Like We Used To (5)
Title: Like We Used To
Author: wokeupfromdream
Pairing: Jalex (who else?)
Rating: NC-17
POV: Alex
Summary: I told you, I want nothing to do with you ever again. What are you doing here?!
Disclaimer: The story is mine, the characters aren't. If this had actually happened, I'd shit myself. Title belongs to A Rocket To The Moon. Cut is the wonderful work of Mayday Parade.
Author's Notes: So Hurricane Irene is coming and I am so pissed cause I'm in NYC on the coast so they're making us evacuate. Our house is going to get seriously flooded cause I live blocks away from the ocean. This is shit. But we're going away to a hotel and idk when I'll get to update next because the power might go out there too. I'm seriously scared though, cause we're going to be driving and our house might get ruined and djnowheoqie. This is uber scary. Okay guys, wish me and my fams luck. I'll be back soon, I hope <3
hit me up ;)
masterpost
I handed Jack a pair of clean boxers and pajama pants. “You can go first.” I motioned towards the bathroom stemming from my bedroom. He nodded slightly, walking inside and closing the door behind him. I sat on my bed, contemplating the situation. I couldn’t believe that I would have to spend the night beside the boy who I couldn’t stand to be near. Not because he was disgusting or scary or anything of that sort, but because it hurt. Every time I looked at him, I could practically feel his lips on mine, remember how safe I felt in his arms, and hear his voice whispering in my ear. He probably didn’t even like me anymore and here little old pathetic me was in love with him. The boy who broke my heart. He freaking tore it to pieces, ripped it to shreds. Didn’t even bother to think twice. After all the pain he put me through, how could I forgive him? No amount of pleading, apologies, or begging could make me forget the pain. And oh, was there pain. When I found out, I could practically feel my heart ripping in two. When I saw him, I felt it break into millions of little shards, never to be fixed.
And now he was back, in my house, about to sleep in my bed. How was I supposed to keep my cool? How could I possibly act like I hate him, when no doubt his mere presence beside me in bed will drive me crazy? It seemed close to impossible.
Just then I heard Jack walk out of the bathroom and I looked up, finding him standing shirtless, water dripping down his chest, his pants riding low on his hips. I could feel the familiar stirring sensation in my gut just from looking at him. Goddammit, the things I could do once I got my hands on those hips. I could just remember the way they felt under my fingertips, jutting out harshly from his thin frame.
Jack moved forward slightly and I looked away, pushing past him in my rush to get to the bathroom. I turned the water on in the shower, making sure it was as cold as I could handle. I had to get rid of the problem Jack had caused, and there was no freaking way in hell that I would get off while thinking about him. Absolutely not. I jumped into the shower, letting the cool water wash away any dirt and grime as well as the little issue that had grown considerably since I saw Jack half naked. I washed my whole body, using a generous amount of soap and shampoo and conditioner for my hair. I wanted to smell nice, since I was sharing my bed with my ex-boyfriend. I had to show him what he was missing, seeing as he had already shown me what I was. Not that he even needed to. I got out of the shower, drying myself and my hair off with a towel. I rubbed some mousse through my locks, not bothering to blow-dry it or straighten it. It would look like crap in the morning, but my laziness had decided to take over. I threw on boxers and sweats, leaving my shirt off. Putting everything away, I walked out into my room. Jack was lying in my bed, watching a movie. It surprised me, because he had chosen the spot next to the wall and that’s where he had always slept. It amazed me that he even remembered.
I turned the light off and crawled into bed, beside him. He reached over and turned the t.v. off. We lay next to each other, the lengths of our bodies touching. I could feel his chest rising and falling and hear his breathing in the darkness of the room. It was the simple feel of him beside me that made me want to cry. Because we weren’t supposed to be laying and barely touching. We were supposed to be cuddling, our arms wrapped around each other, legs intertwined. I could remember the way my head had fit perfectly in the crook of his neck, right below his head. I had always been convinced that our bodies were made for each other. But I guess he had thought differently. I wiped a tear from my eye with the corner of the blanket.
“Lex.” Jack whispered. I felt sick when I heard him. That was his nickname for me back when we were friends and more.
“Yeah?” I asked, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
“Did you know that I was coming back?”
“No. How the hell would I have known?” I asked.
“Did you get my letters? I wrote in the last one that I was coming back.”
“Yeah, I, uh, got them.” I bit my lip, feeling guilty.
“You didn’t read them, did you?”
“No.” I could see his face from the side. He looked so miserable it actually hurt me.
“Why not?” He asked, his voice breaking slightly.
“To be honest, I never expected to see you again. So I didn’t want to keep in touch; it seemed pointless.”
“B-but I wrote some important stuff in there.”
“Like?” I was curious. Almost curious enough to go through the letters once he left.
“You don’t know where I was, do you?”
“No, never bothered to look at the return address. C’mon Jack, don’t tell me you actually expected a letter back from me?”
“Well, it would’ve been nice.”
I laughed bitterly. “Jack, you should know me by now.”
“I-I do. Stubborn as a mule.”
“Exactly.”
He stayed quiet for a few minutes, thinking. “I miss you Lex.”
There it was. The phrase that could change everything. It had the power to break down my façade. But only if I let it. I wanted to jump on him and kiss him for hours, not even bothering to breathe. I wanted to tell him I missed him too. He was my home, because home is where the heart is, and when he left I felt lost and scared. That I loved him and I still did even after all he had done to me. That he was the only person who could ever have my heart. But I wouldn’t. Of course, I wouldn’t. I was going to act heartless, because I didn’t want to forgive him.
“I’m right here. Whatcha missing me for?”
He sighed. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. Now go to sleep.”
He turned onto his side, facing the wall. I lay beside him until I was sure he was asleep. Only then did I lean over and kiss his cheek softly, whispering, “You silly boy. Of course I love you.”
----
I was woken up in the middle of the night because the bed was shaking.
“What the…?” I sat up, hearing a small whimper come from Jack. I used the moonlight to see his face. He was crying. I stared, knowing that he was asleep but finding it hard to ignore the loud sobs. I tapped his shoulder gently, but he wouldn’t budge. He just kept weeping, his eyes closed and face contorted. I placed my hand on his arm and shook it lightly, hoping not to scare him. He let out a shriek and opened his eyes, sitting up with too much force. He looked around the room, as if he was trying to figure out where he was. He looked so lost.
“A-Alex?” He whispered.
“Yeah Jack, I’m right here. What’s wrong baby?” I bit my tongue. Shit. I wasn’t supposed to call him baby.
He let out another sob, mumbling. “I-I was- and then y-you. And I was h-hurt and you and b-blood. So much blood.” He continued crying, his shoulders shaking each time he took a deep breath.
I don’t know what came over me at that moment. Maybe it was seeing how weak Jack looked, shaking from fear and crying nonstop. Maybe it was that part of me that still loved him. But I pulled him into my arms, bringing him closer so that his head was resting on my chest, his thin arms clutching onto my t-shirt as if his life depended on it. I stroked his hair gently, using my other arm to hold him to me.
“Shhh, it was just a dream.” I whispered, kissing his hair lightly. “Everything’s okay now.” He nodded and sniffled. I don’t know how long we sat like that, arms wrapped around each other. I held him in my arms until his breathing eventually calmed and he had stopped crying. He fell asleep in my arms and I lay him down, kissing his neck. He looked so peaceful, the soft light from outside shining on his face, his lips slightly pouting. He seemed surreal and it was in that moment that I saw why I had fallen for him in the first place. How could I not?
----
I woke up in the morning with a slight headache due to waking up in the middle of the night. I was the type of person that needed their sleep. I looked over to find Jack resting on his elbows looking up at me. He smiled slightly and I smiled as well, knowing that he had a bad night and taking down the asshole image for a bit.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m better.”
“Good.” He yawned and stood up, trudging into the bathroom, grabbing his clothes on the way there. He came out ten minutes later dressed and freshened up. I followed his lead, but not bothering to change, merely throwing on a shirt. There was a loud car honk from outside.
“That’s my mom.” He mumbled.
“Kay, bye.” I waved and turned to throw my blankets onto my bed, not making any effort to actually make my bed.
“I’ll see you in school?”
“Yep.” He stood in my doorway as if contemplating something. I waited patiently.
“Do you, uh, think we’ll ever be friends again?” He asked tentatively. I had to give him credit for not asking about a relationship, because if he had I would probably strangle him.
“I don’t know Jack. Anything can happen, I guess.”
He smiled, hope written all over his face.
“But, I highly doubt it.”
Author: wokeupfromdream
Pairing: Jalex (who else?)
Rating: NC-17
POV: Alex
Summary: I told you, I want nothing to do with you ever again. What are you doing here?!
Disclaimer: The story is mine, the characters aren't. If this had actually happened, I'd shit myself. Title belongs to A Rocket To The Moon. Cut is the wonderful work of Mayday Parade.
Author's Notes: So Hurricane Irene is coming and I am so pissed cause I'm in NYC on the coast so they're making us evacuate. Our house is going to get seriously flooded cause I live blocks away from the ocean. This is shit. But we're going away to a hotel and idk when I'll get to update next because the power might go out there too. I'm seriously scared though, cause we're going to be driving and our house might get ruined and djnowheoqie. This is uber scary. Okay guys, wish me and my fams luck. I'll be back soon, I hope <3
hit me up ;)
masterpost
I handed Jack a pair of clean boxers and pajama pants. “You can go first.” I motioned towards the bathroom stemming from my bedroom. He nodded slightly, walking inside and closing the door behind him. I sat on my bed, contemplating the situation. I couldn’t believe that I would have to spend the night beside the boy who I couldn’t stand to be near. Not because he was disgusting or scary or anything of that sort, but because it hurt. Every time I looked at him, I could practically feel his lips on mine, remember how safe I felt in his arms, and hear his voice whispering in my ear. He probably didn’t even like me anymore and here little old pathetic me was in love with him. The boy who broke my heart. He freaking tore it to pieces, ripped it to shreds. Didn’t even bother to think twice. After all the pain he put me through, how could I forgive him? No amount of pleading, apologies, or begging could make me forget the pain. And oh, was there pain. When I found out, I could practically feel my heart ripping in two. When I saw him, I felt it break into millions of little shards, never to be fixed.
And now he was back, in my house, about to sleep in my bed. How was I supposed to keep my cool? How could I possibly act like I hate him, when no doubt his mere presence beside me in bed will drive me crazy? It seemed close to impossible.
Just then I heard Jack walk out of the bathroom and I looked up, finding him standing shirtless, water dripping down his chest, his pants riding low on his hips. I could feel the familiar stirring sensation in my gut just from looking at him. Goddammit, the things I could do once I got my hands on those hips. I could just remember the way they felt under my fingertips, jutting out harshly from his thin frame.
Jack moved forward slightly and I looked away, pushing past him in my rush to get to the bathroom. I turned the water on in the shower, making sure it was as cold as I could handle. I had to get rid of the problem Jack had caused, and there was no freaking way in hell that I would get off while thinking about him. Absolutely not. I jumped into the shower, letting the cool water wash away any dirt and grime as well as the little issue that had grown considerably since I saw Jack half naked. I washed my whole body, using a generous amount of soap and shampoo and conditioner for my hair. I wanted to smell nice, since I was sharing my bed with my ex-boyfriend. I had to show him what he was missing, seeing as he had already shown me what I was. Not that he even needed to. I got out of the shower, drying myself and my hair off with a towel. I rubbed some mousse through my locks, not bothering to blow-dry it or straighten it. It would look like crap in the morning, but my laziness had decided to take over. I threw on boxers and sweats, leaving my shirt off. Putting everything away, I walked out into my room. Jack was lying in my bed, watching a movie. It surprised me, because he had chosen the spot next to the wall and that’s where he had always slept. It amazed me that he even remembered.
I turned the light off and crawled into bed, beside him. He reached over and turned the t.v. off. We lay next to each other, the lengths of our bodies touching. I could feel his chest rising and falling and hear his breathing in the darkness of the room. It was the simple feel of him beside me that made me want to cry. Because we weren’t supposed to be laying and barely touching. We were supposed to be cuddling, our arms wrapped around each other, legs intertwined. I could remember the way my head had fit perfectly in the crook of his neck, right below his head. I had always been convinced that our bodies were made for each other. But I guess he had thought differently. I wiped a tear from my eye with the corner of the blanket.
“Lex.” Jack whispered. I felt sick when I heard him. That was his nickname for me back when we were friends and more.
“Yeah?” I asked, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
“Did you know that I was coming back?”
“No. How the hell would I have known?” I asked.
“Did you get my letters? I wrote in the last one that I was coming back.”
“Yeah, I, uh, got them.” I bit my lip, feeling guilty.
“You didn’t read them, did you?”
“No.” I could see his face from the side. He looked so miserable it actually hurt me.
“Why not?” He asked, his voice breaking slightly.
“To be honest, I never expected to see you again. So I didn’t want to keep in touch; it seemed pointless.”
“B-but I wrote some important stuff in there.”
“Like?” I was curious. Almost curious enough to go through the letters once he left.
“You don’t know where I was, do you?”
“No, never bothered to look at the return address. C’mon Jack, don’t tell me you actually expected a letter back from me?”
“Well, it would’ve been nice.”
I laughed bitterly. “Jack, you should know me by now.”
“I-I do. Stubborn as a mule.”
“Exactly.”
He stayed quiet for a few minutes, thinking. “I miss you Lex.”
There it was. The phrase that could change everything. It had the power to break down my façade. But only if I let it. I wanted to jump on him and kiss him for hours, not even bothering to breathe. I wanted to tell him I missed him too. He was my home, because home is where the heart is, and when he left I felt lost and scared. That I loved him and I still did even after all he had done to me. That he was the only person who could ever have my heart. But I wouldn’t. Of course, I wouldn’t. I was going to act heartless, because I didn’t want to forgive him.
“I’m right here. Whatcha missing me for?”
He sighed. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. Now go to sleep.”
He turned onto his side, facing the wall. I lay beside him until I was sure he was asleep. Only then did I lean over and kiss his cheek softly, whispering, “You silly boy. Of course I love you.”
----
I was woken up in the middle of the night because the bed was shaking.
“What the…?” I sat up, hearing a small whimper come from Jack. I used the moonlight to see his face. He was crying. I stared, knowing that he was asleep but finding it hard to ignore the loud sobs. I tapped his shoulder gently, but he wouldn’t budge. He just kept weeping, his eyes closed and face contorted. I placed my hand on his arm and shook it lightly, hoping not to scare him. He let out a shriek and opened his eyes, sitting up with too much force. He looked around the room, as if he was trying to figure out where he was. He looked so lost.
“A-Alex?” He whispered.
“Yeah Jack, I’m right here. What’s wrong baby?” I bit my tongue. Shit. I wasn’t supposed to call him baby.
He let out another sob, mumbling. “I-I was- and then y-you. And I was h-hurt and you and b-blood. So much blood.” He continued crying, his shoulders shaking each time he took a deep breath.
I don’t know what came over me at that moment. Maybe it was seeing how weak Jack looked, shaking from fear and crying nonstop. Maybe it was that part of me that still loved him. But I pulled him into my arms, bringing him closer so that his head was resting on my chest, his thin arms clutching onto my t-shirt as if his life depended on it. I stroked his hair gently, using my other arm to hold him to me.
“Shhh, it was just a dream.” I whispered, kissing his hair lightly. “Everything’s okay now.” He nodded and sniffled. I don’t know how long we sat like that, arms wrapped around each other. I held him in my arms until his breathing eventually calmed and he had stopped crying. He fell asleep in my arms and I lay him down, kissing his neck. He looked so peaceful, the soft light from outside shining on his face, his lips slightly pouting. He seemed surreal and it was in that moment that I saw why I had fallen for him in the first place. How could I not?
----
I woke up in the morning with a slight headache due to waking up in the middle of the night. I was the type of person that needed their sleep. I looked over to find Jack resting on his elbows looking up at me. He smiled slightly and I smiled as well, knowing that he had a bad night and taking down the asshole image for a bit.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m better.”
“Good.” He yawned and stood up, trudging into the bathroom, grabbing his clothes on the way there. He came out ten minutes later dressed and freshened up. I followed his lead, but not bothering to change, merely throwing on a shirt. There was a loud car honk from outside.
“That’s my mom.” He mumbled.
“Kay, bye.” I waved and turned to throw my blankets onto my bed, not making any effort to actually make my bed.
“I’ll see you in school?”
“Yep.” He stood in my doorway as if contemplating something. I waited patiently.
“Do you, uh, think we’ll ever be friends again?” He asked tentatively. I had to give him credit for not asking about a relationship, because if he had I would probably strangle him.
“I don’t know Jack. Anything can happen, I guess.”
He smiled, hope written all over his face.
“But, I highly doubt it.”