Say You Mean It
JxAxCxK
I glared at my mirror, turning this way and that to make sure his outfit looked just as flattering from the sides and back as it did from the front. Black skinnies, a white studded belt, a bright yellow and aqua band shirt. Not too complicated, but it complimented my skinny frame. I soften my features a bit, smiling gingerly at the reflection. I brighten my eyes, lifting the smile up a notch or so on my cheek bones. There - the face to be made when I open the door and see Alex. Perfect. Shift into shy excitement- not too eager, but anxious. To be with Alex, to spend the night with him…There we go. Everything has to be perfect tonight. Everything has to run smoothly.
Play the role. That’s all you have to do, Jack, is just slip into character and be who he thinks you are for a couple of hours until he’s drunk enough not to notice. Don’t lose control and keep a straight head no matter what.
Alex is odd. He’s so gullible. Like a little kid with a magic trick, the way his face lights up when we’re together. He smiles at me, and always listens when I speak, and always has something to say that’ll make me share his stupid little grin. But inside he’s just like everyone else. He’s still the sleaze he is in the band room, no matter if he walks me home after, hand in coarse hand. I squinted my eyes angrily at myself in the mirror. Did he think I was blind? That I couldn’t see right through him and see all he wanted was inside of me? And what then? I’m left on the wayside once more, no doubt. He’s either clever or terribly, terribly dim.
Everyone has their demons and desires. I’m just better at getting people to show them. Usually they all want the same thing, or at least after a little coaxing they do. Countless lips had been pressed to mine. I neither cared for them nor minded their honesty. At least they had the guts to bring themselves to commit their stupid sins. All people have overwhelming feelings of lust and the astonishing ability to hurt other breathing, feeling organisms. It’s a cruel quality we all share. Like a talent, if you will. Maybe I’m gifted with this talent. I’ve lain with more people than I care to recall.
I can handle sinners and respect the promiscuous. But what I hate are liars. Those stupid people who excuse their actions by calling it love. Since when does that make it different? Who’s to say you didn’t fall in love long enough for a couple hours in someone else’s bedroom? The back of someone’s car? Or…in an empty band room?
No. Love was an excuse, and a dumb one at that. A “my dog ate my homework” way of making people turn the blind eye to your more private affairs. A cover-up for craving sex and a false sense of security. We were all just clawing for attention and satisfaction in a flurry of instant adolescent gratification.
I didn’t want to hate Alex, but he seemed so genuinely stuck on me. Probably because we had yet to sleep together, I reasoned, stepping closer and putting a hand on the cool mirrored glass. I rubbed a spot off of it, squinting to try and get a glimpse. Maybe one day I’ll learn for myself who I am behind the mask. Behind the fake kisses and the forged affections. Maybe I was just another lover. Just another liar. I stared, but I saw the same thing as always.
No matter how clean my mirror was, it never failed to show me the same broken image.
X
“Jack, your retarded boyfriend parked on our lawn and is sitting in his car. Waiting, presumably,” my brother said, poking his head in.
“Oh, stop being bitter. Did you forget to take your anti-depressants today or something, Joe?”
“Hey, I’m not being bitter, I’m just saying if you’re going to whore yourself out to some idiot then you could at least be thoughtful and make sure he doesn’t ruin the grass. Use a fucking condom, by the way, I don’t want you catching whatever the fuck that asshole’s got. Literally.”
“Joe, what the hell is wrong with you?!” I yelled, grabbing a jacket and stomping downstairs.
“Sorry,” he called after me. “My anti-depressants give me this tic where I call people on their bullshit!”
I rolled my eyes and got into Alex’s car, slamming the door.
“Troubleshooting?”
“Just drive, Gaskarth,” I said, slipping my seatbelt on and then turning to him, letting my face light up.
Show time.
x|----------------|x
AxLxExX
I drove. We got in. We drank.
That’s all I remember and that’s all I care to remember, because all I can concentrate on right now is Jack. It can’t be more than an hour since we’d arrived, and we’re already half-wasted and all over each other. Jack is dancing with me, hip pushing and grinding into my own with agonizing skill. At the same quick, unbearable pace, his lips flicker over my own, adding flashes of tongue and teeth. We’re both sloppy and loose and giggly. It’s great. I have my arms around his waist, just swaying and feeling. That’s all I want to do here. Feel. I want to feel the bass of the speakers pumping through my body like blood. I want to feel the buzzing in my mind from too much alcohol too early. But most of all, I just want to feel Jack’s slim figure against my own.
Suddenly it’s like life pushed the fast forward button on me. I don’t even know how, but I’m on top of him, in someone else’s bed, stripping him of his shirt. Clothes just seem so unnecessary at events such as these.
“Won’t be needing that,” I dismiss it, words delicately slurred together like cursive speech. My hands dance clumsily without steps on his chest, pinching at his cute pert little nipples. He lets out a drunken groan, followed by an encouraging bubble of pleased laughs.
He unbuttons my pants, long fingers conspicuously making their way down my boxers to grab my throbbing member. I sigh contently, gladly letting him stroke and tug me.
“Want more?” he asks. I know he means his mouth, but tonight that’s just not enough for me. I reach into my pocket, sitting up in a straddle over his hips and holding up the condom I miraculously remembered I had. His eyes widen and he looks away. I go back to him, kissing and sucking at his neck while I open the protection.
“Alex?“
“Yeah, baby?”
“I don’t think we should-“
“It’ll be fine, Jack.”
“But should we really be-“
“Come on, Jack.”
“It’s just that I don’t want to”- I interrupt again, more soothing words stumbling out of my mindless mouth, when he says, firm and clear. “Alex, I said no.”
I sigh, rolling off of him and abandoning my half-opened condom. I pull my shirt on, walking out of the room to spend my drunken time somewhere- anywhere- else but here.
x|-----------------------------|x
JxAxCxK
I smile softly, remembering what I had seen when we first entered the party. One of the people I had most wanted to talk to since I associated his name with his bright red hair. Well, less than talking…Maybe more if you’re an optimist.
I stood up, glancing at my shirt before deciding it was better to leave it where it sat. Better to let my prey not know I had been planning this, waiting for him. I walked down the stairs and spotted him almost immediately. Caleb Turman. I walked down the last step and pushed past people to the table with the drinks, making precious eye contact with him on the way over. I offered him my sexiest smirk, beckoning him with no words. He responded almost immediately, and in no time at all he became my second dance partner of the night, and my first partner of another variety since I had started cleaning the band room.
Too easy.
x|---------------------------|x
AxLxExX
I stood outside for what felt like hours, swaying like the surrounding trees as the wind harshly blew. I was cold, horny, and drunk. I did not feel like waiting until my mysterious friend with benefits emerged from the energetic house where the music pounded on without me. He probably didn’t even remember my name by now. He had disappeared without a trace. I sighed, and hoped he had found a ride home before taking my phone out to call my brother to inform him that I was too intoxicated to make the depressing ride home by myself.
.
I glared at my mirror, turning this way and that to make sure his outfit looked just as flattering from the sides and back as it did from the front. Black skinnies, a white studded belt, a bright yellow and aqua band shirt. Not too complicated, but it complimented my skinny frame. I soften my features a bit, smiling gingerly at the reflection. I brighten my eyes, lifting the smile up a notch or so on my cheek bones. There - the face to be made when I open the door and see Alex. Perfect. Shift into shy excitement- not too eager, but anxious. To be with Alex, to spend the night with him…There we go. Everything has to be perfect tonight. Everything has to run smoothly.
Play the role. That’s all you have to do, Jack, is just slip into character and be who he thinks you are for a couple of hours until he’s drunk enough not to notice. Don’t lose control and keep a straight head no matter what.
Alex is odd. He’s so gullible. Like a little kid with a magic trick, the way his face lights up when we’re together. He smiles at me, and always listens when I speak, and always has something to say that’ll make me share his stupid little grin. But inside he’s just like everyone else. He’s still the sleaze he is in the band room, no matter if he walks me home after, hand in coarse hand. I squinted my eyes angrily at myself in the mirror. Did he think I was blind? That I couldn’t see right through him and see all he wanted was inside of me? And what then? I’m left on the wayside once more, no doubt. He’s either clever or terribly, terribly dim.
Everyone has their demons and desires. I’m just better at getting people to show them. Usually they all want the same thing, or at least after a little coaxing they do. Countless lips had been pressed to mine. I neither cared for them nor minded their honesty. At least they had the guts to bring themselves to commit their stupid sins. All people have overwhelming feelings of lust and the astonishing ability to hurt other breathing, feeling organisms. It’s a cruel quality we all share. Like a talent, if you will. Maybe I’m gifted with this talent. I’ve lain with more people than I care to recall.
I can handle sinners and respect the promiscuous. But what I hate are liars. Those stupid people who excuse their actions by calling it love. Since when does that make it different? Who’s to say you didn’t fall in love long enough for a couple hours in someone else’s bedroom? The back of someone’s car? Or…in an empty band room?
No. Love was an excuse, and a dumb one at that. A “my dog ate my homework” way of making people turn the blind eye to your more private affairs. A cover-up for craving sex and a false sense of security. We were all just clawing for attention and satisfaction in a flurry of instant adolescent gratification.
I didn’t want to hate Alex, but he seemed so genuinely stuck on me. Probably because we had yet to sleep together, I reasoned, stepping closer and putting a hand on the cool mirrored glass. I rubbed a spot off of it, squinting to try and get a glimpse. Maybe one day I’ll learn for myself who I am behind the mask. Behind the fake kisses and the forged affections. Maybe I was just another lover. Just another liar. I stared, but I saw the same thing as always.
No matter how clean my mirror was, it never failed to show me the same broken image.
X
“Jack, your retarded boyfriend parked on our lawn and is sitting in his car. Waiting, presumably,” my brother said, poking his head in.
“Oh, stop being bitter. Did you forget to take your anti-depressants today or something, Joe?”
“Hey, I’m not being bitter, I’m just saying if you’re going to whore yourself out to some idiot then you could at least be thoughtful and make sure he doesn’t ruin the grass. Use a fucking condom, by the way, I don’t want you catching whatever the fuck that asshole’s got. Literally.”
“Joe, what the hell is wrong with you?!” I yelled, grabbing a jacket and stomping downstairs.
“Sorry,” he called after me. “My anti-depressants give me this tic where I call people on their bullshit!”
I rolled my eyes and got into Alex’s car, slamming the door.
“Troubleshooting?”
“Just drive, Gaskarth,” I said, slipping my seatbelt on and then turning to him, letting my face light up.
Show time.
x|----------------|x
AxLxExX
I drove. We got in. We drank.
That’s all I remember and that’s all I care to remember, because all I can concentrate on right now is Jack. It can’t be more than an hour since we’d arrived, and we’re already half-wasted and all over each other. Jack is dancing with me, hip pushing and grinding into my own with agonizing skill. At the same quick, unbearable pace, his lips flicker over my own, adding flashes of tongue and teeth. We’re both sloppy and loose and giggly. It’s great. I have my arms around his waist, just swaying and feeling. That’s all I want to do here. Feel. I want to feel the bass of the speakers pumping through my body like blood. I want to feel the buzzing in my mind from too much alcohol too early. But most of all, I just want to feel Jack’s slim figure against my own.
Suddenly it’s like life pushed the fast forward button on me. I don’t even know how, but I’m on top of him, in someone else’s bed, stripping him of his shirt. Clothes just seem so unnecessary at events such as these.
“Won’t be needing that,” I dismiss it, words delicately slurred together like cursive speech. My hands dance clumsily without steps on his chest, pinching at his cute pert little nipples. He lets out a drunken groan, followed by an encouraging bubble of pleased laughs.
He unbuttons my pants, long fingers conspicuously making their way down my boxers to grab my throbbing member. I sigh contently, gladly letting him stroke and tug me.
“Want more?” he asks. I know he means his mouth, but tonight that’s just not enough for me. I reach into my pocket, sitting up in a straddle over his hips and holding up the condom I miraculously remembered I had. His eyes widen and he looks away. I go back to him, kissing and sucking at his neck while I open the protection.
“Alex?“
“Yeah, baby?”
“I don’t think we should-“
“It’ll be fine, Jack.”
“But should we really be-“
“Come on, Jack.”
“It’s just that I don’t want to”- I interrupt again, more soothing words stumbling out of my mindless mouth, when he says, firm and clear. “Alex, I said no.”
I sigh, rolling off of him and abandoning my half-opened condom. I pull my shirt on, walking out of the room to spend my drunken time somewhere- anywhere- else but here.
x|-----------------------------|x
JxAxCxK
I smile softly, remembering what I had seen when we first entered the party. One of the people I had most wanted to talk to since I associated his name with his bright red hair. Well, less than talking…Maybe more if you’re an optimist.
I stood up, glancing at my shirt before deciding it was better to leave it where it sat. Better to let my prey not know I had been planning this, waiting for him. I walked down the stairs and spotted him almost immediately. Caleb Turman. I walked down the last step and pushed past people to the table with the drinks, making precious eye contact with him on the way over. I offered him my sexiest smirk, beckoning him with no words. He responded almost immediately, and in no time at all he became my second dance partner of the night, and my first partner of another variety since I had started cleaning the band room.
Too easy.
x|---------------------------|x
AxLxExX
I stood outside for what felt like hours, swaying like the surrounding trees as the wind harshly blew. I was cold, horny, and drunk. I did not feel like waiting until my mysterious friend with benefits emerged from the energetic house where the music pounded on without me. He probably didn’t even remember my name by now. He had disappeared without a trace. I sighed, and hoped he had found a ride home before taking my phone out to call my brother to inform him that I was too intoxicated to make the depressing ride home by myself.
.