darling, we're going to kill the cat next :/
qmimin | pg | approx 1900w | there's a scientific(?) explanation for those domestic mishaps
a/n: written to make myself happy. nothing remotely resembles intelligence when viewed up-close or from saturn
< prologue >
QMiMin lives together.
< /prologue >
. . . . .
The line “…so I have no choice but to buy the MCM Visetos backpack in all available colors” causes the grain of rice to lose her (why yes, grains have genders too. Don’t be rude) way in Kyuhyun’s esophagus and enters his windpipe. As she hitchhikes her way through Kyuhyun’s respiratory system on a gush of air, she inevitably sends him into a coughing fit and causes food to sputter from his mouth like a savage popcorn machine.
“Let me help,” Sungmin says as he sends a mighty chop down on Kyuhyun’s back and kindly guides the grain of rice out from Kyuhyun’s left nostril. Kyuhyun catches his breath and frowns at Sungmin before he picks up the poor slimy grain of rice and stuffs her back into his mouth.
She finally dies.
Sungmin scrunches up his face and tries to say “Eww”, only to discover that violent disgust has rendered him incapable of speech. He could only mouth the exclamation. “Eww,” Sungmin mouths.
“It was your epiglottis,” Zhou Mi quips wisely from across the table.
“My lkasjdlkjas?”
“Yeah,” Zhou Mi nods his head as if Kyuhyun has pronounced the word perfectly instead of sounding like Siwon when he’s trying to sing in Chinese, “the epiglottis is a cute little flap that closes your windpipe on reflex when you swallow. Your windpipe opens again when food has passed down the esophagus. Should any badass food accidentally enter the windpipe, coughing - another reflex - helps to remove it. That’s what happened to you.” Sungmin is nodding like he understands so Kyuhyun shoves more rice into his mouth just so he won’t say something like, “What in the 42nd dimension are you talking about?”
“Where was I?” Zhou Mi asks after he has properly educated the world on cute little throat flaps.
“The MCM bags,” Sungmin helpfully reminds him.
“Oh yes, and I absolutely have to get the red one because it spoke to me.”
“It spoke to you?” Kyuhyun chokes out and quickly stuffs his mouth with more galbi before he could rain sarcasm on Zhou Mi’s parade.
“What did it say?” Sungmin asks curiously.
“Take me home! Take me home!” Zhou Mi wheaks in realistic imitation of a talking MCM bag.
“D'awww~” Sungmin gushes, “just like a puppy in the pet shop.”
“Honestly, if it had legs it would have jumped into my arms.”
“So what else did you buy on your trip?” Sungmin picks out the bones in a piece of grilled fish and feeds it to Kyuhyun who is pretending to be a helpless baby pelican incapable of eating his own fish.
“Oh, nothing much, we might have to clear out a room for my spoils when Fedex finally ships them over from Paris this afternoon though. Korean Air was afraid the plane might crash with my load, I mean, really, it’s just Prada.” Zhou Mi rolls his eyes expertly.
“Let’s use Kyuhyun’s. His room is the biggest.”
At this, the hidden fish bone in the piece of fish that Kyuhyun has just swallowed jammed himself (it’s a boy!) into Kyuhyun’s throat. ‘Is this where I’m going to spend the rest of my life?” he surveys Kyuhyun’s magnificent vocal chords and strums them like a Jimi Hendrix. ‘Not bad at all.’
. . . . .
The dark liquid slips from the corner of Kyuhyun’s lips and makes its way down his throat, a drop lingers on his Adam’s apple before it falls into the pool that is gathering between his collarbones. He gasps in protest against the cold of it. In response, the volume of liquid flows onto his chest and seeps into the white cotton of his tee. His top is already wet, it clings to his form, outlining every single curve of his chest, the flat of his stomach. The wetness continues to spread down to his-
Kyuhyun is drenched in Pepsi.
“Hmmm…,” he utters. The single sound of suppressed rage accumulates like how beavers accumulate twigs for winter and eventually grows to an adult roar. “Arghhhh!” Kyuhyun screams, as if he has just seen a couple of Tyrannosaurus Rexes in his garden and has no better idea what else to do.
“What. What.” Zhou Mi sprints into the kitchen and sees Kyuhyun standing in front of the fridge with an offensive blue bottle in his hand. Pepsi continues to erupt obscenely from the opening. To express his agitation graphically, Zhou Mi clucks around Kyuhyun in a fashion that a mother hen would find endearingly familiar. Sungmin hovers in the background like he’s Zhou Mi’s chick.
“Who put the bottle of Pepsi in the freezer?” Kyuhyun asks in a tone that could dice diamonds like tomatoes at the speed of 124km/hr.
“Was it you?” Zhou Mi frowns in disapproval at Sungmin.
“It wasn’t me,” Sungmin whimpers and reaches out to clutch at the hem of Zhou Mi’s ugly floral shirt. He manages to look more pitiful than Stitch saying “I’m lost” in the forest. Zhou Mi pets his head in a pacifying manner like the good (fake) hyung he is.
“Did you put the bottle of Pepsi into the freezer?” Zhou Mi asks Kyuhyun with an expression of grave concern and regret.
“I happen to know that soda is made up of water and when water gets near to freezing point, it expands. The hydrogen atoms in a water molecule are attracted to the oxygen atoms in neighboring water molecules like lemurs in heat, thus, forming a rigid, crystalline structure. This structure takes up more space then free moving water molecules do, causing the ice to expand. Soda bottles are designed for a certain volume of liquid. As the water expands inside the container, it strains the bottle and can actually rupture it as if it were the Green Hulk bursting his suit. Which is why I will never put the bottle of Pepsi into the freezer. Own up, spineless Pepsi criminal,” Kyuhyun narrows his eyes. In doing so, he effectively prevented Pepsi from entering his eyes but failed wholly in looking mean and dangerous, which is sad because that was his original intention.
“
,” says Zhou Mi.
“
,” says Sungmin.
“I don’t believe in watery Bambi eyes,” Kyuhyun declares with aggressive passivity.
”Asshole.”
“Who said that?”
“
,” says Zhou Mi.
“
,”” says Sungmin.
”Just."
. . . . .
Zhou Mi is doing that thing he does 24/7. He is conquering Kyuhyun’s breathing space.
“Are you sure about this, Kyuhyun?” Zhou Mi rests his chin on Kyuhyun’s shoulder from behind and watches him cracks some eggs into a bowl before placing it into the microwave. He puts their heads together. Kyuhyun’s split ends feels nice against his cheeks. Then Zhou Mi wraps his arms around him because he can.
He encounters another pair of arms.
“Zhou Mi, I can’t breathe,” Sungmin's muffled whine emits from between QMi.
“Sorry, I didn’t see you,” Zhou Mi says sincerely, because really.
Sungmin is so very really short.
The hobbit pouts adorably. He removes himself from Kyuhyun’s back and transfers his arms from around the pockmarked man to Zhou Mi who does the same since fleshy things are so nice to hug. Just like how Michelin would be if he were alive and not making a living out of endorsing tires.
“Do you think 3 minutes is enough?” Kyuhyun fiddles with the buttons on the microwave.
“Kyuhyun, you can’t microwave eggs,” Sungmin says after he finished doing that ‘hug & sway’ thing he was doing with Zhou Mi. “The yolk has a membrane around it. At elevated temperatures, water inside the egg vaporizes and stays trapped. If the pressure inside the yolk exceeds the breaking strength of the membrane, the egg will explode like a nuke. Very danger,” he warns in bad Chinese.
Kyuhyun ignores him. To MiMin’s dismay, the eggs are microwaved perfectly sans explosion. With a smug tilt of his lips, Kyuhyun removes the bowl and sinks his fork into a yolk. It instantly bursts with a barbaric pop! and artistically decorates Kyuhyun’s face and neck with yellow and white egg shrapnel.
“I told you so!” Sungmin yelps.
“He told you so!” Zhou Mi yelps.
“My neck is scalded!” Kyuhyun yelps. “By eggs!” He dashes over to the sink and attempts to wash off the eggs. Sungmin and Zhou Mi hang around him and coo rubbish. “Oh damn, I’m going to take a bath.” Kyuhyun makes his way to the bathroom. “What do you think you’re doing,” he asks Zhou Mi in a ‘I think you forgot your brains when you left home’ manner.
“Huh? I’m trying to help you get your PJs off.”
“And you?” Kyuhyun asks Sungmin who is stripping himself.
“Oh. I thought we should all take a bath together. You know, save water, save the Earth.”
Kyuhyun manages to forcefully evacuate the two of them with an algae infested mop.
MiMin hang outside the bathroom. “Are you standing in the tub waiting for the shower to run hot water?” Sungmin shouts. “You’re wasting water! The Earth is dying, Kyuhyun!”
“Shut u-” There’s a squeak and then a low ‘oof!’ that sounds as if someone’s butt has just collided wildly with the edge of the bathtub. “Urghhh~~!”
“What?” Zhou Mi pounds on the door of the bathroom. “Did you trip on the chain of the stopper again?”
“Don’t tell me you have an explanation for that too,” Kyuhyun groans as he lies in the bathtub. He’s fairly sure there’s a bruise the size of Texas on his ass.
“Yes…you are stupid,” Sungmin says.
“Are you OK?” Zhou Mi yells.
“Are you naked?” Sungmin hollers.
There is a profound and meaningful pause (in fact, it is more meaningful than the set of scriptures that Táng-Sānzàng and his disciples had underwent arduous trials and tribulations to obtain).
“Hang on! We’re coming to get you!” Sungmin screams and kills the pause.
“Let me get the axe!” Zhou Mi dashes off in search of his manly toolbox.
”Don’t you guys dare!”
. . . . .
< unrelated epilogue >
“Let’s get a Scottish Fold,” Sungmin says.
“I hate cats,” says Kyuhyun.
“Let’s get a Welsh Corgi,” Zhou Mi says.
“I hate dogs,” says Kyuhyun.
“Let’s get a Lionhead,” Sungmin says.
“I hate bunnies,” says Kyuhyun.
“Let’s get a Scottish Fold,” Zhou Mi says.
“OK,” Sungmin says.
“Yayyy,” they cheer. Kyuhyun sulks.
“Let’s call it Man,” Sungmin suggests.
“So it’s going to be a boy?” Zhou Mi asks.
“You silly,” he pokes Zhou Mi’s nose and Zhou Mi twitches discreetly because it’s his erogenous spot. “Man, as in Hyaku, Sen, Man. Gettit?”
“How about Manmaru? It’d be round, just like Ponyo’s tummy,” Zhou Mi says.
“Just call it Maru ok,” Kyuhyun snaps.
“Oh Kyuhyun, I know you care,” Sungmin simpers.
“Guys, Maru is going to be a Youtube cat, we’re going to make lots of vids! He is going to be so cuteee,” Zhou Mi screams into his hand.
“He’s not going to survive you,” Kyuhyun quietly predicts.
“We need to design kitty clothes! Do you still have those sequins, Zhou Mi?” Sungmin asks excitedly, even though it's summer and a deadly 36°C out there and cats already have fur, hello?
“And you."
< /unrelated epilogue >
p.s.: stitch. sob fest everytime
p.p.s.: maru desu
p.p.p.s.: (japanese lesson?) hyaku, sen = names of sungmin's cats. hyaku, sen, man = 100, 1000, 10000. manmaru means 'perfectly round'. taken from a line in ponyo's theme song, 'manmaru onaka no onna no ko' i.e. 'the girl with the perfectly round tummy'
p.p.p.p.s.: pls google 'zhou mi mcm' and everything else that needs googling :D
a/n: written to make myself happy. nothing remotely resembles intelligence when viewed up-close or from saturn
< prologue >
QMiMin lives together.
< /prologue >
. . . . .
The line “…so I have no choice but to buy the MCM Visetos backpack in all available colors” causes the grain of rice to lose her (why yes, grains have genders too. Don’t be rude) way in Kyuhyun’s esophagus and enters his windpipe. As she hitchhikes her way through Kyuhyun’s respiratory system on a gush of air, she inevitably sends him into a coughing fit and causes food to sputter from his mouth like a savage popcorn machine.
“Let me help,” Sungmin says as he sends a mighty chop down on Kyuhyun’s back and kindly guides the grain of rice out from Kyuhyun’s left nostril. Kyuhyun catches his breath and frowns at Sungmin before he picks up the poor slimy grain of rice and stuffs her back into his mouth.
She finally dies.
Sungmin scrunches up his face and tries to say “Eww”, only to discover that violent disgust has rendered him incapable of speech. He could only mouth the exclamation. “Eww,” Sungmin mouths.
“It was your epiglottis,” Zhou Mi quips wisely from across the table.
“My lkasjdlkjas?”
“Yeah,” Zhou Mi nods his head as if Kyuhyun has pronounced the word perfectly instead of sounding like Siwon when he’s trying to sing in Chinese, “the epiglottis is a cute little flap that closes your windpipe on reflex when you swallow. Your windpipe opens again when food has passed down the esophagus. Should any badass food accidentally enter the windpipe, coughing - another reflex - helps to remove it. That’s what happened to you.” Sungmin is nodding like he understands so Kyuhyun shoves more rice into his mouth just so he won’t say something like, “What in the 42nd dimension are you talking about?”
“Where was I?” Zhou Mi asks after he has properly educated the world on cute little throat flaps.
“The MCM bags,” Sungmin helpfully reminds him.
“Oh yes, and I absolutely have to get the red one because it spoke to me.”
“It spoke to you?” Kyuhyun chokes out and quickly stuffs his mouth with more galbi before he could rain sarcasm on Zhou Mi’s parade.
“What did it say?” Sungmin asks curiously.
“Take me home! Take me home!” Zhou Mi wheaks in realistic imitation of a talking MCM bag.
“D'awww~” Sungmin gushes, “just like a puppy in the pet shop.”
“Honestly, if it had legs it would have jumped into my arms.”
“So what else did you buy on your trip?” Sungmin picks out the bones in a piece of grilled fish and feeds it to Kyuhyun who is pretending to be a helpless baby pelican incapable of eating his own fish.
“Oh, nothing much, we might have to clear out a room for my spoils when Fedex finally ships them over from Paris this afternoon though. Korean Air was afraid the plane might crash with my load, I mean, really, it’s just Prada.” Zhou Mi rolls his eyes expertly.
“Let’s use Kyuhyun’s. His room is the biggest.”
At this, the hidden fish bone in the piece of fish that Kyuhyun has just swallowed jammed himself (it’s a boy!) into Kyuhyun’s throat. ‘Is this where I’m going to spend the rest of my life?” he surveys Kyuhyun’s magnificent vocal chords and strums them like a Jimi Hendrix. ‘Not bad at all.’
. . . . .
The dark liquid slips from the corner of Kyuhyun’s lips and makes its way down his throat, a drop lingers on his Adam’s apple before it falls into the pool that is gathering between his collarbones. He gasps in protest against the cold of it. In response, the volume of liquid flows onto his chest and seeps into the white cotton of his tee. His top is already wet, it clings to his form, outlining every single curve of his chest, the flat of his stomach. The wetness continues to spread down to his-
Kyuhyun is drenched in Pepsi.
“Hmmm…,” he utters. The single sound of suppressed rage accumulates like how beavers accumulate twigs for winter and eventually grows to an adult roar. “Arghhhh!” Kyuhyun screams, as if he has just seen a couple of Tyrannosaurus Rexes in his garden and has no better idea what else to do.
“What. What.” Zhou Mi sprints into the kitchen and sees Kyuhyun standing in front of the fridge with an offensive blue bottle in his hand. Pepsi continues to erupt obscenely from the opening. To express his agitation graphically, Zhou Mi clucks around Kyuhyun in a fashion that a mother hen would find endearingly familiar. Sungmin hovers in the background like he’s Zhou Mi’s chick.
“Who put the bottle of Pepsi in the freezer?” Kyuhyun asks in a tone that could dice diamonds like tomatoes at the speed of 124km/hr.
“Was it you?” Zhou Mi frowns in disapproval at Sungmin.
“It wasn’t me,” Sungmin whimpers and reaches out to clutch at the hem of Zhou Mi’s ugly floral shirt. He manages to look more pitiful than Stitch saying “I’m lost” in the forest. Zhou Mi pets his head in a pacifying manner like the good (fake) hyung he is.
“Did you put the bottle of Pepsi into the freezer?” Zhou Mi asks Kyuhyun with an expression of grave concern and regret.
“I happen to know that soda is made up of water and when water gets near to freezing point, it expands. The hydrogen atoms in a water molecule are attracted to the oxygen atoms in neighboring water molecules like lemurs in heat, thus, forming a rigid, crystalline structure. This structure takes up more space then free moving water molecules do, causing the ice to expand. Soda bottles are designed for a certain volume of liquid. As the water expands inside the container, it strains the bottle and can actually rupture it as if it were the Green Hulk bursting his suit. Which is why I will never put the bottle of Pepsi into the freezer. Own up, spineless Pepsi criminal,” Kyuhyun narrows his eyes. In doing so, he effectively prevented Pepsi from entering his eyes but failed wholly in looking mean and dangerous, which is sad because that was his original intention.
“
,” says Zhou Mi.
“
,” says Sungmin.
“I don’t believe in watery Bambi eyes,” Kyuhyun declares with aggressive passivity.
”Asshole.”
“Who said that?”
“
,” says Zhou Mi.
“
,”” says Sungmin.
”Just."
. . . . .
Zhou Mi is doing that thing he does 24/7. He is conquering Kyuhyun’s breathing space.
“Are you sure about this, Kyuhyun?” Zhou Mi rests his chin on Kyuhyun’s shoulder from behind and watches him cracks some eggs into a bowl before placing it into the microwave. He puts their heads together. Kyuhyun’s split ends feels nice against his cheeks. Then Zhou Mi wraps his arms around him because he can.
He encounters another pair of arms.
“Zhou Mi, I can’t breathe,” Sungmin's muffled whine emits from between QMi.
“Sorry, I didn’t see you,” Zhou Mi says sincerely, because really.
Sungmin is so very really short.
The hobbit pouts adorably. He removes himself from Kyuhyun’s back and transfers his arms from around the pockmarked man to Zhou Mi who does the same since fleshy things are so nice to hug. Just like how Michelin would be if he were alive and not making a living out of endorsing tires.
“Do you think 3 minutes is enough?” Kyuhyun fiddles with the buttons on the microwave.
“Kyuhyun, you can’t microwave eggs,” Sungmin says after he finished doing that ‘hug & sway’ thing he was doing with Zhou Mi. “The yolk has a membrane around it. At elevated temperatures, water inside the egg vaporizes and stays trapped. If the pressure inside the yolk exceeds the breaking strength of the membrane, the egg will explode like a nuke. Very danger,” he warns in bad Chinese.
Kyuhyun ignores him. To MiMin’s dismay, the eggs are microwaved perfectly sans explosion. With a smug tilt of his lips, Kyuhyun removes the bowl and sinks his fork into a yolk. It instantly bursts with a barbaric pop! and artistically decorates Kyuhyun’s face and neck with yellow and white egg shrapnel.
“I told you so!” Sungmin yelps.
“He told you so!” Zhou Mi yelps.
“My neck is scalded!” Kyuhyun yelps. “By eggs!” He dashes over to the sink and attempts to wash off the eggs. Sungmin and Zhou Mi hang around him and coo rubbish. “Oh damn, I’m going to take a bath.” Kyuhyun makes his way to the bathroom. “What do you think you’re doing,” he asks Zhou Mi in a ‘I think you forgot your brains when you left home’ manner.
“Huh? I’m trying to help you get your PJs off.”
“And you?” Kyuhyun asks Sungmin who is stripping himself.
“Oh. I thought we should all take a bath together. You know, save water, save the Earth.”
Kyuhyun manages to forcefully evacuate the two of them with an algae infested mop.
MiMin hang outside the bathroom. “Are you standing in the tub waiting for the shower to run hot water?” Sungmin shouts. “You’re wasting water! The Earth is dying, Kyuhyun!”
“Shut u-” There’s a squeak and then a low ‘oof!’ that sounds as if someone’s butt has just collided wildly with the edge of the bathtub. “Urghhh~~!”
“What?” Zhou Mi pounds on the door of the bathroom. “Did you trip on the chain of the stopper again?”
“Don’t tell me you have an explanation for that too,” Kyuhyun groans as he lies in the bathtub. He’s fairly sure there’s a bruise the size of Texas on his ass.
“Yes…you are stupid,” Sungmin says.
“Are you OK?” Zhou Mi yells.
“Are you naked?” Sungmin hollers.
There is a profound and meaningful pause (in fact, it is more meaningful than the set of scriptures that Táng-Sānzàng and his disciples had underwent arduous trials and tribulations to obtain).
“Hang on! We’re coming to get you!” Sungmin screams and kills the pause.
“Let me get the axe!” Zhou Mi dashes off in search of his manly toolbox.
”Don’t you guys dare!”
. . . . .
< unrelated epilogue >
“Let’s get a Scottish Fold,” Sungmin says.
“I hate cats,” says Kyuhyun.
“Let’s get a Welsh Corgi,” Zhou Mi says.
“I hate dogs,” says Kyuhyun.
“Let’s get a Lionhead,” Sungmin says.
“I hate bunnies,” says Kyuhyun.
“Let’s get a Scottish Fold,” Zhou Mi says.
“OK,” Sungmin says.
“Yayyy,” they cheer. Kyuhyun sulks.
“Let’s call it Man,” Sungmin suggests.
“So it’s going to be a boy?” Zhou Mi asks.
“You silly,” he pokes Zhou Mi’s nose and Zhou Mi twitches discreetly because it’s his erogenous spot. “Man, as in Hyaku, Sen, Man. Gettit?”
“How about Manmaru? It’d be round, just like Ponyo’s tummy,” Zhou Mi says.
“Just call it Maru ok,” Kyuhyun snaps.
“Oh Kyuhyun, I know you care,” Sungmin simpers.
“Guys, Maru is going to be a Youtube cat, we’re going to make lots of vids! He is going to be so cuteee,” Zhou Mi screams into his hand.
“He’s not going to survive you,” Kyuhyun quietly predicts.
“We need to design kitty clothes! Do you still have those sequins, Zhou Mi?” Sungmin asks excitedly, even though it's summer and a deadly 36°C out there and cats already have fur, hello?
“And you."
< /unrelated epilogue >
p.s.: stitch. sob fest everytime
p.p.s.: maru desu
p.p.p.s.: (japanese lesson?) hyaku, sen = names of sungmin's cats. hyaku, sen, man = 100, 1000, 10000. manmaru means 'perfectly round'. taken from a line in ponyo's theme song, 'manmaru onaka no onna no ko' i.e. 'the girl with the perfectly round tummy'
p.p.p.p.s.: pls google 'zhou mi mcm' and everything else that needs googling :D