from the house in a fit of ‘Why do I have a son like you!’. Naturally, he was upset but fathers are always harder to pacify. He figured he’ll just need to kneel longer the next time they meet (his mum, on the other hand, never really did get over the shock. There’s also a girl that she insists he must meet). When he reached the pub, Kyuhyun was surprised to find himself severely overdressed, shocked that he was mistaken for a (high class) hooker four times, pleased that he got pinched in the butt twice and was wholly befuddled that he even got laid for the first time.
But that is another tale for another time.
He is wearing the suit for the fourth time. It’s not the right moment to recall the last time he had rolled around with someone in the sheets so he gives himself a hard slap on the cheek to hopefully knock those lewd thoughts out of his mind and presses the bell while his stomach starts doing acrobatics.
No one answers the door.
He presses the bell again and waits.
No one answers the door.
He presses the bell, peers into the peephole and hears a muffled gasp behind the door. Hastily, he steps back because no interviewee wants to scare the interviewer. The door cracks open an inch.
“Identify yourself,” Kyuhyun sees a quarter of a pale face, a single lidded eye and some bangs through the tiny slice of opening.
“Good afternoon, my name is Kyu-,” the door closes, “-hyun, I’m here for the interview.” Kyuhyun finishes his sentence anyway because he has rehearsed it so many times that he’s almost a voice recorder. Then he stares at the wilted aloe vera outside the apartment. The wilted aloe vera stares back. Before Kyuhyun can introduce himself, the door opens again.
This time it opens fully to reveal Lee Sungmin himself. Kyuhyun gulps and quickly bends his body such that his nose is grazing his legs. “N-Nice to meet you! My n-name is, Cho, Cho-”
“I can’t see your face.” The voice is lazy and very raspy.
Kyuhyun straightens immediately and hears his back creaks in annoyance at the abuse. “My name is, is,” he is trying not to imitate a broken record and failing miserably.
“Do you smoke?” Sungmin asks, leaning against the door. His underarm is itchy. He probably shouldn’t scratch it in front of a stranger but…what gives. He scratches. It gets itchier. He scratches harder.
Kyuhyun is finding it hard to pretend he didn’t see Sungmin scratching his underarm. While he’s glad his prospective boss is such an easy-going person, he’s also finding it very difficult not to stare. So he diverts his gaze to the wilted pot of petunia beside the aloe vera. It must have been pink once.
“I asked if you smoke.” Sungmin repeats after his itch has been sated.
Snapping back to attention, Kyuhyun gives the safe answer. “No.”
Sungmin frowns. He turns his head and says to someone in the apartment, “We may have a problem.” Kyuhyun tiptoes and tries to peer inside the house. He sees an ashtray filled with cigarette butts on the table behind Sungmin and feels his heart skydives.
“But!” Kyuhyun thinks wildly, “I, erm, I love the smell of second hand smoke?” The sentence morphs into a question because that’s how lies work sometimes.
Sungmin side eyes him. “Second hand smoke is very bad for health, you know?”
Kyuhyun nods eagerly.
“I think passive smoking is more harmful than direct smoking.”
Kyuhyun nods eagerly.
“Have you ever considered direct smoking?”
“…”
Sungmin twists his lips as he waits for an answer. When he realizes he’s not going to get one, he runs his eyes over Kyuhyun critically before they stop at his butt. Kyuhyun clenches his butt unconsciously and swallows as silently as he can manage. He stares determinedly at Sungmin’s shoulders because he doesn’t dare look into Sungmin’s eyes and turning his eyes up to the ceiling would be too rude.
Sungmin gives a low chuckle. He turns and cocks an eyebrow at whoever it is in the house. A moment later, he turns back to Kyuhyun whose lips are pursing so much that his mouth resembles a pickled prune.
“You’re hired.”
. . . . .
A week later, Kyuhyun’s first day at work
Lee Sungmin is a dirty fellow, both literally and figuratively speaking. Kyuhyun is about to discover it.
There is a whimsical touch to Sungmin’s apartment - which also doubles as his work studio - but only because there is so much smoke (mist, if you happen to be a romantic). Sadly, this is where the whimsical part ends.
The living room where they work is shrouded with cigarette smoke and poorly ventilated. When Kyuhyun first steps in, or rather, trips into the room (credit goes to a toy hammer beside the shoe cabinet), he finds it hard to open his eyes. He turns to Eunhyuk who has helped him opened the door, “Is it always so-coughshacklescoughs,” Kyuhyun completes his question with some vigorous coughing for Eunhyuk has exhaled a lungful of smoke into his face.
Kyuhyun takes that as a ‘yes’. He tries to minimize his coughing and looks like he is enjoying all the passive smoking but in fact, he sounds like a whiny dolphin. He attempts to suck in a deep breath to stifle his coughing and detects a sour smell underneath all that smoke. It takes his everything to not dry retch. All his discomfort is sent into exile however, when he turns and finds himself looking at Sungmin who is furiously drawing at his work desk. There is also a cigarette clamped firmly at the corner of his lips but it is unlit. He seems to be chewing rather earnestly on it instead. He appears to have not shaved for the past few days and the beginnings of a moustache are showing above his upper lip. Sungmin is deadly pale and his eye bags are bigger than his eyes. His hair…Kyuhyun would not be surprised if a sparrow suddenly emerges from within. The yellow tee he is wearing is as stained and holey as Eunhyuk’s blue top. Clearly, Sungmin has made efforts to look human during the day of the interview but he no longer cares to do so. Kyuhyun feels overdressed in his polo tee and jeans. But he is still excited to be breathing the same air as Sungmin.
“Sensei.” Kyuhyun frowns. Eunhyuk has beaten him to addressing Sungmin.
“Huh?” Sungmin looks up, all bleary eyed. “Oh,” he says, “the new assistant.” As though he hasn’t noticed any whiny dolphin at all. “Take a seat,” Sungmin pats his thighs absentmindedly with his left hand, his right hand is still drawing.
Kyuhyun’s mouth falls open slightly. If he’s not mistaken, Sungmin just invited him to sit on his thighs.
Surely, he’s mistaken.
“Sensei,”Eunhyuk sighs, “it’s time for your bath. Once every five days, remember?”
“Oh, is it five days already?” Sungmin scratches his head. With his left hand, of course, the right apparently has a life of its own and is perfectly fine at drawing without the guidance of a brain. Once Sungmin starts scratching his head though, he can’t seem to stop and what looks suspiciously like snow (but logically, isn’t), begins to fall from his head onto the desk.
Kyuhyun wills himself to not recoil in disgust.
Sungmin is unmoved by it. He sweeps the dandruff off the table and stands up (his right hand finally drops the pencil). On his way to the bathroom, he passes by Kyuhyun and the latter realizes that Sungmin is the source of that sour stench. He stops breathing.
Until Sungmin pinches his butt.
Kyuhyun gasps and slaps both his hands over his butt to shield it from further groping.
Looking as if he’s deep in thought, Sungmin gazes at his left hand. “Eight,” he mutters. Then he chews his cigarette suggestively (Kyuhyun never knew that cigarettes could be chewed suggestively) and leers at Kyuhyun before strolling off to the bathroom, whistling a tune all the way.
Kyuhyun gapes at Eunhyuk, who seems impressed. “I’m three, too skinny,” he says as a way of explanation that doesn’t explain anything - in particular, sexual harassment at work - at all. Drawing on his cigarette, he drops his eyes to Kyuhyun’s butt and blows out small appreciative circles of smoke.
Kyuhyun tries to feel happy over his high butt score and fails magnificently.
“Well,” Eunhyuk drawls, “get to work already.” He moves to sit at his workstation, which is placed adjacent to Sungmin’s and starts to sketch.
Kyuhyun rubs his palms together to diffuse his awkwardness. There are only two desks in the room. “You can start by clearing the desks,” Eunhyuk says without lifting his head.
‘It’s OK,’ Kyuhyun tells himself, ‘in comics, the protagonist has to overcome a lot of difficulties in order to realize his dream too.’ He walks over and lifts a mug from Sungmin’s desk only to drop it with a loud thump!. “What’s this?” asks an astounded Kyuhyun.
Eunhyuk leans over to peer into the mug. There’s a layer of nice green fluffy cotton-like stuff floating on liquid the color of iron rust. A fly whizzes out from the mug.
“Biohazard?”
. . . . .
Sungmin is a comic artist, Eunhyuk is his assistant. But they’re actually just a pair of pasty skinned, chain- smoking rogues, thinks Kyuhyun. He used to think another way. He believed Sungmin must be a hot blooded basketball loving young man just like his characters, full of justice and passion, but no. The speed at which he is becoming disillusioned with his favorite comic artist is alarming. Lee Sungmin is only a mere mortal after all, and a very dirty one at that.
He has been working as Sungmin’s new assistant for a week but all he has done is clean up the house and buy food. When he draws the curtains for what appears to be the first time anyone has ever done so in Lee’s residence, both of them flinch like vampires. It is obvious that they find sunshine irritating but neither is willing to get up to make the effort of walking five steps to draw back the curtains so they continue sketching with squinted eyes. Kyuhyun is glad because dear beautiful fresh air, he misses it.
The lifestyle of a comic artist is very unhealthy, Kyuhyun realizes. All Sungmin does is sits at his desk and draws around the clock. When he’s concentrating very hard, he tends to chew cigarettes instead, claiming he has no time to light them up. When he has time to light cigarettes up though, he apparently has no time to ash it. So the still flaming ashes drop to his clothes and sometimes burn holes into them. Not that Sungmin gives a damn. Everyday, at twelve and six pm, Kyuhyun buys food back and they dig in like starving hyenas. Sungmin and Eunhyuk are very easy going about food. “As long as it’s not vegetarian.” is the only instruction Kyuhyun has been given. He’s been buying them KFC consecutively for three days but it doesn’t seem like they’ve noticed. The day ends when Sungmin falls asleep at his desk and starts when Eunhyuk slaps him awake in the morning.
Eunhyuk acts as an alarm clock of some sort. He reminds Sungmin to bath and shave. Unfortunately, he only reminds him when he remembers to. Even more unfortunate is that fact that he remembers only when Sungmin starts to smell. So Kyuhyun very gladly takes over this position.
“Sensei, it’s time to bathe.”
“Oh, is it five days already?”
“…yes.”
“Man, time flies.”
So his work as an assistant is pretty much settled except there is the problem of sexual harassment.
Except there is the problem of sexual harassment.
Right now, he’s laying over Sungmin on the sofa, one knee between his spread legs. They’re posing for Eunhyuk for a scene he has to draw. Things were going fine until Sungmin raised his leg and started trailing his knee down the side of Kyuhyun’s hip. Which is fine, if Kyuhyun weren’t gay. But he is.
And even though Sungmin is lascivious, he is a cute lascivious guy and Kyuhyun is finding it hard not to get a reaction.
“Do we have to do this?” Kyuhyun shifts away from that evil knee and grits out.
“Fanservice for the readers,” Eunhyuk mutters as he traces out the curve of Kyuhyun’s butt on paper. Nay, not curvy enough. He erases and redraws.
“Shut up or I’ll violate you,” Sungmin threatens with a lazy smile as he continues puffing away on his cigarette. When Kyuhyun first heard him said that, he had been thoroughly shocked. Then he realizes it’s something like a catchphrase for Sungmin. So he gradually gets used to it. That, and the butt groping episodes.
Because really, Sungmin is too cute. Initially, Kyuhyun would get mad over the groping but when Sungmin smiles at him all harmlessly, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore. So he’d just scratch his head and mutter, “Don’t do that again…” Later, he doesn’t even get mad anymore. In fact, it doesn’t feel like a day has passed until his butt gets groped. Kyuhyun is quite ashamed of himself.
There are times when Kyuhyun observes him at work under the pretext of learning. Since Sungmin rarely goes out, his complexion is very pale. Kyuhyun can even make out the fine veins running under his smooth skin. He has a habit of biting on his lower lip when he’s not smoking and it makes the jut of his upper lip even more obvious. Due to the angle of the four pm sun, when sunlight rushes in, it splashes itself on Sungmin’s back and obscures part of his face. Bathed in Sungmin’s shadow, Kyuhyun sometimes foolishly thinks that he looks almost beautiful like this. But the moment is always spoiled when Sungmin notices Kyuhyun staring. He’d reciprocate with a leer of his own and say, “Come and get some.”
There’s something about Sungmin but Kyuhyun can’t quite put his finger down on it.
. . . . .
When Kyuhyun reports for work today, it’s not Eunhyuk who opens the door. Actually, the door isn’t locked at all. Kyuhyun pushes the door open and sees a bespectacled young man dressed in a suit pacing around in circles in front of a highly stressed Sungmin. He must be highly stressed because there are currently four cigarettes tucked between his lips and he’s puffing and huffing away like a chimney.
“Erm…”
The bespectacled man whips around. “You. Where have you been! Get down and start drawing!” He grabs Kyuhyun and pushes him down to Eunhyuk’s desk. Sungmin quickly passes him some unfinished sketches and a pleading look. His lip would have trembled if not for the fact that it has the weight of four cigarettes to support.
“What’s going on,” Kyuhyun asks in bewilderment.
Sungmin spits out all four cigarettes (the bespectacled dude rushes to extinguish them before they can burn any of those precious drawings) and his lower lip starts wobbling in earnest. “Kyuhyun, do you know how to draw backgrounds?”
Kyuhyun nods uncertainly. Sungmin didn’t shave over the weekend, so it’s a little strange seeing a mustached Sungmin wobble his lower lip.
“Good. You have to draw the backgrounds for this stack and then you’ll need to apply the screentones for this stack here,” the bespectacled man says hurriedly. “Eunhyuk has taken urgent leave for a week,” he says before Kyuhyun could ask. “You have until sunrise to finish this. And you,” he glares at Sungmin who squeaks and quickly goes back to drawing, “have no time for useless lip trembling. The next time you forget the deadline and grant your assistance leave I will burn all your Bleach collectibles.” Then he continues his frantic pacing, ignoring all of Sungmin’s whimpers.
“Who are you?” Kyuhyun sputters.
“I’m Leeteuk,” the bespectacled man stops walking and pushes up his metal rimmed glasses with a lot of self-importance. “Sungmin’s editor.”
. . . . .
Sungmin has resorted to using scotch tape to force his eyes open. Leeteuk helps by pinching his thigh once every half an hour. It is three am in the morning and they’re still working away furiously trying to meet the deadline. Kyuhyun is pretty sure Sungmin must have ingested three whole cigarettes by now.
An hour later, Kyuhyun finally finishes his part. Now all that’s left is for Sungmin to ink the characters. Leeteuk has fallen asleep by Sungmin’s feet and the artist himself is struggling to move his pen. “Kyuhyun…” he says, sounding dead, “help me light up a cigarette.”
Kyuhyun feels his eyebrow twitch in annoyance. But he lights up a cigarette and shoves it between Sungmin’s lips anyway. Sungmin sucks in deeply and exhales. His nostrils are smoking. When it’s time to ash the cigarette, he puckers his lips around it and frowns. Kyuhyun sighs. He lifts the ashtray to the cigarette and Sungmin taps the cigarette twice on its edge by nodding his head. The ash drops and scatters into the ashtray.
“Sensei, you shouldn’t smoke so much,” Kyuhyun chided.
Sungmin can barely keep his eyes open, let alone keep up a coherent argument. “Shut up…or I’ll violate you,” he yawns. “Talk to me so I won’t fall asleep.”
Kyuhyun drags Leeteuk away by his legs and pulls his chair over so he’s sitting beside Sungmin. “What do I talk about?”
“Anything.” Scratch scratch, goes the pen over paper.
“Erm, OK,” Kyuhyun rubs his nose self-consciously. “When I was young, I was really a pest. I’d draw on anything available to me, textbooks, walls, my sister’s sleeping fac-”
“Heh heh.”
“-face, et cetera. My mum wanted me to become an engineer; my dad wanted me to take over his business. When I decided to become a comic artist, I endured a beating, put together a portfolio and sent it out to some of my favorite artists and…well, you know, I got lucky.”
“Hmm…” Sungmin’s eyelids are fluttering like wings of a butterfly so Kyuhyun tears off the scotch tape holding his eyes open. Sungmin yelps awake. The cigarette falls to his thigh, stinging him for a moment before it drops to the floor. Kyuhyun picks it up and extinguishes it in the ashtray. Sungmin is nursing his burn and curling his lips in a growl at Kyuhyun. He looks so cute, Kyuhyun wants to pat him.
“So anyway, I’m glad to be hired. I really like your works,” he smiles at Sungmin who is fast beginning to doze off again although his right hand never stopped drawing.
“Really…”
“Yeah, I really like-” Kyuhyun stops abruptly because Sungmin’s head has dropped onto his shoulder. The pen slips out of Sungmin’s grasp and rolls over the edge of the table. The ticking of the clock is suddenly too loud. Kyuhyun feels goosebumps erupt on the spot Sungmin is leaning on and spreads over his scalp. He remains fixated for a long while. Then he slowly turns his head and looks down at Sungmin but could only see the curve of his cheek. He gingerly leans further down to check if Sungmin is really asleep. But he suddenly moves and Kyuhyun goes rigid as his lips brushes against Sungmin’s forehead. He jerks up immediately and dares not move for the rest of the night.
His heart is pumping blood so fast, Kyuhyun is sure his face is red.
. . . . .
Leeteuk wakes at dawn. He shakes Sungmin awake and off Kyuhyun so he can ink the last page of his submission. Kyuhyun stays frozen for approximately ten more minutes because his shoulders are so numb he can’t move. Then he stiffens again for Sungmin has slumped back onto his shoulders after he’s done with inking. Leeteuk is out of the door in seconds.
Kyuhyun half drags Sungmin to his bedroom and flings him down onto bed. He looks at him for only a second before he turns and steps out of the room. He comes stomping back after three seconds. Sungmin is lying on his blanket so Kyuhyun has to pull it out, kicking him twice in the process. Then he wraps Sungmin with it like a California roll so that only his head peeks out. Feeling begrudged, he flicks Sungmin’s forehead with a finger and earns himself a small sound of protest. Then he throws himself onto the couch in the living room and is dead to the world within a minute.
. . . . .
After a thirteen-hour nap, Sungmin resumes his suave smoking self.
Kyuhyun wakes up at night to see him sitting on the couch. More specifically, he is sitting on Kyuhyun’s legs (it kinda hurts so he wiggles his legs. Sungmin wiggles along but stays put). He is sucking on a cigarette, which is normal Sungmin behavior. What is unusual about Sungmin is that he is wearing an unholey black shirt, which Kyuhyun takes to mean that he must be dreaming. So he groggily lays back and goes back to sleep in this dream.
Sungmin kicks him awake. “Why are you ignoring me?”
Kyuhyun groans and pretends to know Arabic. “كيف حالك؟ شكرا,” he mutters into the cushion.
“Come on, we’re going to get ourselves as drunk as silly anteaters.”
. . . . .
They end up in the gay bar. Coincidentally, it is also the same bar that Kyuhyun visited as part of his tumble out of the closet ceremony. He never visited it again for obvious reasons (here’s a helpful recap: he got drunk, got laid, had no idea what in the world happened and thus, isn’t sure he wants another episode of this). He sneaks a look at Sungmin who is enthusiastically chugging down his second drink of whatever, Kyuhyun can’t tell, he only knows soju. In a roundabout way, he guesses Sungmin is trying to disclose his sexual orientation to him, in case harassing him isn’t obvious enough. Then he frowns as he watches Sungmin eyeing back everyone who is eyeing him. No, he doesn’t think Sungmin cares at all. He sighs. The background music swallows the sound. Sungmin catches it anyway.
“Why? Your first time here?” he narrows his eyes (seductively, he hopes) at the bartender who winks at him.
Kyuhyun flushes. He has never talked about this. “I, well,”
“Don’t worry. I know. I can smell you virgins a mile away.” Sungmin gives him a reassuring (read: leering) smile.
The blush on Kyuhyun’s face deepens to a dull red. “I’m not a virgin!” he exclaims. Someone at the next table whistles. Sungmin acknowledges it with a toast to ‘Kyuhyun’s asdjalksjdahh’ (Kyuhyun stifles whatever Sungmin is about to say by clamping a hand firmly on his lips). He releases his hand when Sungmin starts to laugh. Kyuhyun has no idea if he should be mad.
Sungmin takes out a cigarette and someone rushes over to light it up. He is rewarded with a slow smile from Sungmin but nothing more. “Why so shy. It’s only natural, kinda like a game,” Sungmin pauses to take a drag on the cig. When he speaks next, his words are accompanied with puffs of smoke. “Except there are no losers, isn’t that grand.” It isn’t a question. He leans back into his seat, stares at the lights above and taps the unlit end of the cigarette at his knee as he attempts to recall. Kyuhyun watches the cigarette ash splinters into dust and then nothingness.
“My last time was with a kid, we met at this bar. It was his first time, I can tell, even if he was as drunk as I was. He was even wearing a suit, can you imagine!” Sungmin cackles until he catches sight of the look on Kyuhyun’s face. “What, are you OK…” Suddenly, Sungmin recalls the day of Kyuhyun’s interview. He had looked petrified too. And he had been wearing a suit, a very familiar looking suit, in fact…
The cigarette drops unnoticed to the floor. A waiter passing by picks it up and extinguishes it in a bottle of unwanted beer on his tray.
“Holy crap.”
. . . . .
This is ‘another time.’
Sungmin wasn’t sure who made the first move, wasn’t sure how they made it to the motel room, intoxicated as they were. Then he was slammed against the door and there was a tongue against the pulse of his neck. That was when he stopped trying to make sense. There were too many buttons on the stranger’s shirt so Sungmin’s hands slid to his belt. They couldn’t wait, there was only enough time to unbuckle, unzip and then Sungmin was stroking him, too fast for anyone to still have any control. They never made it to the bed. First, against the door, then on the floor and then Sungmin wasn’t so sure anymore.
Sungmin limped out of the motel before dawn. He cursed his luck for meeting an inexperienced. There hadn’t been any foreplay and it was too raw. He tried to recall the stranger’s face but his head was hurting too much. Dragging his feet to a 24-hour eatery nearby, he had some soup to help wake himself up from all the excessive alcohol. It was another kind of hell in there.
The lady boss - who appeared to be in her fifties - was wailing as she was cooking spicy rice cakes. As the only customer in the store, Sungmin felt obliged to ask if she was fine. Somehow, she took it as permission to cling onto his arm and tell him the sob story of her life. Sungmin took it in his stride. He lighted up a cigarette and gave the appropriate response at the right time, a “Oooh!” at a revelation, a “Good God, no!” at another exclamation and at one point, he even dispensed bad advice on family relationships.
At the end of her story, the lady boss had sniffed and marveled over how nice a man Sungmin is. Sungmin only nodded modestly in agreement. Then her gaze turned predatory and he stiffened. She ran her eyes over him from head to toe critically before smiling as though she was satisfied with her assessment.
“You know, I know a girl who’s really cute. Since you’ve been so nice, I should introduce you to her,” was what she had said.
Slyly.
Sungmin had chortled like the rouge he was and agreed heartedly that indeed, they should meet. They never did though. And every time Sungmin returns to the store (because who can say no to a nice bowl of hot soup), the lady boss will complain that he arrives at the wrong time and the girl had already left ‘ten minutes/one hour/eleven hours’ earlier.
Sungmin always laughs and blames it easily on fate.
. . . . .
They are walking back home from the bar. Kyuhyun struggles to break the silence but only comes up with a “Em…”
“We can pretend nothing happened.”
Kyuhyun flinches. Sungmin stops walking.
“Sorry, I thought that would make you feel better,” he says to Kyuhyun who continues walking. He lets out a long breath when he realizes Kyuhyun has no intention of stopping.
“What do you want then?” Sungmin didn’t do anything to stop the hint of mild annoyance from seeping into the question.
But Kyuhyun only has eyes for the ground.
Sungmin reaches instinctively for his packet of cigs before he recalls that he has already finished it. He clenches and unclenches his fist instead.
“I can’t,” he says. The words, devoid of any promises, finally make Kyuhyun stops. He lifts his eyes to Sungmin. It’s too dark; the streetlights aren’t enough to illuminate whatever it is that resides in Kyuhyun’s eyes in that moment.
Sungmin badly needs a cigarette. There is a desperate need to sink into familiar territory or claw at his throat in mindless want. He picks at his nails unconsciously, scratching at the cuticle of his thumb.
“There’s this person,” he says, hoping what he’s about to say is enough. “I can’t. I can’t figure it out. I’m still waiting.”
Kyuhyun is nodding too soon, too fast. As if he understands. Then he turns and walks a couple of steps before he gives up and breaks into a run.
There is pain. Sungmin looks down and sees a drop of blood falls from his thumb to the ground.
. . . . .
Kyuhyun is pretending that nothing has happened. Sungmin supposes he should feel relieved. Instead he feels like a jerk. They get along like before except Sungmin no longer touches Kyuhyun.
This is absolutely fine with Kyuhyun because he’s not sure if he’s capable of holding back any punches.
So much for his pretense. It’s just anger simmering under his skin and he’s too embarrassed to let it show because he doesn’t want to seem like he cares too much. He doesn’t want to lose.
The relief in the air is almost tangible when Eunhyuk shows up after a week of absence. But since Eunhyuk’s radar to, well, everything, is as defective as the typical weather forecast, he fails to notice anything. On the other hand, Kyuhyun is an opportunist. He sneaks up on Eunhyuk one day after work.
“Say, how long have you been working with sensei?” he sounds as nonchalant as the dude making his orders at the drive in. Perfect.
Eunhyuk takes too long with his answer and Kyuhyun mentally kicks himself for the IQ challenging question. “About three years? We’ve been working together since he started out.”
“So like, was there anyone playing a significant role in his life during these three years?” He pauses to check the time on his cellphone because that’s what people do when they’re asking questions they’re not really concerned about. Just innocent little time fillers.
“His mum? They used to live together but-“
“No, I mean-“
“OK, hmmm, he used to keep a cat but I’m allergic so-“
“Did. Did he,” Kyuhyun summons all the patience in his entire being, “did he have a boyfriend?”
“Oh. Nope,” Eunhyuk replies. And that’s it. They continue walking in silence and have already parted ways at the metro station when Eunhyuk suddenly turns back and runs up to him at the cross junction.
“I remember! There was this guy,” he pants, “that sensei was pretty close with. Well, I didn’t know if they, you know, but sensei was quite upset when he, erm, left one day.”
I’m still waiting.
“What do you mean ‘he left’? Where is he now?”
Eunhyuk’s eyes shift from left to right, as do his feet. He scratches his arm absentmindedly. “He’s…dead.”
An ambulance roars past them on the road and Eunhyuk jumps. But it fails to shake Kyuhyun out from his stupor.
“We’ve been trying to look for another to take his place. But sensei was always displeased,” Eunhyuk continues like he has never been disrupted, “it was as if no one else will ever be good enough. But then you came along, of course, the perfect replacement. Finally. We’ve been looking for a whole year.”
“What replacement? What are you talking about?” Kyuhyun feels his scalp begins to tingle.
“You, Kyuhyun,” Eunhyuk smiles.
“You are his replacement.”
. . . . .
One of the most amazing things about humans is that they can make themselves as miserable as they want to, as long as they’re determined enough. And Kyuhyun is very determined to avoid Sungmin. He can’t exactly pinpoint why and he can’t really be bothered to. It couldn’t be anything good anyway, his gut instinct insists.
Kyuhyun also discovers that if he persists in believing that there isn’t a problem, people are likely to keep up the pretense too. It makes the days easier to pass. Even if he feels like he’s just waiting for it all to fall apart.
It is just another day at work. Sungmin has just plopped down on his desk, which means it’s time to head back home. Eunhyuk scampers out in a hurry because he claims that he has a date and leaves Kyuhyun to lock up. He has just put on his shoes and switched off the lights when he hears Sungmin call out to him. Kyuhyun hesitates. He still has time to close the door behind him and pretend he didn’t hear Sungmin.
But Sungmin continues speaking so Kyuhyun knows he is aware. “Do you know what’s the day after today?”
Kyuhyun didn’t pause to think, “Tomorrow.”
“No, it’s a holiday.”
Kyuhyun couldn’t resist turning back to look at Sungmin but he could only make out the wispy trails of smoke made by the cigarette butts in the ashtray. He waits.
“Let’s go for a ride.”
. . . . .
Kyuhyun doesn’t recognize the address Sungmin had given to him. Neither did the cab driver. They spend many minutes getting lost in the outskirts of Seoul before they find the place.
It’s a train station.
He’s late for thirty minutes. Sungmin manages to cluck his tongue in disapproval despite the cigarette caught between his lips. “I’ve never been here,” Kyuhyun elaborates.
“Yeah? Me too,” Sungmin hisses, smoke comes rushing out of his nostrils. He looks like a dragon, Kyuhyun thinks and sniggers quietly to himself. “What,” Sungmin demands.
Kyuhyun ignores him and surveys their surroundings. The train station consists of one solitary building, half the size of Sungmin’s apartment. The grass around the station is unkempt and tall.
“Are you sure there’s going to be a train?” Kyuhyun asks. Sungmin shrugs and flicks his unfinished cigarette to the ground. He grounds it out and makes his way into the station. Kyuhyun follows him.
Yes, of course there is going to be a train, the sole employee - a bored middle-aged man - of the station assures them. They buy tickets from him and sit on the only wooden bench available to wait. There isn’t any shelter but it’s not like they need it. The late afternoon sun casts its dull light on them and pulls Sungmin’s shadow over Kyuhyun. I’m always in his shadow, Kyuhyun muses.
The train arrives after a long wait. It has only three cabins and looks like it came from another era. Some of the yellow has peeled off to reveal the rusted metal below. They get on it and are surprised to see passengers on it. There is an old gran and a schoolboy in their cabin. The train moves on impatiently before they can get a seat.
There are no air coolers, only opened windows. The air rushes in and plays with their hair. Kyuhyun is having a hard time keeping his eyes open against the wind. The scenery outside is made up of never-ending stretches of fields. Their first stop, however, is situated right beside a school. The school boy gets up. Sungmin pretends to trip him on his way out and he giggles before leaping off the steps of the train.
Kyuhyun knows there are only five stops and the entire loop will take them thirty minutes before they arrive back at the station where they’ve boarded the train. ‘What can thirty minutes do?’ he ponders.
Smoking is prohibited on the train and before long, Sungmin is restless. He keeps picking his nails and Kyuhyun stops him by grabbing hold of his right hand. Sungmin doesn’t tell him to let go so he doesn’t.
Nothing eventful is happening; no one boards or alights at the second and third stops. The gran, however, begins to stare at their clasped hands. Kyuhyun smiles at her.
Sungmin falls asleep somewhere between the fourth and fifth stop. His head lolls forward and Kyuhyun quickly tucks it in the crook of his neck. He leans his head against Sungmin’s, closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep.
When Kyuhyun realizes he has dozed off, it is already too late. The train driver has to wake them up. Gran is nowhere to be seen. They have reached the end of the loop.
Nothing happens within the thirty minutes.
. . . . .
Sungmin sits on the railing outside the train station. “He was the one who told me about this train.” He retrieves a crushed cigarette from his pocket, clamps it between his lips and starts to chew. The cig is bent in the middle and Kyuhyun would have laughed if he were in the mood. But Sungmin is clearly saying, I know you knew about him.
So he makes to sit beside Sungmin instead.
“Invited me on a train ride but he couldn’t make it,” Sungmin mumbles around the cig. “Car accident, I think, couldn’t be sure.” Kyuhyun knows how the guy must have felt. Both of them had been hoping for a miracle but thirty minutes is shorter than they thought it was.
There is a pause.
“You didn’t ask any questions,” Sungmin says, almost admiringly. He finally lights up the cigarette. “You’re not like him at all,” he draws in deeply, scrunches his brows as he savors the flavor before letting out his breath. The evening breeze disperses the smoke. It didn’t even have a chance to linger. Kyuhyun wanders about his own fate. “His drawings are terrible.”
“Did he confess?” Kyuhyun asks. It’s a childish question. Sungmin is allowing him questions and this is all he can manage.
“No, but neither did you.” Sungmin rolls the cigarette between his thumb and index finger. Kyuhyun looks up sharply at him. There is a hint of a grin on Sungmin’s face.
“You like him,” Kyuhyun doesn’t mean for that to come out like an accusation.
“I told you, I don’t know.” A deft flick is given to the cigarette before Sungmin lifts it up. Maybe he meant to put it back between his lips but he stops moving as he mutters his next sentence. “I’ve waited but the answer never came.”
“People are really strange.” Sungmin throws the squashed half-smoked cig onto the ground and lights up a fresh one. “They only think of possibilities and ‘what if’s when the moment to make the decision has already passed.”
They sat in silence. Sungmin speaks up after he has finished the entire cig. “I have a friend who’s also a comic artist. He needs an assistant.”
Kyuhyun looks on with widened eyes as Sungmin moves on to another cigarette. “You have to go.” Sungmin hollows his cheeks and the lighted end of the cigarette brightens in response. He looks so unaffected that Kyuhyun wants to provoke him into a response. He takes a swipe at Sungmin’s cigarette and it hits his shoulders, causing ash to disintegrate into the air before it falls to the ground.
Sungmin stares at Kyuhyun. Slowly, he draws another cig, taps it sharply against the back of his hand and sticks it in the corner of his mouth. Then he reaches for the lighter, the swaying orange flame emerges with an admonishing clink. Sungmin’s eyes are focused on it as he says, “I don’t need another ‘what if’ in my life.”
Kyuhyun watches Sungmin smokes. His lips close around the cigarette and he takes in a little of the drug. Then he exhales - or maybe that’s a sigh - and smoke comes drifting out. Sungmin’s eyes are downcast, his right hand is splayed with the cigarette clamped between his index and middle fingers. Every time he lifts the cig to his lips, he looks like he’s shielding his mouth from letting out another secret. With every puff, Kyuhyun feels his anger ebbs a little and is replaced with some other emotion. But the cigarette smoke is making Kyuhyun’s eyes tear up a fair bit. So he removes the cig from Sungmin’s hand and walks away.
For a few minutes, he walks about aimlessly. All his turns don’t seem to make any sense. Then he remembers he’s lost. Even before he reached the station. There’s a sudden sharp sting on his thumb and he quickly throws whatever it is he’s holding between his fingers on the ground.
It’s Sungmin’s cigarette.
All that’s left is the brown of it. Kyuhyun picks it up, bushes away the dirt and hesitatingly brings it to his lips. His rejection is immediate. His lungs close around the invasion of smoke and he coughs so hard, he dry retches. The tears are real this time.
He always did hate the smell of cigarette smoke.
. . . . .
Here are Sungmin’s thoughts on the process of forgetting:
Step 1 → Remove the person from your physical surroundings.
Step 2 → Bury yourself in work while you bully your remaining assistant mercilessly.
Step 3 → Mediate to the saying, Time is the best medicine, every night before bed (this step is optional and will eventually end up being skipped every night because teeth brushing has already sapped one of all yang energy).
Step 4 → Time is the best medicine.
To his shock, it goes something like this instead:
Step 1 → Remove the person fro- oh my God, what have I done
The first day sails by smoothly; like how cigarette smoke cuts through air. The relief Sungmin experiences after the execution of his solution (carefully selected after making several lists of pros and cons) is so intense that he can’t feel anything else. On the second day, however, he gets a paper cut on his thumb and pouts for Kyuhyun immediately. Eunhyuk answers him with a mean, elevated brow and everything somersaults downhill from there.
People are not strange, Sungmin surmises, they are just plain assholes. The more determined you are to stay on a diet, the more you crave for nasty French fries. The more you want to break out of a vicious cycle, the more you forget that you’re already in one. The more you want to forget someone, the more you fall for him.
They’ve been holding interviews for a month now but Sungmin can’t quite settle his mind on anyone. In fact, Kyuhyun seems to be irreplaceable. ‘I have to be particular,’ he thinks wrly, ‘since I’m most likely going to fall for anyone who’s going to be my new assistant.’ He looks at Eunhyuk. ‘Why am I immune to this one?’
Eunhyuk is licking the chocolate wrapper when he catches the look of revulsion on Sungmin’s face. “Hmm?” he asks.
‘This is exactly why,’ Sungmin sighs. He pops a piece of nicotine gum into his mouth and chews viciously. As if that’d miraculously drives away the urge to smoke.
The door bell rings. Eunhyuk gets it.
“Good afternoon, my name is Donghae, I’m here for the interview.” Sungmin hears the visitor says. He grabs a piece of paper, hastily scribbles something on it and holds it up to Eunhyuk.
Eunhyuk surveys the visitor with his picky eyes. Then he turns his back to him. Tasty, he mouths to Sungmin.
Shortly after they sent Donghae away with a job offer, the door bells rings again.
“Erm, sensei?” Eunhyuk asks.
“If it’s another interviewee, tell him the position’s filled. If it’s the insurance agent, tell him we all have lung cancer,” Sungmin says. He focuses on inking the character’s eyes.
“Kyuhyun’s table has arrived.”
. . . . .
The table is white and is exactly the same design as Sungmin’s and Eunhyuk’s. Nothing special about it except its owner is no longer around. Sungmin had the delivery man placed it beside Eunhyuk’s table instead of his. He doesn’t think he wants to be so close to his next assistant. Once bitten, twice shy. He’s fairly sure the third time will terminate him altogether.
Sungmin opens the top drawer and puts a box of disposable face masks into it. Then he shoves a gum into his mouth. ‘Oh, what the hell.’ Sungmin empties the entire box packet of nicotine gum into his mouth and declares it the day off because “I’m going out for soup”.
. . . . .
The lady boss is as loud as ever. She is insisting that Sungmin sits at the counter so she can chat with him while she’s cooking. “The girl just left,” she says regretfully while she tosses some vegetables into the wok. The water on the cabbage is making the hot oil spit and crackle but she takes it like a pro. “I’m beginning to believe in this ‘fate’ thing that you have been talking about.”
“Fate is an amazing thing,” Sungmin advises. “The good thing is, you don’t have to believe in it for it to happen to you. It’s already written,” he babbles on nonsensically because honestly, he doesn’t really believe in it. He rarely has faith in anything that is not tobacco related. He shovels a large spoonful of rice into his mouth and chomps hard on it instead because he’s not supposed to think about tobacco. It’s kind of funny that he needs distraction from his distraction. Except it’s not.
“Mum, I forgot my cellphone.” A voice suddenly rings out from above.
Sungmin lifts his head up and sees Kyuhyun. He spits out only half a mouthful of rice.
The cigarette dangles from Kyuhyun’s lips and nearly burns the corner of his mouth.
On the other hand, the lady boss looks like a rose that has just blossomed. “You’re back! This must be fate, Sungmin!” she chatters excitedly and places a hand on Kyuhyun’s face. “Isn’t my Kyuhyun pretty?” Kyuhyun has the expression of a dying smoking rat. “I know, I told you it’s a girl I’m going to introduce you to,” she says, a little red-faced, “but remember what you told me when I talked to you about Kyuhyun? You say I’ll never know unless I give it a try, I’ll have two son-in-laws instead of one!”
“I said that?” Sungmin says stupidly. He usually holds no responsibility for his bad advice.
“Yes, and you even said that society is very liberal and accepting now,” Kyuhyun’s mum says. “You should try dating him. A straight spoon can always be bent. You’ll make such a good son-in-law.” Her eyes are sparkling.
“I thought you wanted to introduce me to a girl,” Kyuhyun says, just as stupidly as Sungmin.
“Did I say it was going to be a girl?”
“No, I. I. What’s happening?” The question is directed to Kyuhyun but his mum answers it for him.
“You’re going on a date, that’s what’s happening.” She shoves the two of them out of the eatery. “Shoo, shoo. Oh, why are you two so shy,” she chastises and forces their hands together. “You look lovely together. Come back home for dinner,” she coos before closing the door of the eatery firmly behind her.
The door opens again a few seconds later. “And stop smoking so much, you little rascal! Who taught you that!” The door closes again.
Sungmin flicks a glance at their interlaced hands. Kyuhyun doesn’t tell him to let go so he doesn’t.
"Now what?" Sungmin is full of stupid today.
“Let’s go,” Kyuhyun says.
They begin a long slow stroll down the lonely street. The sun is behind them and it draws long black figures of them on the concrete ground ahead. Sungmin tilts his head a little to the right. His shadow lays his head on the shoulder of Kyuhyun’s shadow. He smiles a secret smile.
“Your mum is very interesting.”
“Hmmm.”
The cig is tucked in the corner of Kyuhyun’s lip like an accessory. He’s not really smoking it.
“Why did you start smoking?” There is a tightness in Sungmin’s chest and he credits it to nicotine withdrawal symptom.
As if he has just noticed the cig, Kyuhyun sucks deeply on it and squints his eyes as he holds in his breath for a moment before releasing it together with a stream of smoke. “There’s someone I want to understand better.”
Sungmin stops walking. Kyuhyun pauses too when he senses a pull on his hand. “So do you know him better now?”
Kyuhyun doesn’t answer. He clears his throat.
“Sungmin,” he says and Sungmin’s heart leaps because it’s the first time Kyuhyun has addressed him by his name. “Why did you quit smoking?”
“I, I needed a distraction.”
“Yeah? How’s the distraction coming along?”
In reply, Sungmin removes the cig from Kyuhyun’s lips and puts it between his lips. He takes a long satisfying drag on it and feels as if every nerve in his body had been properly strummed. His lips curve into a small smug smile that mirrors Kyuhyun’s.
“I no longer need one.”
“What if I say no?” Kyuhyun says, even though he’s already leaning down.
“You never know unless you give it a try.”
The last word is whispered onto Kyuhyun’s lips.
fin (or at least that was what the author thought)
. . . . .
A month later
Donghae sticks a piece of paper up on the corkboard hanging in the living room. Eunhyuk praises him for his initiative and mentions the possibility of a pay raise.
Sungmin frowns as he reads the list while he chews on a leftover...he couldn't really be sure (he’s in one of his I-don’t-really-care-what-I-eat-as-long-as-I’m-eating moments). He reaches for his pen.
. . . . .
“They are ganging up me,” Sungmin whines as he clings on to Kyuhyun’s arm. “It’s two against one!”
They are nesting on the sofa while Donghae frowns at their PDA from where he sits at his desk. Eunhyuk is scowling too (because he’s pretending he’s on Donghae’s side).
“Yeah man, life is tough,” Kyuhyun mutters through a mouthful of nicotine gum. It’s not really fair, he thinks, that he has to attempt to quit smoking for a couple of hours while he’s over at Sungmin’s. He doesn’t even work here now.
“You don’t love me anymore,” Sungmin whimpers and flings Kyuhyun’s hand away like it’s a rotten apple core.
“Sure, I do, “ Kyuhyun says reassuringly/automatically (because this routine is as daily as breakfast) and puts an arm around Sungmin. He draws him near and makes the sorry mistake of sniffing his hair. God, when was the last time the little fatty bathed? What happened to jasmine and peach scented hair?
“If you love me, you will help me with the laundry for a week.”
“If you love me, you will make bathing a habit and stop smelling like fifteen year old corned beef.”
Sungmin gets up and makes a beeline for the washing machine.
author thinks this is where it really ends
p.s.: leeteuk has an editor face ok.
p.p.s.: i've actually sworn off long oneshots after my first one. what happened.
author's dictionary
statulization → the process of converting, or of being converted, into a statue (i think ._.)
edited on 11jun2011