Your "Everything Better" Plan (20/20)
Title: Your "Everything Better" Plan (20/20)
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17 (Overall)
Warning: Incest
Summary: "I want to kiss you."
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Title cred goes to ATL
Author's Note: at the bottom, please make sure you read it.
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A bright light was the first thing that Alex saw, that was so bright it hurt the first time he opened his eyes.
Was he dead?
Was this what heaven or hell or whatever afterlife was like?
There was a sort of dirty smell floating through the air - not the kind of dirty dirty, but the type that makes you hold your nose because it's so strong
"Fuck, you're awake," A voice came from out of his vision, sounding like the person had been crying.
"Alex? 'Lex, can you hear me?"
Alex squeezed his eyes once more before opening them slowly, attempting to adjust to the light.
A sob erupted from the person next to him. "Oh Alex. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry for everything, this is all my fault."
Alex lay still, not knowing what to say. He slowly moved his head to see who it was.
It was Jack.
"Jack?" He let out a breath he don't know he was holding.
"Alex," He cried out, moving as close as he could to the bed, grasping Alex's hand which didn't have tubes stuck in it. "I thought you were dead."
"Me too." Alex muttered under his breath, still a bit too weak to say full sentences.
This seemed to bring Jack over the edge, the boy dropping his head to the mattress and crying like there was no tomorrow.
"This is my fault. I'm terrible, I'm awful, please forgive me," He choked out, and it reminded Alex of the night they last talked.
Alex closed his eyes to try and keep a year from leaking out. "There's nothing to forgive you for, Jacky."
Jack shook his head. "I was horrible. I can't believe I said any of that. I should've known how much I would've hurt you. Please, I promise I didn't mean any of that."
"It wasn't you that made me do these." Alex said, adjusting his position on the bed to be more comfortable, and because he felt guilty looking into Jacks eyes.
"Well, you were tiny part of it. But I can't explain it. Everything was going wrong. Everything has been going wrong for such a long time, but you were always there to block the bad from me. And when you left me, I guess it brought back all the evil that had managed to stay out. I sound so fucking pathetic, like I can't stand up for myself," A tear fell. "But it's true. I am pathetic. Everyone hates me, I'm a basket case, I deserve to burn and bleed. I have no idea why you're even with me right now."
Alex took a deep breath before continuing
"My Mom hates my guts and my Dad beats the life out of me whenever he gets the chance to because he wants me dead. I'm failing school, and I get bullied every day. I only have 3 friends, my only other one now hates me because he thinks I'm disgusting. And the only man I've every been in love with is related to me. When you look at my life all together, people would just tell me to suck it up, that I could have it worse. But then you look at it all individually, and it fucking sucks." Alex laughed sadly. "You were the one good thing I had. And because of me and my stupid mistakes I lost you."
"My mind is this dangerous place which is constantly telling me that I'm an awful person. A-and it just all got too much."
Jack shook his head again, not believing that Alex had just said that all. "I can't believe you were ever feeling that bad. 'Lex you should've told me, God, I'm such an idiot for not knowing sooner. I promise you I'm going to be there every step of the way for you."
"I didn't want you worried Jacky, you already helped me so much. I'm so sorry - you have every right to hate me."
He kissed Alex's bandaged arm, "I love you baby, so fucking much. I love you more than anything else in the entire world."
Alex nodded, and it would've been more eager if his head wasn't spinning from the pills wearing off.
"I love you too, Jack," Tears were now streaming down the younger siblings face.
Jack pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead and caressed it after with his hand.
"We're gonna make it through this, I promise you. I love you." He repeated.
Alex smiled weakly and nodded, carefully squeezed Jacks hand, the tubes getting in the way
And Jacks heart could've broken a million times in that very second.
Alex looked so feeble, like a scared animal, all broken and wired up. His Alex. The boy he loved more than anyone else. The same boy he had found all alone in a cold and silent house, on the verge of death and almost drowning in all that stained water. The boy that he'd held close to his chest, the two of them sat drenched while the elder cried for his loved one.
"We're gonna be together forever, I fucking swear. I won't ever let you go again."
---
It was a few hours later, and after many more tears and kisses, Alex awoke from his nap only to find that the warmth of Jack wasn't enveloping him anymore.
"He's said he'd give us some privacy. That is if you don't mind." Said a familiar voice from beside him, making him jump.
"J-John?" He asked sleepily. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to apologise. I talked to Jack for a while; he explained your situation with him."
"John I-" Alex started. John was apologising?
"This is all my fault. I'm so sorry Alex, please forgive me," And from the tone he was spoken to, the blonde could tell that he really was sorry.
"It's not your fault." He replied softly.
"I shouldn't have said that stuff to you. I shouldn't have told you that. It's not true, 'Lex. I was just shocked and angry and-"
Alex shushed him. "I forgive you."
John took his hand into his. "I don't think I will ever completely understand the connection you and Jack have. And I want you to know that I'm not going to judge you for it. I had time to think, and well, I just needed to calm down. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be with whoever makes you happy, and whether that's with someone you meet in a few years or your brother, it doesn't matter. You can't control who you love."
Alex's heart filled with relief and he smiled as big as he could before going for the serious question.
"A-about the other night. I'm so sorry J, I never meant to lead you on."
John smiled and shook his head. "I always knew I never had a chance with you. There was that look in your eye that just told me you liked someone else."
"I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have ever slept with you."
John grinned. "Hey, enough will all the apologies. I gotta get going. I'll see you soon?"
When Alex went quiet for a moment he knew something was wrong.
"What is it? I will see you again, won't I?"
Alex smiled sadly and nodded. "Of course."
Author's Note: There will be an epilogue up tonight.
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17 (Overall)
Warning: Incest
Summary: "I want to kiss you."
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Title cred goes to ATL
Author's Note: at the bottom, please make sure you read it.
tumblr.
masterpost
A bright light was the first thing that Alex saw, that was so bright it hurt the first time he opened his eyes.
Was he dead?
Was this what heaven or hell or whatever afterlife was like?
There was a sort of dirty smell floating through the air - not the kind of dirty dirty, but the type that makes you hold your nose because it's so strong
"Fuck, you're awake," A voice came from out of his vision, sounding like the person had been crying.
"Alex? 'Lex, can you hear me?"
Alex squeezed his eyes once more before opening them slowly, attempting to adjust to the light.
A sob erupted from the person next to him. "Oh Alex. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry for everything, this is all my fault."
Alex lay still, not knowing what to say. He slowly moved his head to see who it was.
It was Jack.
"Jack?" He let out a breath he don't know he was holding.
"Alex," He cried out, moving as close as he could to the bed, grasping Alex's hand which didn't have tubes stuck in it. "I thought you were dead."
"Me too." Alex muttered under his breath, still a bit too weak to say full sentences.
This seemed to bring Jack over the edge, the boy dropping his head to the mattress and crying like there was no tomorrow.
"This is my fault. I'm terrible, I'm awful, please forgive me," He choked out, and it reminded Alex of the night they last talked.
Alex closed his eyes to try and keep a year from leaking out. "There's nothing to forgive you for, Jacky."
Jack shook his head. "I was horrible. I can't believe I said any of that. I should've known how much I would've hurt you. Please, I promise I didn't mean any of that."
"It wasn't you that made me do these." Alex said, adjusting his position on the bed to be more comfortable, and because he felt guilty looking into Jacks eyes.
"Well, you were tiny part of it. But I can't explain it. Everything was going wrong. Everything has been going wrong for such a long time, but you were always there to block the bad from me. And when you left me, I guess it brought back all the evil that had managed to stay out. I sound so fucking pathetic, like I can't stand up for myself," A tear fell. "But it's true. I am pathetic. Everyone hates me, I'm a basket case, I deserve to burn and bleed. I have no idea why you're even with me right now."
Alex took a deep breath before continuing
"My Mom hates my guts and my Dad beats the life out of me whenever he gets the chance to because he wants me dead. I'm failing school, and I get bullied every day. I only have 3 friends, my only other one now hates me because he thinks I'm disgusting. And the only man I've every been in love with is related to me. When you look at my life all together, people would just tell me to suck it up, that I could have it worse. But then you look at it all individually, and it fucking sucks." Alex laughed sadly. "You were the one good thing I had. And because of me and my stupid mistakes I lost you."
"My mind is this dangerous place which is constantly telling me that I'm an awful person. A-and it just all got too much."
Jack shook his head again, not believing that Alex had just said that all. "I can't believe you were ever feeling that bad. 'Lex you should've told me, God, I'm such an idiot for not knowing sooner. I promise you I'm going to be there every step of the way for you."
"I didn't want you worried Jacky, you already helped me so much. I'm so sorry - you have every right to hate me."
He kissed Alex's bandaged arm, "I love you baby, so fucking much. I love you more than anything else in the entire world."
Alex nodded, and it would've been more eager if his head wasn't spinning from the pills wearing off.
"I love you too, Jack," Tears were now streaming down the younger siblings face.
Jack pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead and caressed it after with his hand.
"We're gonna make it through this, I promise you. I love you." He repeated.
Alex smiled weakly and nodded, carefully squeezed Jacks hand, the tubes getting in the way
And Jacks heart could've broken a million times in that very second.
Alex looked so feeble, like a scared animal, all broken and wired up. His Alex. The boy he loved more than anyone else. The same boy he had found all alone in a cold and silent house, on the verge of death and almost drowning in all that stained water. The boy that he'd held close to his chest, the two of them sat drenched while the elder cried for his loved one.
"We're gonna be together forever, I fucking swear. I won't ever let you go again."
---
It was a few hours later, and after many more tears and kisses, Alex awoke from his nap only to find that the warmth of Jack wasn't enveloping him anymore.
"He's said he'd give us some privacy. That is if you don't mind." Said a familiar voice from beside him, making him jump.
"J-John?" He asked sleepily. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to apologise. I talked to Jack for a while; he explained your situation with him."
"John I-" Alex started. John was apologising?
"This is all my fault. I'm so sorry Alex, please forgive me," And from the tone he was spoken to, the blonde could tell that he really was sorry.
"It's not your fault." He replied softly.
"I shouldn't have said that stuff to you. I shouldn't have told you that. It's not true, 'Lex. I was just shocked and angry and-"
Alex shushed him. "I forgive you."
John took his hand into his. "I don't think I will ever completely understand the connection you and Jack have. And I want you to know that I'm not going to judge you for it. I had time to think, and well, I just needed to calm down. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be with whoever makes you happy, and whether that's with someone you meet in a few years or your brother, it doesn't matter. You can't control who you love."
Alex's heart filled with relief and he smiled as big as he could before going for the serious question.
"A-about the other night. I'm so sorry J, I never meant to lead you on."
John smiled and shook his head. "I always knew I never had a chance with you. There was that look in your eye that just told me you liked someone else."
"I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have ever slept with you."
John grinned. "Hey, enough will all the apologies. I gotta get going. I'll see you soon?"
When Alex went quiet for a moment he knew something was wrong.
"What is it? I will see you again, won't I?"
Alex smiled sadly and nodded. "Of course."
Author's Note: There will be an epilogue up tonight.