Scream To Be Heard [1/?]
Title: Scream To Be Heard
Author: ylimexemily
Rating: R
Pairing: Jalex
Disclaimer: All of this is completely true,But my last statement is completely false.The cut belongs to Anberlin.
Summary:Alex is completely alone.Alone and suicidal,but too scared to do anything about it. He brought this upon himself,and he hates himself for it.
A/N: i'll probably post a chapter a day,but if you don't want to wait,you can read it on mibba.I don't know how to post a link,but I'm ylimexemily on there,too.
Alex jolts awake at half past noon. He feels like he's only slept for a few minutes,but he's used to it by now. He hasn't had a good night's sleep since he left all those months ago. He still can't believe his parents would let him go like that. He will probably never be able to accept what they did. He realizes that he has started to tear up and quickly wipes his eyes and shoves all depressing thoughts out of his head. He has to be tough to live like this. Even when all he wants to do is sit there and let himself cry for hours, he knows he can't. He has to keep moving.
He's still curled up on the ground, and people are starting to stare. He jumps to his feet and brushes himself off. He grabs his backpack from the bush that he stashed it in before he went to sleep and shoves in the flask he was drinking from the night before. He starts to make his way down the crowded street. As he goes,he grabs a tall,balding businessman's wallet from his back pocket and quickly stashes it in his bulky backpack. The man doesn't notice anything,and probably won't until he needs it later.
Alex walks past him casually,then swerves into a nearby McDonald's,slides into a booth,and pulls out the wallet. It contains four twenties,three fives,and twelve singles. $107. It'll last him a few days,probably less. He needs food,obviously,but he also needs some new clothes. People at school are starting to question why he wears the same three shirts all the time. He doesn't see why it matters,but he can't draw attention to himself. No one can find out how he lives. No one can know his secret.
He walks the 10 minutes to the nearest mall and goes into Zumiez. He steps past the racks and displays of t-shirts and hoodies that he can't afford and ends up at the very back of the store,at the clearance rack. He picks out the five cheapest shirts he can find. The total is $45. It's way more than he wanted to spend,but at least he won't have to buy anything else for a while.He sighs. He wishes he didn't have to do this.
He hates having to steal. He hates having to watch how much he spends. He hates not having anywhere to go. He hates not having anybody to talk to. He hates not being able to eat what he wants,when he wants. He hates his entire existence.
He wants more than anything to go back to his life,the way it was before he left. He had his family,he had friends,he had a home, but he pushed it all away. He was so stupid. He sits at a table in the corner of the food court,away from everyone else. He cradles his head in his hands and curses himself for throwing everything away.
He shouldn't let himself think about this. He hasn't thought about this in weeks. These are the times when he thinks most about death. If there were a gun near him at these times,he wouldn't think twice about using it. There'd be a bullet in his head before he could even say goodbye. Not that there'd be anyone to say goodbye to. Nobody liked him enough to care. If he was dead,life would go on. He knew that,but he wouldn't die yet. He still had a will to live. For the simple reason of what if? What if his parents or old friends still cared? what if things will change?He can't die before he absolutely knows that no one cares.
He doesn't know anything anymore.He hasn't talked to anyone,anyone at all,for a week,maybe more.Out of all of the things that he knows,one thing's for sure;the life of Alex Gaskarth is the loneliest life in the world.
Author: ylimexemily
Rating: R
Pairing: Jalex
Disclaimer: All of this is completely true,But my last statement is completely false.The cut belongs to Anberlin.
Summary:Alex is completely alone.Alone and suicidal,but too scared to do anything about it. He brought this upon himself,and he hates himself for it.
A/N: i'll probably post a chapter a day,but if you don't want to wait,you can read it on mibba.I don't know how to post a link,but I'm ylimexemily on there,too.
Alex jolts awake at half past noon. He feels like he's only slept for a few minutes,but he's used to it by now. He hasn't had a good night's sleep since he left all those months ago. He still can't believe his parents would let him go like that. He will probably never be able to accept what they did. He realizes that he has started to tear up and quickly wipes his eyes and shoves all depressing thoughts out of his head. He has to be tough to live like this. Even when all he wants to do is sit there and let himself cry for hours, he knows he can't. He has to keep moving.
He's still curled up on the ground, and people are starting to stare. He jumps to his feet and brushes himself off. He grabs his backpack from the bush that he stashed it in before he went to sleep and shoves in the flask he was drinking from the night before. He starts to make his way down the crowded street. As he goes,he grabs a tall,balding businessman's wallet from his back pocket and quickly stashes it in his bulky backpack. The man doesn't notice anything,and probably won't until he needs it later.
Alex walks past him casually,then swerves into a nearby McDonald's,slides into a booth,and pulls out the wallet. It contains four twenties,three fives,and twelve singles. $107. It'll last him a few days,probably less. He needs food,obviously,but he also needs some new clothes. People at school are starting to question why he wears the same three shirts all the time. He doesn't see why it matters,but he can't draw attention to himself. No one can find out how he lives. No one can know his secret.
He walks the 10 minutes to the nearest mall and goes into Zumiez. He steps past the racks and displays of t-shirts and hoodies that he can't afford and ends up at the very back of the store,at the clearance rack. He picks out the five cheapest shirts he can find. The total is $45. It's way more than he wanted to spend,but at least he won't have to buy anything else for a while.He sighs. He wishes he didn't have to do this.
He hates having to steal. He hates having to watch how much he spends. He hates not having anywhere to go. He hates not having anybody to talk to. He hates not being able to eat what he wants,when he wants. He hates his entire existence.
He wants more than anything to go back to his life,the way it was before he left. He had his family,he had friends,he had a home, but he pushed it all away. He was so stupid. He sits at a table in the corner of the food court,away from everyone else. He cradles his head in his hands and curses himself for throwing everything away.
He shouldn't let himself think about this. He hasn't thought about this in weeks. These are the times when he thinks most about death. If there were a gun near him at these times,he wouldn't think twice about using it. There'd be a bullet in his head before he could even say goodbye. Not that there'd be anyone to say goodbye to. Nobody liked him enough to care. If he was dead,life would go on. He knew that,but he wouldn't die yet. He still had a will to live. For the simple reason of what if? What if his parents or old friends still cared? what if things will change?He can't die before he absolutely knows that no one cares.
He doesn't know anything anymore.He hasn't talked to anyone,anyone at all,for a week,maybe more.Out of all of the things that he knows,one thing's for sure;the life of Alex Gaskarth is the loneliest life in the world.