Fireworks. [Chapter Eight]
Title: Fireworks
Author: Harriet, a.k.a, masokisstiic
Rating: PG - 13
Pairing: Alex and Jack, if the kids don't believe, make them believe.
POV: Third, focused on Alex
Summary: So it's true what they say, if you love someone, you should set them free.
Disclaimer: Totally fictional, soz.
Credit: Title to YouMeAtSix
A/N: I don't actually think this makes much sense as I'm really tired, but I just had to post for you guys <3
Masterpost.
And this is my Tumblr, for those wishing to follow me or ask me questions <3
Slouching into the cushions of the sofa, Alex flicked through the television channels; nothing seemed to be catching his eye. Jack rolled his eyes, impatient with the boy sat beside him. Stealing the remote out of the boy’s hand, he skipped through to the Disney Channel, typical. “Do you like Hannah Montana?”
“No.”
“We’re watching it then.”
Alex simply shrugged; there was no point in arguing with Jack. “Whatever.” He laughed, his arms folding across his chest.
The American boy shuffled his body a little closer, his head tilting to rest on Alex’s shoulder, his eyes fixed on the screen. He wasn’t paying too much attention, though. He was positive he’d seen this episode at least five times, if not more, anyway.
“So what did you want to ask?”
Alex had almost forgot. As he relaxed in his living room, still in his underwear, his mind had been taken off his thoughts. Now they had all come flooding back, and he shifted awkwardly in his seat. He shrugged Jack’s head away uncomfortably, trying to concentrate on the television. However, there was just something about a teenage girl prancing about like a fairy that just didn’t catch his interest.
“I don’t know how to explain myself...” He murmured, his elbow leaning against the arm of the chair.
“Yeah you do, you’re trying to avoid the topic now.” Jack responded, sighing.
All Alex could do was nod, because once again, Jack was right. “It’s just... There’s something about you, Jack.”
“Go on...”
Alex nibbled his bottom lip, eyes drifting to the small screen once more.
Jack’s hand rose to the boy’s face, he turned his cheek towards him, “Stop distracting yourself, just say it, Alex.” Jack was becoming agitated; paranoia was eating away at him.
“I-I I don’t know, Jack.” Alex’s voice cracked from the pressure, “I don’t think I c-can say it.”
“You can say it, I know you can. You just don’t want to, because you’re scared, right?”
Alex nodded; he hated how Jack could read him like a fucking book. He was the only person who was able to.
“There’s nothing to be scared of, okay? You can tell me anything.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
- - - -
Jack’s fingers slowly crept into Alex’s palm, gently tracing the boy’s ‘life lines’, and he felt a shiver. “You alright?” He whispered softly, to which Alex nodded once more.
“I’m fine,” He breathed, “Just... Every time you touch me, it’s like...” He paused; he knew he was going to sound cheesy however he phrased himself. “I can’t even begin to describe the feeling.”
A smile slowly tugged at the corners of Jack’s lips, his fingers slipping through the spaces of Alex’s, their puzzle complete once more. “I see...” He spoke softly, a gentle squeeze of the English boy’s hand.
“It’s not just that, though,” Alex sighed, pressing down on the ‘mute’ button of the remote. “You honestly haven’t left my mind since the first day we spoke.” He didn’t dare look at Jack, he was too ashamed of himself.
He gulped as the word vomit began to linger on his dry lips, now he’d begun, he didn’t think he’d be able to stop. It was easy to express yourself once you started.
“Every time I look at you, it’s like my chest is tightening, I feel dizzy, and I just want to throw up my insides. I shouldn’t be like that, Jack, it’s not normal. None of my fucking behaviour since you got here has been normal.” He clenched his teeth, his fingers tightening around the American’s as he became frustrated with himself. “This isn’t supposed to happen, Jack. Tell me why I’m like this, why you’re doing this to me, please, I fucking beg you...” He whimpered as he gazed up at the male who smiled warmly down at him, melting his heart just that little bit.
“You know, I wish I could tell you, but in all honesty, I wanted to ask you the same thing.”
Alex’s brows furrowed in confusion, “What do you mean...?”
Jack laughed light-heartedly, though he was aware of the boy’s naivety. “Alex, you know how I feel about you, I'm so fucking obvious about it.”
The boy nodded before shrugging, “Yeah, you like me, I understand that, but what’s that got to do with me and all this shit going on in my head?”
Jack couldn’t believe how oblivious and against the idea Alex was, he would have thought the boy could at least make assumptions, or put the pieces together.
“The way you feel towards me, it’s how I feel for you, and I know that I like you more than I probably should do,” Jack had no problem with admitting to that, “...so all I’m saying is, Alex, I think that when you said, “you’re more than just a friend” to me, you really did mean it that way.”
- - - -
Sharply, Alex tore his hand away from Jack’s, and he stood to his feet without a sound.
“No... No, no, no! Get out!”
“What?” Jack gradually lifted himself off the sofa, unsure of Alex’s demand.
“You heard me, get out and just leave. You’ve got it all wrong!” Alex was shouting now, though he’d turned his back to Jack for he didn’t want the male to notice the tears of anger beginning to well in the corners of his eyes. Jack was supposed to tell him that what he feared wasn’t true, he was not supposed to fucking agree to it.
Jack stepped towards the boy, a supportive hand on his shoulder, “Alex, I know this is hard for you to understand but-“
“For Christ sake, Jack! I don’t want to hear it anymore!” Alex turned to the male, slapping his hand away, and his voice was cold, but Jack had heard it all before.
“Stop putting your fucking wall up on me, Alex!” The male’s voice rose, as he had no intentions of leaving. “You’re just in fucking denial, I know you are.”
“You don’t know anything!” Alex quickly fought back, but he was losing the battle.
“We’ve been through this all before, so shut up, and just listen to me.”
Jack himself was becoming frustrated; he hated the way Alex behaved. “Deep down, you know I’m fucking right. You just can’t admit it because you’re scared of losing your fucking pride and dignity.”
Alex’s fists clenched, he ached to sink a punch into Jack’s stomach, and perhaps the new bruise would be the perfect match for the mark Josh had previously left.
“Your mood swings, the way one moment you want to hold my hand, and then the next it’s like I have some fucking contagious illness that you can’t bear to catch. I went through those exact same emotions, Alex. I fucking hated myself for being attracted to another guy, it wasn’t right, it wasn’t normal, and I didn’t know what to do. I forced myself into dating girls because I thought I could cure myself, I lost my virginity to some dumb fuck blonde, typical cheerleader type girl, because I didn’t want to be left out of the crowd. All I wanted was to be happy, but I couldn’t be if it meant pleasing everybody else.”
Jack could feel himself reaching breaking point, and Alex didn’t want to watch anymore.
“Then last year, I met a boy who changed my opinions completely. He showed me that you can’t help who you like, Alex, it’s just fucking nature. Being gay, or bisexual, or whatever, it’s not a fucking choice. You don’t just one day decide, ‘oh, liking another man seems like fun today,’ because it doesn’t work like that, I wouldn’t even wish it upon my worst fucking enemy to suffer like I did.”
Alex closed his eyes as he tried to ignore Jack’s piercing words, but already they had sunken into his skull. He tried to convince himself that for once Jack had it all wrong, that maybe what he felt towards the male was simply a coincidence; perhaps he was coming down with some sort of disease.
Then again, Alex guessed that’s what some would call homosexuality, a disease.
A dirty, disgusting, disturbing disease.
“Alex, I want you to understand that this isn’t something you should be ashamed of...” Jack’s voice finally softened as he noticed the discomfort in the other boy’s body language. He could tell Alex would rather be anywhere but here currently.
“I just- No, I don’t like you like that, Jack, I can’t,” Alex rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands until they were red raw. “I’m straight, fucking straight. I like girls, I always have done, a-and I always will...” He tailed off, because the more he denied the accusations, the more he was beginning to lose faith in himself.
He knew what Jack was saying was true, he knew that he was beginning to like the boy a lot more than he originally planned to, and he did hate himself for it.
Only a couple of weeks ago, this boy was merely an annoying stranger with a dodgy accent, but now he had become one of the greatest friends Alex had ever had.
The English boy had never felt this way before, not about anybody.
Jack had made Alex realise what a complete waste of fucking time Josh was, he finally saw the boy’s true colours after all these years. Jack showed Alex how to have fun, to let himself go and just enjoy himself in the company of another, and Jack was a shoulder to cry on when Alex needed it the most, because nobody else had been there for him before...
“Face it, Alex, this boy really does mean a lot more to you than you want to believe.”
“B-but I think...” Alex felt a tear slowly roll down his cheek, “Maybe you’re m-my only exception...”