[public as the rest of 'em! ;)]

[allthesigns]

Death is my purpose. Death I understand intimately. People? Not so much. Forming connections with them even less. I know how to be an angel of death. It makes sense to me. I don't know how to be just Sarah. I don't know that I even know who she really is, or that anyone else ever will

Comments

[allthesigns]

... Yes, I know. Whine more, cry more, could you? If everybody would just ignore the monumentally melodramatic and teenage angst-filled entry, that would be great.

[Locked]

[breakthelock]

Yeah, I know you want everyone to not comment on it, but it's kind of hard not to. I thought we got along really well, and it's not expecting anyone to have the energy to wait around. It's just

There are going to be people who care and who you connect with better maybe cause they don't really understand people either.

I kinda want to punch that Carter guy in the face.

Maybe we got along so well cause death is a big part of my life too or maybe it's just the you, the Sarah whoever she is that you'll find, and the me.

Not your angel of death and not all the death that I've experienced.

It's not sad by the way. You don't want to kiss anyone unless you're ready and unless it's right.

[Locked]

[allthesigns]

I just hate getting the generic you're young, you'll grow out of it, it's not as bad as it seems, give this a chance... thing. I thought we did, too. I don't just go on Ferris Wheel rides with anyone, you know. [Trying to lighten the sitch. ;x]

I feel like I should. I should understand better, but I don't, unless I'm at their side while they're dying. And that's more the Calling then me. I think.

He's kind of a jerk, this jock that goes to Looney, but his dad was friends with my dad, and I was kind of put on the spot. Kicking him felt good. Mini-golf equipment: unexpectedly useful weaponry substitutes.

Maybe that's it. I don't know if it's the death thing or not, or if it's just the Sarah and Jeremy, or just the fact you slammed down two of the most unbearable girls in school.

I mean, that gave you all the cool points.

It's not? People usually think it's lame. I just think there's this moment, where you know you want to kiss someone, and there's nothing that's going to keep you from it. If it's not there, then I don't want it.

[Locked]

[breakthelock]

Yeah, I hate that too. It kind of undermines our problems, but at least I know people here get that we all deal with these huge problems. I don't think you'd hear that from anyone. I mean the teenagers have to deal with the callings and the disasters as much as the adults do. [He laughs so it works. :x] I didn't realize that. I'm kinda honored now, Sarah

[Locked]

[allthesigns]

I guess so. I mean, I know it's just not my forte. This whole thing's stupid anyway. People spilling their secrets for everyone to read when, you know, they're secret for a reason. [Yay! :>] In my humble opinion, I think you kinda should be. :)

Maybe we can form a club. There has to be more of us out there that just Don't Get It.

He is but no, he is the last person you'd ever want to get into a fight with, especially if you're going to go to school here. His family's one of the richest in town and some of them toe the 'angel supremacy' and 'anti-wanderers' line

[Locked]

[pplrunincircles]

I know why it's hard to see beyond the death and beyond the purpose, and I won't tell you what you need to do or anything like that. You should choose what you think is best, but

I think part of why the universe doesn't make angels of death as only angels is because the Sarah or the Elizabeth parts of us is what makes us so good at it. I don't know if it's true or not, but I believe it.

Without you reminding me of the Elizabeth part, I don't know what would have happened the other night. Thank you so much for that. I don't really have words for how much it meant to me.

You're Sarah and you draw portraits and pictures. There's death but there's a lot of life. You don't need people to find you or to find the more than the death. You can do that with your sketchpad and your pencil and stuff.

There are lots of people who would wait. You're worth waiting for, and you're not alone. Not in this city even if it feels like it sometimes.

[Locked]

[allthesigns]

I don't know if I can believe that, but it's good that you do. Especially if it helps.

You're welcome. I don't know that I did much but I'm just really glad you're okay. I saw you and [fff, incapable of finding words for it]. I didn't know you were an angel of death, either. How are you feeling?

I'd never thought of it like that. I'm more comfortable drawing what I see instead of doing the things that I see other people do. Anything else and it's just like going back into a hard shell.

Thank you. For thinking so. It does feel like it sometimes. A lot of the time.

[After a moment ;x]

Hey, do you have an address you wouldn't mind giving me? I've got something for you.

[Locked]

[pplrunincircles]

I don't think you have to. I mean like no one came to us when we turned and gave us a pamphlet on everything it means, you know? We're riding on instinct and our own opinions about stuff. It does help me, yes.

You did a lot. I mean you didn't leave me there on the street and you stayed with me when I was a mess. Yeah, I didn't know. I should have asked when I met you, but I think at that point I got tired of us all being defined by that. The calling thing, I guess. I feel a lot better, and I'm staying in while I can to just hold on get a better footing again.

I think that's cool too. I mean drawing is your thing. Whatever you're drawing, and it's all a part of life. Even writing this and writing back to me, it's living and doing and it's not all angel.

You're welcome. I do think so. I believe it with all my heart.

You do? [:o] Totally!

[Address inserted here. :x]

[Locked]

[allthesigns]

It would've been nice if they had though, wouldn't it? If there was just a pamphlet with most of the answers since sometimes it doesn't feel like there are any. I don't really know that I've trusted my instincts or that I even know what they are.

I feel like I'm this big fat question mark sometimes. [She doesn't know if she's admitting all of this because of the Rift affecting the journals or because Elizabeth's an angel of death too, and somehow that's easier.] No, you didn't have to. For the same reasons, I think I like you didn't.

We were just Sarah and Elizabeth.

I'm glad you're feeling better. I think it's a good idea. To stay in and just take some you time. Elizabeth time, I mean.

Of course I didn't. I know you wouldn't have left me either.

The world does need its optimists. You don't always see that around here.

I do! [:3] Merci.

[Awesome! That is all she says about it, since it's a surprise. :|]

... oh this is so late

[thelightofgrace]

Don't take this personally, darlin', but ... you can't understand death without understanding people too.

not at all! :3

[allthesigns]

I rarely take things personally. And you probably know more than I do, I wasn't aware I was writing anything anyway.

[thelightofgrace]

That seems to be going around.

I also know that connecting with people is hard, but ... it can be very worth it, with the right people.

[allthesigns]

How do you know when they're the right people instead of the wrong ones? Or is it just the sort of thing where you have to take a gamble on it?