Under currents...

[amber_starcat]

There's a lot to write but I'm finding things difficult to say. Staring down at blank pages. It's hard to find my voice. I've been trying to find authentic connections. Something deeper, something with meaning. Just reaching out to others. A chosen few. It's always been that way

Comments

[aekastar]

Hmmm sorry to hear things aren't going well with Crush :\
Sometimes people are scared when a confession is made; they feel vulnerable or awkward, as you said.
Really the only way to find out is to ask... send another text asking how he feels?
I know that's scary to do, but then you can move past it or towards something faster :)

[amber_starcat]

That's a wonderful thought but I'm pretty sure I know the answer as things usually don't bode well for me. And there are other people in the way. Even though I keep the drama on LJ, it's even sort of risky putting it on here these days. But I needed to let it out as it was incredibly painful and still is to keep hidden inside. Even though I can compartmentalize my feelings, I still need to keep this on a professional level unfortunately. It's all in the perception really. My perception of all this is going to be completely different compared to his. And even though I can keep it on professional level, there is a lot going on behind my eyes and in my head. I've always been sort of an empath and sensitive in matters like this. But what I can see others don't necessarily see. He is what keeps me grounded and focused at work.