Torchwood 4.0 Deleted Scenes and Ephemera
EPISODE ONE, EPHEMERA: Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Torchwood Three?
***
EPISODE TWO, EXTENDED SCENE: No touching the token male.
"So," Gretchen said into the comm. "Captain Harkness is hanging about the front gate, looking like the most conspicuous tourist in the history of Great Britain."
Dee sighed and Gwen peered at the rubble in her bin. "Really?" she asked distractedly. "Found us already, has he?"
"Yeah, and I know I've seen pictures, but the man is, well, he's looking fine," Gretchen continued and Dee could hear the interest in her voice.
That seemed to snap Gwen out of her reverie. "Wait, what?"
"He's fit. He's got this t shirt and-"
"Gretchen," Gwen said, "that man's a jackal," and Dee wondered if she meant it, or if she was dissuading Gretchen from any interest; good thing she hadn't had a girl, because if that was going to be her tactic to keep Gretchen from thinking about jumping Harkness's bones, then she obviously wasn't thinking clearly.
"I know, I know, I read the file, I just..." There was clunking on the line.
"What are you doing?" Maggie said into the comm, and Dee started. Maggie was all the way at the other end of the street with Lois, and she had forgotten that they were also listening in. Strange, she never forgot things like that before. God help her if she was actually starting to gel with them as a team. She didn't want to think about how they were the unmaking of her, of her discipline. Sometimes she caught herself slouching.
It was all Maggie's fault.
"Look, Gwen, I know you have a thing for him-"
Gwen dropped her bin, but it was less outrage and more jumping to another part of the rubble, Dee gathered. "I'm married."
"All I'm saying is-"
"Look, if Jack-if Captain Harkness joins the team," Gwen said, her hand pressed to the comm, "none of you are to descend on him like a pack of lovestruck…whatevers." She paused. "Though he'd like that."
"I'm a lesbian," Lois said calmly.
"I'm-" Maggie began. "It's complicated, but yeah, no thanks."
Dee tossed the brick she had finished scanning and dusted her hand on her trousers. "I am emphatically not interested on a stellar level."
That left-"Oh, all right," Gretchen grumbled. "No accosting the token male."
"I can't believe that we had to have this discussion," Dee muttered. "No really. In the middle of work."
Gretchen made a noise in the back of her throat. "When was the last time you went pulling, Dee?"
Dee ran the scanner along a pile of bricks and sighed. "Last Saturday, actually."
"Then you would know that-wait, what?"
"You went out?" Lois sounded hurt. "Did you get lucky?"
Dee stared at the bricks. "You know what's funny about all this rubble?" She glanced at Gwen. "All these bricks. No mortar." She kicked the pile and the bricks fell over. The drywall was a dried out mess and the plaster beyond that had seen better days. Under that was of course the actual contents of the house, and that was less than interesting. But all the dust being kicked up belonged to the red bricks at her feet. "And yes, I got lucky."
Gwen flicked her a smile and crouched down next to the fallen wall she was examining, running her scanner on it.
EPISODE THREE, EXTENDED SCENE: Jack, is it a whorehouse?
"Actually, the chip is a voucher for about a thousand pounds, which I am guessing you only get if you are invited to the special games." Maggie blinked. "No point in giving those out to everyone at the door." She frowned minutely. "Also, there's a comped hour for something called The Jazz Player."
"Ooooh," Harkness said, and then blinked and studied the pizza box.
Cooper frowned. "What's that? Some sort of music lesson?"
Harkness looked elsewhere. It was almost too obvious. Dee sighed. "Harkness, is it a whore house?"
He stared at her, and then blinked at them all. "What? Why does everyone look at me?" When Gretchen snorted he sat back in his chair and grinned. "Yeah, it's a nice place. They don't water down the drinks."
Cooper rolled her eyes.
"Regardless, I think we can safely say that the whorehouse probably isn't the focus here," Maggie suggested, obviously trying to get them back on track. Her eyes flitted to Jack. "Unless you think the people who run the whorehouse would be the kind-"
"No," Jack said quickly, eyes connecting to Maggie's, "She's not going to want in on that kind of action."
Maggie shrugged. "All right then, that leaves us with the special games. I don't think we want to know what goes on in the special games."
Gretchen waved a hand. "Perhaps we have evidence of what goes on in the special games."
***
EPISODE THREE, EPHEMERA: UNDERCOVER CIGARETTE GIRL
FANDOODLE BY HEDDYCHAA
EPISODE FIVE, EXTENDED SCENE: Jack did it his way
"Will Director Cooper please report to sick bay. Director Cooper to sick bay at her earliest convenience."
Gwen pushed back from her desk and sighed. Kids and their toys.
"You're going to make her stroppy," Maggie said from further away over the intercom.
"How will that make someone angry? This thing is great. You have to live a little, Maggie." Jack cleared his throat. Gwen left her office and jogged down to the atrium ground level, where she made eye contact with a smirking Lois. "But through it all, when there was doubt," Jack sang in a torchsong voice, "I ate it up and spit it out."
"Oh God, is that thing still on?" Maggie said. Gwen walked down the hallway to the medical bay and watched from the doorway as Maggie tried to wrestle the intercom mike from Jack's hand.
"I faced it all and I stood tall-"
"You're going to get us in trouble-"
"And did it myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay."
Gwen raised her hands for a round of applause, and Maggie let go of the mike so quickly that it hit Jack in the face and there was a loud thfud sound. "You two should get a comedy routine to take on the road."
Jack put the mike away and smirked. Maggie rubbed her temples and tried to look embarrassed, but it was hard to be that way when Jack made an arse out of himself in such a gleeful manner.
"I tried, but Maggie won't sit on my knee," he said and turned back towards the table with the equipment. "Where's Gretchen? She'd love this," Jack said, waving at the glass. "Yes, hello, one more second."
EPISODE FIVE, DELETED SCENE: How do you know so much about Ianto Jones?
"How much did you actually know about Ianto that I couldn't have learnt as well?" Gretchen spat, wiping blood from her chin. "Torchwood owns all of his personal effects. I have access to them." She emphasized by tugging on her lapel, one of Ianto's Saville Row jobs.
"I know plenty," he retorted.
Her eyes glinted. "Try me."
"Favorite James Bond."
"Connery. Goldfinger."
"Only thing he could cook."
"Cheese toasties."
"Favorite tie."
"Red regimental stripe."
"Sexual po-"
"Anything bareback."
"There's no way you cou-"
"Diaries."
Jack sighed. "He had a sister."
Gretchen smiled. "Yeah, that you found out about after the fact. The truth is he had a whole childhood you knew nothing about, didn't he?" She dabbed at her swelling lip gingerly. "I could have fed you anything."
"This is all moot, because Ianto's dead," Jack said.
"Yes," Gretchen replied, "he is."
Master Post