Chemical Moment (1/?)
Title: Chemical Moment
Author: crashqueen109
Pairing: A bit of Flykarth but mostly Jalex.
Rating: NC17 overall but some chapters will be pretty tame.
Summary: Alex's bad habits have got the best of him, but the last thing he expected was for them to bring him someone new.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Boo.
Here's my Tumblr if you're interested.
Masterpost
Today would be different, Alex promised himself. Today would be a brand new day. He’d put on a new shirt and a new pair of jeans, products of spending a weekend at his mother’s house, and he would maybe do his hair differently, wear white socks instead of black. He’d change the brand of aftershave he used, or maybe the brand of toothpaste.
But today would be different. Or, well, it would after he had a drink.
He sighed heavily as he poured himself a glass, not even bothering to put the cap back on the bottle, just leaving his mess there on the counter. He’d get around to cleaning it later. Maybe. Probably not.
When the alcohol hit his throat he winced, as always, but the way it made him feel after a few minutes was worth the initial discomfort. So he drank down the rest, set the glass down on the counter and bit his lip before saying aloud “Fuck it” and pouring himself another glass. Today would indeed be different, but this was not something he was willing to change.
After the third glass and the resisted temptation to just finish off the bottle, Alex stood in the middle of the kitchen wondering what he was doing. He was in his boxers, waiting for the alcohol to kick in, hair disheveled from just having rolled out of bed. His head hurt from last night’s party, and he smelled like vomit, but with every passing second and every ounce of alcohol flowing through his veins starting to make itself known, the level of caring he had about his head and the fact that he smelled like vomit went down considerably.
He’d just finished promising himself that today would be different. And already it was the same as every day before. Morning drinking to nurse last night's hangover. He was going to go out and make something of his day, but now that the alcohol was setting in, he figured he'd probably just go back to bed, sleep a while, then wake up around dinnertime to throw some clothes on and head to the bar.
God, his life was pathetic.
He left the kitchen, tripping a little over his own feet, trudged up the stairs until he got to his room. His stomach twisted in knots as he fell facedown onto his bed and sighed heavily. His head still hurt, even though it should've been dulled by now, and he didn't really feel like sleeping.
His phone buzzed from its location in the pocket of last night's jeans. The buzz annoyed the hell out of Alex, but he didn't feel like moving to silence it.
His eyes snapped open suddenly, though, at the thought of who it might be calling. With that thought, he practically dove off the bed, cursing himself immediately for doing so when his stomach turned a ferocious flip, and dug his phone out of the jeans pocket.
"H-hey, Matt," Alex mumbled the second he flipped the phone open. He knew it was Matt. It wouldn't be anyone else calling him this early in the day.
Silence on the other end of the line. Silence and the awkward clearing of Matt's throat.
"Matt... talk to me..." Alex rolled onto his back and shut his eyes, phone pressed to his cheek. The scruff on his face made a weird sound scratching against the metal of the phone, but he didn't feel like shaving.
"What's to talk about?" Matt sighed. "You left me. I had to get a taxi, and the guy was weird."
"How was he weird?" Alex wanted desperately to change the subject, to point the blame away from himself.
"Shut up, Alex, listen to me for a minute!"
Alex opened his eyes at that, surprised by the tone in his boyfriend's voice. Matt was never cross with him. Matt was always the sweetest guy in the world. He never raised his voice, never frowned, never got upset with... with anyone, really. And he definitely never told anyone to shut up.
Alex hummed a little to let Matt know he had, indeed, shut up.
"You were so fucking trashed. Well I mean, you're always trashed... but... last night was different. I just wanted to go home." Matt whimpered just barely, but he might as well have driven a stake through Alex's heart. "I just wanted to go home and you said no... You promised yesterday morning that we could go back to my place and watch movies after we had a few drinks... Yesterday was a really shitty day at work and... I just wanted to relax with you..."
"I'm sorry..."
"No! Goddammit, Alex, just let me talk! For once, let ME talk!"
Alex didn't even bother humming this time. He just stayed silent.
After a few moments, Matt continued.
"I don't know what your deal is. You haven't been yourself lately. All you've been doing is going out and getting trashed and it's sickening, really. It's fucking sickening. You're... you're awful when you're drunk, okay, awful. Not like you're mean or anything. But you aren't you. And I fell in love with YOU. Not a fucking drunk."
Alex had sat up by this point, keenly aware of the alcohol in his system and wishing more than anything he hadn't taken that first sip this morning. There was a growing knot in the pit of his stomach, a knot that he knew wouldn't stay down. He struggled to his feet, phone still pressed to his ear, holding the device with a white-knuckled grip.
"I just... I can't believe you hit me, Alex."
He dropped the phone. He'd made it to the bathroom, and the phone fell with a loud clatter to the floor. He could hear Matt going "Alex? Hello?", but he was too numb to reach down and grab the phone to assure Matt that he was still there.
He just stood there in shock, repeating the sentence over and over in his head, staring blankly at a random tile on the wall. "I can't believe you hit me." "I can't believe you hit me." "I can't believe you hit me."
I can't believe I hit you either, Alex thought to himself. He would NEVER hurt Matt. He... he loved Matt. He was pretty sure. They'd been together long enough, he SHOULD love Matt, right?
Ten minutes had gone by by the time Alex snapped himself back to consciousness and leaned down to pick his phone back up.
"Hello? Matty, are you there?"
The line was silent. Alex whined and looked at the screen, only then noticing the 'new text message' readout.
He .bit his lip hard while the message loaded.
From: Matt
Text: im sorry but its over.
Alex leaned over the toilet and emptied his stomach once again.
Author: crashqueen109
Pairing: A bit of Flykarth but mostly Jalex.
Rating: NC17 overall but some chapters will be pretty tame.
Summary: Alex's bad habits have got the best of him, but the last thing he expected was for them to bring him someone new.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Boo.
Here's my Tumblr if you're interested.
Masterpost
Today would be different, Alex promised himself. Today would be a brand new day. He’d put on a new shirt and a new pair of jeans, products of spending a weekend at his mother’s house, and he would maybe do his hair differently, wear white socks instead of black. He’d change the brand of aftershave he used, or maybe the brand of toothpaste.
But today would be different. Or, well, it would after he had a drink.
He sighed heavily as he poured himself a glass, not even bothering to put the cap back on the bottle, just leaving his mess there on the counter. He’d get around to cleaning it later. Maybe. Probably not.
When the alcohol hit his throat he winced, as always, but the way it made him feel after a few minutes was worth the initial discomfort. So he drank down the rest, set the glass down on the counter and bit his lip before saying aloud “Fuck it” and pouring himself another glass. Today would indeed be different, but this was not something he was willing to change.
After the third glass and the resisted temptation to just finish off the bottle, Alex stood in the middle of the kitchen wondering what he was doing. He was in his boxers, waiting for the alcohol to kick in, hair disheveled from just having rolled out of bed. His head hurt from last night’s party, and he smelled like vomit, but with every passing second and every ounce of alcohol flowing through his veins starting to make itself known, the level of caring he had about his head and the fact that he smelled like vomit went down considerably.
He’d just finished promising himself that today would be different. And already it was the same as every day before. Morning drinking to nurse last night's hangover. He was going to go out and make something of his day, but now that the alcohol was setting in, he figured he'd probably just go back to bed, sleep a while, then wake up around dinnertime to throw some clothes on and head to the bar.
God, his life was pathetic.
He left the kitchen, tripping a little over his own feet, trudged up the stairs until he got to his room. His stomach twisted in knots as he fell facedown onto his bed and sighed heavily. His head still hurt, even though it should've been dulled by now, and he didn't really feel like sleeping.
His phone buzzed from its location in the pocket of last night's jeans. The buzz annoyed the hell out of Alex, but he didn't feel like moving to silence it.
His eyes snapped open suddenly, though, at the thought of who it might be calling. With that thought, he practically dove off the bed, cursing himself immediately for doing so when his stomach turned a ferocious flip, and dug his phone out of the jeans pocket.
"H-hey, Matt," Alex mumbled the second he flipped the phone open. He knew it was Matt. It wouldn't be anyone else calling him this early in the day.
Silence on the other end of the line. Silence and the awkward clearing of Matt's throat.
"Matt... talk to me..." Alex rolled onto his back and shut his eyes, phone pressed to his cheek. The scruff on his face made a weird sound scratching against the metal of the phone, but he didn't feel like shaving.
"What's to talk about?" Matt sighed. "You left me. I had to get a taxi, and the guy was weird."
"How was he weird?" Alex wanted desperately to change the subject, to point the blame away from himself.
"Shut up, Alex, listen to me for a minute!"
Alex opened his eyes at that, surprised by the tone in his boyfriend's voice. Matt was never cross with him. Matt was always the sweetest guy in the world. He never raised his voice, never frowned, never got upset with... with anyone, really. And he definitely never told anyone to shut up.
Alex hummed a little to let Matt know he had, indeed, shut up.
"You were so fucking trashed. Well I mean, you're always trashed... but... last night was different. I just wanted to go home." Matt whimpered just barely, but he might as well have driven a stake through Alex's heart. "I just wanted to go home and you said no... You promised yesterday morning that we could go back to my place and watch movies after we had a few drinks... Yesterday was a really shitty day at work and... I just wanted to relax with you..."
"I'm sorry..."
"No! Goddammit, Alex, just let me talk! For once, let ME talk!"
Alex didn't even bother humming this time. He just stayed silent.
After a few moments, Matt continued.
"I don't know what your deal is. You haven't been yourself lately. All you've been doing is going out and getting trashed and it's sickening, really. It's fucking sickening. You're... you're awful when you're drunk, okay, awful. Not like you're mean or anything. But you aren't you. And I fell in love with YOU. Not a fucking drunk."
Alex had sat up by this point, keenly aware of the alcohol in his system and wishing more than anything he hadn't taken that first sip this morning. There was a growing knot in the pit of his stomach, a knot that he knew wouldn't stay down. He struggled to his feet, phone still pressed to his ear, holding the device with a white-knuckled grip.
"I just... I can't believe you hit me, Alex."
He dropped the phone. He'd made it to the bathroom, and the phone fell with a loud clatter to the floor. He could hear Matt going "Alex? Hello?", but he was too numb to reach down and grab the phone to assure Matt that he was still there.
He just stood there in shock, repeating the sentence over and over in his head, staring blankly at a random tile on the wall. "I can't believe you hit me." "I can't believe you hit me." "I can't believe you hit me."
I can't believe I hit you either, Alex thought to himself. He would NEVER hurt Matt. He... he loved Matt. He was pretty sure. They'd been together long enough, he SHOULD love Matt, right?
Ten minutes had gone by by the time Alex snapped himself back to consciousness and leaned down to pick his phone back up.
"Hello? Matty, are you there?"
The line was silent. Alex whined and looked at the screen, only then noticing the 'new text message' readout.
He .bit his lip hard while the message loaded.
From: Matt
Text: im sorry but its over.
Alex leaned over the toilet and emptied his stomach once again.