mostly what i need from you 2
Mostly What I Need From You
part 2
*
Fortunately, Dom is on hiatus from Lost, and he's exhausted from jaunting between Hawai'i and Los Angeles for the last few months, so he's in no state to refuse when Elijah invites Dom to crash at his place for a while.
"It'll be like when you stayed over when you first came out here," Elijah wheedles. "Remember how much fun we had? Plus I already have food and stuff. It'll be so much easier for you than airing out your place and stocking up again."
Dom needs no convincing. "Thanks, mate. Just give me a key and I'm there."
Elijah greets him with genuine happiness, and it's so great to see Dom again and tease him about his tan and his beard and his streaky long surfer hair that Lijah almost forgets about the mission he's been charged with by the rest of the Fellowship. It slips his mind all the way up until they flop onto his living room couch and Dom notices the stack of Elijah's own movies by the TV.
"Feeling a bit narcissistic?" Dom asks.
"It's my agent," Elijah scrambles for his cover story. "She wants me to take a look at all my stuff again, kind of a retrospective. See what kind of things I'm repeating, what I can learn from rewatching them after all this time... that kind of thing. It's kind of like homework. Except it's like I'm going to college and taking a class in myself. Ha ha. Elijah Wood studies. Ha." Elijah hates improvising. He always overdoes it. "Anyway I'm supposed to watch one every night. Do you mind?"
"Sounds daft." Dom puts his feet on Elijah's coffee table, slouching on the sofa, looking just like he's ready to be completely unimpressed. "On you go, then."
Elijah slots in the North DVD and prepares to be crushed.
He cringes at the unfunny family dinners. He flinches at each new scene and costume change. When his child-self plays baseball onscreen, Elijah imagines how Dom will mock him for not doing research on Little League to prepare for the role. Elijah didn't even ask anyone how a child prodigy should behave, he recalls now with shame. He just learned his lines and did what the nice bald man told him.
When child-Elijah as North appears in a play, present-Elijah wonders if Dom will inform him that he failed to perform convincingly on either level. Every moment seems like a new opportunity for Dom to castigate him for being a terrible, shrill child star in a terrible, awful, hideously bad movie. Elijah steels himself to be informed that he was out-acted by his own hair.
"That was nice," Dom says as the credits roll. "Bit of a blast from the past, eh?"
"Didn't you hate it?" Elijah stares.
"Kids' films aren't usually my thing," says Dom, "but that was all right."
"Roger Ebert said it was one of the worst movies ever made. He said 'I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie,'" Elijah recites. "That's five hateds in a row, Dom. And then he said he hated it again."
"Ebert. Isn't that the roundish sort of bloke?" Dom asks. "Maybe he was dieting that day. That often puts people in a churlish frame of mind."
"This movie really fucked up Rob Reiner's career," Elijah explains. "We're talking about the guy who made This Is Spinal Tap. He made Misery. He made The Princess Bride! And even with that track record he still had a hard time getting a project together after North because it sucked so bad."
Dom shrugs, "I've not seen The Princess Bride."
Elijah gapes. "You're kidding! That's my-- sister's favorite movie!"
"Must've missed it."
"Well, you have to see it, it's awesome," Elijah declares, and puts it on.
Dom yawns and squirms for most of The Princess Bride, and afterward when Elijah quizzes him, he shrugs, "Like I said, kids' films aren't usually my sort of thing."
"But the swordfighting! And the comedy! And the beautiful girl!"
Tapping his fingers against his lips, Dom says, "You know what I think it was? Cary Elwes. I just don't see that bloke being strong and resourceful enough to be that sort of hero, beating the best swordfighter, wrestling the giant. He's handsome enough but he's rather a weedy little guy really, isn't he? Doesn't look to have any real muscle, doesn't move like he has much grace or skill. That's where it lost me. If they'd cast a better Westley I'm sure I'd be keen."
Elijah gapes as his life-long crush on Cary Elwes as Westley is atomized bit by bit.
"Thanks for letting me stay with you, Lijah, you're a star," Dom says. "Good night!"
*
Elijah's cellphone rings the next day, and since it's not Orlando's ringtone he answers without a second thought.
"You haven't given him a good ticking-off yet," Sean Bean says without preamble.
"What? Who? How do you know about that?" Elijah fumbles. He considers pretending the connection is bad and hanging up, or maybe faking a small earthquake.
"Dominic, who else? He emailed me in the middle of the bloody night just to ask me if I ever got bored with the formula of the Sharpe series, because it occurred to him that every single episode is exactly the same."
"Well. That's not so bad, is it? Can't have too much of a good thing."
There's a paper crackle. "'I'm just curious; didn't you get tired of never having the opportunity to play any character growth in all that work?'" Bean quotes. He sounds displeased.
"You printed it out?"
"I don't read things on screens," Bean says.
"Really? What about subtitled movies?"
"Elijah, stop trying to change the subject. Just tell him to shut his gob! And you don't have to be gentle about it. He apparently doesn't know the meaning of the word."
"Aren't you being a little thin-skinned?" Elijah asks. "You know, Dom's doing a TV series now, maybe he honestly wants to know more about your approach to doing episodic work."
Crinkle, crackle. "'Every time in Sharpe, a new battle, a new girl, the same shite. It seems so stifling. If Lost ever got like that I think I'd lock myself up in my trailer til my writers release me, or death take me.'"
"That was a joke," Elijah tells him, "a joke! It's a joke about Pippin's lines to Denethor! He's just having a little prank on you, Sean. That Dom, what a kidder!"
"Yeah? Had a few jokes like that about your films, has he?" Sean asks. "Let's hear a few."
"Oh... uh... Oh. Wow. Sean, I'm going to have to call you back, there's a, uh, big black crawly thing coming right for me, it's got like, stuff dripping from its fangs, I think it must be one of Dom's spiders or scorpions or evil rats or something, it's loose. Talk to you later! Bye!" Elijah turns off his cellphone quickly. Then he dials up the backlight of the color screen and plays games on it until the battery runs down, and forcibly forgets where he left the recharger.
Ironically, one of Dom's spiders really does get loose an hour later. Elijah is so surprised that he accidentally drops The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2004 on it, crushing it instantly.
"Wichitar!" Dom mourns. "Oh God, and that book has Viggo's name on it. Lijah, please tell me Wichitar didn't die for Viggo's shitty poetry."
"It's okay," Elijah comforts him. "Viggo only wrote the introduction."
*
part 2
*
Fortunately, Dom is on hiatus from Lost, and he's exhausted from jaunting between Hawai'i and Los Angeles for the last few months, so he's in no state to refuse when Elijah invites Dom to crash at his place for a while.
"It'll be like when you stayed over when you first came out here," Elijah wheedles. "Remember how much fun we had? Plus I already have food and stuff. It'll be so much easier for you than airing out your place and stocking up again."
Dom needs no convincing. "Thanks, mate. Just give me a key and I'm there."
Elijah greets him with genuine happiness, and it's so great to see Dom again and tease him about his tan and his beard and his streaky long surfer hair that Lijah almost forgets about the mission he's been charged with by the rest of the Fellowship. It slips his mind all the way up until they flop onto his living room couch and Dom notices the stack of Elijah's own movies by the TV.
"Feeling a bit narcissistic?" Dom asks.
"It's my agent," Elijah scrambles for his cover story. "She wants me to take a look at all my stuff again, kind of a retrospective. See what kind of things I'm repeating, what I can learn from rewatching them after all this time... that kind of thing. It's kind of like homework. Except it's like I'm going to college and taking a class in myself. Ha ha. Elijah Wood studies. Ha." Elijah hates improvising. He always overdoes it. "Anyway I'm supposed to watch one every night. Do you mind?"
"Sounds daft." Dom puts his feet on Elijah's coffee table, slouching on the sofa, looking just like he's ready to be completely unimpressed. "On you go, then."
Elijah slots in the North DVD and prepares to be crushed.
He cringes at the unfunny family dinners. He flinches at each new scene and costume change. When his child-self plays baseball onscreen, Elijah imagines how Dom will mock him for not doing research on Little League to prepare for the role. Elijah didn't even ask anyone how a child prodigy should behave, he recalls now with shame. He just learned his lines and did what the nice bald man told him.
When child-Elijah as North appears in a play, present-Elijah wonders if Dom will inform him that he failed to perform convincingly on either level. Every moment seems like a new opportunity for Dom to castigate him for being a terrible, shrill child star in a terrible, awful, hideously bad movie. Elijah steels himself to be informed that he was out-acted by his own hair.
"That was nice," Dom says as the credits roll. "Bit of a blast from the past, eh?"
"Didn't you hate it?" Elijah stares.
"Kids' films aren't usually my thing," says Dom, "but that was all right."
"Roger Ebert said it was one of the worst movies ever made. He said 'I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie,'" Elijah recites. "That's five hateds in a row, Dom. And then he said he hated it again."
"Ebert. Isn't that the roundish sort of bloke?" Dom asks. "Maybe he was dieting that day. That often puts people in a churlish frame of mind."
"This movie really fucked up Rob Reiner's career," Elijah explains. "We're talking about the guy who made This Is Spinal Tap. He made Misery. He made The Princess Bride! And even with that track record he still had a hard time getting a project together after North because it sucked so bad."
Dom shrugs, "I've not seen The Princess Bride."
Elijah gapes. "You're kidding! That's my-- sister's favorite movie!"
"Must've missed it."
"Well, you have to see it, it's awesome," Elijah declares, and puts it on.
Dom yawns and squirms for most of The Princess Bride, and afterward when Elijah quizzes him, he shrugs, "Like I said, kids' films aren't usually my sort of thing."
"But the swordfighting! And the comedy! And the beautiful girl!"
Tapping his fingers against his lips, Dom says, "You know what I think it was? Cary Elwes. I just don't see that bloke being strong and resourceful enough to be that sort of hero, beating the best swordfighter, wrestling the giant. He's handsome enough but he's rather a weedy little guy really, isn't he? Doesn't look to have any real muscle, doesn't move like he has much grace or skill. That's where it lost me. If they'd cast a better Westley I'm sure I'd be keen."
Elijah gapes as his life-long crush on Cary Elwes as Westley is atomized bit by bit.
"Thanks for letting me stay with you, Lijah, you're a star," Dom says. "Good night!"
*
Elijah's cellphone rings the next day, and since it's not Orlando's ringtone he answers without a second thought.
"You haven't given him a good ticking-off yet," Sean Bean says without preamble.
"What? Who? How do you know about that?" Elijah fumbles. He considers pretending the connection is bad and hanging up, or maybe faking a small earthquake.
"Dominic, who else? He emailed me in the middle of the bloody night just to ask me if I ever got bored with the formula of the Sharpe series, because it occurred to him that every single episode is exactly the same."
"Well. That's not so bad, is it? Can't have too much of a good thing."
There's a paper crackle. "'I'm just curious; didn't you get tired of never having the opportunity to play any character growth in all that work?'" Bean quotes. He sounds displeased.
"You printed it out?"
"I don't read things on screens," Bean says.
"Really? What about subtitled movies?"
"Elijah, stop trying to change the subject. Just tell him to shut his gob! And you don't have to be gentle about it. He apparently doesn't know the meaning of the word."
"Aren't you being a little thin-skinned?" Elijah asks. "You know, Dom's doing a TV series now, maybe he honestly wants to know more about your approach to doing episodic work."
Crinkle, crackle. "'Every time in Sharpe, a new battle, a new girl, the same shite. It seems so stifling. If Lost ever got like that I think I'd lock myself up in my trailer til my writers release me, or death take me.'"
"That was a joke," Elijah tells him, "a joke! It's a joke about Pippin's lines to Denethor! He's just having a little prank on you, Sean. That Dom, what a kidder!"
"Yeah? Had a few jokes like that about your films, has he?" Sean asks. "Let's hear a few."
"Oh... uh... Oh. Wow. Sean, I'm going to have to call you back, there's a, uh, big black crawly thing coming right for me, it's got like, stuff dripping from its fangs, I think it must be one of Dom's spiders or scorpions or evil rats or something, it's loose. Talk to you later! Bye!" Elijah turns off his cellphone quickly. Then he dials up the backlight of the color screen and plays games on it until the battery runs down, and forcibly forgets where he left the recharger.
Ironically, one of Dom's spiders really does get loose an hour later. Elijah is so surprised that he accidentally drops The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2004 on it, crushing it instantly.
"Wichitar!" Dom mourns. "Oh God, and that book has Viggo's name on it. Lijah, please tell me Wichitar didn't die for Viggo's shitty poetry."
"It's okay," Elijah comforts him. "Viggo only wrote the introduction."
*